Chapter 2:
What Hurts The Most
Merlin bust into Gaius' room like the devil was after him, breathless and panicked.
"Merlin? What's wrong? - What's happened?" Gaius asked.
Merlin waved a hand at his throat as he gasped for air. You'd think that being the manservant to the Prince of Camelot would make him fit; sadly it seemed to be having the opposite effect on Merlin. Though he knew it had little to do with his work and more to do with his sleepless nights but he'd never admit that to anyone. Not even Gaius.
Finally he caught his breath enough to speak. "T-there's s-s-something w-wrong…" he gulped more air. "…I-in the h-hall…. The k-knights are… acting strange."
"Strange?" Gaius frowned.
"S-s-singing…I think its singing?"
Gaius laughed. "I can understand your confusion Merlin." he turned back to his table. "I'm not sure if what they do is considered singing either. - They'll be fine when the ale wears off."
"N-no…" Merlin breathed, rushing to the old physician's side. "…you do-don't understand. They're not drunk, I swear there not, there's s-something wrong. It's like they can't control themselves. – I think it's magic."
Gaius frowned. "Are you sure?"
The young warlock nodded still fighting to regain his breath. The older man brushed at his chin for a second before turning, intending on retrieving some of his books. He was interrupted by a knock resounding on the door and a guard informing them that King Uther has requested the old man's presence in the great hall immediately.
_Secrets Of Men's Souls_
When the two men arrived at the great hall they found it abandoned by all but the King, Prince Arthur and his new wife Gwen. Merlin and Gaius strolled to meet Uther half way. "Gaius. There is something happening."
"I know Sire. Merlin had already informed me. I was gathering my books when the guard came."
"Do you have any idea what it is?"
Gaius moved to one of the tables that was still covered in food and dropped the books he'd brought with him. Flipping the heavy large volume open he began to scanner the pages, humming here and there when something caught his gaze.
While Uther and Gaius bowed over the old leather bond books, Merlin stood watching Arthur. He was talking to Gwen in hushed voices, leaning in close like the lovers they were. Gwen giggled at something Arthur said. Typical Arthur, Merlin thought a little too angrily. The court might be yet again under threat from magic and here he is making gooey eyes at his princess. Prat.
As he stood staring at the pair, he fought against the feeling of jealousy that had been bubbling up inside him. It had been there for a while now, ever since Arthur's marriage. He knew he should be happy for them, they were both his friends, but as Gwen and Arthur had grown closer, he and Arthur had grown more distant. They didn't share the private moments they'd used to and when they were alone it was strained and uncomfortable. Merlin felt tears burning behind his eyes and his throat tightening just a little.
"Huh." Gaius announced. "Well this may be something." he said pointing to the book. Everyone turned to listen. "It seems that at certain times of the year magic is easily tapped into."
"Someone is using magic in Camelot?" Uther said angrily.
Merlin swallowed; his heart pounding. In his mind he defended himself. It's not me. I didn't do it. I swear. Unconsciously his gaze turned to Arthur, who was already staring at him and their gazes locked. He did that a lot now, watching him. Merlin had wondered if maybe the Prince knew his secret. Well, at least one of his secrets.
"No your highness." Gaius insisted looking back at his books. "It seems that at these times of year the magic can attach itself to… well, troubled places."
"Troubled? - Camelot is not troubled." Uther frowned sounding somewhat insulted. "We have had a very prosperous year."
Gaius nodded. "I know Sire. - It may be being drawn to troubled…hmmm."
"Out with it man." Uther snapped impatiently.
Gaius bowed over his books, scanning the pages, then sighed, looking out of the corner of his eyes at Merlin for a brief moment before answering. "Huh….trouble souls, Sire."
"Souls? What are you talking about Gaius?" Arthur said, far calmer than his father.
"Well." he swallowed, clearly uncomfortable. "There may be people within the walls of Camelot that are…"
"What!" Uther yelled, his voice echoing the hall.
"Suffering from some kind of personal crisis Sire."
Uther's brows furrowed deeply between his eyes. "What? - What kind of personal crisis?"
Gaius shrugged. "I can't tell you that Sire. All I can say is that it seem that this rogue magic is being attracted to it…unintentionally I'm sure." Gaius added before Uther decided to scream witch or warlock and started cutting off people's heads left and right.
"You must have some type of idea?" Uther snapped.
Gaius sighed and lowered his head. "All I could guess, Sire, is that it is something intense and powerful. – And it's drawing the magic here."
Uther stormed back to his chair and dropped down into it, resting his head in his palm. "So what are we to do? How do we stop this?" A thought seemed to suddenly occurred to the king, a thought that really should have been his first. "Are we in danger?"
"Only from an increased number of sore throats." Gaius joked hoping to break the tension. "But other than that, no I do not think so. - I believe that as soon as whatever issue has drawn this magic to us is resolved Camelot will return to normal." Thankfully everyone missed the look Gaius sent to Merlin. - Well almost everyone.
