AN: Again, this is the continuation of What They Fear Most. I recommend reading that before beginning this one as it is very AU.
Two for the price of one! I am switching up POV's in this one. Hope you enjoy...
Who She Couldn't Be
Chapter Two
Prologue 2 - Castle
Castle hated Renee Black. He hated the spring dresses she wore and her beach sandals. He hated her necklaces and big sunglasses. He hated everything that made her the opposite of Kate Beckett.
When Rick had suggested faking her death he thought he was finding a loophole to saving two of the most important women in his life, but the reality had him losing pieces of both. Alexis was still recovering from her kidnapping and even though she insisted on living in campus housing, the first few months after they returned from the Hamptons would find her cuddled on her bedroom floor. She would stay with him for a few days before her class work distracted her enough to push away any lingering fears.
Months passed before Castle was strong enough to leave New York and Alexis for more than a few days at a time. Balancing his care for his daughter left little time in developing his budding relationship with Kate and made him wonder if that was what his plan had come down to sacrificing her for Alexis after all. Kate couldn't live in their world, she had to make a new one by herself, and Castle had to straddle both worlds the best he could.
Lying in bed next to Kate, he fingered her dark red curls and thought about all of the ways he hated her new identity. Rick had spent years fantasizing what it would be like to date Kate Beckett - brushing hands by the murder board after she instigated a no-contact zone around the precinct, breaking that rule in the break room during a heated case, walking in Central Park like a normal couple. Dating Renee Black was nothing like that - it was long walks on the beach, eating at cozy restaurants, and relaxing in a condo on a secluded island. Gone were stolen glances in the precinct- gone was the relationship they were supposed to have.
Not that the relationship they had now wasn't everything to him. She was still the remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating woman that he fell in love with years ago. They would still banter over coffee in the morning hours and her unexpected touch would make his skin burn with electricity. Overtime though Kate had taken to a different personality in public, one that was dangerously close to slipping in their private time as well. She smiled more, but not the true smile that he normally received over coffee. She laughed more, but it didn't sound the same as when she was laughing at something the boys said in the break room.
Castle would often catch himself counting the moments when her facade slipped away and her real personality shined through. But his constant trips back home to check on Alexis and keep up appearances around the city resulted in him returning to find the facade growing stronger over time. He knew what they were both afraid of - the longer Kate Beckett stayed dead, the harder it would be for her to ever return.
That fear drove him from the warmth of their bed before dawn almost every day. He would find himself pawing through the meager findings Ryan and Esposito had uncovered recently. Hoping and searching for the one string that would unravel years of lies so that Kate could finally come back to home.
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