Warning: My get a little Graphic for some people who dont like reading about child sexual abuse or may be triggering near the end.
Songs: Jet song-West Side Story, The Last Night-Skillet
Kurt shuddered, pulling his finger out fast so the puke wouldn't get on his hand. The gagging noise he made scared him a little. He watched the salad he had ate today come back up in ugly, green lumps.
His knees ached from leaning towards the toilet, he stood up gargled water. Dabbing his red eyes, he cleared his throat and put up his 'I'm okay' mask.
Kurt, who was thirteen now, stepped on the scale and watched the numbers. 74pounds.
He sighed and back off feeling tears fall down his face. He didn't know why but every little thing made him cry.
He walked out and found his father shuffling through the mail, "Hey kiddo" he said not looking up from the mail. "h-hey" he replied clearing his throat.
"Ready to go to your dance thingy?" he asked and Kurt glared at him. "It's a show dad" Kurt snapped knowing he was acting a little more aggressive then he should have. Burt didn't notice
It's not like he's noticed anything before…
Kurt rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as they walked to the car.
"So what um show are you doing?" he asked starting the car, "We're doing The Westside Story" Kurt told him and looked out the window. He wanted to be Maria but no a girl had to.
He had decided to play Riff, who was the Jets leader. Because no matter how bad a wanted to be lead he would not kiss that Rachel girl
Or any girl for that matter
It's not like he really wanted to be center of attention any more. Actually he kind of wished people would forget about him. But the bullies never seemed to forget about harassing him.
"So your teacher talked to me today" Burt started and Kurt groaned and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples.
"Kurt your grades are dropping you use to be so good, why wouldn't you give that speech?" He asked pulling into the full parking lot.
"Because I didn't want to" Kurt grumbled and got out, Burt nearly running to keep up with him.
They entered the building which was stuffed full of family and friends of the cast.
Kurt looked around, his anxiety a little high now that he knew He was here. "Hello Mr. Hummel" his voice sent cold shivers down his spine and made tears spring in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away and spun around seeing Him shake hands with his father.
"Your son is very musically gifted Burt," he said slinging a arm around Kurt's shoulder.
Burt beamed, "He gets it from his mother".
Kurt kept his eyes lowered and his body stiff. "I see a great future of the arts in his life" he continued and Kurt just wanted to slink away. "I-I have to go change" Kurt mumbled and he smiled. "Of course" he said and let Kurt walk off.
The coach nodded towards Burt and walked off towards Kurt. Burt went into a conversation with some lady.
Kurt felt his stomach churn and he kneeled over the toilet. He groaned and shoved his finger down his throat.
Blood came up he stood fast his eyes wide.
He walked out and stopped at the sink. His face is pale and he's shaking, suddenly He walked behind him and grabed his shoulders. Kurt looked up in cold fear, the mirror showing His reflection.
"You're so beautiful tonight" he whispered bringing his mouth to Kurt's ear. Kurt bit his lip and closed his eyes as he ran his hands down Kurt's arm leaving goose bumps.
His breath is hot and minty near his face as he kisses his neck; he lets his hand travel down Kurt's arm till it was on hip, toying at the hem of his jeans.
"I-I…" Kurt started but He hushed him by turning him over and placing his lips on Kurt's. Kissing him fervently, biting at his lips till they where red. He held the back of Kurt's head with one hand and let his other hand unclip his button and unzip his pants.
Kurt tried to pull back but he held him in place, "C'mon you need to loosen up you're too tense" he muttered his breathing was heavy.
Kurt felt tears fall down his cheeks and closed his eyes,
He imagined he wasn't here but in his mothers loving arms, as the man's hand slid into his pants.
"Mom…we'll be together forever right?" Kurt asked his mother as her hair blew in the gentle breeze. The smell of honey suckles and other flowers hung in the air. She looked over at Burt who gave her a small sad smile. "Kurt I will always be with you even when I'm not here" she said and kissed the boys cheek.
