A/N: Okay, well here's the second chapter. Now don't expect this story to be updated so quickly again in an awful hurry. This'll probably be updated fortnightly or once every three weeks. Any-who, hope you all enjoy!

When I woke up I found myself staring at a white ceiling. Coupled with the smell of antiseptic and the dry bitter taste in my mouth of medigel and I knew exactly where I'd be. The thumping headache I had stabbed into my thoughts and I could barely think straight. However good of a fighter I was; however much my muscles and bones were enhanced… it sure as shit didn't mean I was invincible. That last punch from Jack had obviously rattled by brain around in my skull enough for me to be hospitalised. I was about to sit up when I suddenly realised why that might not be such a good idea. The feel of metal around my neck and wrists, and I also assumed my ankles, hinted that I was heavily restrained – which was not a good thing.

And if the good doctor was in the room then waking loudly up could put a dent in my escape plans. I had the odd feeling that it had been Miranda that suggested the restraints, because no matter what I did I think that Shepard liked me enough to hear me out and talk to me before deciding whether or not to toss me out the nearest airlock.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel incredibly guilty for what I'd done, from actually launching the bomb to talking to Erin the way I had to beating on Jack. Especially the second and third one. We'd had something going, that kind of friendship where you were in tune, and chances were I'd gone and bollixed it up.

But right now I had to figure out how to get out of where I was, or rather the situation I found myself in. I was agreeable to staying in the med-bay because of the splitting headache and, more than likely, concussion, but I just didn't like the restraints. I carefully turned my head to the side, trying my hardest to make it look like an unconscious action, and then waited for several seconds before opening my eyes. Chakwas was at her desk typing away at a report pad, her back to me, and so that was a good thing. The usual, predefined movement of my fingers on my right hand failed to bring up the usual glowing orange interface so I knew they'd taken my Omni-tool – likely after EDI informed them of my hacking prowess.

So they'd taken one of my Omni-tools; time to see if they'd found my second one; the really, really good one that I'd had installed nearly five years ago in this universe as something cool to do. It made Jeff feel a bit like a secret agent, and I couldn't deny him that… because it made me feel like one too. I turned my head silently to my other side, and then moved my fingers on my left hand. Immediately a small orb of crystal blue flickered into existence in my palm, and I had to stifle a whoop of relief. Since it was in stealth mode it kept itself nice and small, and I carefully and very quietly accessed the med-bay's systems through the back-door I'd physically hardwired into the Normandy's systems.

A bit more tinkering and I was looking at the controls for the bed I was lying on, but then decided against being rash and brought up another window to take a gander at the reports that mentioned me. I paled when I read Miranda's recommendations for a control chip, and the Illusive Man's interest in the idea, but breathed a sigh of relief when I read Karin's medical reports and discovered that she'd merely treated me for cracked teeth, a concussion, and a hair-line fracture on my jaw. God Jack must pack one powerful fucking punch to manage even that.

I was tempted to access Erin's private terminal to look at her thoughts on the whole situation, as well as any reports she might be writing about me, but dismissed the idea almost immediately. I'd already risked our friendship with what I'd done, and I wasn't about to give her any more ammo.

But back to the restraint controls.

A quick twitch of my index finger and thumb and they disengaged with a small hiss and click, and Chakwas spun around immediately looking shocked. I sat up and twisted slightly before she could get any ideas about re-restraining me, and groaned as my body complained at the sudden movement. "James!"

I held up a finger as I massaged my temples to try and disperse the headache that had suddenly flared up, and then turned to her only to see her reaching for a sedative injector. "No need for that," I managed despite my mouth and throat feeling like somebody had stuffed cotton down there while I'd been asleep, "I'm not running."

Her hand hovered before returning to her lap, and she sighed before putting the pad down and walking over to me as I massaged my jaw to get the stiffness out. "How're you feeling?"

"Like Jack punched me in the face," I fired back without pause, and was gratified when I saw her lips twitch with amusement.

"Yes, well you're lucky you're not dead from what I heard about the fight."

I held up my left hand, revealing the blue orb that was displaying Miranda's report with a raised eyebrow. "Not just lucky to survive the fight if I read correctly."

She blanched at the appearance of my Omni-tool, but then sighed and rubbed her brow as she finished her scan and returned to her chair. "Yes. Miss Lawson did indeed recommend you for a control chip."

"Only Cerberus, eh?" I chuckled before wincing as pain stabbed through my torso. Karin didn't smile, and I couldn't really blame her. "So are you as pissed at me as everybody else on the ship?"

She sighed again and crossed her legs before fixing me with a concerned stare – not a pitying one like everybody used to give me, but a genuinely concerned one. "No, I'm not 'pissed' at you save for getting yourself beaten up and initiating the fight, but I am… worried about your mental stability. What you did was something you wouldn't normally do by any stretch of the imagination. What should have happened was you throwing a sarcastic remark or two as we left, and then boasting about your piloting prowess, not launching a nuclear warhead at a prison ship."

"But are you angry with me for what I did?"

Her dull grey eyes bore into mine for several long moments before she shook her head and then brushed her hair behind her ear. "No. At first I was appalled, even scared that you'd snapped, but I think it's pretty clear right now that you didn't."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because you care about how I see you. You want to know whether I see you as a monster for what you did."

I couldn't fault her there.

"Well do you?"

"No," she assured me with a small, sad smile, "no I don't. During your recovery I went through all those files you sent out about the prisoners on the ship, and I have to admit that the Commander has killed for far, far, far less. If I labelled you as a monster then I'd have been healing monsters for the majority of my life, and I haven't." I heaved a sigh of relief, ignoring the pain in my chest, and she smiled softly. "So no, I don't fault you for what you did. To be honest if you put the button in front of me and gave me those files I'd have pressed 'launch' too. I'm just worried about how this is going to affect you mentally."

