A/N: The story will be completely in EPOV and I have taken some liberties in regards to characterization to suit my plot. But not too much.
Thank you cdunbar for being the most fabulous beta anyone could ask for. And for starting a thread for this story on the twilighted forums.
The link will be on my profile.
Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
My wall was made of glass.
I stood before it on my golden carpet and let the golden light shine upon me. It was dawn and the tinges of pale grey permeated through the inky blue expanse. Thirty minutes later a weak sun rose behind the verdant green of fir trees and struggled to light the sky. But as weak and pale as it was the day still began. The dark black night retreated, Artemis' moon retreated. Apollo's carriage ascended into the atmosphere slowly and steadily. He did not blaze in Forks. Nothing blazed in Forks.
Pale gold light filled my room, banishing the shadows as much as it could, like a child ordering a lion away. I concentrated on the feeling of the sun on my skin. The rays were not strong enough to warm me, but closing my eyes and focusing my sensory reception on the front of my body I could imagine I felt warmth. I could conjure up the illusion of comfort and security in front of the pathetic sun whose light we were meant to allow us guidance. I sighed heavily and turned my back on the wall.
I could hear the rest of my family move around our house, with the exception of Alice and Jasper. It was our first day attending Fork's High School, although only Emmett, Alice and I would be attending. Jasper refused to attend high school, understandable considering he was one hundred and sixty five years old. He was attending college along with Rosalie this year in Seattle. Rosalie's reason for not attending high school was her disdain for teenage humans. Particularly the boys. There was no opposition to her decision.
Therefore the respective couples were spending their last morning together before the constraints of our secret forced us to play children. I didn't quite understand why they were so adamant to make the most of their last morning considering they would still see each other everyday, just not every hour. But that was a mystery I was not privy to. I often heard in their minds how I could not possibly hope to understand until I found a mate. What they could not possibly hope to understand was how the likelihood of me finding a mate was extremely unlikely.
My 'gift' granted me access to all facets of the mind. Every thought. Every despicable, vile and depraved thought that ran through a person's mind was as clear to me as if they'd spoken aloud. I had long since given up searching for the good when the bad was so often laid bare before me. I merely tolerated now, and that was only extended to members of my family. Just.
A scratching of pen on paper told me Carlisle was in the study, a soft chafing sound added the presence of Esme. The two sounds were approximately six feet apart which allowed me to conclude Esme was sitting on the green leather chaise lounge sketching Carlisle as he sat behind his desk filling out paperwork.
I did not need to listen to the sounds they made to know this, however. Esme's mind told me she was sketching because I could hear her commenting on proportion and shadow. Carlisle's mind told me he was finishing a report on a patient called Mary Scott who was suffering from a chest infection that was worsening due to a delay in diagnosis. The fact she was an avid smoker had not helped her case. I could hear the disapproval in Carlisle's mind as he wrote down her smoking habits during the period of her illness. I had long ago given up telling him helping humans were a lost cause. They were vacant sheep who followed the path of others. They were too afraid to tread their own.
The sound of rhythmic metallic clicking told me Emmett and Rosalie were in the garage. Their thoughts told me they were working on a car they had bought together at an auction. An electric blue 1966 Shelby Mustang GT – 350"R" whose V8 engine was in a bad way. Rosalie was an efficient mechanic and Emmett was devoted to anything that made Rosalie passionate. They made a good team.
Alice and Jasper had gone hunting among the seething mass of trees, rocks and earth that lay along the boundaries of our property. They were beyond my range so I could not hear their thoughts and could only dimly hear their movements and voices if I cared to listen. Which I did not.
On the surface we moved together seamlessly, each member of my family was perfectly united with their partner and I was perfectly content with my solitude. I had the piano after all.
But surfaces are two dimensional and crooked. They have no depth or truth to them and those that believe them are fools. The unspoken thoughts and bitterness that ate away like a cancer at the heart of my family was an ever present evil to me. I heard every snide, silent comment that they did not dare speak aloud. But they were all aware I had heard them, that I alone knew the true nature of my family.
