Squad 7 and the Accidental Instructor
"What do you mean test?!" Konoha's number one loudmouth screamed, visions of reams of paperwork being dumped on him danced through his head.
"Well, Cyclop's has his bell test. Uh…my old teacher had a test to see if you could suppress your gag reflex." He'd been so disappointed when he found out that she was a girl. "Uh . . . I guess we could fight, that would give me a good idea of what your skill level is."
Chapter 2 – Getting a 'Feel' for them
Kakashi was in hell. The children had attacked the moment the Chunin had left the room and he'd been unable to fend them all off without using excessive force. The team work the class showed made him feel like a bear facing a wolf pack as they dodged and distracted him with expert skill.
He groaned as he struggled against his restraints, they'd tied him to the desk with copious amounts of Ninja wire (guaranteed not to break under normal use or your money back).
"Give that book back," Kakashi yelled, "it's not for children…put those Kunai down! They're not for children…stop trying to set me on fire!" Kakashi blew futilely at the smoldering kindling under his feet and tried to remember a chakra exercise he had been given as a Genin that dealt with extinguishing small flames without hand signs. Who knew play-dough could be used to bind hands that way?
Anko was slightly disappointed when her loud blond student attacked head on. That disappointment disappeared after she'd seen what he had planned with several clones attempting to distract her while two more helped launch the young Genin high into the air. Naruto braced for impact as he plummeted towards the earth, his clones having used more enthusiasm than skill. This was going to hurt. Surprisingly it didn't, in fact it seemed much softer than he expected. He reached up to feel the objects that had broken his fall. They seemed to be round and squishy, his hands reported; he curiously gave them a squeeze.
"Ohhh," Anko moaned. Naruto looked up nervously from his place between his new instructor's bountiful breasts. 'Well,' he thought to himself, 'may as well be hung for a ram and all that.'
"Honk honk." He found a strange sort of fulfillment in the way they filled his hands, being much warmed and softer than he'd thought they'd be.
"Heh," Anko laughed, "perverted little brat." She was more than a bit impressed by the way the little bastard had managed to control his decent so wonderfully, not much practical use but impressive as hell.
"Uh . . ."
"Pinky, you're next," Anko ordered. Her first student could think up decent plans on the fly. Not bad for a greenhorn…
"Yes, Sensei," Sakura agreed. Anko had been ready to move on to her next student when she realized that the blonde had yet to let go. She glanced down at his stupidly red face, a trace amount of drool trailing down his chin.
"That means you have to let go, Naruto," Anko said gently.
"Okay, Anko-Sensei." Naruto reluctantly released his grip on the woman's breasts and walked over to sit down next to a slightly, though he would never admit it aloud, impressed Sasuke.
"So what do you got, Pinky?" Anko asked.
"I have the highest test scores in my year," Sakura said proudly. Anko paused as she glanced over her female student; a weak build and near-zero musculature. Anko sighed and asked,
"How'd you do on the practical stuff?"
"Not so good," Sakura admitted. Her instructor visibly sighed and rubbed her head.
"Well, we know what to work on then. Right, Sakura?"
"Yes, Sensei," Sakura cheered.
"Okay then, I want you to throw your strongest attack…" Anko blocked Sakura's kick with no visible effort and sighed again. "…and we have a lot of work ahead of us. Broody, you're up."
"My name is not broody," Sasuke protested. Raising a brow at his near-whiny voice, she corrected herself.
"Fine, duck butt, you're up."
"My…" he trailed off when he noticed the look in her eye. "Yes, Sensei."
The Chunin instructor returned to the class a few hours later with a grin on his face.
"Looks like you guys had fun," he said after he'd taken in the scene of pandemonium.
"Yes, Sensei," the students chorused.
"Akira, don't think I didn't notice you trying to start that fire. Two hours of Chakra exercises for everyone every day followed by two more of Jutsu practice until everyone can set fires."
"Awww…" the students sighed.
"Arson is an important ninja skill," he lectured, "and I wouldn't be much of an instructor if I let you graduate without making sure that you'd mastered it."
