Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Song for Chapter 2: Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch

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Chapter 2

Edward was gone for six days- six days that seemed to drag on forever. During that time, I was forced to realize once again how interconnected we were as a family. Edward was only one-seventh of our family unit, but without him we were completely unable to function as a whole.

Seeing Esme's eyes shadowed with worry was almost enough to break my heart. It didn't matter that Edward was technically older than she was, he was still her son and she worried as only a mother can. Carlisle was distracted all week as well. He and Edward had been together longer than any of us, and consequently had a very unique father/son bond.

Both Carlisle and Esme hurt individually at his absence. And when one of them hurt, the other felt it as well, which only doubled their anxiety. It was a vicious circle as each of us dealt with our own uncertainties and fears, yet at the same time were touched by everyone else's also.

We all tried to hold on to Alice's reassurance that this was only temporary. Edward wouldn't stay away for very long.

Despite Alice's assurances, I was still worried about Edward. In all the time we had been with the Cullens, I had never felt him to be quite that out of control before. Edward was the quiet one, the studious one. He was typically the one most in control. He had a terrible temper, but it usually took quite a lot to rouse it. I couldn't imagine what it was about the Swan girl that had elicited such an uncharacteristic response from him. It just didn't make sense to me.

That week at school I took the opportunity to observe her while we sat in the lunchroom. I studied her covertly, trying to figure out what it was about her that called forth such an animalistic reaction in my brother.

Looking at her, I simply couldn't imagine. There didn't seem to be anything overly special about her. Her blood smelled just the same to me as the rest of the humans in the room- appealing, certainly, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Something about her eyes appeared older than her years as she glanced over at our table repeatedly. I felt a sense of disappointment from her, a small measure of anxiety as she observed us. Each day she would look to our table as she walked in the cafeteria. I would feel her anticipation mingling with expectation and a small amount of fear followed by disappointment when she didn't see Edward sitting with us.

She seemed to be drawn to Edward in a very unhealthy way.

Sunday night, Alice finally saw Edward coming home, and a sense of relief immediately fell over our household. When he walked in the door, Esme wrapped her arms around him in a hug so tight he almost grimaced.

"Edward, I was so worried about you." Esme's voice was choked with emotion. "You didn't even come home to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry, Mom." Edward whispered remorsefully. "That was wrong of me; it won't happen again." He promised, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

Carlisle was there to give him the prodigal son's welcome when Esme released him. With an arm still around Edward's shoulder Carlisle led him into the living room. They sat on the couch with Esme at Edward's other side. The rest of us filed in after them, taking our seats around the room.

"Alice told us a little bit of what happened t school last week, but I'd like to hear it from you, Edward." Carlisle prompted when we were all settled.

Edward slouched against the back of the couch and took a deep breath. He shook his head, "In all of my existence, I've never felt that way before." His voice was quiet—pained. "I'd never imagined that degree of bloodlust could exist; it was unbearable."

His face twisted in a grimace, "When the girl walked into that classroom, I lost all ability to reason with myself. I didn't know it was possible to need a human's blood that badly. Carlisle, I sat at that table and imagined all the ways I could kill her before anyone had the time to figure out what I was doing."

I felt the shame that enveloped him as he struggled to speak those words out loud. He shook his head violently, his eyes clenched. Esme reached out and took his hand, making little soothing noises as she did so.

"But I couldn't do that without taking the life of everyone else in that room as well. You don't have any idea how close I was to killing them all and damning the consequences. The only thing that stopped me was... I didn't want you to be... ashamed of me. So I ran.

I thought if I had some distance for a while that might help, but I couldn't stay away. I missed home; I missed all of you. I won't let my weakness keep me away from where I want to be. I decided that this is something I need to face head on." He sighed again deeply. "I just hope I'm strong enough to do that." He said almost to himself.

"Edward," Esme murmured, "Look at me." She reached up to brush his hair back from his forehead. "Do you know how proud I am of you."

"Proud of me?" He snorted in disbelief and shook his head. "How can you be proud of me?" He demanded, almost angrily. "I wanted to kill an entire room full of people- of children! I was wracking my brain for a way to end the life of an innocent little girl. I could have quite possibly put our entire family at risk by acting the fool as I did." He shook his head in despair, his rant cutting off abruptly. "I've never felt like such a monster." His voice dripped with shame and self-loathing.

