Farkas and I left Jorrvaskr and headed out of Whiterun to Dustman's Cairn. Once we got out of the city, the land opened up. Out here flowed streams and rivers of sparkling sapphire blue and vast fields of emerald green. I hadn't seen anything so beautiful since training out in the meadows in the outskirts of Ceredia. Gray, craggy mountains rose like fortresses all around us. There was an otherworldly beauty to this place, and I thought to myself, I must spend a day or two fishing in these streams or hunting bears out here once all the dragons have left. I felt like this was something to be cherished as soon as possible because its pristine existence seemed so fragile and fleeting.
As Farkas and I were going along the cobblestone path leading northwest, going at a slight jogging pace, he opened up a conversation with me. "Have you met all of the Companions yet?"
"Not yet," I replied. "How many are there?"
"There are nine total," he answered. "Add you and that makes ten. There used to be a lot more, but people don't tend to stick around for long, I guess because of how demanding it is."
"Why would Skjor tell me not to get you killed?" I asked. "I mean if I were him, I'd be more worried about the newcomer- me!"
Farkas snorted. "Oh, don't worry. Skjor likes to tease me, but he's a good guy. He challenges us to be our best."
"They all seem like good people," I said. "I would be honored to become part of such a faction."
"Do well, and you'll have no problem getting in," he said. "Although I have to say, it's nice to have a new face around. It gets boring there sometimes. I hope we keep you. This can be a rough life."
You have no idea what my life has already been like, I thought. But that can be a story for another time. Unlike the other Companions, Farkas made me feel very much at ease. Despite his very rough and harsh appearance, he actually turned out to be very gentle and kind-hearted. He really seemed like he wanted to help me join the Companions. I also learned that he was Vilkas' twin brother. I might have known, I thought when he told me this. I thought there some physical resemblance between them. But their personalities were very different. I think I was starting to like Farkas more. And I'm sure that under all those scars and war paint, he was a handsome Nord.
We finally reached Dustman's Cairn in about an hour. Tall, ancient burial stones surrounded a large hole in the ground which was accessible by stone steps. Farkas and I climbed down the steps into the barrow and opened a set of double doors made of solid iron. Once inside, a very dank smell invaded my nostrils. I looked all around me and saw that we were inside a man-made tunnel. Dark green moss hung from the ceiling. We took a few steps forward and emerged in a large room. Two torches lined the walls to our left and right. There was a dead body on the ground, but it didn't look like it had been there for that long. "Looks like someone's been digging here," Farkas observed, drawing his greatsword. "And recently. Tread lightly."
I followed suit and drew my steel sword.
"Okay, Roxanne. Lead the way. I'll follow behind you."
I gulped and proceeded through the room, examining the body but only finding a little bit of gold in a satchel. We then moved on through some more tunnels and caverns. Before we got very far in, we encountered some draugrs, which Farkas told me were long-dead Nords from ancient times, resurrected by necromancers that liked to roam the tombs and dungeons, practicing their magic on dead things. The draugrs were easy enough to fight. Their outer bodies were so degenerated to the point where their bones were visible and the entire shape of their eyeballs and teeth were visible. They wielded weapons and armor like any other living being but they moved very slowly and their eyesight, I imagined, was quite poor. But there were a lot of them. Such a horrible thing for these once-noble warriors of long-past history to be wandering around in unrest in this state, all because some magician used them as mere fodder in their twisted, dark arts! As Skjor had told me, Farkas and I backed each other up. He was a great warrior. I learned to respect him very quickly. Our casual chitchat had ceased upon entering battle down here, and I saw a whole other side of him emerge as we made our way through the barrow. He was a very serious and passionate fighter, always forging ahead with a battle cry to engage the enemy in close combat. He wielded and swung his greatsword like a master. I kept in mind that I should never be as unfortunate as to cross him.
We finally reached a large chamber that contained an Arcane Enchanter and two thrones. Farkas stopped to examine the artifacts in the room, which included some books. "I'm going to try to find some spell books and enchant my sword if you don't mind. If you want to, go on ahead and I'll catch up to you. Just yell if you run into any trouble."
