A/N: Hey guys. New chapter up today. I just wanted to leave a little note and say how much I love all and every single one of you who read/followed/faved/reviewed. You are so amazing and I want to thank you so much! *virtual cupcakes and hugs*

"Well that's what I am asking you right now." Emma muttered and she walked away from him as she had taken to doing since the moment they first met. Honestly, Killian didn't know why he was so fixated on the idea of meeting her. The last thing he needed was yet another person in his life to run away from him (something she apparently enjoyed so much). However, when he saw her walk in, all golden hair, pink lips and green eyes, his heart missed a beat. He didn't need that book, taking it somehow felt like depraving her of something that would satisfy her and that awoke a feeling of guilt in him he resented.

When he returned to his dorm, to his relief, none of his roommates were there. He just threw the book on the kitchen table, taking a seat and staring at it, as if that would change anything. It wouldn't and it didn't. He tried to figure out a way to reach out to her again, not really knowing why (perhaps because he needed to gaze into the green of her eyes one more time). Eventually, pouring himself a glass of rum, the familiar scent calming him down a bit, he grabbed a pen and wrote a small note in the first page of the book.

Apologies, Swan. I return this to you as a peace-offering. If you ever need advice on how to improve your paper, I am always here to come to your dashing rescue.

He also noted the number of his phone right below. He would leave the book at the reception of the library next morning, just for the kind girl working there to give it back to Emma.

-…

"You did what?! Why couldn't you just sit there and have a cup of coffee, maybe even meet the guy?" Ruby was looking at Emma as if she had let her down and Emma just rolled her eyes at that. She never had over interested parents or friends or anything, so all this felt like a weight on her shoulders. Sure Ruby meant well, but all Emma wanted was to snuggle into her favorite armchair with a fluffy blanket and forget she even attempted to approach Killian.

"Well, what do you expect me to say right now, Ruby? It was stupid going there in the first place anyway, so I just changed my mind." She removed her jacket and scarf and sank in a chair in their kitchen, brushing her fingers through her hair. Ruby just shook her head at her in disgruntlement and stood there fixing her stare on her.

"I expect you to go back to what you always do, Emma. Run away from everything and everyone who try to win even the smallest place in your life. Neal ruined you for real. I can finally see it, because now, you can't even have a cup of coffee without worrying that the man next to you is just like him. Well, here's the thing, you didn't even give the guy a chance! If you think that loneliness is the cure to your scars, then fine, do whatever you want, but don't expect me to agree with you." She turned around and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Emma an emotional wreck.

She was right, she knew it. But pushing everyone away was what she did. She didn't know Killian and, frankly, she didn't want to know him either. She shut her eyes closed, resting her forehead against the palms of her hands and the image of his stunning face flashed before her again. His bright blue eyes still gleamed in her memory making her own burst open. No! This was not a choice. She was never going to see him again anyway, which she regarded as a good thing, so no more thinking back to the hardly any moments she spent around him.

(She fell asleep on her couch, the light of the TV the only thing brightening the dark room, her dreams haunted by all the people who ever broke her heart, beams of blue orbs sparkling in her mind every once in a while.)

-…

Next morning, Emma revisited the library to find another book for her paper. Turns out, she didn't need to. The receptionist returned the book, telling her to make sure she checks out the dedications page with a teasing wink.

Apologies, Swan. I return this to you as a peace-offering. If you ever need advice on how to improve your paper, I am always here to come to your dashing rescue.

Moron. He had even left what appeared to be his phone number. All she wanted was to get some sort of closure from all that. A sarcastic, invasive guy with a vast amount of over confidence was the exact opposite of what she needed (the sturdy body, dark hair and blue eyes were something she tried to ignore). She took the book, in fact having to buy it since it had been written on (idiot), and stormed out of the library, fuming. She later realized (over a glass of merlot and a bowl of chocolate fudge ice cream) she wasn't angry at him as much as she was at herself for actually wanting to call that number and rain check for that dreadful sort-of-date-slash-failure they never had.

(It took another couple of glasses for her to rip the page off and throw it in the trash can and a fourth glass for her to take the garbage down and throw it away.)

-…

Emma's life moved on as normal after the day she took the book back and threw Killian's note away (Ruby never found out about that). She finished that paper and turned it in right on time for Christmas-break, winning some rest-time for her efforts until she had to go back to class. Killian faded (almost) from her mind after some time, allowing her to continue living her life as it used to be. For some time at least…

Emma never had a family, or anyone for that matter, to spend Christmas with. These past four years, however, she had met friends who practically became her family. Mostly, this little "family" consisted of Ruby, along with her older brother, David, and his wife, Mary Margaret. Ever since she met them, she finally felt like part of something, all of them treating her as if she was another sibling and she felt blessed for that. Taking all things into account, Christmas finally became a celebration she enjoyed.