It was clear she knew that I hadn't killed before, and I nodded in understanding as I slowly slid off the bed and tentatively tested my balance and strength on my feet. After deciding I was alright I shuffled over to the chair opposite her and sighed as I sunk into the comfortable leather-like material. "I'm feeling… well you put it pretty well Doctor: worried. And guilty." I had no problems about opening up to her, and I knew she was a trained psychologist. Hell, even if she wasn't I was sure she had enough experience in dealing with soldiers to help me out. "I mean, I considered my decision for the entire hour Shepard was on that ship. I looked through those files and wondered if some of them had just gotten a bad start in life; if some of them hadn't had a choice in becoming who they were.

"I read about them and wondered if they'd turned out bad because of Cerberus, just like Jack, and if they did then did they deserve to die?" Chakwas nodded in understanding and nodded for me to continue, and I took in a deep breath – glad that the pain in my chest had abated to a dull ache. "But then I thought about it and weighed it up with my morals. I mean no matter what the circumstances these people had killed, raped, extorted, slaved… for years. They had chances to change themselves, but they didn't. Perhaps a lot of them would have grabbed a chance like we gave Jack with both hands… but I mean, really… who was going to give them that but us? Shepard had to release all the prisoners to get to Jack, and there were ships docked to the prison. Those criminals had a free escape from that place, and I don't doubt for a second that the majority if not all of them would just continue on with their crimes.

"I also don't doubt that I saved lives when I pressed that button. Tens, hundreds, who knows – maybe even thousands of lives were saved because those criminals are gone… but my question is: did I have the right to take those lives?"

I stared at the grey-haired woman in front of me, and she stared right back before smiling slightly; a relieved, genuine smile. "Do you condemn Shepard for taking lives?"

"Well, no-"

"Well then you have your answer," she shot back, that small smile still on her lips, "and you, just like her, are a soldier. You were trained in warfare, James, and as much as I save lives I also save the lives of people that take lives. Did you have the right to take those lives? You had just as much right as everybody else in the galaxy. Did you do the right thing? That's something that only you will be able to decide for yourself. But I do know one thing James." I raised an eyebrow curiously, and her smile widened. "The way you're talking, and the way you're thinking proves to me that you're no less of a person for doing what you did. Some people start seeing sacrifices of a few innocents for the betterment of many acceptable, or they lose a part of themselves when they make their first kill… or they enjoy it.

"You carefully considered your decision before you made it, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. If nobody else thinks what you did was right, then know that you have at least one person who thinks otherwise on this ship." I smiled at that, and felt a weight lift from my shoulders. The good doctor was one person who I trusted almost implicitly, and throughout my life – which I had merged with Jeff's – she had been the one constant. I saw her almost like a grandmother, or even a mother full stop. Her opinion mattered quite a lot to me. "And despite what you did you're still the same James, if a little more worldly, and you clearly didn't enjoy what you did. As soon as you start to like killing there's no going back, but I can see that won't be a problem for you for a long time, if ever."

I nodded my agreement, casting my mind forwards and thinking about whether or not I'd ever have to do something similar ever again. I couldn't think of any off the top of my head, and doing such a thing in the events of Mass Effect 3 would be almost impossible because using nukes would likely wipe out allied forces as well – something I'd never do. She was right. I didn't like what I'd done, but truly, deep down, nor did I regret it. It was the right thing to do, despite what anybody else said. "Thanks," I smiled at her, "that cleared a lot of things up. At least you're not like most shrinks, simply answering with questions."

She laughed at that, a real laugh and not a fake, forced one. "James, the moment I start doing that I expect you to force me to retire."

I was about to reply when a small hiss made both of us turn to the entrance, and I found myself looking down the barrel of a pistol held by a very, very pissed off Miranda Lawson. "What the hell is he doing out of his restraints?!" she spat at my good friend Karin Chakwas, and I took offence to that. Miranda had made the mistake of getting into arm-range, and no matter how genetically 'perfect' she was, it didn't help her when it came to hand-to-hand combat… much. I assumed it heightened her reaction and healing time, perhaps increasing her strength and such, but she didn't have time to use any of that before I'd torn the gun from her fingers, punched her in the gut, and then slammed her against the bed where I used the restraints to lock her in place as she dazedly tried to get her wits back about her.

"I-I'll have you thrown out of an airlock for this," she managed to gasp out, and I raised an eyebrow as I crossed my arm and looked down at her.

"Firstly, that decision lies with the Shepard, and secondly, why? I mean, you know I'm the best pilot around so the Illusive Man won't want to get rid of me, and since when do I not have authority to neutralise anything I consider a threat? Should I make a call to you next time we have a Collector ship on our arse and ask nicely for permission to take evasive manoeuvres and retaliate?" Her scowl was becoming more and more pronounced, and she suddenly didn't look so pretty any more. "Look Lawson, I signed on for this mission for four reasons. One: I wanted to help stop the Collectors attacking human colonies. Two: I wanted to help Shepard. Three: I wanted to fly again, and lastly, I wanted to help make this galaxy a safer place. Not once did Cerberus ideals come to mind. I fight for the galaxy, for my friends, for my family, and for Shepard – not Cerberus. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if the only reason you were pissed is because now your little organisation can't go in and get free experiment subjects."

I saw a flicker pass over her features before she opened her mouth to refute my accusation and laughed humorlessly. "Oh this is just peachy! You're pissed at me because I launched a nuke at a prime supply of 'material' for your organisation to work with! I eliminate a threat to the galaxy, and you're not pissed because I launch a nuke; you're pissed because I ruined Cerberus' plans to… God you're just a piece of work, aren't you?"

"I agree with Joker." I spun around, surprised at the new voice, and had to stifle a blanch when I saw Shepard standing there in a black, un-branded hoodie and track-pants. I wondered, just for a moment, how she'd managed to get clothing without Cerberus smacking their logo somewhere on it. She didn't meet my eyes, instead opting to glare dangerously into Miranda's. For those that knew Shepard there are two types of angry: type one where she yells and screams, but it's just heat of the moment and will blow over, or type two where she's quiet and very, very dangerous and serious. "I am the Commander of this ship, Miss Lawson, not you. The Illusive Man chose me, not you. I make the rules, and not you. I run the crew. I will admit that I was at first shocked and even angry at what Joker did, but after reading the files he sent around I'd have to say that if given the chance I would've killed them too.