Esme wasn't phased at all by his vehemence. "Edward, I'm proud of you because you resisted." She stated gently. "You did the right thing even though it hurt- even though I know it was more difficult than I can even imagine."

She cupped his cheek and made him look at her. "I'm going to tell you something, Edward, and I want you to hear—really hear—what I'm saying. Your father and I love you more than you can even imagine. No matter what happens, no matter the mistakes you might make, we will always love you. There is nothing in this world that you could ever do to change that. We could never be ashamed of you. Never." She pulled Edward's head onto her shoulder and kissed his forehead softly.

Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "I echo that wholeheartedly. We're always here for you, Edward. I want you to remember that." Edward nodded wordlessly, too overwhelmed to speak.

Carlisle took a deep breath after a moment. "So, my question for you at this point is, what now?"

"I don't know exactly." Edward said, hesitating slightly, "I think I'd like to try to go back to school today, at least for part of the day. I just... I want to be stronger than this."

"You are." Carlisle said simply, "You are, my son. I think you've already proven that."

Edward's eyebrows gathered in a frown, and I felt his consternation growing. "There's one more thing. The girl... I-- I couldn't hear her. At all. Her mind was completely closed to me, as if she wasn't even there."

Surprise flowed through the room as we all took in his shocking statement.

Emmett was the first to recover. "Whoa, seriously? That's never happened before."

Edward snorted at his obvious statement. "No, it hasn't."

"I wonder how that could be." Carlisle spoke under his breath, puzzled.

"I don't know." Edward shrugged, "Having never encountered anything like this before, I'm not sure what to think."

"How very odd." Carlisle was just as perplexed as the rest of us.

Edward ran a hand nervously through his hair and directed his gaze to Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and me. "Have you noticed anyone acting suspicious of us this week, or heard anyone talking about us?"

All of us shook our heads. I shrugged, "No more than usual." I said.

Edward's brow furrowed. "I find that hard to believe. As frightened as the girl was by my behavior, I thought she surely would have said spoken to someone about it."

Rosalie glared at Edward. "Well, I guess we won't know unless you show up to tell us what everyone is thinking, now will we."

"Alice," Edward sighed uncertainly, "What do you see."

Alice's eyes glazed from where her head rested against my shoulder. "I think you'll be fine to go to school today." She spoke after a moment. "I don't see anything bad happening, but it's hard to tell for sure. Everything is still a little blurry." She lifted her head and turned to look at him. "Edward, you know you're not in this alone. We'll all be there to help you."

I nodded in affirmation of her statement. "She's right. We won't let you do anything you'll regret." I lifted one corner of my mouth in a smile, "We've got your back."

"Hell yeah, we do!" Was Emmett's enthusiastic response.

Edward's mouth turned up in his familiar crooked smile, and he chuckled lightly. "Thanks."

"Well, if you're coming today, then maybe we'd better hunt first just to be on the safe side." Emmett hopped up from his chair. "Jazz, you coming?"

"Sure. That probably wouldn't be a bad idea." I kissed Alice's cheek and disentangled myself from her. "Be back soon."

Alice grinned, "Have fun."

As we had been involved in our discussion, snow had started falling, coating the ground in a blanket of white.

It didn't take long to find our prey and satisfy our thirst. I noticed that Edward was very distracted the whole time we were out. Even when a question was directed to him, it was obvious his mind was elsewhere. As we were heading back towards the house, Emmett grabbed my arm and held me back a step while Edward walked on ahead. His eyes were lit with mischief.

Bending down, he scooped up a handful of snow. My lips lifted is a smirk as I realized the direction his thoughts were going. He reared back and hurled the snowy missile at Edward's head.

Bull's eye.

Edward whirled around, rubbing the back of his head, a look of shock etched on his face.

Emmett and I doubled over laughing at his expression. It was virtually unheard of that anyone was able to catch him off guard. That in itself was a testament to how preoccupied he was. Edward just rolled his eyes in exasperation and turned back around to head home.

"Oh come on, Edward." Emmett griped, each word punctuated by another snowball. "Have some fun." Edward didn't bother to grace us with a response at all. He just kept walking.

Emmett turned to me and shrugged. I shrugged in return and pelted an unsuspecting Emmett square in the face with my own fistful of snow. He roared and a frenzied snowball fight ensued the rest of the way home.