Will that really be alright? "Okay." Somehow, I felt like it was a bad idea to try arguing with him when he was in his business-like mood. I went to the other end of the chamber and found a gate barring the exit. Ah yes, a gate. There must be a lever to open it here somewhere…I didn't find one nearby, where they always were, so I kept looking. Farkas was sitting on one of the thrones, leafing through some books. I kept searching for a lever when I found a little room near the thrones and went in. I picked up some healing potions from a shelf and next to it, there was a lever. Here we go! I reached down and pulled it. Just then, I heard a loud slam and when I turned around, I saw that a gate had come down right in front of me. I turned around and tried to pull the lever again to open up the gate, but it was stuck. Oh, shit, I'm trapped in here! I realized. I turned back around and looked out of the gate. Should I call Farkas? I thought. I don't feel very…honorable in this situation. Just then, I saw Farkas walk up to the gate, chuckling. "Now look what you've gotten yourself into," he said in a mock scolding manner.
What? How can you be laughing about this situation? The expression on my face as I stared at him must've been such an alarming mix of surprise and fear that he immediately dropped the teasing and said reassuringly, "No worries. Just sit tight. I'll find the release."
I nodded, feeling the need to apologize somehow for getting both of us into this mess when all of a sudden, I saw a bunch of movement at the other end of the chamber behind Farkas. "What was that?" Farkas uttered, immediately drawing his greatsword and turning towards the clamber. It was a group of warriors swarming the chamber! I gripped the bars on the gate to get a closer look. They were all running in with swords raised.
"It's time to die, dog!" one of them yelled.
"We knew you'd be coming here," another one declared.
Farkas faced them, standing at the ready. He took a step back as they all began to surround him.
"Your mistake, Companion," a warrior spoke.
"Which one is that?" another warrior asked.
"It doesn't matter," his comrade answered him. "He wears that armor, he dies."
I watched helplessly as the warriors started closing in on him. Farkas took a few more steps back, coming closer to me.
"Killing you will make for an excellent story," a warrior spoke gleefully.
I clenched my grip around the gate's bars. No! He's outnumbered! I have to help him! But here I am trapped like a rat…damn it!
Suddenly, I heard Farkas declare calmly, "None of you will be alive to tell it." Then, I witnessed a truly horrific sight before my eyes. He began writhing as if in pain and it took me almost a full minute to realize what was happening to him. Thick, dark hair began covering him from head to toe and his entire physique seemed to change. Some of the warriors let out a gasp and I heard the clanking of swords drop to the floor as the warriors beheld this sight. Farkas let out a deep, throaty growl as his body completely transfigured into something beastly. On his hands grew long, sharp claws and his face lengthened into a canine-like muzzle with sharp teeth and turned black. Some of the warriors cried out in horror. Farkas was a werewolf! I stepped back from the gate and watched in horror and awe as he charged at the warriors and in a mess of blood, claws, and teeth, violently tore them all apart. I grabbed hold of the bars again and pressed myself against them so that I could get a closer look at this terrible sight- to fully understand what was going on. But it was absolute chaos out there. When all of his adversaries had fallen, Farkas raised his great muzzle up in the air and let out a guttural howl. The sound rattled my bones and curdled my blood. He then ran off to my left and out of sight and before I knew it, it was over. Just then, to my surprise, the gate rose up before me. I stepped slowly out of the room that I was trapped in, afraid to encounter the unspeakable. I needed to see this werewolf close-up- to touch the fur, to feel the muzzle, and to look into the fierce, red eyes to believe it for myself. I slowly looked to my left, but the room was empty. I began walking towards that direction and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Farkas, back in his human form, walk up to me from around the corner.
"Are you alright?" he asked me gently.
"…Y-y-yeah, I'm alright," I answered uncertainly. "Uh, are you?"
"Yeah. I hope I didn't scare you," he answered.
"Um, what was that all about?" I decided to ask.
"Well…it's a blessing given to some of us. We can be like wild beasts. Fearsome."
"Oh? Blessed? So you're not going to…make me like that when this is all said and done are you?"
"Oh, no," he quickly replied. "Only the Circle have the beastblood. Anyway, we should keep moving. Still the draugr to worry about. Remember…'eyes on the prey, not the horizon.'