"Joker made a call. It was one that took a lot of backbone to make, and I don't doubt that it'll be something he'll never forget, but I think it was the right call and what you did and why is the reason I'm actually down here." I knew, suddenly, that I could get over what I'd done. Karin's support had done a lot for me, but knowing that my Commanding Officer felt the same way lifted all the more weight off my shoulders. She turned to me after a moment, and a ghost of a smile cross her lips as she nodded at me. "Good work Joker."

I could tell that there was more she wanted to say, but knew that now wasn't the time or place. Turning back to Miranda she released the restraints and then crossed her arms with a glower as the Cerberus operative sat up with a face like thunder. "From now on you will come to me with any and all things that deal with my crew. I did not approve the restraints, and had I been asked I would have said with complete certainty that they were not necessary. Moreover, while you're working under me you will realise that I think differently to what you do. Pretty much all of Cerberus' ideals are very much unwelcome on this vessel. If I hear of any secret Cerberus dealings, xenophobic comments, or anything I disagree with I will deal with it. I'll be announcing that in the mess tonight so that everybody knows where I stand." Miranda was still shooting glares at me, but Shepard brought the bint's attention back to her by grabbing her chin and pulling it around; staring right into her eyes. "Am I understood Operative Lawson?"

"Yes Commander." The reply was bit out with the utmost reluctance and dislike, and for a moment I thought that Shepard would chew her out for it. She eventually let Miranda's jaw go and nodded sharply as she stood aside, and the Cerberus cheerleader stormed out with one last, scathing glare at me.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and leaned against one of the beds. However much I wanted to however, I couldn't look Shepard in the eye and so settled for closing my eyes and rubbing the bridge of my nose; too embarrassed and ashamed at the way I'd acted toward her before being knocked out. "Thanks Commander."

She didn't reply for several seconds, and when she did it wasn't the one I was expecting. "Doctor, can we have the room for a moment?"

I looked up and saw Chakwas nod as she stood up. "Of course Commander." I could feel nervousness coiling in my gut, and had to force myself to keep calm when the door hissed and locked behind the woman who had been my physician for years.

"Are you really that angry that you can't look at me?"

I groaned and shook my head. "I'm not angry at you at all; I'm angry at myself for going off at you and treating you like dirt."

I heard her readjust herself, and could almost see the amusement in her voice when she next spoke. "So let me get this straight; you're embarrassed that you went AWOL on me while going through a time of immense stress?"

A single chuckle burst from my mouth unbidden at that, and a little more weight lifted itself off my shoulders. "Well when you put it like that Commander…"

"So we're back to square one again, or do you think you can just accept my forgiveness, shake my hand, and then move back to 'Erin'?"

I looked up and saw her outstretched hand, and followed it back up to her face. She was smiling teasingly, and I couldn't see an ounce of deception in her expression or mannerisms. I almost found it hard to believe that she could be so forgiving after I'd been such an arse. Almost. This was Shepard we were talking about. I couldn't help but reciprocate with a smile of my own – hell, even if I'd wanted to hide it I couldn't have. I took her hand and shook it before pulling her forwards and giving her a hug. She stiffened for a moment, clearly surprised, and I could smell her shampoo and hint of perfume as I breathed in lightly. "I'm sorry for being such a prat." She finally laughed and relaxed as she returned my hug, and I was pleased that it didn't feel forced at all – she didn't mind me hugging her.

When she pulled away a second later she crossed her arms and leaned back against the bed behind her, and a smirk twisted her lips. "We all have our bad days where we make fools of ourselves James, you just so happen to have more than others."

God it was good to be back on good terms with her.

After some talking I discovered I'd been out for nearly two days, and that it was lucky I'd woken up when I did because EDI had been asking for me with increasing frequency to bring us out of what I liked to call warp – blame my Star Wars side – and dock at Omega. When I showed Erin Miranda's report suggesting a control chip I was sure she was going to march over into the cow's office and dress her down, but logic prevailed and she didn't. That didn't mean she was against me signing Miranda up to several cross-species dating sites as payback.

When we finally emerged from the med-bay and went our separate ways I found out that I was the subject of intense scrutiny from most of the crew. I got my fair share of glares, I assumed for much the same reasons as I got one from Miranda, and probably a couple for nailing their buddy in the jewels. I was tempted to flip them all off as I passed by on my way to the elevator, but thought better of it. There were a lot more of them than me, and although I was good I wasn't about to risk being ganged up upon. When I walked out onto the CIC deck I got a reception I was most certainly not expecting. From around the floor there was scattered applause, and to be honest it was about fifty-fifty; those that apparently supported me in what I did, and those that were either mates of the bloke I'd kicked, or those that felt like Miranda.

I smiled and nodded to the people that were clapping, and headed up to the helm where I was promptly confronted by three men – the weapon's specialist stood in the centre with a hateful glower and his arms crossed. "Do we really want to do this guys?" I asked them, and the one on the left whom shall henceforth be known affectionately as 'Bob' growled.

"You think you can just go around doing whatever you want? We're here to make sure it's… clear to you that you can't, Pilot." Oh golly, I am quaking in my boots, thanks Bob.

"Okay," I said before crossing my arms and leaning back slightly, adopting the almost-patented Shepard Pose, "so let me get this straight. You're risking something called mutiny because, and let's all be honest here, I damaged Mister Fields' ego and balls. Do you think that the Commander is going to take 'putting the pilot in his place' as an acceptable reason to keep me from my work?" The three looked rather uncertain at that question, and shuffled slightly as they shot looks at each other. In their discomfort I brushed past them only to hear a, "Stevenson, Fields, Jenkins, get back to your stations. If I hear a single tale rumour about you harassing my pilot again then I'll have EDI back up the toilets and make you clean them out."

