Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY VII. This story was not made for profit in any way, shape, or form.
That being said, please enjoy!
---
"Why do you look so sad, Cissnei?"
The funeral. A bleak procession, dampened by the rain falling from the sky. Tears of mourning mixed with the pure water and fell to the earth, nourishing it and protecting it.
The voice sounded out of place, confused, not there.
The speaker wondered why they were ignored.
A coffin, fitted for the frame of the body, colored in the dark tones of mahogany, was lowered in the ground.
Tears mixed with the water, tainting the pureness.
The blood was gone, left, cleaned away in the mist.
And the speaker wondered.
It was quite the effort, holding in so much emotion while her comrades gave their final farewells. When it came time for her to speak, all she said were two words.
"I'm sorry."
When everyone else had departed, one person stood by the coffin, staring into the meticulously carved wood, trying to memorize the patterns before it was sealed away under pounds of dirt and tears.
Cissnei cried until she could hardly breathe.
---
It was days after the funeral.
People started to go about their normal routine, trying to work through the senseless tragedy that cast a grim shadow over the entire outfit. But not Cissnei.
Wisely, she was left alone in her grief, given time to work out her feelings before going back on duty. Most of the time she sat on one of the plush sofas in the lounge, staring out into the cityscape.
Reno always sat there, she remembered, just watching the city live.
"They ran out of coffee in the vending machine, again." The voice was cheerful sounding, even magnanimous. The form sitting next to her looked completely natural there, as if he owned the spot and it was his kingdom he looked down on.
"Why do you look so sad, Cissnei?"
At first, she thought it was one of the rookies playing a cruel joke on her, trying to rile her up into doing something other than just sitting here.
But... when she turned...
Her sanity had given out. That had to be the only reason that he was sitting there beside her, talking to her as if nothing happened.
All she could do was stare at him, a cross between disbelief and absolute terror. "...what?" She asked, unable to think of anything else.
"You always look so sad, it's damned depressing." He shrugged, scooting a little closer to her.
Ghosts could scoot, couldn't they?
"So did you talk to the chief and ask him what's up? I haven't received any new missions in a few days. My desk seems kind of empty..."
Reno got up and stretched, never taking his eyes off the windows. The city behind. "I feel like I can do anything, and the guy says I need a vacation. Isn't that a little switched around?" Smiling, he turned and looked at her for the first time, the scars...
He was covered in scars. The slashes of his face, the skin on his arms... who knew just how his legs were supporting him? He looked whole, healthy... dead. Pale as a shadow... the scars gave him an otherworldly feel, like they weren't all there.
"You haven't been... yourself."
Cissnei looked around the lounge, seeing a few employees scattered here and there, but none of them seemed to notice the dead man next to her. What... what was going on? Her body curled up and away from him, shaking with fear as she continued to stare.
"You shouldn't be here." She began, holding her head as if she were in pain. "No... no, I saw them put you in the ground. I saw it. I saw you... on the floor... dying. Why are you here? You shouldn't be here!"
This pale, shadow of a man. Burned, scared, but... still Reno. Why was he sitting there so real? It wasn't fair, she thought, it wasn't fair that he looked so tangible. It wasn't fair that her mind was creating this image to remind her of the grief.
Cissnei started crying, like children do when they get too confused to figure something out.
Dying? That made no sense to Reno. He was here, wasn't he?
Alive... next to her.
"Cissnei?" He whispered, reaching out to touch her, seeing if he could touch her. Looking so sad she reacted this way...
"It's me!"
"It can't be you... you can't be here, you're in the ground. I saw them put you in the ground." She sobbed harder, wanting to be sick with all the guilt she carried over his death.
To make matters worse, his hand... it touched her.
The weight of his hand pressed against her arm, it make her sleeve rumple and make a little noise, just like it should have it he had really been alive. But he couldn't be there. It was physcially impossible.
Her blood chilled as she stared at his hand, and her sobbing tapered off into pitiful whines.
"...you're afraid of me." The realization hit hard, and Reno's face went paler than it was.
That despair he had felt on the floor of the warehouse was there again, making him physically lurch and fall to his knees.
"I'm not... you fixed me. I'm here. Not in the ground." Reno whispered, and then- disappeared.
"Don't go!" Cissnei shouted to the empty air, causing all the others in the lounge to stop and stare at her.