The ugly and harsh truth that my family desperately tried to hide and deny, and resented me for not allowing them to, was humiliatingly mundane. We beautiful, intelligent and strong immortals were just as petty as our fragile and ephemeral prey. I had long known that Rosalie would give anything to be human again, that she would gladly give up Emmett for the chance to live a normal life, the chance to be a mother. Even as she stood over Emmett's dying body and Carlisle's venom changed him she knew this. Emmett who she had run for miles with, holding her thirst back with all her tenacity as she ran toward his salvation and his fate. But what she didn't know was Emmett knew this too, and loved her regardless. He did not like her harshness and her vanity, he hated he could not give her what she wanted so desperately. But he loved her still. He stood by in silent sorrow as she watched mothers and their children, seething with jealousy. She often wished Carlisle had left her to die. And she resented the fact that Carlisle had measured her worth by her looks, that he deigned her good enough to save because he believed she would make me a suitable mate. Because she was a hurt and beautiful angel who he thought would ease my loneliness. This was just one example of Carlisle's compassion toward humans turning into folly.
Another was Esme.
Despite her joy at being reunited with Carlisle, the loss of her son and the brutality she suffered at the hands of her husband was frozen within her forever. She exuded love and care to all those who would allow her to shelter them under her wing in an attempt to fill the aching hole within her that was a mother's grief. She would never let Carlisle hear her sob. She would imagine phantom tears rolling down her cheeks in an effort to relieve the pain while Rosalie held her. They had things in common their mates would not understand. Even I with my insight and omniscience struggled to rationalise their pain. Jasper was the only one who could really know.
Jasper was our soldier.
He carried the burden of our family's pain. He felt Rosalie's bitterness, Emmett's sadness, Esme's loss and Carlisle's regret.
Alice and I just saw it all. I saw the fleeting thoughts and Alice saw the premonitions of their actions. She saw Esme decide to vent her aching heart when Carlisle was at the hospital, her decision to throw away the furniture she had accidentally broken in her lamentations. Alice saw Emmett decide to spring surprises on Rosalie, buy her gifts and cast loving actions upon her. I would tell her whether Rosalie appreciated it and whether it worked. Sometimes I wouldn't need to because her next vision would show her Rosalie's reaction. Rosalie's true reaction.
At least there were no secrets between Alice and me.
Alice and Jasper together understood me. Alice knew what it was like to see things that you didn't want to see. That your nature forced upon you. Jasper knew what it felt like to have others project onto you. I projected onto him myself. He once told me sometimes he couldn't tell where his feelings ended and the others began. When he became lost in the sea of emotions and could no longer tell who he was, how he felt and what he wanted, Alice would save him. They would disappear for periods of time where Jasper would bask in Alice's love and happiness. She brought him peace that I had yet to find for my 'gift'.
And when Alice would feel the weight of her visions, when we were in crowds and she would be surrounded by people making snap decisions, Jasper would save her too. His decisions were always methodical and well thought out. His strategic mind suited her. We stayed in small rural towns, not just for hunting purposes. The one time we had lived on a city's outskirts Alice had suffered terribly. Jasper refused to put her through that again and we started to plot out boundaries.
Alice's clear voice rang out in my mind and brought me back to reality, to my lonely retreat on the third floor of our house.
Edward, Jasper and I will be back in twenty minutes. Carlisle will get a call in fifteen minutes saying he is needed at the hospital. An elderly patient has been admitted with renal failure. Please let him know so Esme can finish her sketch and show it to him before he leaves.
Alice and Jasper had wandered into my range whilst I had been lost in thought, staring down at the hundreds of fibres that made up the patch of carpet beneath my feet. I heard their thoughts grow stronger as they leisurely approached the house.
"Carlisle, Alice had a vision showing you receiving a telephone call in fifteen minutes requesting your help at the hospital. A patient has been taken in whose kidneys are failing. She also suggests that Esme should finish her sketch before you leave." I spoke quietly into my empty room, yet the recipients to my statement thanked me respectively in their minds. I crossed the room to the wall that housed my CDs. I pulled down a compilation I had made of classical music that suited my pensiveness this morning. I concentrated on the strains of violins rather than Carlisle's rapture over the likeness Esme had made. She was a proficient artist but the truth was Carlisle would praise anything Esme did to make her smile. Esme pretended that wasn't true, that he would compliment her because he truly liked it.
Denial was an ever constant comfort to my family. We denied our nature and we denied our feelings. Somewhere along the line, restraining our bloodlust had transformed into restraining ourselves. Rosalie was the only one who would speak out when the truth needed to be said. She was the bravest of us all.
I sat on my black leather couch. While I did not need the comfort, it helped me practice my humanity. I leaned back, closed my eyes and folded my hands in my lap. I basked in the music until I could see the lightening of my room through my eyelids, and the addition of two voices entered my mind indicating Jasper and Alice were home. When I opened my eyes the sun had grown stronger and risen slightly higher. It was approximately seven o'clock in the morning and to add the great illusion and mockery that was my life, I showered and dressed for the day just like every other human. The need to cleanse my body of natural oils that accumulated during the night while I slept was but a pretence of normalcy. Once more to help with the affectation of humanity, our family needed to protect our secret. However, this pretence became a routine after ninety years and I had long ago learnt how to mimic the human teenagers I lived amongst. It was an act that started out as something I would put on and take off again easily. It turned into something I could only shed when I hunted. Humanity had no place there.
