A/N: Hey, hey everyone! We're back! We're also on a chapter a week schedule…but considering that we only have 3 chapters finalized right now…whatever. Hey! So, more crack!fic. I enjoy reading this chapter. It makes me laugh. Enjoy. And review if you wanna. But like I said…no flames because we are sensitive little angels. Also, if any of y'all have an account on IMDb you should come over and join us in the Adam!Squad. We're a weird bunch. As if you couldn't tell. :D

Spruce took one look at the animal that Jake was carrying. "Oh, balls," he said.

"Super Squirrel!" Lame Cat, who was also Mikey and possibly crazy, exclaimed. This was actually quite a terrifying ordeal for Spruce, for as previously mentioned, Lame Cat had no limbs or eyes so, upon his exclamation, his tail had done a little jump while his tongue freakishly lolled out to the side.

Spruce was disgusted by the display Lame Cat was putting on. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you, my love. Except I can't see you…but I can feel your aura. By the way, who the HELL IS THIS MAN WITH YOU?" he exclaimed with jealousy marring his voice.

"This is Jake," Spruce said, sounding smug. "He's my ma-partner in crime. We f-fight evil together."

Lame Cat, who was now laying at the end of the bed, did a sort of attempt at rolling over, but couldn't fully execute the motion, so just flopped forwards on his belly, tail drooping slightly.

"But, Squirrel…you said we'd fight crime together. Us, Squirrel. US," he screeched.

Spruce backed as far away from Lame Cat as he could while lying in bed. "Uhh, dude? I just met you like yesterday. I think I've maybe said a total of five sentences to you. Plus, Jake's SUPER hot and…well, I'm a SUPER squirrel. It just fits."

"B-but…I thought we had something, Squirrel. We coulda been great. We coulda had class. We coulda been conten-oh, sorry. I just thought…"

"Back off, or I will kick you square in the taco!"

Jake decided that it might be time to intervene. He was getting more disturbed by the second. Have you ever seen a furry creature with tiny squirrel arms and a kitty with no limbs or eyes arguing? Jake didn't think so.

"Okay, Tiny and Creepy, let's stop this," he warned. Spruce's chin wobbled.

"You're on my side of this though, aren't you, Jake?" Spruce said with tears in his eyes, suddenly sounding like a four-year-old.

"Dude, why do you suddenly sound like a four-year-old?" Jake asked, his eyebrows furrowing sexily in confusion.

"God, you look so sexy when you're confused," Squirrel muttered louder than he intended. And by louder than intended, I mean he practically yelled it, pleadingly.

"Whoa, whoa! First you said that my voice is orgasmic-"

"I said 'organic,'" interrupted Spruce nervously.

"-and now," Jake continued as if Spruce hadn't said anything, "you think I'm sexy when I'm confused."

Spruce froze. "He knows," Spruce thinks. "I didn't realize I was being so obvious!" He mentally punched himself.

"I mean, I think I'm being oblivious. I mean…yeah. I didn't realize I was doing those totally unintentional things!" he yelled, shifting his eyes from side to side.

"Quit yelling, Spruce! Geez," Adam said with his hands over his ears. "Just tell me what the hell's going on. Do you…do you…like me?"

Lame Cat gasped dramatically.

"Stop gasping dramatically, Lamey!" Spruce shrieked before glancing furtively in Jake/Adam's direction.

"Um, yeah, I think you're a cool dude, with a really cool personality and a se-super ass-astute intellect," he said clumsily.

"You were about to say I have a really sexy ass," Adam said. "Stop trying to cover up for yourself, Spruce!"

"Hello, everyone!" Alfrdog said suddenly from the door. Everyone turned to look and what they saw made their jaws drop. Even Lame Cat's jaw dropped, even though he wasn't exactly sure why.

"Oh my GOD, Alfrdog! What are you wearing?" Spruce yelled.

In truth, Alfrdog was wearing nothing. But that wasn't the shocking part. Jake/Adam's jaw was slack. "You…you-" Jake was at a complete loss.

"Yes, Adam," Alfrdog said proudly, "I just had it waxed."

"But…but…you're a dog! How…why…" Jake sputtered.

"Who's Adam?" Lame Cat interjected.

"Shut it, Lamey," Spruce said, rolling his eyes.

"Why would you wax it?" Jake asked, again sexily confused. Spruce almost commented on this, but thankfully he maintained some self-control.

"You're s-Yeah, why would you do that, Alfrdog?"

"Well, Adam and Sir Squayne, simple. Aerodynamics."

"Why did he have it waxed? Somebody tell me!" Lame Cat was distressed. "I'm completely distressed! I wish I wasn't blind," he said, his mouth forming a pout that for some reason caused Alfrdog to suddenly realize how delicious a Lame Cat might be. Alfrdog's stomach rumbled loudly.

Alfrdog stumbled to the bed, for he was rather sore down there, and approached Lame Cat. "I had my mouth waxed, Lamey, climb in and feel!"

So Lamey did, and Alfrdog swallowed him whole, because without the legs, Lame was kind of ridiculously small. "Hey…you guys…where am I now?" he called from inside Alfrdog's stomach.

"Son of a bitch," Spruce sighed. "Even after he's been eaten, he's still an annoying fxck."

"You can say that again," said Jake, shaking his head.

"I can? Oka-"

"Guuuuuys! It's really dark!" Lame Cat shouted.

"Oh Jesus, Lamey. Alfrdog, I really want to kick you in the stomach right now. Why didn't you…never mind. Anyway, what the eff does aerodynamics have to do with anything?" Spruce asked, mentally taking notes.

"Hold on a sec," Alfrdog said. He started bobbing his head back and forth, sort of like a cat does when it's coughing up a hairball.

"What, uh, what are you doing there, Alfrdog?" Adam asked, backing away slightly.

Suddenly, Alfrdog was bending over and spitting Lame Cat out onto the bed.

"Sorry, he wasn't settling in my stomach well," Alfrdog explained.

"Guys…why am I wet…and smelly?" Lame Cat asked, bewildered.

Spruce ignored him and tried to remember just what was going on in this scene.

"Everybody, just ignore Lame Cat!" Jake commanded. "I think that'll be best for everyone."

"Okay, Jake," Spruce whispered reverently, staring at Jake with dewy eyes.

Alfrdog cleared his throat and said, "Well, actually, the reason he wasn't settling well was because of his taste. It was almost this Gouged Eyes Crazy Broad sort of thing," he added pensively.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Alfrdog," said Adam. "Whatever, so…I think we were talking about how you wanted to do me, Spruce. Is it true?" Jake finished, arching his sexily-shaped manly eyebrow in Spruce's direction.

Spruce pulled the blankets on the bed up to his chin nervously. Then he shouted, "YES, I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO DO YOU, JAKE!" and then burst into tears. Lame Cat was also crying over this revelation.

Jake was unsure of what to do. He looked around the room, trying not to look at Spruce. "But, you're, like…a squirrel?"