A/N: Please read & review :)

12. Balancing

I parked the car far away enough and ran to Bella's house listening to the conversations and the thoughts. There was nothing special there, just sports talk, Bella almost didn't talk. But Jacob was curious about his father's reaction and asked who was she in the car with, he answered reluctantly. He knew who I was but he really didn't think much of the stories, but he understood his father's reaction towards me. He was thinking again that Bella might be taken; she might have a boyfriend that thought I liked. As they were preparing to leave and I saw that for now there is no danger of exposure I ran home. Carlisle should know about this.

I talked to Carlisle but he thought we should just wait and see what will happen, so far they haven't said anything to Charlie. I was worried and so was Jasper, but Alice didn't see them telling Charlie anything and that comforted me a little. We're going to hunt tomorrow. Alice was thinking now. I saw it in her head, I was taking off after lunch and I am going to say hi to Bella! Alice thought with a great joy, she's been waiting for this moment for a long time now. I was a agonized by thought of losing an hour with her, but then again tomorrow in biology we'll still be watching a movie, still in the dark with the electric buzz and the desire to touch her growing stronger. Maybe it is a good thing that I'll be ditching that class. But Alice saw the agonized look, you need to hunt before Saturday, you need to be ready for the temptation. And it will be a strong one. She showed me her old vision, but I shoved it out, too much has happened since, it won't end like that. How I wish I could will that to be true. I sat near the piano, playing Bella's lullaby, Alice joined me again, supporting me. After the song was over I could feel how eager Alice was to talk to Bella. "Don't push it", I warned her. Don't worry, I'll be good, She smiled at me, and went to sit with Jasper. Have fun watching Bella, she thought. I kept playing for a while, this time, Esme came to sit beside me, full of joy, and Carlisle was standing next to her so I played them their song. Finally it was late enough and I ran to Bella's house and went to sit on the old rocking chair, that has become like a second home to me, to watch her sleep. Edward she murmured and I was flying with joy remembering all those 'yes's, her answer's, the touches. I hoped it could end well. But for this time I pushed all the agonized thoughts away and swam with joy. Bella also looked to be sleeping better tonight despite the Black's uncomfortable visit. I went home only to change clothe for school and to get my car Alice was nearby absolutely delighted that she'll talk to Bella. "Just a short interdiction and a hallo", I warned her. "I know, I know, not to push it", she said, this time, she continued in her mind, and ran out of my sight before I could get angry. I'll still have a lot of alone time with her on today's hunting trip; it will be a long one.

I was not far from Bella's house monitoring her father's blurry thoughts to see when he will leave. As soon as he drove off I was in Bella's driveway. In a few minutes both short and long Bella was out the door. She got in my car quickly with no hesitation. I could relax again she was safe and next to me. I smiled at her and she stopped breathing and her heart missed a beat, that got me both worried and glade. "How did you sleep?" I asked her. "Fine, how was your night?" I actually had a lot of fun seeing her sleep. "Pleasant", I smiled at her amused by the thought of how she might react if she knew what I did most of my nights.