I felt a bit giddy at the 'my pilot' thing, even though I know she meant nothing much by it. Several seconds later after greeting EDI and sitting down Shepard came up to stand to my left, and chuckled while shaking her head as she watched me. "The Alliance made a huge mistake in taking your wings." I looked up at her, surprised, and she smiled down at me before crossing her arms and looking out at the magnificent tunnel of light we were travelling through. "I remember when Anderson gave me the Normandy and I went around visiting the crew to get to know them all better. Despite being on the same ship as you for years I'd never really talked to you before, and when I came up to the cockpit and saw you actually piloting for the first time… I was truly gob-smacked. You were just so fast; made it look so easy. Like now; you're not even looking at the console and you're preparing us for one of the most dangerous things a ship can go through; deceleration from a Mass Relay."

I looked down at my hands and low and behold she was right. "And the thing is that I'm not worried in the least that you're doing that, because I know how good you are." I was now giving her almost all of my attention, and noticed for the first time the black lines under her eyes. I frowned at that, but didn't mention it. I'd had a feeling for some time that a certain something would be bothering her, and hopefully I'd be able to find something to rectify it when we docked on Omega.

"Thanks Erin. It means a lot hearing that from you." She turned her head to smile at me again and nodded, her green eyes glinting happily back at me, and then as one we both turned back to the tunnel. I brought us out of the other end safe and sound, getting another grin from the Commander as she shook her head, and then activated the FTL drives to get us across the system. Ten minutes later and I was nosing us into a docking port on Omega. Shepard said goodbye before leaving to get into her armour, and I sat back in my chair before breathing out a small sigh of relief and powering down the core.

I peered over my shoulder to see whether or not I was going to have to kick some Cerberus arse, but upon finding the three men who had confronted me gone I hopped on out of my seat and walked towards the armoury. If I was going to venture out into the hostile world of Omega I wasn't going to go without at least a little bit of protection. In my case, protection was synonymous with a set of matte-black light armour, a powerful shield generator, and a pistol on my thigh. Checking myself over I nodded and then pulled on a reckon hood; according to Shepard and my memories Omega smelled like an open sewer on a good day, and I wasn't about to chance it that it was a good day.

I checked to make sure my decoy Omni-tool was installed correctly and that I still had all my credits, and then rocked on out of the armoury and towards the airlock. I assumed that Jacob was already waiting in the airlock since he wasn't where I'd just been, and found myself correct when I stepped into the small room and got a surprised look and blink from the 'abs man'. "Er…"

"It's me, Joker."

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh? Are you coming with us?"

"Ah… no," I said as I started up the depressurising, eager to get out before Miranda showed, "me and your girlfriend aren't jelling at the moment, and I'm not too keen to try and reconcile right now. I'm just heading to the market to pick up some parts, maybe get myself my own armour and weapon so I don't have to scavenge of you lot." Jacob nodded with understanding, and then blanched back when the airlock opened and he was hit full in the face with the stench of Omega. Apparently it was not a good day. I tapped my mask with a grin, "Olfactory filters, my good man."

I got a nod with wide eyes. "Yeah… I might just head back and grab one myself."

I headed out onto Omega proper and had to admit to myself that Bioware had really not done a good job of conveying just how much of a shit-hole the entire station was. Scum and slimy decay leaked down nearly every wall and pooled in corners, people lay around in their own vomit, unconscious, and there was a heavy mercenary presence all around. I got some weary looks, but just kept on walking with a self-assured stride so I wouldn't get bothered. Not to say I felt self-confident, in fact I was scared positively shirtless, but the fact remained that I wasn't about to show weakness on Omega.

The marketplace simply looked sleazy, and I winced as I thought about the quality of the items likely on show. My first stop was Omega Market where I kindly asked the Volus about getting my hands on some high-mobility armour with a top-of-the-line shield generator. The way I saw it, if you could move fast enough then heavy armour wasn't necessary. He tried to pawn off some counterfeit Light Crisis armour, but I called him on it and eventually got him to sell me the real deal. It had the best shields of all the light armours available, so I was happy. I was tempted to buy a Fornax just to see what was going on, but decided against it – the ribbing I'd get from a largely xenophobic crew if they found it just wouldn't be worth it.

So that was twenty thousand credits gone, and now I was broke, which posed a dilemma because I still had to buy some weapons, upgrades, and on top of that my little idea for Shepard. It didn't take me long to come up with a solution to my problem, and so I hopped on over to Harrot's Emporium whereupon I started an automated hack into the git's bank accounts. He was stopping the Quarian down at Kenn's Salvage from going home by being a greedy bastard, so I didn't feel too guilty at all. The Elcor looked a little bit shifty, as if he knew something was afoot as I perused his catalogue, but I breathed a sigh of relief when my Omni-tool heated up for a moment to signify that the hack had completed without any hiccoughs.

So from good ol' Harrot I bought myself my own recon hood, since I was probably wearing Shepard's spare, along with another one just to copy Erin and tinker with; a heavy skin-weave upgrade I'd get Chakwas to help me with when I got back; an M-15 Vindicator with some serious upgrades; and finally an M-6 Carnifex pistol, also upgraded to hell and back. The skin weave was by far the most expensive thing I brought, coming in at a whopping 90000 credits. I knew I was getting ripped the fuck off, but considering I was just going to steal all the money back before I left I wasn't concerned.

So one hundred and eighty thousand credits richer I left the shop before heading down to the lower level to do my good deed for the day. I nearly tripped when I saw that my balance was now one million, three hundred and fifty nine thousand credits, but took in a deep breath and kept on telling myself not to get all silly and dance a jig.

Just for reference, Vorcha are really, really ugly sons of bitches.

And then there was our unfortunate Quarian who had made the mistake of actually coming to Omega in search of a pilgrimage gift. "Hey," I said to get his attention, and he flicked off his welder before turning around and nodding.

"Hey there, welcome to Kenn's Salvage. Looking for anything in particular?"

I smiled and nodded, "Sure am, and I'd say that with how much I'm willing to pay you you'll be able to get off this rock and back to the fleet."

He jerked back slightly, but then crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes; the orbs of light thinning to slits through his mask. "And how would you know that?"

"I happened across a communique from one Harrot that mentioned it, so here I am doing my good deed for the day and getting my last purchase."

His arms uncrossed at the mention of a good deed and he nodded – though he was still clearly wary of me. "Right… well what are you looking for?"