Alice and Rosalie were waiting for us on the porch, entertained by our antics. Rosalie chuckled as she cast an amused glance at Emmett, who was soaking wet now from our horseplay. "Couple of overgrown kids." I heard her mumble almost affectionately as we approached. Alice's tinkling wind chime laugh sounded in reply.

"Rose, baby, how 'bout a great big hug?" Emmett teased, bounding up the stairs, arms open wide.

"Not on your life, Emmett Cullen. Not until you get dried off." She held up a hand to stop him.

Emmett's face fell in a mock pout. Rosalie winked at him as he passed and blew him a kiss. His responding grin was big enough that I expected it to split his face in two.

"That goes for you too, Jazz." Alice put her hands on her hips at my mischievous expression. Her stern appearance wasn't helped by the loving amusement sparkling in her eyes. I just laughed and ran upstairs to shed my wet clothes.

Later that morning, I could feel Edward's anxiety rising as we drove closer to school. Alice's eyes stayed unfocused throughout the drive as she searched intently for his future.

When we stopped in the parking lot, I was out of the car and had Alice's door open before she even moved. I helped her out of the car and laced her arm through mine to walk her to her first class. Her reflexes were slower when she was this preoccupied, so consequently I found myself even more protective than usual.

At the doorway I bent to press a kiss to her forehead before I turned to leave. Her eyes focused just long enough to find her seat and then she was zoned out again.

I kept my ears highly attuned to my siblings throughout the morning hours, listening for any disturbances-- anything at all out of the ordinary, but everything seemed to go on as another other morning... boring as hell, though at the moment I was grateful for that. I worried though about Edward's reaction when he was in the same room as the girl. He was the most controlled of us, but even he was worried.

That afternoon I was waiting at Alice's classroom doorway to take her to "lunch." She smiled warmly at me for a moment before her eyes clouded again. Once again, I looped her arm through mine, guiding her to the cafeteria.

Emmett and Rosalie had already found Edward and were hovering over him like bodyguards. Edward's emotions were so tightly wound, that I wondered how he hadn't snapped yet. All of us were nervous, not knowing exactly what would happen when Edward was faced with the potent scent a second time.

We fell into a tight form on the way to the lunchroom. Emmett was taking his role of protector way too literally, and I almost worried about his stance drawing undue attention to us.

"It's going to be OK." Alice breathed as we finished at the lunch line.

"I wouldn't be here if I thought it wouldn't." Edward grumbled under his breath, though his emotions belied his words.

"She won't be downwind if we sit in our regular spot." Alice continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"Of course, we'll sit in our regular spot, Alice. Would you stop it already; you're getting on my nerves. I'll be absolutely fine." Edward griped, irritated.

With that, we reached our table. I pulled Alice's chair out for her and helped her to sit before easing it back up to the table.

"Hmmm," she murmured, a little surprised. "I think you're right."

"Yes, Alice, I know I am." Edward replied sounding almost weary.

Suddenly, I felt a wave of sympathy as Edward turned his eyes to me. It shouldn't amuse me that Edward-- Mr. Super-self-control-- had taken my place as the one that the family hovered over, but it did.

Annoying, isn't it? I thought with a smirk.

Edward just grimaced.

Welcome to my world.

He shot me an apologetic glance over the table.

I draped an arm around Alice's shoulders, and picked up one of her hands, toying with her fingers as we waited.

"Anything new?" I asked after several long moments.

Edward shook his head. "Nothing. She must not have said anything." His voice almost made the last part a question.

None of us had expected that. Almost as one, each of us raised an eyebrow at this revelation.

Emmett chuckled. "Guess you're just not as scary as you think you are. Bet I could have frightened her better than that."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"She's coming in." Alice murmured. "Try to look human."

"Human, you say?" Emmett smirked. He held up his right fist to reveal the snowball he'd saved in his palm. He weighed the lumpy block of ice in his hand, his mischievous eyes focused on me. Despite the direction of his eyes, he hurled it abruptly at Alice. He should have known better than to try to catch her off guard. She merely flicked up the hand I wasn't holding and with the slightest flutter of her fingers she sent the ice ricocheting into the far wall much too quickly for human eyes to see.

The brick cracked on impact and all the students on that side of the room swiveled their heads to find the culprit. They never looked over our way though.