Arthur watched Merlin has he stood there, head bowed. People would assume it was out of respect for being in the king's presence, but Arthur knew better. That look meant he was feeling guilty about something and the way his lips were pressed together meant he was holding back a secret he did not want to confess. Arthur was so used to those tight drawn lips, especially since his marriage. Merlin rarely spoke to him anymore. He'd just do his work then vanish into the dark, leaving Arthur alone with his new bride. Not that Arthur cared. After all, he wanted time with Gwen and he'd been trying to get rid of Merlin for years right? So what did he care that the young man wouldn't meet his gaze or smile at him or even call him a prat? It just showed he was finally learning his place.
"So what do we do now Gaius?" Arthur asked, tearing his gaze from Merlin and taking a tight possessive grip on his wife's hand.
Gaius gave a light shrug and sigh. "I think all we can do Sire is be patient and hope that it's resolved quickly."
"If not quietly." Uther complained.
"Yes, your highness." Gaius gave a tight smile."
"Maybe whatever it was has already been settled. I can't hear anymore…singing." Gwen smiled sweetly, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Maybe it's over."
"Let's hope." Uther sighed, rising to his feet. "Let's all to bed, maybe by morning this will be nothing more than a nightmare."
They all agreed. Arthur slid an arm around his wife's waist and began to lead her away.
Merlin watched the whole scene unfold before him. The arm around the young woman's waist, the kiss pressed to her cheek, the whispered promises. Merlin felt a pain ripping though his chest at the sight. "I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me,I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out…."
Everyone's gaze turned to Merlin as the words poured out of him, his face reddened with embarrassment and panic, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to stop them.
"I'm not afraid to cry, every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me…" His eyes were focused on Arthur as the words continued unrestrained. He wasn't sure if the tears burning in his eyes were out of frustration at not being about to control what he was saying or at the truth of it. "There are days, every now and again I pretend I'm OK but that's not what gets me"
Arthur stared wide eyed at Merlin, his own heart pounding. He glanced quickly at his father then at Gwen who seemed too surprise by the boys' sudden outburst to actually register what he was say. He turned back to Merlin and saw the tears in his eyes and something in his gut tightened painfully.
"What hurts the most, was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away,never know-ing, what could have been…" Merlin's eyes widened in fear. He need to stop speaking before he said too much but whatever it was that was controlling them was forcing him to reveal thing he'd never wanted anyone to know. "And not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do."
Arthur and the others watched in amazement as Merlin rushed from the hall but not before the last line of his song was free to be heard, causing Arthur's gut to tighten and his heart to skip. He looked at the others who were still in shock, all but Gaius who seemed to be watching Arthur intently. They had thought it over until they heard noise coming from the courtyard. They all rushed to the window and stared out to see Merlin stood singing.
Merlin rushed into the fresh night air and prayed that it had stopped now that he was no longer in Arthur's presence. Of course he wasn't that lucky. He could feel the words fighting themselves free again and he stumbled under the weight of them, his heart thundering beneath his ribs and the strange music filling the air. "It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go but I'm doin' it. It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone. Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, living with this regret
but I know if I could do it over, I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken"
Tears slide down Merlin's face in a mix of desperate frustration and realisation that what he was saying was completely true. He turned and noticed the faces at the window of the great hall. He tried to run away but this time his feet wouldn't let him. He met Arthur's gaze through the darkness.
"What hurts the most, was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away, never know-ing, what could have been, and not seeing that loving you, Is what I was trying to do."
After a long while he was finally able to move and he was running again, singing as he went thought the corridors of the castle till he found himself in the caves beneath.
"I'm not afraid to cry, every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me,"
The words echoed the large canyon, ricocheting off the walls around him. He was almost doubled over breathless and in pain, tears pouring down his face. All he wanted was to stop. Stop singing, stop caring, stop feeling. Just stop!
"There are days, every now and again I pretend I'm OK but that's not what gets me"
The music seemed to fade as his voice closed up. He fell to his knees gasping for breath.
"It will not stop young Warlock. – Not until the secrets of men's souls have found their voices." Announced the great dragon from the darkness.
Merlin fought to regain his breath, tears drenching his cheeks. He did not want his secrets to gain a voice, they were secrets he intended to carry for eternity. He could not imagine what Arthur would say if he knew the truth. He'd probably follow through on his countless threats and actually have him executed.
But Camelot was under the thrall of magic and now Merlin knew it was too strong for even him to fight. Staggering to his feet he made his way back to his rooms praying not to meet anyone on his way and dreading what revelations the next magical performance would reveal.
A/N: proper full length chapter. How was it for you? I'd love to hear what you think. Obviously Merlin's song was What Hurts the Most. The version I listened to while writing was Cascada.
Speical thanks to my Beta Reader LostElvenQueen from DeviantART :D
Next chapter: The music continues and more secrets are revealed. Ohhh, I know I can't wait… and I'm writing the damn thing rofl.