Between a Wild Time and a Flat Line
A/N: *waves at everyone* *and at Renae* Hi. So. Yeah. Uh. This... is... I think, borderline crack. *stares worriedly at the... thing I'm calling a chapter* I should, uh, warn you – that first half? Written right after watching videos after videos of Batman cartoons with my nephews. So. Don't... blame me...
Okay. You know what? Just... read it. And then, um, yeah. I'll... see you at the bottom.
Aaand btw – Rei: no chick-Sammy here either, but I couldn't find a way to write that in yet. xP So yes. Go ahead and... um, read... *hides*
CHAPTER 2
"You're such a freak," Sam muttered to his brother as he browsed through a rack of flashy clothing. Flashy girls' clothing.
Dean didn't even miss a beat. "I'm not the one growing a pair of boobs tonight, Sammy."
Sam felt his cheeks heat up from frustrated embarrassment and looked around, noting thankfully that while the shop was pretty crowded, everyone was too busy with their own shopping and chatting to pay any notice to the two males sifting through female clothes.
Everyone, that is... except the very eccentric redheaded shopkeeper who bounded up to them with a too-cheery smile and a spring in his step. Sam subconsciously took a step so he was behind his brother and eyed him warily – with the green-rimmed sunglasses (yes, indoors) and suit, and that too-much-teeth grin, he half-expected the man to burst out with "Riddle me this!"
"Good evening, sir!" the Jim Carrey lookalike practically chirped in a God-awful salesman tone. "How can I help you? Looking for anything in particular? As you can see-" he waved an arm extravagantly at the rack of clothes while both brothers simply stared. "Everything here is 40% off and if you look over there, we have a 'Buy One Get One Half-Price' deal-"
"That's, uh, fascinating," Dean interrupted with a look caught halfway between amusement and creeped-out-ness. He shook his head then glanced back at Sam with a grin as he replied. "But we're good, thanks. Just looking for some clothes for my, uh, sister."
"Ah, I see. Birthday present?" The guy seemed too interested in the topic. Sam huffed quietly – he just wanted to get this over and done with.
Dean shrugged. "Not exactly. Just wanted to make sure I found something... suitable." His lips quirked up in a smirk.
Sam fumed silently in the background.
When the other man seemed ready to pounce onto helpful pointers, Dean added hastily, "So I'll just go... get it now."
Not-Carrey nodded cheerily, not looking put out at all at the obvious dismissal and added brightly, "Well then, if you need anything, I'm more than glad to help! Happy shopping!" And with one last merry beam at Sam which freaked him out to no end, the man bounced away, latching onto the next available customer.
The brothers looked at each other, and burst into barely-controlled laughter.
"Dude- what the hell?" Dean managed to choke out.
Sam shook his head, trying to contain his chuckling. "That was just..."
"Man, I shoulda just let him pick out your outfit." Dean's tone of amusement changed to one of cheekiness and he let another smirk out at his brother's wide-eyed look of horror.
"You wouldn't," said Sam, his voice deadly.
The smirk grew into a smug grin. "I'm makin' you cross-dress, dude. You really think I wouldn't?" Dean's green eyes sparked with the mischief of a challenge.
Sam glowered at him. "I will goddamn end you."
Dean shrugged casually and turned back to the clothes. "'Course you will," he agreed amiably, in that tone reserved for brothers who had nothing better to do than annoy the crap out of their siblings. "Eh. Can't say it's not tempting, but I think I just found the right thing..."
Sam's eyes narrowed in dread and suspicion as he sidled closer and peered over his brother's shoulder at the item of clothing.
The kick he aimed at Dean's shin guaranteed beautifully colourful bruising. The not-so-similarly colourful loud curses that spilled from Dean's mouth almost guaranteed them getting kicked out of the store. As it was, all it ended up garnering was a scowling older brother, a not-exactly-satisfied little brother, and the return of one very excited salesman.
"Hello again, gentlemen!" he beamed, adjusting his sunglasses in probably what was supposed to be a suave move. Sam felt like finding a nice brick wall and slamming his head against it. "I hope you're having no difficulties!"
Dean gingerly lowering his foot to the floor again then aimed another dirty look at Sam. Which, predictably, was ignored. "Ah, no. No, we're good." His irritation seemed to fade instantly to be replaced by the ever-present smugness that Sam loathed. Especially when it was aimed at him. "Think I've found just the thing, actually."
"Oh? Well, I am absolutely glad to hear that!" The shopkeeper bobbed his head enthusiastically, almost bouncing on the balls of his feet. He shifted his smile from Dean to Sam, who automatically took a wary step back. "Have a lovely day, and I truly hope to see you again!"
The brothers watched in a sort of dumbstruck silence as he pounced on the next closest victim- uh, shopper, that is. Sam blinked before turning to his brother slowly, more than a little bit creeped out. "Uh, Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we not come back here? Like, ever again?"
Dean shook his head and surveyed his little brother. "Sounds good," he agreed, baffled look still in place. He made to leave, then stopped, turned back, grabbed the clothes, and continued. Sam made a face at his brother's back before following, resigned trudge firmly in place. As he waited for Dean to pay and then left the store, the uncomfortable tingle of watching eyes made the hair at the back of his neck rise. Sam frowned and paused at the doorway, chancing a glance back. His eyes caught onto a certain pair of sunglasses turned his way and accompanied by that same wide creepy grin. He held the gaze, unable to stop the rising feeling of unease.