The conversations and thoughts I could hear below me told me it was nearly time to leave. Emmett and Rosalie were tidying up the garage, the swift clanging of tools an indication of their speed. And then a swish of heavy material as a dust sheet was lain over the mustang for them to finish another day. Alice and Jasper were in their room cleaning each other of their hunt. One thing I'd noticed was that aftercare was an important aspect between mates. They enjoyed hunting together, but it was afterwards their emotional bonds were reaffirmed. They would cleanse the other of any residual blood, whether it was by licking it off or washing it off under the stream of the shower. It was an intimate and private act I hated having to bear witness to. Just one of many.
I decided I would go and wait for Alice and Emmett in Esme's studio. Hopefully she would distract me from their goodbyes.
Esme's studio was on the ground floor near the patio, facing south like my room. The glass wall and white interior made it the brightest room in the house. I descended the staircases and approached the door in a matter of seconds. Opening the plain white door, I stepped into the clean brightness of Esme's studio. She was standing at an easel bathed in light, her hair the colour of spun caramel shone and hints of rainbows glimmered on her skin as the pale sunlight hit her. Even though Esme was changed after me, she was still six years older and the closest to a mother I had had in years. I knew her grief and would never deny her natural maternal nature, even if I did not always appreciate it.
"Edward! Are leaving yet?" Esme asked in her soft, lilting voice, looking up from her easel and turning to me.
"Soon Esme. Jasper and Rosalie are just saying their goodbyes to Alice and Emmett. I thought I would give them as much privacy as I can by waiting in here for them with you," I answered, moving to sit on a faded upholstered arm chair reminiscent of our time living in Chicago shortly after Esme joined us.
"Edward, we know you cannot help it. You give us as much privacy as you possibly can and we greatly appreciate it." Esme smiled kindly at me and I merely smirked in response.
"It is not always appreciated, Esme. And my attempts at privacy are not always believed to be sincere," I said carefully, looking down at my interlocked fingers that rested in my lap.
"Edward-" Esme began in a tone that betrayed her hesitance at thinking such a statement to be true. She paused when I held up my hand.
"It is quite alright, Esme. I am used to it and come to expect it." I looked up at her and smiled, receiving a small one in return. We both heard footsteps cascading down stairs alerting us to the fact Alice and Emmett were ready.
Edward, come on, it's time to go, said Emmett's eager and enthusiastic mind. I wasn't sure why he was so eager to be going back to high school. He had already earned many accolades from Ivy League schools. Teenage males amused him, though and Emmett was quite the anthropologist when he wished to be.
I sighed as I swiftly stood up, making the old chair creaked. "I shall see you later Esme. After this redundant day is out of the way and before the next one starts." I leaned forward and patted Esme on the shoulder, she laughed at my tone.
"Oh Edward, dear. It isn't that bad. You have Alice and Emmett with you, and the time will pass swifter than you expect," she smilingly replied, gently patting my cheek in a gesture she knew irritated me.
I gritted my teeth, retracted my arm and left to join Alice and Emmett. Esme turned back to her painting. It was of the sketch she had made of Carlisle earlier.
Before leaving the house, I spoke a goodbye to Rosalie and Jasper. Jasper replied out loud with a jolt of euphoria to send me on my way whilst Rosalie answered with thoughts of relief of my departure. Despite the sting of her thoughts, Jasper ensured I left the house grinning inanely. Alice and Emmett were already seated within my Volvo with Alice in the front and Emmett in the back.
Emmett claimed he needed more space so he preferred the back. However, he and I both knew it was because he liked letting Alice get her own way. Emmett still had memories of his sisters, who he loved dearly, and Alice was now his sister and he treated her as such. Naturally he would tease and taunt her, but he would always acquiesce to her demands in the end.
I entered the car and slid into the front seat. Pulling away from our house I felt Jasper's euphoria wear off and my features settled into their normal place. I heard Alice's wry comment -- Edward's back -- as it happened. I scowled in her direction.
