What to expect: RIP!Tongue(s)

Interlude II: Entrance Exam Second Phase

"…Um…everyone? …What is this?" Atsushi asked the people in front of him. He was seated at a table with a small empty bowl in front of him. Next to it was an unopened box filled with jelly beans. Completely surrounding his desk in a circle was his coworkers. Even the Director was there as he gave his newest subordinate him an unimposing stare.

"What does it look like? It's your final entrance exam." Kunikida said as he crossed his arms.

"But I thought that hostage crisis you set up was the entrance exam!" The teen protested.

"It was. But this is different. You see you may in our little club, but we're not officially accepting you until you eat this entire box." Ranpo said, tapping his finger on the box of flavored candy beans.

"So that's it? I just have to eat some jelly beans." Atsushi said, unsure if this is some sort of prank. He thought he would experience some kind of hazing, but it turned out that he just had to eat some sweets.

"Pretty much! Just dump them into the bowl and eat them one by one. Oh! You should also describe what flavor you got as well." Kenji happily informed the older boy.

Just eat the candy and describe what you just ate. It was that simple. Maybe too simple. Atsushi took the box from the table and opened them. As he spilled them out into the bowl, he examined them carefully. They seem like any ordinary candy beans. He picked up an orange-yellow bean dotted with red spots and popped it into his mouth. Now, what's the worst that could hap-

"…What the-? This is… T-This taste like… PIZZA?! HOW?!" The eighteen year old never knew that jelly beans can come in this flavor. How the hell did they make them taste like that?

"Awww, I thought it'd be a really gross one." Yosano pouted.

"Not everyone can start out with earwax, Yosano-sensei." Kunikida retorted to his female coworker, earning him a bloodthirsty glare from the woman for reminding her of her own terrible experience.

"THERE'S EARWAX!" Atsushi screeched in horror as he looked at the innocent bowl of jelly beans with newfound terror.

"Don't worry. You might not come across it…maybe." Tanizaki said, trying to be helpful, only to sound unsure himself.

"What is this anyways? These aren't normal jelly beans, are they?" The pale haired teen asked nervously.

"Nope. These are Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean. And as you can see, they really do mean every flavor." Ranpo informed the weretiger.

"Not only do you have your classic flavors like strawberry, banana, cherry, pear… you also get mushrooms, mashed potatoes, spinach, cheese, éclair, horseradish, and coffee among others." Kunikida listed off.

"And then there are the really weird ones, like belly button lint, grass, dirty socks, earthworms, liver, vomit, and envelope glue!" Ranpo chimed in.

"Um…actually, I just had a really big breakfast on the way here. I'm sorry about this, but I'm going to have to pass on-" Atsushi tried to get away only to find Kenji's surprisingly strong grip on his shoulders keeping him from moving from his chair.

"Oh no, you're not. If I'm not allowed to get away with not eating them, you can't either. Now open up and say 'Itadakimasu'." Yosano said to the now-terrified teen with a manic smile on her face.

"Besides, all of us here have done the same thing. Even the Director himself." Kenji said with a carefree smile as though his newest coworker wasn't about to kill off all of his taste buds.

"You too, sir?" Atsushi asked the older man.

"…My first jelly bean…tasted like dirt." Fukuzawa gritted out. For the life of him, he couldn't fathom how Ranpo managed to convince him to participate as well. He did not want to remember that day. Once he was finally done, the martial artist was seriously contemplating on cutting his tongue off.

"Now then…shall we continue, Atsushi-kun~?" Dazai said to his poor protégé, the menacing gleam in his eyes were not very encouraging.

Atsushi gulped as everyone's eyes locked in on him as if daring him to give an excuse not to finish his entrance exam. With all the people surrounding his table, he can't escape even if he wanted to. They didn't really give him the option. Slowly selecting a bean from the bowl, he mentally prepared himself as he finally ate his second bean. He prayed to any entity listening for this ordeal to be over soon.

⋋( ◕ V ◕ )⋌

(Fifth Bean)

"Eh, is this…alcohol?! I thought this was supposed to be a candy for kids!"

"Oh, you must've gotten sherry then." Dazai commented. He himself had a bean or two like that during his own orientation. Being partnered up with Chuuya Nakahara back in his Port Mafia days for so long had given him the ability to recognize what type of alcohol by taste.

⋋( ◕ V ◕ )⋌

(Eleventh Bean)

"What the hell? Is he crying?" Ranpo questioned with amusement.