I outlined what I wanted, and for the next couple of hours we hashed it out between us to get it all working up to spec. When I handed over one hundred thousand credits I think he peed himself before trying to get me to take it back, but after explaining that what I'd brought off him was priceless he finally, albeit grudgingly, took every single credit. I smacked on an extra layer of encryption to his Omni-tool keyed to his biometrics so that he wouldn't get mugged again before leaving, and then strolled on out of the underground with a very, very happy Quarian left in my wake.

When I checked my HUD I quickened my step, realising suddenly that I'd been in the markets for nearly three hours and that Shepard would probably be back with either Garrus or Mordin already. When I walked back into the airlock one of the crew that still liked me informed me that I had packages waiting for me in the armoury, and when I walked into said room I found Jacob shirtless and dabbing at a bloody cut across his chest with an antiseptic wipe. Yes, he does have abs. Get over it. He looked up at me when I walked in, seemingly unperturbed being caught half-naked, and nodded. "Hey. Your packages are over there."

I nodded and looked away, feeling quite uncomfortable in the current situation, before walking over to the cases and jerking the first one up onto the bench. Clicking it open I found my armour and checked the serial number just to make sure the Volus hadn't switched it out for the counterfeit. "Wow, Crisis armour? That's pricey stuff."

"It's what I needed, and I'm not short on money. Don't like the red though, so I'll strip it down and repaint it later." I heard a grunt of acknowledgement from behind me and pushed the armour aside to make room for the next case. I perused my weapons and made some modifications to the on-board chip to optimise the operating processes before placing them all back in their cases and walking over to the lockers. There were a whole lot of them, I assume so that the specialists could store their shit there, but hey, they got their own rooms! I still had a flipping bunk bed!

A quick hack later and one of the lockers displayed my name, and I put all my newly purchased gear in there save the box I had gotten from Kenn's Salvage. I stripped out of my borrowed armour and put it back on the rack, and then got changed back into some casual clothes I'd ordered on a whim on the extranet. I almost sunk into the comfort of non-Cerberus clothing, and the hoodie! Argh, so nice and cuddly warm. My cap, of course, stayed. I was not parting with my cap.

Jacob raised an eyebrow at my rather un-regs appearance, but wisely didn't say anything. I'm sure he heard enough about me beating up Miranda repeatedly on the latest mission. "So who did you go after first?"

"Archangel," he rumbled out as he put his shirt back on, "turned out to be one of the Commander's old crew-members."

I laughed and crossed my arms. "Let me guess, Garrus Vakarian?"

He looked surprised. "How did you know that?"

"Because Garrus is the only old crew member bad-ass enough to build up a reputation like Archangel's."

After a little more small talk I meandered out of the room and into the elevator, and hacked it once again to trick it into allowing me access to Shepard's floor. When I got to her door I raised an eyebrow – the encryption had been upgraded. It took me twenty seconds to hack this time, instead of last time's ten. But I was in, and-

"Mister White, you are not authorised to be in here."

I jumped and spun to face the accusatory blue orb and raised my hands. "Look, just hear me out before telling Erin." EDI's silence I took to be her 'hearing out', and so I hurriedly held up the box in my hand. "Erin's been having a hard time getting to sleep I think, and probably sleeping as well, and I was concerned so I went and commissioned a Quarian to help me make this."

"And what is 'this', Mister White?"

I popped open the case and pulled out one of four bendable rods. "It's a holographic, multi-sensory interface. Cerberus obviously didn't put much thought into the whole design of this cabin, because if they had then they wouldn't put a huge fucking window looking out into space in the quarters of a woman who died being spaced."

EDI was silent for several seconds before sounding slightly surprised. That was something. "I concur with your evaluation of the current living conditions. I will not alert Shepard to your intentions or position."

"Thank you EDI," I sighed with relief, "now do you have any ideas on just how the hell I can get up to the window?"

I was eventually reduced to using Shepard's dress-sabre to reach up and press the magnetic rods into place on each corner of the window, and after nearly half an hour of jumping on her bed I managed… only to realise that I was no longer alone in the room. I stared at Erin like a deer in the headlights, and her already-raised eyebrow rose further as she leaned against her fish tank with her arms crossed. I understood after a moment's thinking just why she was looking at me the way she was. I was jumping on her bed with a sword waving around. I could only imagine her thoughts at that very moment. "Er… I can explain?"

I didn't mean for it to come out as a question but it did anyway. "Please," she drawled, "do."

"Erm…" I floundered for a moment before stepping off her bed and taking a few seconds to straighten it up. It sure as hell wouldn't pass Alliance regulations, but it looked a hell of a lot better than it had. "Well," I finally managed after a moment to gather myself, "come and lie down on the bed."

Now both her eyebrows rose. "James, that has got to be one of the most cheesy-"

"Not, gah! No," I interrupted, face feeling like lava, "not like that… look, just come and lie down would you?"

She stared at me for several long seconds, scouring me for any deception, but finally grunted and walked over before sitting down and looking warily at me. I actually had to push her backwards to get her to lie down, and then activated my Omni-tool before interfacing to the devices above, stuck to the window frame. I puddled around making sure it would work before activating it, and a moment later I heard a shocked gasp from Shepard at the exact same time the sounds of a lagoon suddenly started washing over the room. I looked up to the window and smiled when I saw the hologram working perfectly.

To be honest it had taken a considerable amount of time to get it looking so solid, but it had worked.

Above her bed, rather than a window looking out onto space, there was now a window looking up onto palm trees stretching away, with a bird or two flying high above; silhouetted against the clear blue sky. There was even a monkey nesting in one of the trees, chattering occasionally. Suddenly the salty smell hit me, as well as the scent of fresh vegetation, and I had to admit to myself that what Kenn and I had built was a work of technological marvel. The sunlight from the scene beamed down and lit up the entire room with natural-seeming light, and suddenly Shepard's entire quarters took on a far warmer, homelier feel. I grinned widely at the wonder and delight on Erin's face, and a moment later found myself hauled down onto the bed where I was engulfed in a tight hug as she laughed and looked upwards with complete happiness.

"My God," I heard her mutter before she looked down at me, pinned underneath her, "how… why?"

