"Ivy," whispered a voice. Ivy looked up to see Dr. Green by the bars of her cell. She beamed at him.
"Come to take me away, Prince Charming?" she murmured, heading over to the bars and smiling.
He nodded. "We have to be quiet," he murmured. "The guards will react quickly if they're alerted to an…"
"Escape attempt in progress. All inmates to be pacified on site," blared an automatic voice through the corridors.
"They can't have noticed us…" began Ivy, but Dr. Green wasn't listening. He unlocked the cell and grabbed her arm, then dashed off down the corridor.
They reached the end of the hall and were surprised to see the guards rushing to the other end. "It's not me they're after," murmured Ivy. "Then who…"
She let out a stifled scream as a hand was clapped over her mouth. "Hi, Red! Hope you don't mind if we join in the escape party!" whispered Harley Quinn loudly, appearing next to her suddenly and waving.
"Was it you idiots who set off the alarm?" hissed Ivy as the Joker removed his hand from her mouth.
"Guilty as charged!" chuckled Joker. "Thought it might be more fun if we had a bit of a chase. Tag, you're it!" he shouted suddenly, slamming Ivy's face into the wall and dashing off toward the exit, laughing hysterically. The guards turned at the shout and the laughter and raced toward them.
"You son of a…!" shrieked Ivy after him, cupping her nose.
"You have to tag us, Red, that's how you play the game!" cried Harley, rushing after Joker and giggling.
"I'll give him a tag," muttered Ivy, seizing Dr. Green's arm. "C'mon."
"Ivy, my love, are you all right?" began Dr. Green.
"I said come on!" she snapped, running faster as the guards gained on them.
They whirled around the corner and came face to face with the Joker holding up a gun. "I'm tired of this game, Pammie, let's modify it a bit!" he chuckled. "Freeze tag!"
"Get down!" shrieked Ivy, shoving Dr. Green to the ground just in time. A ray of ice shot from the gun and enveloped the approaching guards.
"C'mon, Pammie, get up!" chuckled Joker, dropping the gun and running off. "You're still it! No tagbacks!"
"When I get my hands on his grinning face…" hissed Ivy, grabbing Dr. Green and rushing after him.
They had reached the parking lot with the sirens still blaring, and more guards descending. "Here's your stupid tag!" shrieked Ivy, punching Joker hard across the face.
"I said no tagbacks..." he began, but Ivy punched him again.
"And here's another one for ruining my escape attempt!"
At that moment, a car suddenly pulled up in front of them. "Need a lift?" growled Two-Face, popping open the door.
"Forgot to mention, Pammie, I let Harvey out early to do a little scavenger hunt," chuckled Joker. "Getaway car, check. Machine gun," he said, giggling as he reached into the backseat. "Check!"
He began firing at the guards as Ivy, Harley, and Dr. Green climbed into the backseat. Joker jumped into the passenger seat at last and Two-Face sped off.
"Snacks for the road?" asked Joker hopefully, looking at Two-Face.
He shoved a box of cupcakes at him. "Check," he retorted.
"Aw, Harvey, you're the greatest!" chuckled Joker. "I dunno why you dumped this guy, Pammie! Give me cake and I'm all yours, Harvey!" he giggled, popping a cupcake into his mouth. "Cupcake, cupcake?" he asked, handing one to Harley, who squeaked happily.
"Are they made with artificial flour?" growled Ivy.
"Of course they are," retorted Two-Face. "Got used to eating them like that when we were…uh…"
"Oooh, awkward!" chuckled Joker, grinning at Dr. Green. "Have you met Pammie's ex, Doc? You should compare notes, see if you can tell when Pammie's faking her org…"
Ivy punched him again. "I don't understand how you could ever let a woman as precious as Ivy go," said Dr. Green, staring at Two-Face in astonishment.
"Actually, she dumped me," growled Two-Face, his hands tightening on the wheel.
"Still, you didn't fight for her or anything?" asked Dr. Green.
Ivy laughed nervously. "Actually, Michael, when I dump a guy, I don't expect him to fight for me. I expect him to just take it like a man, with grace and dignity. Which I gotta admit, Harvey did."
"But…I can't imagine…just giving up on you, Ivy," murmured Dr. Green. "A guy will never meet a woman as perfect as you again. He'd have to be crazy not to protest a little, and try to win you back."
"Well, I'm…a woman of will, Michael, and I don't change my mind, y'see…" said Ivy, slowly.
"Aw, c'mon, Pammie, just give him the punchline!" chuckled Joker. "Tell him he's dumped!"
Ivy punched Joker so hard that everyone in the car heard his nose crack. "Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, trying to cuddle him.
But Joker was laughing through the blood that poured from his nose, grinning at Ivy. "Sorry, Mikey, you're friend-zoned!" he giggled.
Dr. Green just stared at him, and then at Ivy. "I…don't understand," he stammered.
"I didn't want to tell you like this," growled Ivy. "But I think we both just need some time apart, Michael, a little space, y'know…"
"But…you said we'd get away from Gotham," stammered Dr. Green. "That we'd be together forever and ever…I gave up my career for you and…you're just dumping me?"
"That's about the size of it, sport!" laughed Joker. "Makes you wanna laugh, doesn't it?"
"But…but Ivy…" stammered Dr. Green.
"Look, we're not discussing this now!" snapped Ivy. "Harvey, drop us off at my hideout in Central Park! Michael and I are going to talk about this in private!"
"And if you could drop me and Mr. J off at the abandoned funhouse, Harvey, we'd appreciate it," said Harley. "But can ya stop by the drugstore first? I gotta get his nose bandaged," cooed Harley, covering Joker in kisses.
"Yeah, and we should pick up Mikey some painkillers for the heartbreak," chuckled Joker. "Oh wait, sorry! They don't work for that! But don't you worry, Doc, the pain will get better, you'll see," he said, clapping him the shoulder. "Or so I hear. Never been dumped myself…"
"Allow me to give you the experience," growled Ivy, suddenly seizing the wheel from Two-Face and slamming on the brakes. She popped out of the car, ripped open the front door and dragged Joker out by the collar, shoving him into a collection of trash cans in the nearby alley. A moment later, Harley was shoved after him with a shriek. Then the car drove off.
Joker chuckled, straightening up and dusting himself off. "Nice gag, Pammie!" he called after her. "Guess you gotta keep your spirits up somehow in times like these, huh? Well, you keep smiling, toots!"
"What do we do now, Mr. J?" muttered Harley, standing up and rubbing her backside.
"Walk to the hideout, I guess, pooh," replied Joker, shrugging. "Probably good exercise anyway. Who needs a car…"
His face suddenly fell and he raced after the disappearing vehicle.
"Mr. J!" called Harley. "Where you going?"
"They drove off with the cupcakes!" he shouted.
Harley sighed, shrugged, and dashed off after him.