Bella

Terrified to look in the mirror, I stared down at the swirl of fabric around my feet. This was it. This was really it. All those arguments, all those plans. All the phone calls and shopping trips and excited giggles between Alice, Esme and Renee. It had all led to this. In just a few minutes I was going to (very carefully) walk down those stairs on Charlie's arm, past my old friends and my new family, and pledge to spend the rest of my life with Edward.

Choked, gasping sounds filled the air, almost drowning out the steady ebb and flow of voices from outside the bathroom window. Was the entire town of Forks standing out there, waiting to come inside and watch my humiliation when I tumbled down the stairs and fell at Edward's feet like the uncoordinated, unsophisticated peasant I was?

All right Bella, focus. The choked sound had been replaced by a steady gurgle. That was new. Was the sink plugged? Carefully grabbing the skirt of the voluminous dress that danced and swayed around my ankles I turned to look. No, the sink was fine. Which was good, because Alice would have killed me if I'd done anything to the dress trying to fix the plumbing.

A minute later the gurgling sound was joined by a steady, crinkling rattle, the shuffle of mice scurrying across the floorboards. Oh. Embarrassed, I dropped the skirts of the dress so they'd stop grazing across the bathroom tiles and dragged in a deep breath. And another. And another, until my hands stopped shaking and I could breathe without sounding like I was desperately sucking air through a straw while going under for the third time. Get it together Bella.

Then the mirror over the sink caught my eye. Was that really me? Was that pale, trembling willow in the mirror really me? Oh my god, I looked like a little girl playing dress-up in my mother's clothes.

Alice and Rosalie had done a beautiful job with my hair. The braids looped and dipped around my head, waiting for the veil, the weight of the pins lying like a heavy hat. Alice must have put enough makeup on me keep Mary Kay in business for years. I was pretty sure I couldn't feel my face under the layers of foundation. In fact, I wasn't sure I could feel me at all. Who was this woman-child staring back at me, eyes huge, hands trembling with fear? Was I really ready for this?

No, no I wasn't. I hadn't been kidding when I'd told Edward that getting married at 18 was for girls who got knocked up their senior year. This was big. This was permanent-more permanent somehow than the idea of becoming a vampire, which should have scared me right down to the bone but didn't. Marriage was the kind of commitment you made when you were ready to turn your back on all the other paths laid out in front of you, all the other people in your life that you cared about, to be with that person. And while I was sure that person was Edward...well, it was everything that went with it that had me trembling like a leaf in a hurricane

This would be the last time I saw Charlie, or Renee. After today the clock ticking down the seconds of my humanity would roll forward without them. The next time I saw them again would be at my funeral, and the image filled me with such a deep seated melancholy that tears actually burned the back of my eyes.

Yeah, because nothing said, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my un-life with you" like raccoon eyes on your wedding day.

A thump outside made me jump. The edges of a wooden ladder landing against the side of the house, followed a second later by an eerie profile silhouetted against the frosted windows. The face pressed itself against the glass for a minute, a sticky, squelching sound filling the room before a tongue shot out to leave a trail of slime against the glass.

Laughing, I walked over and knocked. The fiendish grin made me giggle. Mike Newton. I couldn't believe he was here. I couldn't believe anybody was here. The knots in my stomach squeezed tighter. Oh god, how many people had Alice invited? It sounded like all of Forks was milling around out there.

This was my wedding, wasn't it? Why couldn't we have done it at the JP the way I wanted to? Instead I was here, in this gargantuan mansion of a house overflowing with roses and freesia and some other flowers Alice had told me about that I couldn't remember, with the backyard filled with people who had barely spoken to me the past two years and had never liked Edward at all.

Hypocrites. Anger filled me, quickly washed away by the fear. I knew these people. The gossip. The whispers. They were wondering, waiting, like piranhas waiting for their next feast. Swishing away from the window I hastily picked up my skirts, Alice's unspoken warning through my head. Where was she? She was supposed to be keeping me sane. Instead I was here, trapped in the Cullens' (massive) bathroom with a freak on a ladder determined to make sure he was the last thing I thought about before I pledged what was left of my life to the man I loved.

Where was Jacob? Wrapping my arms around myself and clinging tightly, wrapped like a mummy in the yards and yards of cool fabric I was clinging to like a lifeline, I laughed again. The echo of that barking, ironic sound bouncing around the room made me giggle, a hysterical, unhealthy sound that would have terrified Edward if he had heard it. How stupid was it to wish for the person you'd chased away, over and over and over again, cutting them and rubbing salt into the wounds until they couldn't even stand to be in your presence? I would have given anything right then to feel Jacob's arms around me, warm, reassuring, promising me that I would be all right. I needed my best friend to tell me I was doing the right thing.

But Jacob wasn't here. And he didn't think I was doing the right thing. He thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life, and the fact that he wasn't here just proved it.

'Whose fault is that?' whispered the voice in my head, quickly squashed. I knew there was no one to blame but myself, and guilt squeezed the knots in my stomach even tighter until I gagged. Running over to the toilet I leaned my head over. So much for breakfast.

"Bella?"

Alice. Straightening, I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper and smiled weakly.

"Oh god, are you okay?"

Alice fluttered, her movements sleek and graceful in her sheath of pure silver. Behind her Rosalie stood, contempt and concern stamped across her face in equal measure. An overwhelming sense of inferiority swept through me, chased down by a forced smile.

"I'm fine. Just nervous, I guess."

"Understandable." Rosalie's face was unsmiling, smooth. "You are, after all, getting to celebrate the last days of your very short life."

"Rosalie!"

"What? If she can't handle the truth, she shouldn't be doing it." Rose shrugged carelessly. For a second there was a flash of something in her eyes I didn't understand. Then she spun and walked out the door. Alice huffed, handing me the bottle of Listerine.

"Don't listen to her. You're perfect. Everything's perfect." Reaching into the bag by her side she pulled out my veil, shaking it out and tucking it carefully around my braids and the jeweled combs from Charlie and Renee. "It's time. Are you ready?"

Was I ready? There was no good answer for that, so I placed my hand in hers and followed her out into the hallway. The room below us was filled with people, flowers and bows and white satin draped across every corner. The sweet strains of Pachelbel's Canon filled the air, dancing out from Rosalie's nimble fingers while she caressed the keys. With a quick kiss Alice danced down the stairs, leaving me holding on to Charlie's arm for dear life.

"Don't let me fall Dad," I whispered. It would be one of the last things he'd ever hear me say.