Fifteen minutes later, Dom was still standing in the one spot, his shock overriding every other emotion.
Kel really hates me, he thought miserably, through his surprise.
He lifted a hand up to his left cheek on which one of her painful slaps had landed.
"I deserve that," he said out loud.
It was bad enough that he had hurt Kel so badly, but now he had also opened up her hurt and pain...
Being with Kel had scared him, badly.
It wasn't that he didn't love her.
In fact, it was the very opposite.
His love for her took over everything else, the intensity had scared him more than anything.
The fear that he would lose himself in loving her had gradually took over.
The fact that he, Domitan of Masbolle, had loved someone that much had made him scared of what he had become, scared of the future...
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
His time with Kel, he reflected, had been the best time of his life.
He didn't regret the time spent with Kel- he regretted hurting her, and not being mature enough to handle how much he loved her.
Dom was older now, more mature, more ready.
He sunk to the floor and leant his head against Kel's bed, inhaling her scent.
He missed her, more than anything in the world.
After his abrupt, scared break-up with her, Dom's regret at hurting Kel almost took over his entire self.
Directly after, he hadn't regretted the breaking up part- it was the hurting her part that he regretted.
Breaking up with her, he had thought, had been best for him. His fear had gone because he was no longer giving himself to another person, but the regret remained.
The only way he could make it stop was to find someone to distract him.
Irena was one of those particualar distractions. She was nice enough, pretty and wasn't stupid enough to think that she loved him and he loved her.
But over the last few months- as his heart ached and as he missed Kel- his distractions helped less and less, until they didn't help at all.
And Dom had finally realised that he shouldn't have been afraid of loving Kel. He should have embraced it.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
He had meant to come and tell her how he felt, to tell her why he had hurt her so badly, to try and mend the frayed and broken pieces he had left.
He wanted to say that she was his Reason, his Reason to exist and his Reason to finally be himself and let his intense feelings out.
It seemed now that he would never have the chance.
Dom couldn't be angry about Kel's yelled rejection- the fact was, he knew that he deserved it and more.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
He wanted to be able to wipe away her tears, to touch her hair and hold her close, to comfort her and apologise.
He couldn't blame her for not listening to him, he blamed himself.
If he hadn't been a coward and broken up with her, she wouldn't have been crying on her bed.
If he had've stayed with her, he would be holding her tightly.
And right now, he wanted to suck away all the pain and force himself to experience it as punishment for what he had done.
Kel's closest friends- namely Neal and Yuki- had been determined to make Dom pay for what he had done.
They had snubbed him every mealtime, leaving him to brood on his own.
Neal had refused to come to any Masbolle and Queenscove family mettings, claiming "The Masbolles are no family of mine. Or at least, one particular Masbolle is not."
Dom had taken it quietly, understanding his cousin's rage and occasionally sharing in it.
Even the Third Company had refused to follow his orders for many weeks after, finally only cooperating at Raoul's firm orders.
But even Raoul hadn't talked to Dom again after that.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
Dom agreed with them all.
He had been a fool.
He had been a coward.
He understood their anger, but even lately, he had never tried to explain.
Dom hadn't told anyone what he was going to do tonight, he had thought that Neal would drive him away from Kel and tell him not to hurt her again.
More than anything...
He wished he could take it all back.
He knew that he had to talk to Kel.
He had to explain.
He had to ease her pain.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
He knew that, before Kel, he had never been a particually good person in the women department.
Dom had hurt many, he had told them that he loved them, he had kissed them, he had slept with them, he had dumped them.
When Kel came along, it was different.
In the beginning, when he first asked to court her, he had never meant for it to turn out that way.
Even a month before breaking up, when he slept with her, he hadn't known what he would do.
It was about a day before they had broken up when he had decided that he couldn't stay with her.
Dom played absently with a shiny, gold circular object.
His grandmother's wedding ring.
He knew that he loved Kel and wanted a future with her, so why not ask her to marry him?
Dom couldn't face it.
He couldn't face that he loved someone that much... it frightened him. He couldn't face that he loved Kel so much that he would give up his precious job.
Marriage had never been on his mind up until about two years ago, when he realised that he liked Kel.
Before then, why would he marry?
He wasn't serious about anyone and he wasn't the eldest of the Masbolle brothers, so he didn't have to worry about producing a heir.
Plus, he was in the King's Own. King's Own men couldn't marry.
But Kel had changed all that.
In the year that they were together, Dom knew that he wanted nothing more than to call Kel his permanently.
Yet... he had held back from her. Although she had confided everything in him, he hadn't confided in her.
Simple, utter fear had stopped him.
Fear of losing his heart to someone who would give it away.
Fear of losing himself while being so in love.
And a fear that he couldn't name, couldn't explain.
Yet it was there.
Dom dropped the wedding ring back in his drawer, shaking his head.
It was better for him if he didn't marry, didn't give himself up- better for him if he wasn't with someone he cared about.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I was so stupid, Dom thought bitterly.
Maybe the saying 'Wisdom comes with age' was true.
But now, his mind was made up.
He loved Kel and he didn't care that he could lose himself through loving her.
Kel brought out the good, compassionate Dom rather than the flirtatious, laughing Dom.
Kel made him feel special and loved.
Kel was his Reason to exist and his Reason to be the good, compassionate Dom.
Kel wiped out his flirtatious side.
His love for Kel had made him feel scared, but now it made him feel strong.
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
He had embraced the feeling.
And now, he had to go try and piece together the frayed and broken Kel.
A/N: SORRY guys. I haven't updated in so long... I just couldn't get this one out.
And I don't think it's particually good, but I thought you deserved something.
It's a little nonsensical and quite short- for that I apologise.
Thankyou for all your awesome reviews.
BTW- The song is The Reason, but Hoobastank.
There WILL be a third chapter, anyone got any song suggestions?
and Sorry to all the people who wanted Kel to get over Dom.
Kel/Dom all the way :D