Kurt looked at her crystal blue eyes and frowned, "What does that mean mommy?" he asked as she fixed his little bow tie. "Whenever you feel alone or scared just remember mommy's always there" she said and poked his little chest. "In your heart"
Kurt needed much more than just someone in his heart right now. The man had him pinned against the wall now, kissing him hard and groping at him. Kurt tried to smack his hand away as it started to hurt but he thrusted against him.
Suddenly the man backhanded him, "What did I tell you?" he hissed pulling back. Kurt looked down and the man grabbed his chin making him look him in the eyes. "Huh?' he asked with a cocky little grin.
Kurt couldn't find his voice, "S-sorry" he managed and he dropped his hold. "Well the show must be starting soon" he kept his gaze on Kurt.
"Just wait till we're alone again honey" he said with a smile and walked off. As soon as the door closed again Kurt burst into tears.
He quickly composed himself and walked out because there was one thing that bastard would not take from him.
His spotlight
XxXxXx
Kurt looked out in the crowd and saw his father he smiled and nodded towards him as the music started. His father was probably glad he was playing such a manly part but for him it sucked. Maria would be so much better!
Kurt began singing, a song that was so not for his voice.
When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dying day
When you're a Jet if the spit hits the fan
You've got brothers around
You're a family man
You're never alone
You're never disconnected
You're home with your own
When company's expected
You're well-protected
Then you are set with a Capital J
Which you'll never forget 'till they cart you away
When you're a Jet you stay a Jet
Kurt was sure there were people in the crowd laughing at his girly voice, wondering why he was singing this but he didn't care because the stage made him feel amazing.
It was almost a natural high for him.
XxXxXx
"You were so good Kurt" Burt said smiling and patting his back as Kurt clung to his hand and side. He couldn't be alone,
"Thanks dad" he said resting his head on his father's side. Burt looked at him oddly,
Why is he always so clingy? Burt wondered.
"Do you wanna run in your teacher's office to say goodbye?" he asked and Kurt nearly screamed, "No".
"Oh um okay you don't have to" he said and looked down at Kurt who was crying. "Kurt buddy what's wrong?" he asked.
Gosh he's crying a lot…Jesus I wish Elizabeth was still here. Burt thought.
"I-I just don't want him to think I was terrible up on stage I was flat and my voice wasn't cut for that role, you know I wanted to play Maria but I wasn't allowed to play a girl!" Kurt said and Burt stared at him worriedly. "Kurt you don't have to if you don't want to" he said and let Kurt cling to him as they walked out. The night was warm and the stars where shining.
When they arrived home Kurt went straight to his room, did his moisturizing routine, changed and lay down. He was exhausted, but his mind just wouldn't let him sleep.
Tomorrow he'll be alone with Him.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and said a little prayer to his mother.
XxXxXx
The scream woke Burt up from a dead sleep; he ran to Kurt's room and opened the door. Burt grabbed and shook Kurt, his eyes flew open. Sweat was pouring down his face and he was shaking like a leaf. Another unmistakable thing Burt noticed was the smell of urine.
"Kurt…did you wet the bed?" Burt asked and his cheeks flushed. He had kept it a secret for so long.
Tears started down his face, "I'm sorry dad I really, really am" Kurt cried not looking at his father's face. "Kurt's its fine…you didn't do it on purpose" he said and grabbed his hand. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm fine now go back to bed I can clean this" Kurt said and he looked at him closer. "Kurt…" he said and touched Kurt's neck furrowing his eyebrows when Kurt flinched. "Is that…a hickey?" he asked keeping his hand on a red bruise.
"Um I don't even know what that means dad…but the mosquitoes are bad out" he said and got up. "Go back to bed dad you have to work" Kurt said and began cleaning up.
XxXxXx
Kurt stayed up the rest of the night, fretting over the fact his father knew he wet the bed like some three year old.
Walking down stairs he prepared Burt's coffee and set it at the table then grabbing him a water bottle and getting on the tread mill. He put in his headphones and allowed himself to forget.