"Can I ask you what you did?" she tried to press for more information, but I wasn't sure how would she react to the truth. "No." I grinned at her. "Today is still mine." I started questioning again; I remembered I wanted to know more about her mother and her new husband and what she did with them, so I started questioning her about the people in her life, her old life I guess. I finally managed to ask her about previous boys she knew; maybe she liked someone before she came here, maybe the moving here broke that relationship up. She told me she never dated anyone or meet anyone she liked before she came here. I was surprised, and it was hard to believe with the way boys treated her here, I was also very happy about it. But also worried how would she know her feeling is she never liked anyone before? Humans fall in and out of love many times in their lives. "So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked her, a little troubled with the idea her feeling might pass. "Not in Phoenix", she answered, I tried to control my face expression but it was difficult. Her showing of strong feelings for me only made the second future that Alice saw for her clearer, and it was hard for me to think of it. I went on with my questioning, in every spear minute that she had. We were in the cafeteria when I remembered that I was ditching biology and Bella didn't have a ride home. "I should have let you drive yourself today," I told her, though it would have been ashamed to miss the drive home with her. "Why?" she demanded. "I'm leaving with Alice after lunch". Alice was already at the edge of her seat, knowing her wish of the last several months is minutes away. "Oh", was all that she replied and blinked. Her expression was bewildered and disappointed as well. Sad to miss time with me, this really shouldn't make me happy, but it did. "That's okay, it's not far of a walk." I frowned at her. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me", she said and sighed, "I really don't mind walking." I just shook my head, "your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition – unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laugh at that thought. "All right", she agreed pursing her lips like it will be a hard mission for me to find the key in her house and bring the truck back here. I smirked. "So where are you going?" she asked trying to sound casual. "Hunting", I answered griming. Remembering why I needed to hunt, the temptation I'll be up against. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I grew morose remembering the other future in which I was not strong enough to be with Bella and stand the scent and heat of her, without failing. In a way I wanted her to cancel the trip, so she won't be alone with me, in danger. "You can always cancel, you know." I told her half of my wish. She looked down as if afraid to meet my eyes; "no" she whispered back, glancing at me, "I can't". It reminded of the time we spent in the car on the way back from Port Angeles and she told me it was too late, that her feelings for me are too strong at this point. "Perhaps not", I murmured bleakly, trying not to hurt her again like I did then. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked changing the subject. "That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I offered her. "No", she answered very quickly, I tried to restrain a smile; she wanted to be with me as soon as possible, like I wanted to be with her. This shouldn't make me want to smile the danger of tomorrow still is very real. "The same time as usual, then," I decided, it won't be too early for her. "Will Charlie be there?" I was wondering, because then she won't have a choice but telling him but that she will spend the day with me, give me some motive to bring her back home, alive. "No, his fishing tomorrow", she seemed happy about it, I was not. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I could hear Rosalie's mental shouting and concern what will he think? what would everyone think if she doesn't come home. Idiot! Spending time with her in public will make US a target of investigations. She had a point, they were all thinking the same thing, worrying, except for Alice. But I was trying not to think of the danger to our family, but the danger for Bella. "I have no idea. He knows I've been meaning to do laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She talked so coolly it almost angered me, as if she didn't care if I were to kill her. I scowled at her and she scowled back. "What are you hunting tonight?" she asked trying to change the subject I guess. "Whatever we'll find in the park. We aren't going far." It was strange still to talk to her about that aspect of my life as if it was normal. "Why are you going with Alice?" I had to think of an answer without giving too much away. I had a hard time finding the right words. "Alice is the most…. supportive." I frowned, knowing what Alice wanted, a friendship with Bella, but it was still the right word I guess. "And the others?" she asked shyly, "what are they?" I didn't really want to get into that. So I tried a vague answer, but still true, "incredulous, for the most part." She sneaked a look at my family's table. "They don't like me", she guessed. Not bad, Rosalie was thinking. "That's not it," I disagreed innocently. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." I should leave her alone. She grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter." I shook my head while rolling my eyes and turn to look at her. It's like she thought she wasn't worthy of me, when the truth is that is that it was the other way around. "I told you – you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." More than she knew apparently. She was glaring at me; did she think I was kidding? "Having the advantages I do," I murmured while touching my forehead as an explanation, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always surprise me." That was truer then she knew. A good surprise because she accepted what I was, and bad because she shouldn't. She looked at my family again, looking embarrassed. "That part is easy enough to explain, but there's more… and it's not easy to put to words." I didn't want to tell here of the fear that she will become one of us someday, what would she think if she knew the future waiting for her, surly she would hate me for it. And then Rosalie saw Bella looking at my family, and she looked back. With cold hateful eyes she caught Bella's gaze and trapped it. How could she even want to be with him knowing what he is? Knowing what he can do to her. What it would do to us. Her thoughts were angry. I hissed at here in a voice no human ears could hear to stop. She did as I said and Bella looked back at me confusion and fear in her brown eyes. I was nervous as I explained to her. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see…. It's more dangerous than just for me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I looked down embarrassed and self hating for that thought, that future. "If?" she pushed for me to end the sentence. "If this ends…badly", I dropped my head on my hands from shame, from the reminder of the second future, the one with Bella white and my eyes red with her blood. "And you have to leave now?" she asked changing to subject. I raised my face to look at her I tried to lighten the air and smiled. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of the wretched movie left to endure in biology – I don't think I could take any more." I don't think I could resist not touching her anymore. The lunchtime was coming to an end, Alice came a little too quickly from her eagerness to meet Bella and stood behind me. "Alice." I greeted her. "Edward", she answered me. This is when your suppose to introduce me to Bella .Alice reminded me. "Alice, Bella – Bella, Alice." I introduced gesturing with my hand; I tried to hide the wry with a smile. "Hello Bella. It's nice to finally meet you," At long last, she added in her thoughts for me. I flashed a warning look to Alice. "Hi Alice", Bella answered with shyness. "Are you ready?" she asked; see it wasn't so bad now was it. But Bella wasn't scared of her or freighted by her sudden appearance. Did Bella really wanted to be friends with Alice? "Nearly. I'll meet you in the car," I answered her while still wondering. Alice left without another word.

"Should I say 'have fun', or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked looking at me. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything", I grinned. "Have fun, then." She sounded like she tried to make it sound like she meant it. "I'll try. And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks – what a challenge."

"For you it is a challenge. Promise." Why oh why did trouble follow her every step?

"I'll do my best," She answered. I stood and so did she.

"I'll see you tomorrow", she sighed. "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I mused while thinking that again I will see her sooner. She nodded glumly. "I'll be there in the morning," and in the night, and yet still not soon enough. This time I knew I could touch her without hurting her, it wasn't right but still I raised my hand to brush her cheekbone, then turned and left quickly before I got other ideas. I could feel her eyes on me again, her staring, yearning looks through other eyes, I liked it.