The drive was quiet, Alice fiddled with the radio and her thoughts skipped about. She skimmed through visions trying to anticipate as much as she could about the day. She finally settled on it being a normal uneventful first day. We would be stared at, whispered about and generally avoided. Despite their stupidity humans recognised a predator when they saw one, even if that realization was deeply embedded into their subconscious. It was rare for a human to try and befriend us, and if they did they were deterred quickly. Emmett sat in the back watching the scenery fly by, observing our new surroundings and thinking about Rosalie. He hoped she would have a good day, if she didn't, they had organised that she would call him and he would leave to go be with her. Alice's visions told me Rosalie and Jasper would help Esme redecorate the dining room and Rosalie would never call Emmett.
A matter of minutes later I pulled into Fork's High school and parked between two dusty, beaten up trucks. One red, the other blue. Alice was the first to exit the car, followed by Emmett and I. We walked at a slow pace to the school's main entrance, garnering looks and comments in hushed tones along the way. What are they thinking, Edward? Emmett asked me.
"The same as what you can hear, only cruder," I replied in a volume only Alice and Emmett could hear. We walked into the school and made our way to our homeroom. Carlisle had already called ahead to ensure we didn't have to go through any meticulously dull procedure at the school office. Our eidetic memory meant the map of the school was firmly imprinted in our minds. Once in the classroom we sat in a row to the right of the classroom near the far corner and started the day as we meant to spend the rest of the year.
Over the course of the morning, throughout classes, in the corridors and before the lessons started we avoided eye contact, skin contact and communication with those around us. The thoughts at the beginning of the day revolved around our beauty and our grace. A desire to know us better was expressed in the most depraved of ways in the minds of our classmates. A particularly graphic image of what one boy wished to do to Alice caused several alarming visions to flit through Alice's mind and Emmett to put a restraining hand on my shoulder. A massacre on our first day of school was exposure we did not need. By the time lunch rolled around the student body had began to turn against us, thinking we were rude and arrogant. Alice, Emmett and I settled into the role nicely.
Lunch was always a double edged sword for us for it required us to be under closer scrutiny and to keep a careful check on our actions and demeanour. Yet it was also the most secluded place in the school. We were in plain sight of the entire school population, yet sat around a table tucked into the corner of the cafeteria, which afforded us privacy we did not have in the classroom or corridors.
We walked into the large cafeteria and waited in line like the rest of the herd. We bought drinks and food we would not consume and found a small table to the left as far back as possible. Alice led the way, followed by Emmett and then me.
I was mid stride when a scent so deliciously pungent floated along the air toward me. I stopped and closed my eyes, inhaling the scent particles deeply. I savoured the succulent flavour upon the air. Opening my eyes, I turned to the direction where it originated from. I could hear the urgent sounds of Alice and Emmett's mind. I could hear the humans around me laugh and ponder my behaviour. But it washed around me and I ignored it for I was in the centre of the storm and fixed in place.
Across the room, sitting at a table with two other humans sat a boy. He had brown hair parted on the left side slightly hanging over one eye but neatly cut. He wore a rusty red coloured t-shirt with a brown zip up jumper and he was staring directly at me. Frozen in place just as I was. His deep brown eyes stared steadily at me, widened slightly but not in fear for his eyebrows were not pulled up. He was nervously biting on his lower lip and a delicate pink flush drifted up his cheeks from his neck like smoke. I began to take a step toward him, his heart beat called out to me and the scent of his blood was overwhelming me. The burn in my throat was raging and I knew the only thing that would soothe it pumped in the veins of the human in front of me. All I needed to do was go to it. All I needed to do was taste it.
A hand on my back along with a forceful shout stopped me. The hand was Alice and the shout came from her mind. EDWARD, NO!
I immediately expelled a long breath and closed off my lungs, trying to rid myself of the scent my body craved so badly. Alice's hand moved to the crook of my arm and she firmly turned me around to face her. Her expression was serene and she had a calm smile upon her face, but her mind was in disarray and she was panicking. Out loud she told me that I needed to go the office for there was a slip Mrs Cope needed me to sign and that she would save my food for me. Her mind threw horrific images at me as she showed me what I had nearly done. Screams and terrified cries filled the air as I devoured the boy behind me. The consequences of my actions would alert the Volturi and the treaty with the Quileutes would have been violated. My hunger for the boy's blood would destroy everything our family had built if I did not walk away now. I nodded at her, handed her my tray and walked out of the cafeteria. It was impossible to tell that white hot flames were licking the insides of my throat and my mouth was nearly over flowing with venom.
Once the doors were closed behind me I ran and ran and ran, pushing myself farther while every step I took warred against my desire to turn back toward the source of my own version of hell.
A/N: I really hope you liked it. So scared right now.
Reviews would be lovely and I hope to see you over on the thread!