This year, like any other, David and Mary Margaret threw another one of their annual Christmas parties at their place, having friends over for a quiet get-together or dinner or whatever they liked to call it. Emma had grown somewhat fond of these parties. She loved the Christmas ambiance, the lights of the tree sparkling in the room, the scent of turkey, gingerbread and cinnamon and the warmth of feeling like at home. Everything was glowing with Christmas sparkle, helping her loosen up. Of course, in the end, she ended up detaching herself from the general crowd and discreetly watching everyone. She always loved to do that. Gaze at people smiling, noticing how happiness can make everyone different, brighter if possible. David approached her a few times, but she just said she'd be back in a while.

There was a knock on the door much later than expected, making Emma jump at the sudden interruption of the typical flow of the party. David stood up to open, throwing a surprised why-are-you-still-standing-there glance right before.

"Hello Dave!" No.

"Killian! You're back from England!" This can't be… when did he even go to England and why is he back?

"Aye, it appears I am. Long time no see, mate." Killian and David were throwing greetings at each other, a short hug exchanged, before Killian moved to hug Mary Margaret and Ruby who were already up, waiting to welcome him. Emma, practically gaping, tried to hurriedly disappear in the darkness of one of the back rooms, terribly failing when she knocked a lamp down with her rushed, sloppy movement. Shit. Killian turned around, noticing her then for the first time, pure shock drawn on his face.

"Swan?"

Emma could not deal with that. She turned around and rushed to the bathroom, shutting the door raucously behind her. Her head, bumped against it as she struggled to catch her breath, heartbeat racing increasingly. She felt his knocks on the firm wood aligned with her back, her fingers moving to pinch the bridge of her nose. Double shit.

"Swan, come on, I saw you walk in here. No need to worry, love, I don't bite." The sarcastic tone of his voice rang an alarm inside her, her walls rising once more. She took a long breath, lavender air freshener filling up her lungs, and grabbed the knob.

"May I help you with something?" she opened the door with a swift swoosh and a snicker, as her eyes locked with his (still as blue as she remembered). Her heart was still pounding like crazy, a heavy staccato against her ribcage and damn, it had been a long time since she had found that note.

"You tell me, love. Are you going to run away again? Alas, my sneakers are still sitting neglected at home." Obnoxious. Concentrate, Emma.

"Well, in case I haven't been clear enough already, I am in no need for a "dashing rescue"" Emma glared at him, not allowing herself to think of how great his mussed hair would feel against her fingers, maybe if she tugged a little, maybe as his head lowered, pressing small kisses down her stomach and- no, just no!

"Ah, so you did receive that message. It was really hard to tell since I received no feedback. Apologies then." She expected him to keep throwing his lines back at her, but this time he was the one to turn around and walk away looking truly dejected. Blue blue eyes looked away and, damn, she couldn't do that to him.

"Wait. Stop. I'm sorry; I don't know what got into me. How about we bury the hatchet?" she went after him hauling him on his steps, offering him her hand. He looked at her, a bitter grin on his face, sighing before placing his own hand in hers.

"Might I interest you with a glass of wine, milady?" his expression changed as he slightly curtsied, his other hand pointing to the direction back to the living room and she couldn't hold back a small snorted chuckle before following him for that glass of wine. (Oh what the hell, she had plenty of time to regret it later.) (He did have a dashing grin)

To her surprise, the rest of the evening went pretty smooth. They returned to the living room, chatting cheerfully with David, Mary Margaret and Ruby about how England was and what Killian had been doing the entire time with his studies. Emma recalled Killian talking about needing the book for studying. She ended up finding out he was on the first year of studying for a PhD in history, a grin curling up on her lips (she was still trying to get her bachelor degree).

They all seemed taken aback by the fact that Emma and Killian knew each other, but only Ruby really was acquainted with the whole story. Emma asked her when she had the chance, somewhere in the back of the kitchen, eying her cautiously. She just rubbed the back of her neck, muttering something about 'yeah well, I thought he and you should give it a chance' and Emma glared at her at that.

"So how do all of you know him?" Emma asked playing indifferent and absolutely failing, as she took another bottle of wine from the wine holder (everyone was asking for more wine so she offered, grabbing Ruby's arm and taking her with her).

"He and David went to high school together. He kind of became a family friend." Ruby shrugged, averting her gaze.

"And what about England? Why was he in England?"

"He had to go back after his brother…" she paused there for a moment, turning around to face her. "You know what? People are waiting out there… we should probably go." Ruby's face fell with that question as she started to mumble incoherent things to change the subject. Emma's brow quirked.

"What happened to him Ruby?" Emma saw something changing in Ruby's eyes as she looked at her pleadingly.

"Emma, this really isn't my story to tell, so just forget about it. Okay?" Ruby snapped away and disappeared in the hallway, leaving Emma in the messy kitchen, a look of pure surprise on her face. What just happened?

When she walked back to the living room, David informed her Killian had just taken off and he was sending his kind regards. The questions of how, when and why were pouring after that, David acting the part of the protective father as always. She started with the book and ended up mentioning the note.

-…

Hello there Swan. Did you miss me yet?

Her phone buzzed on her night stand, the screen lighting up with his text and seriously, it was two in the morning! Not that she was sleeping, the nightmares wouldn't let her, so she was just watching TV in mute (Netflix really is a useful thing).