"Yes, Sensei."
"Now then," The instructor released Kakashi. "For homework, I want everyone to write a report on different kinds of summons."
"Yes, Sensei."
"And thank Kakashi-sensei here for helping out."
"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."
"Class, dismissed." He was going to have to petition the Hokage to get this Jounin assigned to the academy full time. He'd never seen his students so well behaved.
Anko arrived at the Hokage's office several hours after the other instructors had left.
"Sorry I'm late," Anko said as she stepped in for the meeting, "I took the kids out to get something to eat after the test."
"Really?" the Hokage asked. He never (make that never ever!) would have thought that Anko of all people would be good with children.
"Yeah," Anko agreed, "had to reward the perverted little brat somehow and the others didn't do too bad either."
"Wonderful, when do you think you'll be ready for your next mission?"
"Mind if I hold off for a couple weeks?" Anko asked hopefully. She mentally beamed with pride at the Hokage's belief in her team. "I'd really like to get in some training before I take any missions."
"Of course not," the Hokage agreed, "bit of time off would do you good."
"Thank you, Hokage-sama."
"And when you're ready, I've got a nice B-ranked assassination for you."
"Really?" Anko asked with sparkly-eyed glee. She was floored by the amount of faith the old man had in her training methods. "You're the best, old man."
"Really," he agreed. They were her favorite after all and he thought she deserved a reward for doing such a good job with the students, why he hadn't received a single complaint from any of the parents.
'Maybe the village was finally getting past its suspicion of the young Special Jounin.' He could only hope that there would be a similar change in attitude towards Naruto. "Dismissed."
Anko skipped out of the office with a gigantic smile on her face and past a defeated looking Kakashi.
"Reporting in, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said in a tired voice.
"How'd they do?" the Hokage asked.
"When you said I was going to be an instructor, I never thought it would be like this," Kakashi said, exhaustion and a little fear lacing his voice.
"They did well then?" Sarutobi asked hopefully.
"They…they tied me up and took my book away," Kakashi sobbed. He could still see his Precious burning!
"I'll take that as a yes then," the Hokage agreed, "Enjoy your new assignment."
"H-how long do I have to do this?" Kakashi would later swear that the sound of his spirit breaking had been audible.
"Until they all become Chunin."
"But…but that'll take years," Kakashi protested. He could just feel the flames licking at his toes again…
"Nonsense, I'd say that if they were able to defeat you then they're already well on their way to passing the exam."
"But…"
"How old were you when you became a Chunin?" Sarutobi pointed out.
"Yes, Hokage-sama." He really, really shouldn't have gotten on the old man's bad side, Kakashi thought to himself.
Anko arrived at the meeting place she'd arranged with her team the day before and was more then pleased to see that her team had arrived early and were performing the chakra exercised she'd mentioned the day before.
"Got a new exercise for you, Pinky," Anko said to Sakura. She drew a long straight Anbu sword from a place of concealment. "Now the first thing you gotta do is . . ."
"What about me?" Naruto interrupted.
"I've got a different exercise for you, Naruto."
"Oh, okay."
"Now the first thing you gotta do is learn to suppress your gag reflexes," Anko lectured, "and eventually you'll be able to…" she drew her sword, looked up, and lowered the entire length down her throat.
"Wow," Naruto cheered. "You're the best, Anko-Sensei."
Anko quickly pulled the sword out before bursting into laughter; it figured that the perverted brat would appreciate that technique.
"How is that technique useful?" Sakura demanded.
"It's very useful on 'infiltration' missions," Anko replied sarcastically.
"I too would like to learn that technique," Sasuke spoke up. The ability to hide small objects in the back of his throat would be invaluable in his quest to kill his brother.
"Thought you said you wanted to rebuild your clan?" Anko said oddly. "Ah well, I don't judge."
"What about me?" Naruto asked.
"Go over there and do pull ups while I explain the basics of the technique to these two," Anko instructed, "I'll be over in a bit."
"Yes, Anko," Naruto agreed cheerfully.