Cherry Blossom Knight
Part DEUX
I am the Servant, Saber. A knight. A warrior. A king.
Those roles should never be reversed.
Yet time and again, that is being challenged.
As it stands, I am now dangerously low on mana-the source of energy which we Servants depend on to exist in this world. And my Master-Shirou Emiya-is the one to support me. He holds me close in his arms in the same way a man clings to life on a piece of driftwood. He has no power to speak of, despite being a rather well-built young man, and is not particularly good as a Magus, unfortunately. He holds me despite in such a way that it feels as though my life has meaning to him, that I'm not merely a Servant he is capable of carrying…
Now I feel his warmth on top of mine. With one desperate sigh, my mana is replenished. Thoughts of my past flooded my mind, not like a torrent, but as a gentle stream. I remembered my past life as if I were a child again, wandering a sun drenched forest full of singing birds and small animals-of the times when I did smile, the small lion cub I cared for, of my youngest years…the one time in my life where nothing mattered. I was small, and weak, yet ignorant of the bloody future that awaited me.
A glimmer of light-perhaps my Master's mind-almost seemed to say "you can have that back again, if you want".
No amount of distraction could make me forget Shirou's warmth that night. The boy I cared so much for…
My invisible sword clashed with that of the monstrous Berserker's, emitting a sound of thunder. Sparks of battle, both metaphorical and physical, flashed through the air with each strike along with the monster's cries for blood.
Even with my mana replenished, this would not be easy. And it was over in a flash.
My Master struck down Berserker.
His Master-little Illyasviel von Einzbern-collapsed shortly afterwards.
Shirou's words stayed my hand.
I close my eyes and adhere to his wishes.
There was mercy shown to our opponent, as unlike what was shown us.
Nonetheless, the battle was won regardless of what happened. And we would be returning home.
And I would be returning to Sakura soon enough.
I was alone again.
My school uniform was being set to dry and Nee-san had even given me some new clothes to wear-a long, light pink dress and a warm, off-white sweater for the cold. Where did she get these clothes, anyway? I'd never imagine these to be from her personal wardrobe, they're just too….too….they don't fit her personality at all! If I had given these clothes to Nee-san, she wouldn't wear them unless I forced them onto her.
One of the things about being alone that I'd gotten used to was that it always gave me a long time to think. These clothes weren't new…but they were pretty and I feel comfortable in them…and Nee-san was the person I'd gotten them from. Are these my…"our"…mother's clothes?
All of my attention was on Nee-san now. I could try and sleep, I could try working on my homework (delivered courtesy of Senpai's friend, Ryudou-senpai), I could even try readying a meal, but nothing could take my mind off of her. Sitting down outside, back to gazing out towards the dark sky on the familiar porch…I hated Nee-san. Every second, every minute filled every hour, I hated her more and more. Everything that she's ever done to me….or, rather, by NOT doing….she was picked by our father, even though she's so cruel…
But even so…Saber said to talk to her about all of this, to straighten everything, take one last chance for us to go back to being real sisters. I hate Nee-san. But it wouldn't be fair if…and I know it's nearly impossible, but…what if she doesn't hate me? Is she really aware of what's been happening to me these past few years? What if she isn't doing anything because she can't {citation here!}?
Just one, last chance…
It was getting late and there were no signs of Senpai or Nee-san returning. Something was happening. But I wasn't too worried. For the first time since Senpai, I trusted someone. They said "I will return, so just wait for me here" with a face full of dignity and resolution.
…
I anxiously await Saber-san's return, but it feels as though she never left. The warmth of her head against mine, the silky smooth surface of her hands…still felt so fresh from earlier. Even should my mind forget, I don't think my body ever could. My sweater kept the feeling wrapped inside me, despite the cool air of the night.
The powerful Servant, Saber-san…called me "my lady". To think that I would grow so close to a Servant like that, and for her to respond in kind is-well, it's a very welcomed surprise. And, I admit, almost crazy.
The hour of the next day was looming. So maybe I should be working on something now…School will be starting in a few days' time, but it'll come by quick.
Just like last year….
I am at Dream's Door now.
Rider's previous life was now like a mystery to me.
All of those vague memories from time immemorial ago don't exist anymore. I had learned the identity of my Servant then.
For the longest time, I could never dream peacefully. Most nights, I slept restlessly, my dreams invaded by shadowy figures that seemed to be digging their way into my very soul. Maybe it was because I was at Senpai's house. In truth, my brother had yet to return to the mansion and…grandfather, he's…no one else is at my home anymore. There is no reason to go home anymore, at least for right now. I'll talk it over with Senpai when this is over. And with Nee-san as well.