As he's running and shuffling through songs he stops at one he doesn't remember downloading.
You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie.
Kurt closed his eyes trying to force back tears, tried to push those nasty memories away. The way He would run his hands through his hair, call him beautiful and gorgeous. The things he made him do…how long would this go on?
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,
Tonight.
I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.
"Kurt?" he jumped and nearly tripped but his father turned the tread mill off before they had a bad accident. "What are you doing up so early?" he asked with a smile.
Kurt shrugged, "I'm ready for school" he said his eyes downcast.
"Well kiddo we don't have to leave for another thirty minutes…you sure you're okay?" he asked and Kurt nodded. "I'm fine"
XxXxXx
The teacher walked over to Kurt with worried eyes, after everyone had left for lunch Kurt sat with his head on the desk.
"Kurt are you okay?" she asked shaking him a little. Kurt raised his head, forced a smile. "I'm amazing, just tired you know the play and stuff" he said mendaciously.
"Okay…" she said and walked away.
Kurt slunk back down, "No actually I'm not okay" he whispered but no one replied.
When Kurt walked to his dance practice, he used slow sluggish steps.
he sighed and walked in the building. Rachel came running up to him, "Guess what guess what!" she hissed pulling at his shirt.
"Girl dont make me cut you" Kurt replied smoothing his sleeve down. "We're doing Wicked!" she said and Kurt's eyes brightened.
He ran to the sign up sheet, but Hestopped him, "You have the lead Kurt" he said with a strange glint in his eyes. Kurts eye went wide, "I-I have lead?" he gasped out and he nodded. A smile broke across Kurts face, Finally this man had come to his senses about him being a star.
Class went on as they practiced for Wicked. Kurt belted out the lyrics to For Good and danced his little heart out.
Smirking at Rachel when she cried that a boy couldn't take the Wicked lead.
The end came to fast and Kurt changed walking out. Oh he couldn't wait to tell his dad!
He would have to practice Defying Gravity and-
"Kurt" his voice made Kurt spin around in fear. No he had gotten off free today. Today was suppose to be good. "My office" he nodded towards it and Kurts feet wouldn't budge. He grabbed his hand and walked him towards it. Why did Kurt feel like a baby now? He was thirteen he could walk.
The man pushed him against the wall and forced his mouth on Kurts.
His lips trailed down Kurts neck biting and sucking. "w-what?" Kurt managed out feeling the mans erected cock against his body.
"I gave you the lead you owe me kid" he said and Kurt gasped and shuddered as he ran his tongue along a sensitve spot on his neck.
That's why he gave him the lead...
Kurt felt sick and faint. As the man started fumbling with his own jeans. "W-what's going on?" Kurt panicked. "I'm gonna teach you something new kid now get on your knees" he demanded. Kurts eyes went wide.
"NOW!" he said and pushed his head down. He was crying, begging. He couldn't do this. Why would he do this!
He shoved his cock in Kurts mouth making him gag at first and try to squirm away. He held him in place and instructed him.
That's it...
Jesus Christ...
The man was mumbling Kurt closed his eyes tears spilling down his face.
It seemed like a million years till the man orgasmed. He didn't even let him spit it out either.
Kurt stood his head dizzy and bile rising in his throat.
The man shoved him against the wall, "you won't tell will you?" he asked and Kurt shook his head. "I won't tell" he muttered and walked out dazed and confused. He
walked home in the rain, not waiting for his father.
When he reached his house he ran to the bathroom and as soon as his knees hit the floor his finger was down his throat ridding himself of that mans bodily fluids.
He puked till he was doing nothing but dry heaving.
That night his father lectured him about walking alone. But he went to bed before dinner. Sitting on his floor in the dark.
He looked around for something he control, because his stomach was empty and numb.
So the first time Kurt Hummel cut himself he was thirteen.
Damn. Well tell me what you think! Klaine will be happening in the next chapters. May get more graphic who knows with me :P Review?