I reached up and traced the tired bags under her eyes, very much aware of how soft her skin was and how close we were to each other, and smiled sadly. "Looking out into space the way you were was hardly helping you Erin, especially after…" I didn't want to say the words, but she nodded solemnly before rolling off me and staring upwards.

"Yeah… I've lost count of the number of times I've woken up after a nightmare and gotten even more freaked out when I saw those stars."

I nodded, having guessed as much. "Yeah. Well then what do you think about this?" I flicked a command through to the hologram and the room slowly darkened as the virtual day above quickly advanced until the bright starry sky was left above. I looked across at Shepard and saw that she had an odd look on her face.

"I… well, no… it's different. I can see the silhouettes of the palm trees, and the sounds of birds and the waves, and the smell of the sea and the forest… they make it okay. I can feel like I'm on solid ground."

I nodded and smiled before turning my attention upwards, and found the gentle lapping sound of waves on the beach to be oddly hypnotising. "Well if you wake up and freak out again just tell me and I'll be able to modify the hologram into showing something else during the night cycle."

"Mm-hm…"

I closed my eyes for a moment, telling myself it was just to focus on analysing the authenticity of the sounds and smells, but I was kidding myself. I was still tired from my fight with Jack, as well as all I'd done for the day, and before I knew what was happening my eyes snapped open when I heard a loud gasp from beside me. I turned my head to the side to see Shepard sitting bolt-upright, and then watched as, after a moment, she let herself fall back onto the mattress with a sigh and a thump. "Just a dream…"

"You alright?"

She jerked upright all over again before staring at me with wide eyes, and I yawned before sending her a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I must've fallen asleep at about the same time as you did."

I saw her eyes searching me again for a lie, and when she found none she fell back once more and smiled as she looked across at me. "To be honest I'm not surprised – it's almost dangerously relaxing."

"At night at least," I assured her. "During the day cycle the birds are louder, as are the waves and wildlife – just to make it less restful. Here, I'll give you the control program." I ran her through all the things she could do to the hologram; from changing the time of day, speeding up or slowing down the time cycle, activating alarms, changing weather conditions, or even changing it to just reflect a number of virtual ceilings if the whole starry night sky was too much for her.

She eventually settled on a bamboo ceiling that made it look like she was inside a shack on the beach for the night cycle, and had fun tinkering with the different animals she could add to the hologram for a wee while. We were now both sitting on her bed, our backs up against the headboard of it, and she looked across at me with a smile. "Thanks for this James… it really means a lot." I smiled and nodded back before sinking down and pulling my cap down over my eyes. "That doesn't mean you get to sleep in my bed," I heard her remand with a teasing whine to her voice, and I grinned into the darkness of my cap.

"I did this for you, the least you can do for me is allow me a decent sleep on a mattress that isn't an inch thick."

I heard a chuckle and was just drifting off again when she spoke. "It wasn't your fault you know."

I knew what she was talking about almost straight away. "Bullshit," I fired back, "if I'd have gone with you the moment you came up you wouldn't have been spaced. Hell, if I'd have stopped being stubborn five mere seconds earlier you wouldn't have been spaced."

"You couldn't have known, James." Her voice was soft and reassuring, but it did very little to ease my lingering, deep-seeded guilt on the matter. She obviously took my silence in the manner it was meant; that I didn't agree. "Well… I forgive you then."

I snorted, not abrasively, but almost sadly. I could remember the moment I'd seen her wide eyes through the mask as she was blown away from the escape pod by the explosion, my hand slamming against the window as I yelled out her name, and that look of utter defeat in her expression when she reached out and pressed the 'launch' button. "I'll let you know when I forgive myself."

She was silent after that, and I'd given up on trying to go back to sleep no matter how comfortable the bed was. Now that it had been brought up I just couldn't get the images out of my head, and with a low growl I tore off my cap and threw it across the room – sitting up after a moment and running my hands through my hair as I curled over my lap. No, sleep wasn't coming within a mile of me in this state. After a moment I felt a warmth move to my side, and then wrap around my front and back, and after some manoeuvring come to rest against my shoulder as well.

When I smelled that familiar perfume and shampoo I opened my eyes to look down in shock, and found Shepard looking right back at me from where she was hugging herself to my side; her head against my shoulder. With the way we were sitting; her with her legs curled up beside her and her bare feet poking out, and me in just a t-shirt and my jeans if we were in the Alliance we'd have a bunch of trouble. Knowing as I did however, I knew that she didn't have any romantic intentions with what she was doing – the care in her eyes and only care proved that, and I relished in it. She was willing to completely put aside the mask she had to keep up as Commander Shepard to comfort me and reassure me; to try and help me, and that was a humbling thing.

I eventually fell back with a sigh, taking Shepard with me, and she just smiled a little before readjusting herself to get more comfortable. The fact that she hadn't moved away when I'd lay down surprised me, because there was a definite change in atmosphere when sitting and hugging and lying and hugging, but I put it aside for the moment. "I've never seen you with your cap off, did you know that?"

I turned my head downward with a raised eyebrow and she chuckled at the look on my face. "What about when I'm in the med-bay?"

"Still have your cap on," she informed me with a small grin, "I think Doctor Chakwas makes sure people don't see you without it."

I grinned and nodded to myself before staring up at dark bamboo ceiling. "Yeah, that sounds like Karin."

"First name basis?"

I nodded with my smile widening. "Yep, she's been my physician for ten going on eleven years now. Been stationed on the Normandy for even longer than me. We're pretty close."

She hummed in understanding, and I looked down with a raised eyebrow when I felt her start fiddling with my hair. "Even wearing your cap all day," she commented, "it's still un-tamable."

I laughed and tried to ignore the tingly feeling down my spine at her actions. "Yeah, I know. Trust me, I wore it for two weeks solid without washing it about three years back, hoping that the buildup of grease would stick it down, but when I finally went for a shower and took off my cap it stuck up all over the place just like usual. Ruined a perfectly good cap because of that episode too."

She laughed and shuffled around a bit, and I looked down to see her eyes glinting up at me, filled with amusement. "Yeah… don't do that again."