Alice and I drove to Bella's house first to get her truck. I opened the door with the key from under the eave and let her in. Alice looked around for a few seconds, trying to see herself spending time here. I didn't like the idea much. I searched for the scent of the car keys and found it quickly in the jeans that were in the laundry basket. Alice was in Bella's room very quickly, examining it. Nice. So this is where you spend all your nights lately. Maybe I'll get to crush the slumber party sometime. I just groaned. Ease up Edward, being friends with Bella means I'm going to spend time with her. Alone. Without you. I glaredat her, but she ignored me. You'll come around, she promised mentally. I didn't say anything. Alice drove Bella's car to the school's parking lot, and parked it in the same space as my car. I looked at the school and quickly found Mike there with Bella at gym and saw that she was safe, I didn't linger in his mind. He was thinking daggers at me. I sighed. She'll be fine, Alice reassured me, but that reassurance will only last until tomorrow. I took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote her a note be safe, and left it for her in the car where she will see it. Alice eyed me warily. I drove home fast, trying not to think and blocking Alice at the same time, but worrying was getting the best of me. We went straight hunting after we got home. I over did it again, made myself feel swollen, if only it was enough. I tried to hold the questions from Alice but she was ahead of me as usual. I think it is going to be okay. But her mental tome wasn't sure. She showed me the same vision again of me lying in the meadow and Bella sitting her knees curled to her chest staring at rainbows that my skin created in the sunlight, she didn't look scared or disgusted, just fascinated. It still didn't promise me that the hours later will be safe. I'm almost positive it will be alright. "Almost?" I asked her worriedly. "Well I think it will come close, but you'll manage", she reassured me.

What was I thinking? Putting Bella at such huge risk, I was the risk. I may have saved her for now, but I might kill her at the end. The thought tormented me. Alice's old vision of me with red crimson eyes and Bella white and cold, dead in my arms, hunted me. When we got home Jasper sensed my fears and stress immediately. "What is it?" He asked me, and the rest of the family joined in, except for Rosalie. Jasper calmed me, but the stress and anxiety was still there under the surface. "I am just so scared that I might hurt her Jasper. She means so much to me; I can't imagine what I will feel if I will…. Hurt her". I chocked on the last words. Hurting wouldn't be the only thing I would do, I would end her life if it will come to that. "Edward, it's going to be fine, I'm almost sure you're strong enough to deal with tomorrow's temptation." Alice answered this time. "Almost is not enough Alice, I can't even believe that I am putting her at such danger. I should leave her". "You're not going to leave her, and I told you, you're not strong enough for that. But I think it will be okay tomorrow and you should focus on that."

"I don't know," Emmett said while remembering his memory of the time when he met someone smelling do delicious. Just the memory made my throat burst into flames, even though I wasn't thirsty.

I just shook my head. Esme raped her arms around my shoulders. Don't leave, stay. It will be alright, she thought, and under that I could also hear her happiness and joy that I have found love at last. Carlisle was confident that I will make it through tomorrow. Only I wasn't confident, even the memory of her scent still made me burn. "You want to bet on it?" Emmett said while laughing. "No! This is not funny". "Of course it's not. I say no." "I say yes", Alice said a bit angry; "she's my friend". "I don't know," Jasper was thinking. The future was split in his mind, and he was thinking of his poor control, but that wasn't me. "I say yes", Carlisle said smiling and Esme joined with him. "See," Alice said, "the majority goes with you. You just need to be focused, be strong."

"I wish I could be so sure of myself".

"You will be."

I wish I could believe in that. But like Alice's old vision I too was divided, loving the girl and wanting her blood. I also needed to be very careful not to break her if I were to touch her again; this was a new kind of hunger, desire that was all new to me.

I went to her house eventually wanting to see her again to reassure myself. She slept well, though she had earphones on her ears. She must have heard music to put herself to sleep, she too must be nervous about tomorrow, bur for what reason? Fear of losing her life, or fear of losing me? Or maybe I got it all wrong. I looked at her sleeping figure at her peaceful face, I will make myself strong enough, and I only wish I could believe myself. She still murmured my name in her sleep, repeated the note I left her, be safe .Being safe for her meant being far away from me, the worst danger in her life. I would make myself safe enough for her, I enchanted to myself. When her father started to wake up I ran home. I went to change clothes. I remembered what she said brown is warm, and today would be warm, so I wore a sleeveless white buttoned shirt and a brown shirt above it. It would be hot and it would seem natural in the walk that I would take off the long shirt, maybe even unbutton it to emphasize the way I would shine in the sun. Maybe she would also wear something nice and short that will show me her skin, her delicious skin, but that's not what I should be thinking about if I wanted to bring her back alive. So I waited for the sun to be in the right place in the sky, and then I ran to her house, ignoring the thoughts of good luck from behind me. Still not knowing were today will take me to, my love or my destruction.

A/N: Please review :)