"Okay…" I felt like I shouldn't inquire any further anyway so I pressed onward. The gate that had originally blocked the way forward was now open. We made our way through several more rooms, killing draugrs and also other enemies left and right. Farkas told me that the other enemies were called Silver Hands and that they targeted Companions members for some reason. We even encountered some giant Frostbite Spiders down here, which were a huge menace. They would pop out from behind thick curtains of white cobwebs and try to bite us with their teeth, which were as large as daggers, and shoot poison at us which burned like acid when it touched our skin. I also constantly wondered if Farkas was going to transform into a werewolf again and I could finally see this phenomenon up close. But he did no such thing, nor did he make any mention of it again.
Finally, we reached a large, airy chamber with a big, stone altar at the head of the room. Many stone coffins lined the walls of the room. Farkas and I slowly approached the altar, and saw that there was a small pedestal, in the center of the altar. Sitting on top of it, was what looked like a broken fragment of a large, flat blade. Farkas nodded at me and said, "That's it! That's the fragment of Wuuthrad. Go ahead and take it, but prepare for battle. I have a bad feeling about this room." I glanced at all of the coffins lining the walls, and I think I knew what he meant.
I drew my sword and cautiously picked up the fragment. As soon as I did, I heard creaking and clanking noises. I turned around and saw that all of the coffins started to open. My heart began to race in anticipation of what was about to come. I began taking a few steps back and bumped into Farkas. He stood poised, prepared for the battle, facing the other side of the room. We watched as draugrs emerged from the open coffins and saw us. "You take that side of the room!" I ordered Farkas. "I'll take this!"
"Got it!" Farkas replied, and we separated, with me charging towards the reanimated draugrs on the left side of the room and Farkas charging towards the ones on the right side. Draugr after draugr came out and attacked us. It was chaos! Some even appeared from other rooms to attack us! The onslaught seemed endless. But we both persisted and we hacked and slashed at every one until there were none left. We knew we had killed the last one when all became quiet save for our heavy breathing and the metallic sound of us sheathing our swords.
"You alright?" Farkas asked me, breathlessly.
"Yes. You?" I asked, just as much out of breath as he was.
"I'm fine," he replied. "Well, looks like you did it. You got the fragment. Let's head on back to Jorrvaskr."
A great sense of relief and accomplishment washed over me as we dragged some of the draugr bodies to the edges of the room to clear the path. Farkas followed me as I then made my way back through the tunnels from where we came. We found the exit out of Dustman's Cairn and climbed back outside and out of the barrow. The sun was low in the sky to the west, casting an orange glow on the open meadows all around us. We both then hiked the long way back to Whiterun. An hour later, we were back in Whiterun and making our way up the steps east of the Gildergreen tree towards Jorrvaskr. Farkas' brother, Vilkas, was waiting for us at the top of the steps.
"We've been awaiting your return," he said to us as we ascended the steps. He then nodded at Farkas, who was all sweaty and breathless. "Brother," he nodded at him.
"I got the fragment!" I exclaimed as I walked up to him.
"Excellent," Vilkas replied. "Come, follow me.
I nodded and followed Vilkas. Farkas joined his brother's side as Vilkas gave him a pat on the shoulder and asked him how it was. They talked between themselves and I followed them around to the back of Jorrvaskr. Kodlak and the rest of the Companions were waiting there in the courtyard training ground.
When Kodlak saw us, he said, "You've returned. And you brought the fragment!"
"Yes, I have," I said. I then handed it to him. "Here it is."
Kodlak took it from me and said, "Wonderful. You have my utmost thanks."
"Harbinger," Vilkas spoke. "Does this mean that she is one of us now?"
"You are correct," Kodlak said to him. "Miss Roxanne, stand over here." He gestured to the space next to him. I obeyed and he addressed the rest of the Companions with me at his side, "Brothers and sisters of the Companions, today we welcome a new soul into our mortal fold. This woman has endured, has challenged, and has shown her valor. Who will speak for her?"
"I," Farkas declared immediately, stepping forward. "I stand witness to the courage of the soul before us."
"Would you raise your shield in her defense?" Kodlak asked.
"I would stand at her back, that the world might never overtake us," Farkas proclaimed.
"Would you raise your sword in her honor?" Kodlak asked.
"It stands ready to meet the blood of her foes," Farkas proclaimed.
"And would you raise a mug in her name?" Kodlak asked.
"I would lead the song of triumph as our mead hall reveled in her stories," Farkas proclaimed. He then looked at me and gave a little smile.