"I don't plan on it," I said with a smirk, "smelled bloody horrible."

I got another laugh for that, and then a quiet, "Are the bunks really that uncomfortable?"

"Inch thick mattresses," I reminded her, "apparently Cerberus doesn't skimp on the higher-ups."

"Well Miranda and Jacob have their own quarters."

I nodded with a wry grin as I looked down at her again. "Yeah, higher-ups."

She looked troubled for a moment, but then got a look in her eye that made me narrow my own suspiciously. "Well the pilot's really quite important," she explained noncommittally, "and not having him well-rested and in peak condition is a risk to the entire crew."

"And your plan Commander?" I asked warily, and she grinned before pointing across at her couch.

I gave her a deadpan look. "You simply cannot be serious."

She gave me a playful grin and shrugged, "Why not?"

"Do you want a list?"

"Mm-hm," she hummed back with a grin, and I sighed before lifting up my hand in the darkness and beginning to list off the reasons why it wasn't a good idea.

"Okay, fraternisation with the crew."

"I've pretty much always fraternised with the crew, James."

I tried to come up with something against that, but eventually had to concede defeat on that front. "Right, okay, well then… people will realise I'm not sleeping in my bunk, and if Miranda found out I was sleeping in here then all hell would break loose."

"Last time I checked it wasn't any of her business," Erin told me, and I gave a hollow chuckle and looked down in near-disbelief.

"And since when has that stopped her? Need I remind you of all the bugs?"

"Well what's she going to do? Lecture me?"

"Well what about the crew? If they see favouritism then they'll get all pissy."

"And what are they going to do?"

"Lower their performance, disobey orders, drop morale, be uncooperative… shall I go on?"

"It's not favouritism," she argued, "you're my friend. You and Chakwas are the two that have been with me for the longest, and that deserves a few concessions."

"Like sleeping with the Commander?"

Her eyebrows rose. "Well you're not sleeping sleeping with me; you're just sharing my quarters."

"And you think they're all going to believe that? I mean come on, could you imagine the aftermath if Garrus found out? God, neither of us would hear the end of it."

She stared at me for several very long seconds before posing a series of questions that I immediately knew where they were going. "Do you care about his opinion?"

"Well no, but-"

"And do you care about the crew's opinions?"

"No, but-"

"Do you care about Miranda's opinion?"

I felt my eyes widen and I shook my head, "Hell no, but-"

"Well then it's decided; you're sleeping on the couch from now on." I just got shut down by the Commander. Damn it. I sighed my defeat and got a sly smile in return, and I could swear that there was a hint of a purr in her voice. "Of course you've earned your sleep on the bed for today." I really had to force myself not to blush at that, because that was a blatant flirt – not that I didn't like it, but I actually, in all honesty, just wanted to sleep right at that moment.

"Mm-hm," I nodded as I closed my eyes again, but I stiffened when she spoke again; that teasing tone in her voice.

"I know you don't sleep like this."

"Do I even want to know how you know that?"

"I just walked into the sleeping quarters once and saw you sleeping. You sleep on your side with one arm under your pillow and your head on top of that, and your other arm hugging as much of the pillow that's left."

This time I really did blush; apparently Jeff and I shared that sleeping habit. Of course back where I came from I had a tri-pillow to help with that, but we were on a military vessel here. "So?"

"So get to it." Her voice cracked near the end and I raised an eyebrow, surprised when I looked down and saw her cheeks looking a little darker than usual.

"Erm… right." I had to think for a moment about what I was going to do. I could turn on my side so my back was to her, but for some reason I had the gut feeling that that wasn't what she'd meant by 'get to it'. I was also heading into dangerous, unchartered waters with the whole situation – because so far as I knew Shepard had never been romantically involved with anybody, and neither had I. It seemed odd that such a stunning thirty year-old soldier wouldn't have ever been intimate with anybody, but when you took in who Shepard was it kind of fit. So I was left with a dilemma: turn on my back and risk making her feel rejected, or turn towards her and spoon to her back – thus throwing my cards down on the table and letting her know that I was not at all unreceptive to her tentative advances.

I had to admit that for a moment I was leaning to the former choice, but then I stopped myself and really thought about my situation – not just with Shepard, but in general. Back in my 'first' life I was an pretty dull personality; a twenty one year-old university student whose life was boring and mundane. In this life I was the best human pilot, and probably one of the best pilots in the galaxy full-stop. I was twenty eight years old here, but leaps in technology meant that I really wasn't losing years off my life in the transition, because humans now lived to around one hundred and fifty. I had the chance to make the most of my life now; to actually live to the fullest.

And nobody ever gained anything without risking anything.

Shepard moved off my shoulder when I shuffled around and got under the covers, and I watched out the corner of my eye as she shucked off her hoodie, leaving her in just her white singlet and jeans. The slight orange glow from her cybernetic scars that were still healing burned in the darkness, and when she caught my staring she lowered her head, ashamed and embarrassed. "I could change them if you'd like."

I said that as much to offer aid as to give me more time to psych myself up for what I was going to decide, and she looked up at me with a confused expression. I pointed to her face and shrugged, "The colour of the glow. It's pretty much the same as changing the colour of an Omni-tool." I brought up my crystal blue interface over my left arm and she gasped. I smiled at her and cocked my head to the side. "I'm guessing you like it?"

She nodded as he peered at it, and as she brought her face closer she would have noticed the other additions I'd made to it. The interface had a gloss finish through the use of miniature cameras and virtual synthesis, so it looked more like a plate of luminescent glass over my arm than a hologram. Within the glass virtual sea-monkeys floated and swum around, and I grinned as a bright, child-like smile broke out onto her face. "It's beautiful…"

"It's not hard to do. I can mod yours later if you'd like." She nodded her head furiously, and I chuckled before raising my eyebrow. "So do you want me to modify your cybernetics?"

She nearly looked away again to hide her scars from me, but paused when she realised that I was genuinely asking her whether she wanted me to or not instead of bringing attention to them. "Erm… is it dangerous?"