"I'd be crying too if I ate an onion-flavored one." Tanizaki commented with sympathy for the unfortunate individual in front of him.

⋋( ◕ V ◕ )⋌

(Twenty-seventh Bean)

"…Did he just…burped out a bubble? Someone please tell me that really just happened." Yosano asked her coworkers. Not sure f she should laugh or question her sanity.

"It did. I think that one might have been soap flavored or something." Ranpo stated. Who knew candy beans could do that?

⋋( ◕ V ◕ )⋌

(Forty-second Bean)

"Is this…? …Oh, this tastes like roast beef." Atsushi said. While the taste was still odd for a candy, but he at least could catch a break for a little while.

"Really! No fair, you are so lucky!" Kenji whined with a pout. Atsushi was so lucky. He loved the taste of beef!

⋋( ◕ V ◕ )⋌

"Last one, Atsushi-kun~! Congratulations, you're almost done." Dazai singsonged as Atsushi whimpered. The poor weretiger looked down at the final jelly bean sitting in the nearly empty bowl. The small candy bean was a golden brown color, making the pale haired boy guess what it could be. Knowing his luck, it would definitely taste like shit. Literally shit, for all he knew.

Mustering up every last ounce of courage, he took the bean in his hand and put it into his mouth.

"This is…cinnamon?" Atsushi guessed. The last candy bean wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

"Congratulations, Atsushi-kun! You are now officially one of us!" The bandaged wearing detective cheered.

The newest recruit of the agency sighed with relief now that the hellish experience was over. But there was something that bothered him from the very beginning.

"Um…if I may ask…where did you get these jelly beans?" Atsushi asked before mentally adding, 'And what kind of insane person would make this kind of horrible candy?'

Everyone looked at each other and then said in unison, "JK-chan."

"JK-chan? Who is that?" The pale haired teen asked.

"Mine and Ranpo-san's penpal from England." Kunikida informed him.

"She comes from a community where they make all sorts of crazy stuff like these. You'll see when she sends her next letter. Wanna have a blood pop?" Ranpo took out a crimson colored lollipop from his pocket and waved it in Atsushi's direction to take. Atsushi, still traumatized by the beans, is naturally wary of the candy, so he politely refused.

"You know since we're all still on the subject of candy, why don't we all share our last bean with Atsushi-kun. Let me start. I had a nasty one that tasted like boogers." Dazai cheerfully provided.

"Peach for me." Kunikida said, off-handedly, before grabbing his suicidal-advocate partner by the throat. They already wasted enough time as it is. "NOW HURRY UP AND GET BACK TO WORK, YOU LAZY BANDAGE-WASTING IDIOT!"

"I was lucky enough to end with grapefruit-flavored." Yosano said.

"My last bean was my favorite! It tasted just like beef casserole!" Kenji said, cheerfully.

"Lucky! I wanted to get honey, but all I got was curry." Ranpo complained as he licked his lollipop.

"Onii-sama was so disappointed. His last bean was chili powder." Naomi said as she pressed her body onto Tanizaki's arm with a bone-crushing grip.

"On the bright side, my last bean pretty much erased all the previous flavors from my mouth. And most of my taste buds." The Light Snow ability user said, as he tried to unsuccessfully pry his sister off of her person.

"Dog food." Fukuzawa simply stated with a slight growl of disgust. And that was the end of that conversation.

AN: I had this scene in my mind for quite some time. While I was researching Wizarding World candies that Jasmine could have given Ranpo as a late Christmas gift, I stumbled upon Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. After I was rereading the manga for references, I thought, "Hey, why not make it a tradition for all the newbies in the agency to eat a whole box of Every Flavour Beans?" And so this was born. Basically: Atsushi + Entrance Exam + Beans = A Cinnamon Bean for a Cinnamon Roll. By the way, all the bean flavors exists in the canon!HP. I try to be THAT thorough when writing.

Itadakimasu: In case anyone wants to know, it basically means "I thank you for the food". It's equivalent to "bon appétit" or saying "grace" before you eat. BTW does anyone think that I was being too vague in Interlude II? I honestly tried to give hints as to which beans they had eaten for their entrance exams. If you couldn't tell, just reread and pay close attention to their dialogues and thought processes. I hope this little hint helps.

Shout out to xenocanaan for the review.

Thanks for reading, and please don't hesitate to give me feedback. (ಥUಥ)

Edited (6/19/17)