Why did I agree to this again? Oh yeah, because I love that damnable elf and I cannot refuse him!
Garrett went through the conversation they'd had, over and over, trying to find a loophole, anything that would give him a way out. And found none.
He was nervous, and when he was nervous he paced. Carver was always bragging how "only real men have tattoos, those that can take the pain", the implication that Garrett was not one implicit in the tone.
"Garrett. Stop that. You are only making yourself ill. I promise it will be over quickly and will not hurt nearly as much as you think it will."
Fenris was exasperated with him; it was clear from his tone.
Garrett stopped his pacing and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down.
I can do this, I can do this. If Fenris could take getting that lyrium branded into his veins, surely I can handle this?
"Okay. I think… I am ready."
Fenris sat in a chair by the bed and across from him on the little table was a pot of special ink, a jar of healing salve, and a long, sharp needle; a bowl of water and a stack of linen cloths they'd stolen from Anders earlier in the day. Garrett took a deep breath and lay down on the bed. His heart beat still a little too fast, and he gripped the edge of the bed in preparation for the pain he was sure would come.
"Dearest." Fenris's tone was gentle, the endearment so unexpected that it made Garrett's heart skip a beat. "Trust me. You know that I love you and only want what's best for you."
He reached for Garrett's trembling hand, turned it so that the underside of the wrist faced up and pinned it to the table. With his free hand, Fenris took the needle and dipped it in the ink. He smiled up at Garrett to reassure him and then pressed the needle down on the wrist and drew the first line.
Garrett almost jumped out of his skin at the first contact of the needle against his wrist, even before it broke the skin. He tensed and sucked in a sharp breath through gritted teeth at the first line - it hurt, Maker did it hurt. Nevertheless, he was determined to be brave - he had asked for this.
After a while, the pain receded and instead changed into something akin to numbness. Curious and emboldened by the lack of hurt, he risked a look at his wrist to see what exactly Fenris had drawn upon him. At first glance, it looked awful - an inky, bloody mess. As he looked closer, Garrett began to see the shapes forming under Fenris's steady hand. They looked rather like runes, all tied together to form a string that stretched across the underside of his left wrist. As he watched, Fenris stopped for a moment to wipe the area clean with a wet cloth, the feel of cool water on tender skin felt so good. Fenris looked up at him, flashed an impish smile, gripped Garrett's wrist even tighter and continued the design on the delicate skin just above the bone.
"Fuck! Maker's fucking balls, Fenris... Ouch, that hurt! Ow!"
Where before the lines of the needle had felt like scratches from a cat's claw, now they felt like knife tracks across his skin. With his free hand Garrett gripped the edge of the bed hard enough that he would have to look for splinters later. He felt tears in his eyes and bit hard on his lip to stifle a sob.
I will not cry!
And then, it was done.
Fenris inspected his work, then gathered up the cloth and cleaned up all that remained of the bloody, inky ooze on Garrett's wrist. He then took up a small pot of salve and spread it with gentle fingers over the tender flesh. With great care, he wrapped the sore flesh in a thin layer of bandage and pressed a small kiss on Garrett's palm in silent apology. Sure, Garrett could have just Healed the damage but Fenris had explained that letting the wounds heal on their own was part of the experience and maybe it might even teach Garrett some patience.
"There, love. Now everyone will look at this and see that you are mine and mine alone. Now, the other one - did you want me to do that now as well?"
The 'other one' was to be their entwined initials, tattooed onto Garrett's hip. He had asked Fenris for this particular design - something private, something only the two of them would ever see.
Fuck. Forgot about that. I will never have the courage to do this again if I chicken out now! And I can't use magic to heal the pain, I promised I wouldn't.
"Yes, please. I- I don't think I would have the nerve to do this on another day."
Fenris smiled at his newfound bravery and leaned forward to place a tender kiss on bruised lips. His long fingers carded through the unruly black hair in an attempt to soothe away Garrett's anxiety. With a smile, Fenris pulled away and pushed him back onto the bed.
Garrett tugged his trousers a little lower on his hips, to give Fenris better access to the area above the bone that he had chosen for the tattoo. His lover's fingers were tender and the feel of cool water on his heated skin made him shiver. This time he was prepared for the sensation of the needle breaking his skin and although it still hurt, at least he was not crying.