I shook my head and smiled, "Not really. The reason they're glowing orange is to do with energy levels and how they affect electrons within the atoms, and the photons they emit when they drop back to a lower electron orbital. If I adjust their power input slightly I should be able to change the colour to anything on the visible spectrum."

"And what about infrared? Or gamma? Could you change it to those wavelengths?"

"No," I shook my head, "I wouldn't want to risk changing the power output that much."

She nodded, thinking for several moments, before looking at me and then down at my Omni-tool. "I quite like that colour."

I smiled, having suspected she'd say that, and nodded before realising what I'd have to do to adjust the power output and blushing. "Ah… I'm going to have to put my hand on your sternum to get the necessary connection to your implant control unit."

She blushed as well, but after a moment nodded sharply. She had the benefit of having a 'switch off emotion' mode from having to do all the things she'd done in her life. I, unfortunately, hadn't managed the same feat yet. She pulled down the neck-line of her singlet to expose a fair amount of her cleavage, and I noted silently that she apparently liked black lace. When I placed my hand in the valley between her breasts however, we both jerked at the contact. Me, because I was pretty much feeling breasts for the first time in my life, and Shepard because she was likely feeling somebody feeling her breasts for the first time in her life. I had to shuffle my hand back and forth a couple of times to move her breasts away from her sternum to give me enough contact, and felt her entire body heat up with her blush. God her breasts were just so unbelievably soft!

I had to force myself to stop focusing on the feel of her body and get on with the job at hand – pun very much intended – and tapped away at my Omni-tool that was trying to hack its way into the very workings of her implants. After nearly two very silent minutes, with Shepard's blush increasing every second and my mind constantly analysing and memorising the feel of her, I gained access and breathed a deep sigh of relief now that I had something to talk about other than, "Did you know you have the most amazing feeling breasts?"

"See this?" I pointed to the console now hovering over my left arm with my free hand, and she cleared her throat before nodding and giving it her attention, also, judging by the look of relief on her face, happy to have something to distract her from where my hand was. "Well this is the control console for your cybernetics. Your body's putting out a fluctuating ninety five watts of energy, and your cybernetics use a base thirty one watts of that, fluctuating with activity. That's putting the wavelength of your cybernetics at about 600 nanometres to 750; the orange-red range of the spectrum. So if I bring the wattage up to thirty four watts on a flux point," I tapped away for a few moments as I accessed the guts of the running programs, "then we should have… voila!"

I watched as, in front of my very eyes, the orange glow dissipated to leave a calming blue. "Something in the 450 to 490 nanometre wavelength." She moved to get up, but I stopped her by pressing down on her chest, making her blush again. "Just a mo, let me just optimise these processes a bit and then you can go and see how pretty you look." I felt heat surge under my palm and stifled my small smirk.

I stopped dead when I discovered a low-level process running, and Shepard obviously felt my anger. I wasn't surprised; I was almost shaking with rage. "James?"

"There's a virus in your control module," I ground out, and felt her tense beside me. She watched as I navigated the code, and I growled when I got the general gist of what it was telling me it did. "The code is heavily encrypted, but the processes it's connected to suggest it'll disrupt the energy supply to your cybernetics when it receives a certain signal." I looked across at her and knew she was thinking the exact same as I was when I saw the murder in her eyes.

"The Illusive Man."

I nodded, confirming her suspicions. "I would guess so. Fortunately that seems to be the worst of it; a switch to lower your combat efficiency." As she simmered with anger I ran numerous scans on the other processes running, as well as those sitting stagnant in memory, and then cleaned out all the 'contingency' programs Cerberus had installed. When I found the 'bleeder' program I realised that Shepard hadn't been running at top-notch since her resurrection. The program sucked up more energy from her body than needed and then expelled it through heat, simply so that she wore out faster. After getting rid of it and running a benchmark I realised that even with me lowering the wattage of her implants she would be performing nearly ten percent better using less energy, and without that creepy orange glow.

I commentated my findings as I worked, and finally, after nearly half an hour, set my personal encryption program to work on her implants before retrieving my hand. It suddenly felt awfully cold without my skin sandwiched between her breasts, but I wasn't about to say that to her face. "I've encrypted the local file system, and all external inputs have been disabled unless yours, my, or Karin's biometrics check out as the ones working on it."

She nodded, a look of immense relief on her face, and I smiled before rolling out of bed and smiling as I pointed to her bathroom. She jumped out of the sheets and ran past me, throwing over her shoulder, "So very forward, James," with a smirk as she entered the bathroom. When I reached the door I leaned against the frame and watched as Shepard stared at herself in the mirror; tentatively poking at the blue lines of light with a small smile on her lips. "It's so much better than that orange," she commented quietly, "it doesn't look so…"

"Malicious?" I supplied, and turned to me, nodding happily.

"Yeah." She looked at herself for several more moments before turning to me and giving me a firm hug, and I smiled before wrapping my arms around her back, rubbing the tense muscles in her shoulders absentmindedly. "Thank you."

I smiled and then led her by the hand back to the bed, before pulling her none too gently with me. She laughed out loud; that real, genuinely happy laughter that hints at not a care in the galaxy, and I picked up my hat from the floor and placed it on the bedside table before lying down and shuffling around under the covers. "No need to thank me," I said as I shoved my right arm underneath the pillow, "it's what friends do."

"No friend has ever done quite as much for me as you have." I heard the slight bitterness in her tone, but quickly halted that in its tracks by shuffling over and wrapping my free arm around her waist; my hand coming to rest on the warm fabric covering her toned stomach.

She stiffened, and I raised an eyebrow. "Don't even bother stammering a rebuttal; you wanted this just as much as I did. Now shut up and forget about what others have and haven't done, because you owe me a decent sleep on this bloody magical bed."

I felt her chuckle, and as we slowly stilled the hologram above sensed the want to sleep and calmed the waves until it was just the low gurgling of water against the beach with the occasional, light chirp of birdsong. I felt her hand come to rest over mine on her stomach before squeezing and then intertwining with my fingers, and smiled into her hair before relaxing completely and allowing the sounds of the waves and the feel of Erin's breathing to lull me to sleep.

I had no qualms that the sleep I was about to have was going to be the best I'd ever had.