What... what just happened? He couldn't have really been there, it was just her mind playing tricks on her. But... she could still feel where his hand had been, still see the indent on the sofa where he was sitting.
Getting up, she brushed past all the worried onlookers, whispering to themselves about how she was so sad... just so sad...
She needed sleep, and badly.
There was nothing, no answer, just a warm breath on her neck and the feeling that she wasn't quite alone.
Floating.
Nothing and everything.
---
He was standing over her bed, watching her sleep. She looked so pretty like that, seeing her so young, but-
She looked so sad. Why was she sad?
"Cissnei?" He asked, sitting on the bed next to her. A scarred hand touched her shoulder, cold and chilled.
In a strange way, that feeling that someone was there, never leaving her side, it gave her some comfort. Enough for her to fall into sleep.
She was always tired now, unable to concentrate on anything, feeling her body wear down day after day with the effort just to stay awake. Sleep was her only comfort. For in those brief moments between dreams, she couldn't think of anything, couldn't remember what had happened.
The icy hand on her shoulder stirred her from her precious sleep, slowly bringing her back into the waking world. "Mm?"
"Cissnei..." Reno leaned close to her ear, wishing she could see him, hoping she could feel him.
She had fixed him, hadn't she? He was there. Not under the ground.
"Please."
Cissnei was still caught in the space between sleep and awake, but her eyes were open, still red and puffy from her crying spells.
"Please?" She mumbled, reaching out to touch his face, feeling the cold skin beneath her fingertips, the texture of his scars.
Wait... cold skin? Reno. The man who died in front of her was in her bed.
She sat up, scrambling to turn on the light to see him better. The scars on his face was accented by the light direction, his pale skin looking no better than it did before, in the lounge.
"Cissnei, don't!" He leaned forward and grabbed her shoulder before he could pull away. "Please don't... I want to see you."
The feeling under his finger tips, the touch of her skin felt like a furnace, hot and moist. Why did it feel so strange?
That feeling rose in his chest again, he looked so sad...
"I want you to tell me I'm fixed..."
Maybe she was dreaming, caught in some horror that wouldn't leave her be until she awoke again. Was this punishment?
"I..." Her throat closed up, making her choke on her words.
Cissnei brought her hands to his face, feeling the cold, yet solid mass under her touch. Could it be possible? Could she have dreamed the funeral? The blood that stained her own skin, and still remained?
"They couldn't fix you."
"But I felt so good... they didn't fix me?" Reno asked, his face dawning a terror stricken look. "I couldn't be fixed? I..."
No wonder she looked so sad, why she was so terrified of him... his touch, why she seemed so hot.
Looking down at his hands, he saw for the first time the scars that covered his forearms. "I'm not dead! See, I have scars."
It was a faint hope, a vague thought.
"I... I don't have answers for those..." She cried, sounding so pained, in such agony.
Cissnei reached into the drawer by her beside, pulling out what looked like a scrap of newsprint. It looked worn, held too many times, tear stains discolored the paper.
She handed it to him, "...the obituary."
There was a photo of him, a stock image of him used in personnel files and ID cards. The headline read, 'One of Shin-Ra's finest, dead in warehouse raid'.
Taking the faded scrap, Reno read it slowly, trying to take it in a little at a time.
It talked about his life, accomplishments... and the date of his burial.
Ahh... it was too much. He dropped the scrap and stared at the wall, feeling numb, better than the despair.
"...how did I die, Cissnei?"
"The official word was that you bled to death," She whispered, keeping a hand on his face, still not believing... "You had broken bones, but you were... cut up too bad... they couldn't save you."
She was crying again, taking his hand and bending over it, as if to beg for his forgiveness.
"I... I'm so sorry..."
"Why... why did you tell me that?" He asked, slowly turning toward her, the look on his face could break a heart.
"I was happy that... that you were there. But I-"
Suddenly, he pressed her down against the bed, the full weight of his body (body?) holding her from moving.
"You lied."
Weight. His weight held her down. The weight he shouldn't have had, the touch she shouldn't have felt.
"I... I didn't mean to lie! I thought they would help you, I didn't know..." She was truly afraid of him now, staring up into the sad eyes.