I felt my face grow a little warm. Why thank you, Farkas. You are too kind…
"Then the judgment of this circle is complete," Kodlak declared. "Her heart beats with fury and courage that have united the Companions since the days of the distant green summers. Let it beat with ours, that the mountains may echo and our enemies may tremble at the call."
"It shall be so," Vilkas spoke up.
"It shall be so!" everyone else shouted, raising their fists.
At this, my heart swelled with pride and appreciation. Never before had I witnessed such loyalty from fellow warriors. I finally began feeling like I was part of a family. And a very honorable one, at that. Kodlak put his hands on my shoulder. "Well, Miss Roxanne, you're one of us now. I trust you won't disappoint."
I couldn't contain my smile any longer. I beamed visibly, and everyone applauded. We then proceeded to hold a small party and everyone enjoyed freshly-cooked food out on the patio. There was also plenty of mead to enjoy, which I partook in. I hung out with Aela, who was beginning to actually warm up to me now. At one point, after everyone had had plenty of mead, each person stood up on the patio in front of the doors and related a wild and crazy tale about one or their own exploits in battle. Aela related a story about how she single-handedly took down three snow bears standing on a cliff high above her in the woods. Vilkas had a story about how he and Ria slaughtered a mammoth together, and Farkas told a story about how he beheaded a small group of necromancers trying to resurrect a dead werewolf in a cave. Njada, Ria, Torvar, and Athis also related their own stories. Spirits were high and everyone seemed so animated. After Athis told his story, everyone began cajoling me to relate my own tale, so I eventually gave in and stood up. I proceeded to tell everyone about the dragon I battled at the Western Watchtower several days ago after coming to Whiterun for the first time. Feeling so good after having had a couple of bottles of mead, I had no qualms acting like a showman.
"The dragon, like a coward, hovered at a distance above me and a small group of soldiers from the imperial legion!" I shouted, raising my arms like the dragon's wings. "But I wasn't going to have any of this! I ran up the steps of the watchtower," I demonstrated by running across the patio, "and met the dragon face-to-face at the very top!"
Everyone gasped.
"Did you look the dragon in the eye?" Njada asked me.
"Yes," I answered. "And a fierce, scary-looking beast it was! Ten times my size! I was so close that I could see every scale, every vein in its webbed wings!"
"Did the dragon attack you directly?" Aela asked.
"Yes!" I answered. "It opened its great beak of a mouth, and out came a huge blast of fire, blowing me backwards and burning me!"
Everyone gasped again.
"I was so blinded by the flames that I nearly lost my footing and fell off the tower, but I stood steadfast and before I knew it, the fire had ceased and I was able to pull out my bow quickly enough to fire a shot right into its eye!"
"Wow!" Kodlak cried.
"The dragon doubled back and gave a great pained shriek, at which I took the chance to fire a couple of more arrows! And it finally fell out of the sky, its great body hitting the ground like a big CRASH of thunder, and its wings followed with a second CRASH!"
"You killed the dragon?" Vilkas asked.
"Yes, sir," I replied, "And when I climbed down from the tower to examine its body, the whole thing suddenly erupted in flames! 'Step back!' someone shouted, and we all had to take a few steps away as the dragon burnt right up. Suddenly then, I felt a great wind erupt from the body of the dragon and I nearly fell backwards as the wind overtook me! I then suddenly felt…stronger! The dragon's soul had entered me!"
A louder gasp erupted from the crowd.
"The dragon's soul?" Ria questioned.
"I've heard such stories!" Skjor said in awe.
"But what does it mean?" Vilkas asked.
"I do not know," I admitted. "But it sounds like while I am here in Skyrim, I am bound to find out."
I then took a seat at the table with Aela, Njada, and Ria. They began asking me a bunch of questions, most of which I did not have answers to, but after a while, we got to laughing and joking again. After a few hours, it was well into the night and the party died down and we all headed inside to get ready for bed.
"So those dragon stories are true," Vilkas said to me as I made my way downstairs. He appeared fascinated. Farkas was with him.
"I'm still learning about them myself," I said.
"You are a very brave woman," Farkas said. "Those things are scary."
"I wish to know more about these dragons," Vilkas pressed. "And your experiences with them…absorbing their souls and everything. We must sit down and talk about it sometime. I have so many questions to ask you!"
