Xander downed the dregs of his beer moodily.

One of the serious constraints of being a zombie he was learning, was the inability to get drunk. Death told him it was to do with his inability to metabolite alcohol. Although he was walking and talking, he was basically a corpse. The dead were evidently evil simply because they can't get drunk.

As Death was deeply into his ninth drink, his skull bobbing woozily on his spine, Xander was less than convinced by that explanation.

Xander climbed unsteadily to his feet, more out of stubbornness than any sense of intoxication. He considered urinating, but dismissed the idea until he had a better grasp on his anatomy.

He lurched out of the bar into the cool, crisp night air. Ignoring past failures he tried to think.

I'm a Xombie. He thought. What do I do?

He dismissed most ideas out of hand. Going and living in a mates shed and playing playstation games seemed about the best he could come up with. Unfortunately none of his friends owned any decent games. He had a briefly herrifying (between terrifying and horrifying) image of living with Andrew, then blanked the idea out with comforting visions of eating his brain. That had nothing to do with being a zombie, he was sure.

He wandered aimlessly down the street, lost in bleak thoughts. What am I going to do?

I'm a zombie. An evil, undead monster. He reasoned. Unless I have sex with her, Buffy will never accept me.

He pushed that though aside, noticing disgustedly that certain previously natural reactions from his body weren't happening. Great. I'm an impotent zombie too.

I can't ask Buffy for help. Not after last month with the demon crabs. He dismissed the idea. So who else? What do I do?

He stopped, amazed the idea had taken so long to be gain attention.

Willow! Since he was still in diapers (and she'd never let on to anyone quite how long that was), she'd been his guardian angel. She was uber-witch. If anyone could help him, it was her!

He felt his relief waver. She was in Rome - visiting Buffy, half way across the planet. His skin was already turning a distinctly unhealthy greenish tint and people were avoiding him more than usual. How could he reach her?

He meandered along the road, ignoring the confused and fearful looks he got from pedestrians and the irate screams of motorists as his erratic shambling gait caused them to swerve blindly across the road. It just seemed the natural way for him to travel.

Without preamble he felt a hand grasp him and pull him into another dingy alley, away from the generic traffic of city life.

He twisted to glimpse his assailant and succeeded only in glimpsing a fist as it connected with his jaw.

He somersaulted backwards, landing on his head. He rolled in an ungainly fashion, coming to face his assailant. "What?" he spluttered indignantly.

"Time to die foul fiend! Your days of preying on the innocent are numbered foul field!"

"Field?"

"Sorry, that was a typo."

Xander clambered to his feet laboriously. He peered into the gloom, trying to make out his assailant. "Ok, but if you want me to have days of preying, you're going to have to wait a while. I'm not that religious."

A fist shot out of the shadows and connected with his chin with a crack.

"Don't mock me - fiend." the voice warned petulantly.

Xnader backpedaled, rubbing his chin. "Ok, hold on there voice! I'm not mocking you. There is no mocking going on here - unless it's of my fighting prowess. Look, I'm one of the good guys! The slayers can vouch for me. I -"

This time, mostly by blind luck, he was able to avoid the kick that was aimed at him. He spun and faced his assailant as momentum carried her out of the shadows.

He stared. He gawked. He was willing to go so far as say he even goggled. He gaped incredulously at the petite blonde who crouched in a fighting stance before him.

She moved cautiously towards him, her fists raised readily. "You can't escape me, foul – Xander?"

Xander tried to collect his wits like a man trying to collect sand with a sieve.

"Harmony?"

"Oh my god! It's so good to see you!"

The last thing Xander was prepared for was Harmony suddenly to spring towards him, wrapping herself around him in a very enthusiastic hug. For the first time in the night, he felt grateful certain parts weren't responding.

"Uh, hi Harm." he managed to say.

Harmony pulled back from him suddenly, her face looking up at his in bewilderment. It took him a moment to notice the difference.

"Wait a second. You're evil!" she tried to pull away from him, failing as she still had her arms wrapped around him. "Did you think you could trap me that easily? Lure me in with your masculine wiles then stake me unaware?" she pulled away with a triumphant tug, much to Xanders relief. "No way, buster! I'm Harmony, I help the hopeless! I defend the worthless! I save poor people from demons, even when they smell funny!"

In his defense, Xander really did try not to laugh.

"So, Harmony," he considered the offended pout she wore, "You've taken over from Angel then?"

"Yeah, since him and Spike went sailing in the Carribean, I though - there's got to be a opening for me as a good vampire. A snitch or one of those things. Plus they won't pay you benefits when you're dead."

"A niche? Just to check, but you still don't have a soul?" Xander had never really believed she had one when she was alive anyway.

"Whats that got to do with anything?"" Harmony demanded irritably.

"Oh, nothing. Its just usually a... sort of a prerequisite of being a hero?"

To his astonishment, Harmony seemed to understand. "Yeah I know. Like this one time, I tried to get a job in a pet shop," her brow wrinkled with consideration, "and they told me I needed qualifications and experience and i only ate one cat! That's so not fair, its discrimination!"

Xander was definitely getting better at keeping a straight face. "So you're a what (excuse me a moment, my cheek itches, I'm not grinning at all) a champion now?"

"Oh, yeah. I save people and stuff. I've even got my own crew and an office and everything." Harmony beamed proudly, "So, you're a zombie yeah, how'd that happen?"

Xander scuffled his foot self consciously. "I died."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Sucks eh?"

"Yep." he agreed wholeheartedly.

"So, wanna come hang out with me?"

Xander considered it. As ideas went, he couldn't think of anything worse.

"Alright, why not?"