What would he do to her? He... he wasn't mad at her, was he? He shouldn't have even been there to accuse her... though she knew she bold-faced lie to him.
"...I know." His face was so close to hers, the skin feeling like it was going to suck all the heat out of her body.
"I know. You were there for me. But..." He was whispering into her ear now, his breath cool and dry.
"But I wanted to live. I wanted..." A pause. What had he wanted? Floating in that pool... fading away from pain.
"To tell you..." Ice cold, his lips brushed up against her cheek, pressing a kiss of winter there.
A pause. He was pressed against her, feeling like... ice. "That I love you."
For a moment, she thought he would freeze the tears on her face with how cold his face was next to her warm one. She was shivering, like he was a chilled blanket covering her form.
His kiss was a piece of ice on her skin, so cold it was almost burning. She was feeling tired again, her heart rate slowing, and blood crawling through her veins.
"Love..." She whispered, fighting off the sleep, "Why... why didn't you tell me… before all this?"
"I never got a chance..." The ghost whispered, holding on to her so tenderly. "I never had the... nerve..."
Another kiss, this time near her mouth.
If this truly was a dream, she prayed, no... begged whatever would listen that she wouldn't wake up.
It didn't matter that he was so cold, that his scars still crossed his body like some horrific tattoos, all that mattered was the fact he was talking to her. Touching her. Kissing her.
"I wish you would have," Cissnei sobbed, "I love you too. I always have..."
"Why didn't you tell me?" The words were barely a breath against her lips, the cold fire enveloping them, gently.
His knee gently nudged between her legs, seeking close contact, intimacy... everything he couldn't have when he was alive. Cissnei felt that kiss burn its way across her lips, chilling the corners of her mouth. The breath in her lungs went cold, but her body was heating up, despite it. The want of intimacy, the sudden rush of desire caught her off guard, making her whimper against his mouth.
Warmth. Warmth took hold, his dead flesh returning once again to what it had been. The color and wholeness returning to his face.
"Cissnei, don't let me go..."
"I won't!" She whispered, wrapping her arms around him for the first time, wanting to give him all the warmth she could offer.
She kissed him deeply, holding him tight, terrified he would disappear in a flash.
This was their moment together, that moment that never got to happen. Laying next to her, Reno kept his eyes wide open, staring at her as if he never wanted to forget her face.
---
The chill was coming back to him now, drawing his hand over her face. For a moment, he was tempted to suffocate her... draw her into the warm pool that- was it always there, at the back of his thoughts? That pool... that was so comforting.
"Cissnei, I don't want to die." The whisper was nothing more than a thought, his hands stroking her naked body. "Me? Dying... I want to stay. I can stay, right? Even though I'm underground?"
She was used to the cold now, feeling those marred hands tracing every curve of her form, though... lingering around her face and neck. It was enough to catch her attention, setting off a few alarms in her mind, but... he wouldn't have done something like that, right? Not after what they shared.
"If you're here, that means you can stay here." She took his hands, encasing them in her own to give him heat. "I will keep you here, somehow... I promise."
Why couldn't they have had this years ago? When they were younger and happy... both alive.
"I want you to be with me, Cissnei." The ghost said, leaning his face closer to her so she could see the pain in his eyes. The sadness.
"Forever."
His pain made her heart clench, but his words... there was something off about them. "But... you're here now, and we're together. I promise I won't leave, Reno. I swear."
He leaned forward again, as if to stay something, but a tear appeared in his eye. And he disappeared.
Cissnei woke up screaming.
---
She did her best to try and get some work done that day, hoping it would take her mind of the... realistic dream she had last night. That's all it could have been, right? Just a hopeless dream.
When she was off-duty for the night, she took the last bit of paperwork to the director, who was happy to see her back on the job. When she came back, however, she paused, staring at the empty desk that belonged to Reno.
Used to belong, anyway.
"It's still empty..." His voice said beside her, a hand resting on her shoulder. "I keep checking, but it's still empty."
The look on his face could have broken a dozen hearts, the pure essence of disappointment and depression. "A mission... anything."
The hand carried a chill all the way through her blazer to her skin, and she glanced up at him.
"They'll never give you one, Reno." She mumbled, thinking this was just another waking dream. "They won't see you."
"I want ya to ask for me."
That was a simple request, right? He wanted a mission on his desk. It was the least he deserved for years of loyal service. Years of... duty, and pain.