Don't you have anything better to do at 2 am? And how did you even get my number?

She was in the verge of ignoring him, but she didn't have anything better to do anyway, so she shrugged, typing her reply. If anything, she enjoyed mocking him like that. As long as he didn't ask too much.

You know how helpful Ruby can be and apparently, neither do you, love.

She rolled her eyes hard at that-because of course he had a quick retort.

I can't sleep-loud neighbors. You?

Same. Penny for your thoughts? (or your neighbors if you prefer)

On the other hand, he probably did ask too much. She pressed the heel of her palm against her eye, eventually reaching her forehead and staying there to support her head.

You think you know me that well then?

Open book, love. You know, you should learn to trust people. Take a leap of faith and share if you want.

It's nothing. Bad dream, can't go back to sleep, nothing important. Didn't you read that in the pages of my open book?

Absolutely, but I'm not going to pressure you. You'll let me in when it's time.

Well, today certainly wasn't the day. She didn't want to share anything.

Good night Jones.

I will wait, Swan.

-…

On New Year's Eve, Mary Margaret had invited her over again. Emma was really planning on going, but with a runny nose, headache and a slight fever, it was impossible for her to even get out of bed. She asked Ruby to go and not spend New Year's at home, leaving David and Mary Margaret alone. Besides, she needed some quiet time to and sleep. Ruby left and Emma was finally able to rest. Her head was pounding and she was a mess, but she forced herself into the shower to feel better. Taking an Advil and a warm cup of tea, she returned to her bed. She was still suffering, but not as much as she did before. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she picked it up to find another one of Killian's texts. It had been a week since they last spoke.

Missing you here, Swan. Ruby told me, are you okay?

Of course he was at the Nolans' it made sense, he was a 'family friend'. She was surprised he even cared if she wanted to be honest. She had gone through many an illness, but even Neal never cared enough when they were together.

Fever, headache, never been better. You?

I've certainly been better. You know, illnesses are better with company.

Ruby shouldn't stay back and play nurse for me. I can take care of myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to try and sleep. Illnesses are much better with sleep as well.

Pleasant dreams then, love.

(She fell asleep with a silly grin on her face.)

-…

When Emma woke up, she woke to the scent of soup and tea and a warm, solid weight next to her. Before she really registered what was going on, she let out a soft sigh, sinking more into what felt like a strong embrace. But then she realized something wasn't right there. The embrace smelled of spice and rum and something else that felt like home and when she looked up, she was shocked to find Killian in her bed gazing at her with a small grin.

"What are you doing? How the hell did you get in here?" She pulled out of his embrace and sat up, every muscle in her body protesting with the abrupt movement. She eyed him, flinching angrily, hand running absent-mindedly through her hair. He didn't seem to quail however.

"You're sick, Swan. You should rest; I simply brought some soup. Ruby says chicken noodle is your favorite, is she right?" His lips curled up into a wider grin and she just pressed her hand against her forehead, looking back at him, gaze locking with the steady blue of his as he handed her the big bowl of soup he had brought.

"She also gave you the key, didn't she?" Emma sighed, taking the bowl as he nodded a quiet yes. The soup wasn't that bad and her heart missed a little beat (maybe two) when she thought that someone decided to ruin his New Year's Eve to take care of her (especially because it was him). "Thank you." She muttered, taking another spoonful in her mouth.

"My pleasure, love."

He actually really helped, not just by bringing her soup and tea, but by being there and helping her change her pillows and blankets into a more comfortable pile of fluffiness and talking to her. At some point there were loud cheers coming from outside and they both assumed the year had changed. A glance at the clock on the nightstand confirmed that.

"Happy new year, I guess then." She smiled, eyes locking with hers.

"Happy new year, Emma" he whispered and before she knew it he had moved closer, pressing a feather light kiss on her forehead, before he slowly pulled back, the blue of his eyes boring into hers. She felt a shiver down her spine, her heart suddenly thumping in her chest and she averted her gaze. The atmosphere was suddenly much heavier and they remained quiet for some time, making everything much more uncomfortable.

"Why did you go back to England before Christmas?" Emma spoke after a while her eyes finding his again. She instantly noticed his discomfort when she asked, his expression turning gloomy in an instant.

"I… it's getting late, I should probably get going." He was suddenly standing, pacing up and down the room and then his stare landed on her. "I hope you are feeling better, Ruby will be back later, tell her I left the key under the rug outside your door. Goodnight, Swan." He muttered and left the room. Emma caught the light sound of the front door closing. Maybe she went a little too far with that question.

When she laid down more comfortably, turning the light off, she could still feel the warmth that had remained from his body on her sheets, along with his scent. She nuzzled closer to that portion of the bed, eyes fluttering closed and an odd feeling of guilt and sympathy sank in her stomach. He saw the lost boy at that moment and she didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but she needed to know what happened to him these past few months. She needed to help him.

(When she fell asleep, all she could see was dark hair, blue eyes and pain. So much pain.)