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(Fuyuko POV)

Just by looking at the scene could I infer what had happened. Firstly, everyone except for Squalo and Lussuria had a bowl of a purple, gooey, sticky…gunk in front of them on the table. No, I do not think it deserved to be called food. As for Squalo, he had a saucepan of gunk at his feet, and he was shouting about his hair. It looked as if someone had burnt it off. Perhaps. Just maybe. And Lussuria had a large hole seared into his hot pink apron and a face of pure shock.

Got it. Squalo and Lussuria were forced to make breakfast. It did not turn out so well. The gun shot had been caused by Xanxus, who had seared a whole through Lussuria's pink apron and burnt some of Squalo's hair. The crash was caused by Squalo, who had dropped his saucepan and was now yelling about his hair. Oh, I totally knew what was going to come from Squalo…

Everyone turned to look at me.

"Around now…" I thought.

"VOIIII! STUPID WOMAN!" Squalo yelled.

"It came."

"VOII! YOU'RE A FEMALE RIGHT? COOK!"

"Too noisy." I stood there glaring at Squalo with my arms folded. "I would have assumed that after tasting the food I first cooked for them, they would have never thought about it, let alone ask me to cook more."

"Mou~ Fuyu-chan~." Lussuria pouted childishly. "Pwreetty please with a chwerry on top?"

"Too creepy."

Levi pulled out an umbrella from his back and caused lightning flames to cover it. He tried his best to glare at me evilly.

"I wonder why, you aren't scary at all." Sarcasm dripped off my words.

"If you end up cooking, I won't pay you." Marmon continued counting his wad of cash.

"I won't cook, you won't pay. That's fine, right?"

"Ushishishi, let the prince handle this." Belphegor pulled out a fan of knives. "Cook, peasant, or die. Ushishishi."

I spun on my foot, pretending not to hear Bel. "You said something, fake-prince? Oh, sorry, didn't catch that. Maybe your voice sounded so constipated I mistook it for Levi, that octopus's fart."

"O-Octopus?"

"Ushi." Knives flew at me, and if it wasn't for my random instinct, I would have been sushi.

I bent backwards and let a knife fly over me, then I kicked two away from the side with my bare feet, and I kept dodging until I was in a very unique position. My back was in an arch, backwards, my head was tilted sideways, one of my legs was on top of my other leg, one finger was behind me making sure I wasn't about to fall, and the other hand was catching any other random knives Belphegor was about to chuck. Great position, really comfortable.

I caught another two knives (still in the awkward position), and threw them away randomly, landing (and cracking) Bel's plate. Purple mush wafted its way onto Belphegor's shirt. Whoops.

"Ushishishi… why you…." Bel pulled out an array of knives.

Damn. I maybe was in a little trouble. Whatever. I hate fighting in the morning. I'm never awake enough to concentrate. I pulled out two metal fans from a mysterious dimension (Just like Gokudera and his bombs) using my spare hand and quickly cut the wires that surrounded me. At least I could get up from the weird position now.

Metal fans vs Knife-fans. Go me.

Belphegor threw his knives swiftly.

Oh, never fear, I'm Varia, and I have Varia quality too.

I thrusted my weapon forcefully and met his knives tip-on-tip with my fans. His blades shattered.

"Ushishi…Tch. Same as ever, peasant."

"Thank you for the compliment, prince." I somersaulted and landed on the handle of the saucepan that Squalo had dropped. The remaining bits of mush flew directly into Belphegor's face.

"Ushishishi. The prince will shred you to bits."

"Come on then, Mr Fake-prince. I haven't got all day."

"I will~ Ushishishi."

Bam! A gunshot rang through the noise and pierced a hole in the wall in the gap between me and Bel. Whoops. Cue- Xanxus-nii.

Belphegor had shut up. Xanxus turned to look at me.

"Trash."

"Ok, I'll make breakfast."

(In the kitchen)

Ok, let me tell you a secret. The first (and only previous) time the Varia had told me to cook, I had cooked a disgusting (even worse than Lussuria and Squalo) meal for them to eat. On purpose. I did that because I'm lazy (Ok, I admit it) and I thought that they would never ask me to cook again. Dead wrong, me, dead wrong. I'm actually a pretty good chef. I'm not trying to boast, it's true.

From the kitchen, I could hear Belphegor's remarks of his victory (what?), Lussuria's squeal (annoying), and Squalo and Levi's noisy bickering (loud, people, loud).

Oh no, I was not just going to whip up a 5-star meal for them all. But for nii-san and myself maybe…

I lazily pulled out a bunch of fancy platters and dishes, the frypan, and other utensils. I grabbed some steak, ham, potatoes, flour, butter, herbs, milk, a couple of other random ingredients and some tequila and started cooking. (No, it's not for me to drink)

"Breakfast is served, idiots." I placed some fancy platters down on the table in front of each person. A delicious smell wafted around the room.

"VOII! HOW COME LAST TIME YOU COULDN'T COOK?"

"I still can't. For particular people, that is."

"Ushishishi, the peasant is a liar. It smells fit for a human. Ushishishi."

"Humph. Boss must enjoy his meal, or I will kill you."

"I'm still not paying for this."

"Fuyu-chan~ I'm so glad you came around!"

Ok, I felt kind of bad after that last comment.

I whisked the platters off four dishes. Squalo, Levi, Bel and Lussuria saw a 'beautiful' sight. A black , bubbly, frothy dish (that was far worse than Squalo and Lussuria's) with worms and caterpillar guts coming out of it sat in front of them. The four of them vomited on the spot at the sight.

"Fuyu-chan~~~ Meanie!" Lussuria pouted again.

It was then my turn to vomit.

I walked over to Xanxus and poured him a cup of tequila. He nodded in return, and I walked over to Marmon.

"This is something little babies should have… be grateful, Marmon." I took the lid off Marmon's platter. There was… a bottle of milk. No, not milk, top-quality milk.

Marmon ignored it and knocked it to the floor using an illusion.

"I used the best milk-powder brand there was. The one that was most popular with babies." I told Marmon. "You cannot not like it."

My bad. Marmon dissipated into mist.

"VOII!" It seemed Squalo had regained his strength. "HOW DID I THINK THAT THIS TRASH SMELLED GOOD?"

"Oh, you want the answer?" I walked over to my seat, which was on the right-hand side of Xanxus's, and sat down. "This." I took the lid off Xanxus's plate and my own plate. On Xanxus's plate, sat large pieces steak and ham, a cooked fish, roasted potatoes, gravy, and herbs. On my own, there was a medium-sized piece of fried bread, a small tart, a pie, some waffles, a small slice of steak with sauce, and vegetables.

Ok, I'm a big eater. So what?

Xanxus smirked and dug in. I did the same. Everyone else collapsed in their chairs and fainted of hunger.

It's what you get for trying to force me to do things, my, dear, dear family.