"Very human, Emmett." Rosalie said scathingly. "Why don't you punch through the wall while you're at it."

"It would look more impressive if you did it, baby." Emmett responded with a suggestive lift of his brows.

Edward grinned as if he was amused by their banter, though it was obvious to us that he wasn't paying any particular attention to them.

At that moment the Swan girl walked into the room. I felt her shock as she saw Edward sitting with us. She froze in her place in line.

Edward's face was indescribable as he watched her bypass the food, getting only a drink from the line. His intent gaze flickered away before anyone could catch him watching her.

"Ease up, Edward." Emmett said, pounding him once in the shoulder. "So you kill one human. That's hardly the end of the world."

"You would know." Edward muttered.

"You've got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt." He said.

Just then, Alice tossed a handful of ice into Emmett's clueless face. Where she'd been hiding it, I had no idea.

I grinned at his surprised expression, and Alice giggled. A wicked grin spread over Emmett's face. "You asked for it!" He warned.

He leaned across the table and shook his ice-encrusted hair in her direction. The snow flew from his hair in a half-ice, half-water deluge. Alice and Rosalie recoiled from the impromptu shower. Alice laughed and grabbed her tray, holding it up to shield her face.

I glanced over to the table where the Swan girl was sitting. She was watching us with an entranced expression on her face. In that moment I realized that Alice had orchestrated this moment for exactly that reason. She was painting a live picture, trying to make us look as human as possible.

The rest of the hour passed uneventfully. When the rest of the students got up to leave, we all stayed in our places, waiting to see what Edward would do. During his next class he would have to sit next to the girl breathing in her scent in a proximity far too close for comfort. He had barely been breathing now, and she was sitting on the opposite side of the room. That was a risk I didn't think he should take.

"I think it's OK." Alice said, hesitant. "Your mind is set. I think you'll make it through the hour."

"Why push it, Edward." I reasoned. "This was enough for one day. Go home for now and take it slow." A perverse part of me was glad that Edward was struggling too, and that pettiness bothered me. It was a relentless thorn in my side to be the weak link in our family. I shouldn't take comfort from my brother's struggles. I fought those feelings, but I couldn't entirely extinguish them.

"What's the big deal?" Emmett shook his head, "Either he will kill her or he won't. Might as well get it over with either way."

"No, Edward, go home if you're not sure. We're almost through with high school, Emmett, finally. I'm not ready to move again." Rosalie griped.

"No, Rose. I think it really will be OK. It's firming up. I'm ninety-three percent sure that nothing bad will happen if he goes to class." Alice cocked her head curiously at Edward.

Edward sighed deeply. "Go to class." There was an undercurrent of command in his words. He unceremoniously pushed away from the table and walked away.

I wished he would reconsider. It seemed foolish to me for him to take the risk if he wasn't entirely sure of himself. Alice seemed to think he would be all right, but even she was harboring a little doubt. I didn't see how his stubbornness was worth the risk.

The day apparently passed without incident though, and nothing more was said about it on the way home.

Alice was highly distracted searching for Edward's future throughout the evening and all that night. I simply sat with her while she searched for whatever was coming. She lay on our bed with her head in my lap. My fingers kept up a soothing massage on her temples, trying to smooth the furrows from her brow.

I sat in silence with my own thoughts, content to simply feel Alice's warmth next to me. That was one of the things I loved about Alice. We could talk about anything and know that nothing that was said would change our love. She knew everything there was to know about me, inside and out, all of my deepest secrets. Often she even knew me better than I knew myself. But despite the openness of our communication, we were perfectly comfortable without words.

My thoughts weren't entirely peaceful though. I couldn't help but be worried about her. She was anxious about something she saw, something she wasn't ready to tell me yet.

In the early morning hours, I gently scooped Alice up into my arms to cradle her against my chest. I needed to hold her, to feel her closer to me. My arms tightened around her and I kissed her inky hair. Her eyes came back into focus for the first time in hours as she snuggled a little deeper into my embrace.

"Is there anything I can do to make things better?" I whispered into her hair.

She shook her head slowly. "Just this."

"I love you." I breathed, brushing my lips tenderly over hers.

She smiled softly. Her love glistened in her eyes, wrapping around me like a warm embrace. "I love you."

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Nik