"You, my brother, can ask all the questions you want," Farkas remarked, smirking. "Someday, I want to go hunt a dragon with you."
"So be it, my Shield-Brother!" I exclaimed.
"I prefer to read about them," Vilkas proclaimed snootily. He then put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "But if you want to go out and kill a dragon…then be my guest." He gave him a couple of hard pats on the shoulder and went on down the stairs.
"Okay, elf-brain!" Farkas retorted. "Then I shall get all the glory!"
Vilkas stopped and turned around. "What did you call me?" he challenged, narrowing his eyes.
"You heard me!" Farkas snickered.
Vilkas pursed his lips together tightly and growled, balling both hands into fists. "Why you…"
Farkas smiled nonchalantly and said, "See, Roxanne, I'm a doer. My brother here…talker."
"Oh yeah?" Vilkas mocked. "I'll show you a doer!" He then charged towards Farkas on the steps. I watched in surprise as he subdued his brother by the shoulders and pushed him down. "Agh!" Farkas cried out. "You crazy bastard!" I burst out into laughter as they engaged in a mock wrestling match, growling and shouting insults at each other. I could not stop laughing.
"Hey! Clear the stairs!" I heard Aela bark. She was standing at the top of the stairs and looking at the spectacle in disdain. Njada was standing beside her, scowling.
Farkas and Vilkas stood up and Vilkas said, "My apologies, Aela. I was just teaching my brother a lesson."
Aela made a clicking sound with her tongue and uttered, "Men…" She and Njada walked past them and joined me as we entered the living quarters and left the twins behind.
"Don't be afraid to boss those two around, Roxanne," Aela said to me after we closed the door. "Sometimes they act like little boys."
"I thought it was funny, truthfully" I said. "I didn't want to break them up."
"Hmph," she snorted. "I don't know where you get your patience for such rabble."
"Are they always like this when they have too much mead to drink?" I asked.
"Yes, and sometimes even when they don't drink," she sighed. "Sometimes I actually find myself wondering what the Companions would be like with no men around."
"It would be much cleaner," Njada remarked.
"And smell better," Ria chimed in from her room, joining our conversation.
But I don't know if it would be as much…fun, I almost said.
"Well, I'm going to bed," Aela said. "Goodnight, girls!"
"Goodnight!" Njada, Ria, and I said to her and retreated to our own quarters.
After getting undressed, I climbed into bed and lay awake for awhile. I found my thoughts drifting back to my family I left in Ceredia. As I mentioned before, I came from a very large clan of Nords called the Ihaniks. My own family unit within the clan was large, itself. My father, Niklaus, had twenty wives, all of whom were designated as my mothers. In all, I had thirty brothers and forty-one sisters, and I was among the youngest. From as early as I could remember, I was taught in the ways of the fist, blade, and magicka. I was taught not to fear blood or death. Our family was somewhat close-knit, but one could hardly call it loving. I had no idea who my real mother was, and in fact, it wasn't until recently that I realized that I was born from a single woman. Our parents were pretty harsh and abusive, but I learned very quickly how to defend myself and be tough.