Garrett propped up on his elbows in an effort to better see how the design looked. Fenris was bent over him and the elf's white hair fell to his eyes in the most delicious way and Garrett longed to push it back. Yet, he stayed his hand for fear of disturbing the drawing. All the while, he watched, fascinated as first his own and then Fenris's initial appeared on his skin and how under Fenris's skilled hands the two entwined.
"Fenris -Ow! So, where did you learn to do this sort of thing? Ow… ouch! Fuck that hurts!"
He could see that Fenris tried - and not quite succeeded - to hide a smile at his loss of control, Garrett rarely swore at all, let alone in such uncontrollable manner!
"Danarius had many uses for his favourite slave. I myself cannot be tattooed in the conventional manner as the process would interfere with the lyrium branded into me. However, Danarius enjoyed marking his other slaves. I was the one chosen for the task and have performed this ritual many times over. Though never for someone I cared for, or drawn a design that had any meaning beyond the obvious."
Fenris's tone was matter-of-fact, but the meaning behind the words made Garrett reel. He felt his breath catch as he struggled for words to say.
"You mean… people were tattooed because they were property? Is that what you are doing? You're marking me because you own me?" His voice wavered a bit at the last part, unsure how he felt about the whole thing now.
Fenris stopped and looked up at him, a soft expression in the striking green eyes.
"Garrett. You misunderstand me. I was not joking when I said I want everyone to know you are mine, but the drawings are not just a mark of ownership. That you trust me and freely offer your skin for me to mark means more than any words. I have nothing else to give you, no lovers' token for you to carry, no favour to wrap around your wrist. And maybe, just maybe the runes on your wrist will keep you safe from harm when I am not with you."
His words were met with silence. When Garrett could not stand the intensity in Fenris's eyes any longer, he lowered his gaze and stammered an apology.
"I'm sorry, love… I-I didn't mean…I just wanted… I didn't realise - I'm sorry."
Fenris nodded at that but said nothing in response. Instead, he bent down again and resumed his work. Meanwhile Garrett screwed his eyes closed, rested his head back against the headboard and swore to himself.
You moron! This is the sort of thing that drove him away the first time. You've only gone and fucking ruined it again!
His chest felt too tight and his breath caught in his throat. He wanted to cry; from the pain, the shame and the fear that he had driven Fenris away. Garrett let out a sigh of relief as Fenris finished and Garrett felt the cool touch of wet cloth on his skin and once more, the tender fingers spread the soothing balm. At a murmur from Fenris, he lifted his hips to allow him to wrap the bandage around him but did not open his eyes.
Done, Fenris stood up with a sigh and sat on the bed. His hands traced an abstract pattern on Garrett's chest as he rested there, silent for what seemed like an eternity. Garrett felt tense and uncomfortable and found it impossible to relax, let alone open his eyes and face Fenris.
"I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I never explained what I felt for you. And most of all, I'm so, so sorry that I have made you doubt me. Garrett, I will never leave you again, how could I when you are everything I need. Look at me, please."
Garrett could not stop the tears then. The apology and the gentle, regretful tone in which it was delivered proved just too much. Overwhelmed, he flung his arms around the elf and buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck.
"I have been so afraid that I would say or do something to make you go away again. I didn't realise how much it meant to you to draw the markings on me. Oh Maker, I feel so stupid for crying…"
Fenris let out a soft laugh and held him, tight against his chest.
"No need to apologise for that. If it means spontaneous displays of affection then by all means, cry all you want. But, I believe you are in need of something to eat, wait here - I'll be back soon."
Garrett settled back down to wait for Fenris's return. The pain on his wrist had settled down to a dull throb, but his hip was still very sore and he thought he could see blood under the bandage. Regardless, he felt better knowing that Fenris was serious about him, that the tattoos were not just a simple brand of ownership - they meant as much to Fenris as they did to him.
Fenris returned after a short time with a plate of sandwiches and a carafe of their favourite honey wine. Garrett was surprised to find that he was ravenous and wolfed down most of the sandwiches and the wine before he even noticed. Once satisfied, he pushed the plate aside and wriggled to make himself more comfortable on the bed.
"Sleep would be so lovely right now. Do you think we would be missed for a couple of hours?" he asked, shy all of a sudden. Fenris smiled, kissed him in reply and settled on the bed next to him.
Garrett drifted off to sleep with Fenris's arms wrapped around him, comforted by the knowledge that he would never again wake up alone.