"Sam! Come on!"
Dean's voice and the beep of the Impala startled Sam to look away, and when he stared back again, he could clearly identify the man helping out another customer as if nothing had happened. He shook his head and made his way on to the Impala, sliding into the passenger seat.
"About time, princess," Dean grunted, driving off.
Sam just rolled his eyes. He eyed the bag sitting oh-so-innocently on the seat between them and wrestled with the urge to get it and throw it out the window. As if hearing his thoughts (which, let's face it, he might as well be able to) Dean smirked, grabbed the bag and reached back to put it behind them on the back seat. "Uh-uh, Sammy-boy. You're going through with this."
Sam groaned and dropped his head onto the window wearily, watching the streets go by. "How the hell exactly am I supposed to hustle in that, anyway, genius?"
"Aw, c'mon, dude, it's not that hard." Dean shot him a wicked grin. "Y'know, I was considering heels-"
That certainly had Sam shooting straight up in his seat to glower deadly poison-laced daggers at his brother. "Don't – you – fucking – dare."
"Chill, I won't."
There was a 'but' there. Dreadfully, Sam prompted, "But...?"
Dean's face was a bit too serious and contemplating for this sort of thing. "Well, you can't go in there empty-handed, and I can't imagine trying to hide a gun in that thing." He waved a hand back in the general direction of the bag containing Sam's... outfit. "So..." He fell silent, fingers tapping thoughtfully on the steering wheel.
'Someone shoot me now', Sam thought morosely as he watched his big brother's eyes light up as that dreaded light bulb made a distinct ching! sound. "Whatever you're thinking, no."
Dean ignored him. "You need to be equipped. And I've got a few ideas," he mused. "I mean, I'll have my Glock and silver knife and all that, but-"
"Wait." Sam held up his hands to stop him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Why are we arming ourselves? Is there something here? I thought Dad left us here so he could take care of the shifter a couple towns over."
Dean cut his eyes between Sam and the road. He looked like he wasn't going to say anything, but eventually settled with, "Gotta be cautious, man. You know that."
"But, Dean, is there something here that-"
"You know what you need? A handbag." Dean declared, acting as if Sam hadn't spoken.
His little brother started, then gaped at him. "Are you serious? I'm not lugging around-"
"Hey," Dean shrugged nonchalantly, the jerk. "If you gotta act the part, you gotta look the part. Besides," he shot a smug smirk over at Sam. "Where else you gonna hide your arsenal of girly weapons?"
"Dean?" Sam felt lost, confused, and extremely wary. So, pretty much the same way he always felt when his oh-so-wise big brother was in one of his great-friggin'-idea moods. "What... weapons are you talking about?" He was almost scared to ask, but if Sam was anything, it was curious. Even if this time it did threaten to squash any peace of mind he had left at this point.
Dean waggled his eyebrows, looking too amused and pleased at himself for whatever was brewing in that mind of his. "What do you think of holy water perfume and mini-salt-shaker disguised as lipstick? To name a couple?"
...Yeah. Peace of mind? What was that again?
A/N: what the hell did i just write. *glances at faces covered with WTF expressions* I did warn you. I think.
Well. Um. There is... A new character at least... So. *waves hands in a somewhat pathetic attempt at dramatics* Foreshadowing...?
*crickets chirp*
No? Okay...
*drops head on desk* I don't even know anymore. Stop looking at me like that. It's hot and really hot and stiflingly boilingly hot and there's no air cuz it's that stifling I feel like I'm breathing in... well. Stale air. Yeah. And that's with my veranda door wide open. *glares outside* Cruel weather. So hot. I can't think anymore asnajdhaad.
Oh. Wait. Yeah. I got an idea. Ima go... downstairs... where there's an amazing air conditioner instead of suffocating to death slowly in mah room. *muses* I am smart.
... Oh yes. Thanks to everyone who actually read the first chapter and reviewed xD Cheers, mates. And kudos for the alerts and shit too. *nods* 's cool stuff. I just, uh, hope this didn't.. kill things... um, hope it made you... laugh, at least? *blinks innocently*
Ima shush now. And. Yeah. *glances around* oh crap... yeah... i gotta go and, uh, get back to that studying-for-the-exam-I-have-tomorrow that I was so happily procrastinating on.
Yo Renae. Hope you liked that xD Uh, probably most definitely not like anything you had in mind, but meh. The muse goes where the muse goes. I ain't steering, just copying down directions. *nods* Would call ya buuuut I doubt I'm allowed near the phone right now considering I spent the better half of yesterday watching tv instead of studying. *sheepish* So yeah. I deserve an awesome review after killing mah melted brain to type this up for you. *serious look* And then! I can get started on actual Samantha/Sammy stuff yes about time. Shush. Too much of a good thing is bad for you.
My ANs are too effing long. -.-
Ciao, peoples. Leave me a review – whether it's to say this was hilarious or crappy, I don't really care. Well. I might. Maybe. If I feel like it. But still. Review? Yeah. Ta~
Iz.