Growing up, I only knew to hate the Spagos. They were a close-knit family like ours and I never knew the real reason why we hated them so but I was always told simple things like "they stole from people" or that "they killed animals for fun." Many times, a brawl broke out between one or a few of my siblings and one or a few of the Spagos. Some ended in death while others ended in injuries followed by solemn vows of vengeance. My parents and my older siblings said that we had to kill them all whenever we had the chance. But the Spagos were very advanced in magicka. It was very difficult to engage them in close combat. So that is why, one day, one of my brothers, Wendel, got the idea to turn me into a Khajiit. He had just started learning magicka and alchemy. He wanted me to invade their house and steal their spellbooks, and he had read about Khajiits and how they could see in the dark and move without making a sound. He had somehow gotten a hold of one of the Spagos' spellbooks about shapeshifting and transmutation and decided to perform the ritual on me. He promised me that he would transform me back and that the book would tell him how to do it so I went along with it. On the day before I was to go out and embark on my theft mission, Wendel read the book and performed the ritual on me to turn me into a Khajiit. It worked, and I had become like the feline race. My body became covered with black and white fur, I grew a tail, and my teeth and fingernails became razor-sharp. Aside from the aesthetic changes, I also felt a change within me, as well. I felt much more lithe and nimble. My eyesight became superior when it got dark. And my teeth and claws did some damage to whatever I sliced them through. I felt ready to impress my brother and my family by taking on this mission and being successful. However, I didn't count on the rest of my family's reaction when they saw what happened to me. When my parents first saw me in my Khajiit form, they were immediately disgusted and kicked me and Wendel out of the clan, disowning both of us. Deciding that we would no longer feel welcome in Ceredia at all, Wendel and I exiled ourselves and headed north through the wilderness. We survived by hunting and fishing, and whenever we went through towns, we would covertly steal food and clothing from the residents there. In one town not too far from Ceredia, we were caught stealing fish from a barrel right outside of an inn and were pursued by the owner. I was able to escape, but Wendel wasn't. I had thought he was running right behind me into the trees but once I was safe under the cover of the thick forest, I turned around and saw that he was gone. I had no choice but to continue onward, assuming that he was dead. I reached the land of Cyrodiil a few days later, my psyche and sense of self-worth degenerated as I quickly realized that without Wendel, I was alone. And without his spellbook, what I thought was going to be a brief stint as a Khajiit was actually going to be a lifetime of accepting what I had become, for there was now no turning back- I would be a Khajiit forever. I was without a family and without a companion for the very first time in my life. My life had hit an extreme low, and it was then as I was traveling through Cyrodiil when I was captured by Imperial soldiers and brought to Skyrim. They took me and a couple of other prisoners to a town called Helgen, and there I watched as the soldiers cut the head off of one of the prisoners on a chopping block, and called upon me next. It was at this very moment that the dragon swooped down and attacked the city. I always call it the dragon because it was then when I felt that my life had changed. Before that moment, I was a sad and lonely sod, ready to die, but after, I felt as if the dragon had granted me a second chance at life, and I felt a renewed sense of purpose. I would never hope to transform back to my old self again, but the things that I could do with myself, the things that I could do with my life…didn't seem all hopeless any longer. I decided that I would help the people discover why dragons had returned to their land, as they hadn't been there for hundreds of years, and to help them eradicate this reemerging threat.
As I lay there, lost in thought, I then thought about all the events that had transpired since coming to Skyrim and ending up in Helgen, Whiterun, and finally, here at Jorrvaskr. I thought about all of the people that I had met who didn't treat me with contempt or suspicion and wondered why this was so. I wondered why Hadvar had set me free and essentially pardoned my execution. I wondered why I had suddenly gained the admiration of Aela, Farkas, Vilkas, and Kodlak. I surely didn't deserve any of this. Yet I felt a great sense of comfort and happiness as I thought about these people. And now I was part of a family again- the Companions, it was called. They all really did begin feeling like true companions. And I imagined that someday I would view them as true brothers and sisters. Maybe…but there's still some things that I've yet to know about them, I knew. For one thing, it still somewhat bothered me how nonchalant Farkas was about the whole werewolf incident. Is he just used to that or is he really expecting me to become used to it, myself? I wondered. And what is this Circle that he mentioned? Would I ever really become a true member of this family or am I just deluding myself? I then drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, I got up early again and went to the table to eat some breakfast. My head felt like it was pounding from the wild and exciting day and night before, but having some bread, fried eggs, and cheese made me feel a little better. Tilma and Kodlak were up. Tilma was busy in the kitchen so I spoke with Kodlak. At some point, I don't remember how, I brought up the subject of werewolves. I think my curiosity about the incident with Farkas became too great that it somehow just slipped out.
"I see you've been allowed to know some secrets before your appointed time," Kodlak remarked in a somewhat surprised manner.
"Yes, but we were in great danger," I said in Farkas' defense. "I got myself trapped and Farkas was greatly outnumbered. He was so…powerful."
"It is a powerful…blessing that we share, yes," he said.
"So you have it, too?" I asked.
Kodlak sighed. "Yes. Perhaps it's okay for you to know everything. Not every Companion shares the blood of the beast. Only members of the Circle, who are the most powerful members. Some take to it more than others."
Well, I sort of already knew that. "Why were you hesitant to call it a blessing?"
"Because I do not really see it as so. The others will differ with me on this one but I believe it is a curse." He then looked solemn as he continued, "I grow old. My mind turns towards the horizon. To Sovngarde. I worry that Shor won't call an animal to glory as he would a true Nord warrior. Living as beasts draws our souls closer to the Daedric Lord Hircine. Some may prefer an eternity in his Hunting Grounds, but I crave the fellowship of Sovngarde."