"I want a mission... anything would help."
She nodded, going over to the desk and gently running her hand along the dark wood. "I'll make sure they give you one. Class A priority, alright? I know you loved those."
Turning to him, it was easy to see the wear on her body over the past few weeks. The dark circles under her eyes, her pale, gaunt features... she looked so... old.
"Class A... my favorite." He walked forward, touching her cheek. So concerned for her, her condition. "You don't look good, Cissnei... you should take a while off."
"I tried to go back to work, but it was too much. I can't concentrate." She rested her cheek in his hand, sighing. "I kept thinking about you. It's just so hard when you're not here, Reno."
"Tell the chief you need to rest... get yourself away for a while." The chill lips pressed against her forehead... resisting another urge to bring her with him, put her out of her misery. "Somewhere we haven't been together before."
"Hm, I think you're right." She sighed, feeling the ice against her forhead, which actually... comforted her now. "You and I... we never went to Costa together. I know of a few private beaches."
"Then tell the chief, and go there. You're... killing yourself." Reno's eyes brightened at that, but his face remained the same.
She saw the light... saw how much pleasure he got when he mentioned her dying, and it started to worry her. But, what could he do? He was dead.
Cissnei leaned up to kiss his cheek, then went off to talk to the chief.
---
Later that night, the young Turk was packing her suitcase, having been given the vacation time immediately.
A cool kiss pressed against her forehead, heralding the sign of the ghost's presence. "There's still no report on my desk... I'm sad. Did the chief say no?"
"Tomorrow morning before I leave, there will be one. He just had to find the best mission that would suit you." She looked up at him, trying to smile.
The suitcase was closed and locked, set out by the door for tomorrow's trip, along with her passport to Costa del Sol.
Tiredly, she sprawled out on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "It'll be nice to just sit by the water, you know? Maybe it can keep you warm."
"Hmm..." He sat near her head, watching her blink, her breath, even her hair. "Maybe. You can think about that tomorrow, though... you need to sleep." Reno was nuzzling her hair, cold and not... very warm at all. But not so much like ice. "Sun, sand... beaches. Think of it, at your finger tips."
She purred, already feeling the tug of sleep upon her. "And you'll be there, won't you?" Her hand reached out to touch his, afraid if he would let go, he would vanish again.
---
After hours in the helicopter, Cissnei was glad to be walking along the white sands of the beach, feeling the warmth between her toes. The breeze was cool, the sun was shining... and she had to admit, it gave her a much lighter feeling.
"This is perfect, isn't it?"
There was no answer, the presence by her side had faded, but... there was splashing out in the ocean a little way. Something was swimming there, even having a good time.
"Hey, wait!" She laughed - laughed - and ran out into the water to catch up to him.
The water was warmed without being too hot, just the right temperature for swimming, she thought.
Grabbing her hand, Reno held it lightly, drawing her farther away from the coast, laughing and splashing her.
Laughing and splashing...
He dived, going down under the water, under the waves. Such a different world down there, all still and graceful. Graceful.
"Cissnei!" He called, drawing her under the water with him, down, down, into the dark.
Cissnei took a deep breath, diving under the water to chase the elusive Reno.
Fish swam around them, darting around in various patterns and speeds, but they would scatter whenever Reno went past them. Perhaps they didn't like the cold.
She followed him for a bit, up until the point she needed a breath of air, and started swimming back up to the surface.
His hand grabbed hers, hard. He was still pulling her down, pulling... pulling, urging her to the bottom of the ocean, where the fish laid to rest and the crabs enjoyed life.
Laughing, he kept pulling, keeping her away from life giving oxygen...
Cissnei was afraid of two things.
One, however juvenile, was spiders. Nasty little things that crawled all over so quietly you couldn't hear them sneaking up on you. It was the one time she asked any of the other Turks to do something for her, as she was always the first one to lend a hand. Spiders were minions of terror for the poor girl.
The second, and far less juvenile, was death.
Seeing death didn't bother her so much, well... depending on whom it was, but the thought of herself dying... that kept her up at night. It was strange for a Turk to be so afraid of dying.
Her lungs were burning, screaming for air by then. She turned to look at him, terrified... begging him to let her go with her expression.
He kept pulling, letting the weight of his body drift forever downward...
but then, something grabbed her, and pulled her away from him. Up to the surface, to the light.
A kind soul had pulled her to the beach, having been lost on their way to the town. After making sure that she would be alright, he ran off, promising to send help.
Cissnei was laying under her umbrella, taking deep breaths.
Reno was sitting next to her in the sand, looking disappointed.
When she realized he was sitting there, she sat up, glaring at him, "You wanted to drown me."
"It seemed like a good idea at the time..." He mumbled, leaning forward to watch a bug crawl over the sand. "I'm dead... you'd be dead. We could do things."
"You don't even feel guilty about it, do you?" She got up, starting to pack her things and head back for the city. "I don't want to die, Reno, and now I'm going to have to watch myself around you."
She was so angry, so hurt that he would try to end her life. Did he not forgive her for lying? Or... something else.
Reno followed her where ever she went, exuding a feeling of sadness.
He hovered over her as she packed. "I didn't want to die, either... but I'm dead, and you're not."
There was a pause, just before her phone started ringing.
"But that doesn't mean that I should die just because you did," She mumbled, sitting on the bed and rubbing her eyes tiredly.
With a sigh, she picked up the phone, "Cissnei here."
"Cissnei," Tseng's voice came over the phone, sounding worried and concerned. "We heard from the hotel that you... aren't doing very well. Are you all right?"
Reno wrapped cold arms around her, pulling her into a hug.
"I'm alright. My foot got tangled up in some seaweed when the current got too strong, that's all." She hated to lie to her boss, but what else would she tell him?
That a dead man tried to kill her? She was seeing and talking to Reno still? They'd put her away...
She leaned against him despite what he had tried to do, after all... he was still Reno... and she loved him. "It was just an accident."
"We had heard that... you had tried to commit suicide." Tseng's voice was hesitant, unwilling to say that, but he felt that she wasn't coming clean with him.
"Suicide? Tseng, I just told you what happened! It was an accident..." She was angry now, angry that she would even be accused of such a thing. "You know me better than that."
There was a long, pregnant pause, and then Tseng sighed. "Cissnei... you haven't... exactly been acting like yourself. You've been depressed, making odd requests of us.... I almost feel like I should assign someone to watch over you."
The thought made Reno sigh, too, but for different reasons. It would have been romantic if she had. In a way.
"I appreciate the thought, but I don't need anyone to watch over me. I'm fine." She rubbed her nose in frustration, "Reno's death hit us all hard, why single me out? If anyone you should be talking to Rude, ask if he's okay."
She thought Reno was giving her sympathy and snuggled closer to him, grabbing a blanket too.
"Rude... doesn't ask us to place mission's on Reno's desk." Tseng sounded really worried now. "Cissnei, I'm flying in somebody and I want you to meet them. Talk to them. It will help."
"Fine. I'll take the next helicopter in the morning." Click.
She turned to Reno, looking none too pleased with him now, "They think I'm suicidal because of what you did, and now I have to talk to someone about it. Are you happy?"
"Maybe you should." He retorted, staring right back at her. "What kind of crazy person hangs out with a dead guy she has no future with? I can't come back, you don't want to die. What's the point?"
Then, he disappeared.
His words stung deep, and she suddenly felt that same loneliness she had at his funeral. She didn't mind this life with him. At least she could talk to him... touch him...
---
A few session of therapy and it was declared that Cissnei was suffering from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. Well, in the therapist's mind anyway.
She was taken off active duty until she was mentally sound for the job, which didn't please her. All it meant was trying to keep herself from being bored, which was hard to do.
Reno hovered around her constantly, pouting and frowning at her, but refused to say anything.
He was losing his connection with that warm, gentle pool, and it was leaving him restless and frustrated.
When she couldn't take his sadness anymore, she finally spoke to him again.
"Why can't you be happy like this?" She asked, sitting up in bed and staring at him, "I don't mind what we have. I would be happy to see you everyday again, to continue as we are now. Why do I have to die? Aren't I... enough for you?"
The ghost faded into a blur in frustration, the entire form vibrating like an angry bee.
"I have no life! Nothing! I can't touch you but to feel burnt, I can't hold you but to feel like knives are cutting into me. I have no work, and no one to talk to. I want you WITH ME!"