"Then…you're looking to cure yourself?"
"Yes, but it's no easy matter. But…that is something to be talked about at a later time. Anyway, Roxanne…please promise me that you will keep this a secret, especially to those outside of Jorrvaskr. We who possess the beastblood are not exactly liked. What you have seen in Farkas was an incredible display of power. But he also could have easily used it on you, as well. In beast form you see, we cannot so easily discern what is good and what is evil. We only know one feeling- and that is the need to feed."
"I see," I said, trying to take this all in. "So you're saying that Farkas could have killed me if he wanted to down there?"
"Yes, Roxanne. When I heard about what happened I was shocked myself to find that you were unscathed. Perhaps those bars that stood between you and him were the only thing keeping you alive during that attack. That is why we only use that power when we absolutely need to. I already gave Farkas a lecture about it. I believe he was treading on thin ice when he used that power with you present and it had nothing to do with failing to keep a secret."
After this conversation with Kodlak I had to go back to my room and think for a while. It was a lot to take in. I also began wondering what exactly this Circle was and how one became a member in it. Not that I had become eager to join, but I felt like I was learning new secrets everyday about the Companions.
Late in the morning, I went out to the patio and found Farkas enjoying a drink all by himself. Vilkas and Torvar were in the courtyard, practicing their sparring techniques. I joined him at the table.
"Enjoying the weather?" I asked. "Or enjoying Vilkas getting a beatdown?" I winked, alluding to last night's funny event.
Farkas laughed lightly. "Of course," he replied. "Want some mead?"
"Oh, no, I'm good for now," I said. "Thanks anyway."
"Had enough last night?" he asked good-naturedly.
"Oh yeah," I responded, putting my hand on my head. "Had a little headache this morning."
"Our favorite mead will do that to you," he said. "You'll get used to it."
I watched him in silence as he gulped down his drink and put the tankard down.
"Sorry," he said. "I'm not much of a talker. My brother, Vilkas, is a better talker than me. He may be able to join us, soon."
"It's okay. I…I just wanted to apologize," I started.
"For what?"
"About the incident down in Dustman's Cairn. I feel like I put you in danger, getting myself trapped and all and I-"
"You don't have to apologize. You did what you had to do, and that's all that matters. Those Silver Hands that came in were solely after me. If anyone needs to apologize, it's me, for putting you in a situation that you had no business being in."
"Well…I just want to thank you for saving me. As my Shield-Brother you…you did a very good job in protecting me."
A smile formed on his face. "That's good to hear." Immediately, though, his smile faded and his expression grew very serious. "I promise I won't use my beast form in your presence again, though."
"That's okay. Kodlak told me everything."
"So you know all about us?"
"The Circle? Yes. And I promised that I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't quite understand everything about it, but…I won't pry. It really is none of my business, after all."
"Thanks, Roxanne. I really couldn't ask any more of you. I'm glad you seem to understand where I'm coming from."
"I do. It must be…difficult…to constantly feel like you're being prejudiced or hunted." As I said this, I felt like I was saying it to myself, as well.
Farkas must've sensed my sudden melancholiness and distant look so he then asked me, "So how did a Khajiit like you end up in Skyrim, anyway?"
"I…I didn't come here on my own accord," I explained, trying not to show the hurt of being called a Khajiit. I then proceeded to tell him about how I was arrested by Imperial guards and how I was wrongly accused of conspiring against the Empire and nearly executed before a dragon interrupted everything. I told him that I was going to stay in Skyrim for a while because I needed to find out more about the sudden dragon invasion. However, I left out the part about how I was turned into a Khajiit by my brother. Somehow, I felt like I couldn't let him in on this secret just yet. At this point, despite finding out about his lycanthropy secret, I still barely knew him. However, after our long conversation at the table, I felt like we knew and understood each other a lot better. I shall enjoy being his Shield-Sister on many occasions very much, I thought.
After this, I asked him what I should do next and he told me that Aela had something for me, so I talked to her. She wanted me to clear out another beast den so I did that, came back, and she told me that there was really nothing else to do. So I decided to leave Jorrvaskr for a while and pursue my mission to find out more about the dragons.