Cissnei was crying again, but she didn't know why.
Who was she crying for this time? Him? Herself? She didn't even know. Tears were a regular occurrence now. As natural as breathing.
"I'm afraid to die!" She sobbed, hiding her face... not wanting him to see her shame.
The ghost imploded, popping out of existence in the same way that he had come to be...
There was no longer that familiar presence beside her, no more of the breath that would occasionally stir the hairs above her neck.
She was alone this time.
Alone.
She was alone for the first time since the funeral, and the feeling hit her like an oncoming truck.
Did she... make him disappear?
Forever?
Slowly, Cissnei stood up, walking into the space Reno had occupied not a moment before. There was still the last prickly feelings of chill in the air, but it was fading quickly.
"Don't go..." She whispered, "...I... I can't be alone."
There was no answer, no chill, not even a stir of something moving past her. He was gone, just like that. Escaped back to his warm pool.
Just like...
---
The air was still, free of noise, or disruption. In the bathroom, a creak. Plink. Plink.
The steady drip of water escaping from the faucet.
The noise caught her attention, since it sounded just like...
The warehouse. The blood. There was so much of it.
She wandered over to the faucet, tightening the spigot to stop the dripping water.
The water stopped dripping. no more tears The silence descended, shutting out the noise. Emptiness filled the air.
Reno was gone. He had been since the warehouse.
Had he even been there at all?
Just a memory, like the dripping faucet.
Silence.
Nothing but her own, shallow breaths.
Where was he? Gone. Buried.
And her friends? Accusing her of being crazy. Grief-stricken and unstable. Suicidal. Suicide
Cissnei didn't like to be alone, and for good reason. Her parents left her alone. The caretakers at the orphanage left her alone to care for the young ones. Shin-Ra left her alone when she was old enough to handle missions.
And now...
Maybe she was crazy. Maybe Reno had never been with her. Never followed her. Never moved within his casket. Could she live with being alone?
So alone.
Reno had always made sure their weapons were cared for before going on a group mission. Had always held Rekka in his hand and examined every point. Carefully.
...lovingly?
He had watched out for her in life, always the big brother type, always friendly, but distant. Distant? Had it been distance, or...
Was he shy?
There had been many mysteries about him, some the other Turks enjoyed speculating on, but had never had the courage to question him.
He'd always said he needed to be drunk to approach a girl.
The weapons in her room were inviting. Reflective, clean, sharp. The perfect condition.
Perfect for...
It was the least she could do.
After all, it was her mistake that cost him his life. Her fault.
She couldn't save him.
And now... she couldn't even...
save herself.
Rekka was sitting there on her dresser. Polished. Clean. Not a speck of rust on her sharp blades.
Cissnei knew hundreds of ways to end a life with that weapon. Ways to make a quick death. A painful one. A slow one. Every kind.
Her hand touched one of the blades, feeling the precision.
A trail of crimson slid across the blade, down the metal. A tiny drop of blood...
There had been so much in the warehouse...
It wasn't so painful when the blade was sharp. There was hardly any at all...
Her reflection shone in the metal, pale and drawn. So many tears.
So much blood... that's what she needed. Blood, but no tears.
She wouldn't cry anymore.
Turks didn't cry.
Cissnei picked up the shuriken, pointing the tip of one blade right above her heart. It wasn't the quickest way, but she didn't deserve a quick death. She wasn't fast enough to save him, after all.
A sudden movement was all it took to lodge the blade deep in her heart. And a sudden movement to draw it back out.
No screams.
The blood flowed like water down her chest, through her clothes, soaking into the carpet.
She collapsed where she stood, but she wasn't dead yet. Not yet.
But... she could feel the warmth slipping away.
---
The warmth faded, replaced by the feeling of floating, rolling in a gentle pool. It was a different kind of warmth, one that was almost cold.
Hands pressed against her face, cold, then cool, and rapidly fading to warm. Scarred and rough.
There was nothing there. Not yet.
"Cissnei." Words were whispered, beckoning her on, forward, to leave herself behind.
Into the warm, floating pool.
"Cissnei?"
That voice...
It was so calming. So soft... loving.
"Don't... don't go..." She whispered, feeling precious breath escape her body with each moment.
Floating...
Drifting into sleep...
"Stay..."
"Cissnei!"