I wish I could see Saber-san right now. It's not like me to be impatient, but I just can't help it this time. Maybe my dreams will be about her this time…I can only hope…I can't see anything right now. No cool water. No hot, arid deserts. Just nothing for now. Nothing was actually nice for once. It could be an eternity or it could be a second for all I know. After all, time didn't matter here. I was stuck in uncaring euphoria.
But the very instant I realized that, I woke up.
Good.
"Oh, yes…finding Shirou was…harrowing, to say the least."
While her tone of voice never really changes, I was relieved to see that she has regained all of her strength. Senpai must have figured out a way to replenish Saber-san's mana somehow…
"And Nee-san?"
"Rin is here as well. If you wish to speak with her, I highly recommend that now is the time."
Don't we have school?…Oh, well, I suppose we still don't…Tomorrow should be the day school reopens but that is actually an optimistic estimation at best…I still have that homework to finish, too.
The time read half past six 'o clock in the morning, bright and early. Fatigue no longer clung to my body nor Saber-san's. Well then, might as well get up and tidy up breakfast! The very instant I said this to my knight, her face turned red and she clutched both of her hands together. "Erm…yes, that sounds quite fine. May I request you make something that is high in protein? If you wouldn't mind, I mean…"
"Like a bowl of chicken and rice?"
She nodded. It's cute, really-she looks almost like a child at the moment with the way she's nodding her head. I bet that if I asked her about it, she'd come up with an excuse why she is making this request. One not pertaining to the emptiness of her stomach, at any rate.
I smiled warmly back. Getting up, I said, "I'll have it finished soon so just sit tight, alright?"
"Y-yes! As you insist."
"By the way, how is Senpai?…" Come to think of it, he recovered from his injuries from the other day very quickly. Any wound that requires rest couldn't have healed on its own so fast…unless Nee-san healed him. She does appear to be serious about their alliance in the Holy Grail War-far more serious than I thought she would be.
"Shirou is doing fine. He is currently attending to our new…guest."
"Guest?"
"The reason for our prolonged absence yesterday. With the assistance of Rin, we managed to find Shirou but we then came into contact with Illyasviel von Einzbern and her Servant, Berserker. It took its time-replenishing my mana was a bit of a priority-but we finally defeated Berserker for good."
"As for Illyasviel?…"
"Illyasviel passed out shortly after her Servant disappeared."
"I see…"
That means that Illyasviel is our guest now. It would be just like Senpai to bring her here. "Then that would mean…that guest would be Berserker's former master," I said. "To be honest with you, Sakura, I do not agree with Shirou's logic in bringing her here. Is Shirou always like this? Does he really believe that Illyasviel can be trusted?"
It's a good question. Senpai is very kind and forgiving almost to a fault, even if he doesn't show it all the time. Killing the Master of a Servant is a very viable tactic (almost necessary in some cases) but it isn't the only way to win. And if there's an alternative to killing, Senpai will take it ten times out of ten, no matter how stupid it might seem. "If Senpai thinks so, then let's do as he says."
"Very well." Saber-san sagged a little bit. It would seem she is not wholly attracted by the idea still. I told her to just wait in my borrowed room whilst I prepared the no-doubt delicious meal. Saber-san wanted something high in protein, so meat is definitely involved…I just hope she drinks the tea this time.
"…so Ilya-chan hasn't woken up?" I said in response to Senpai.
"Nope. She hasn't stirred much at all since this morning. I can't blame her, I really can't. She's been through quite a bit," he said, stirring his miso soup. "So I decided that, since she doesn't have a place to stay with, that she can stay here. At least for now."
Nee-san immediately shot a look at Senpai, as did Saber-san. I sat next to Saber-san in an attempt to capture Nee-san's attention, but most of the time she barely acknowledged my existence. As usual.
"Shirou, aren't you forgetting something?" said Nee-san, her eyes beaming red hot daggers.
"Complain about it if you want, but this is my house, Tohsaka."
"You can be totally ignorant sometimes, can't you?"
"Like you can be any different?"
The slightly amusing scene that began playing out was far too attractive to not pay attention to. I softly smiled at my senpai bickering at each other. Saber-san's dignified yet almost cold expression turned towards me as I giggled a little. It must've been a little contagious because I could see a faint smile crossing her lips, as if to say "people these days-pretty obnoxious, right?" just before she dove into the latest bowl that I presented to her.
And she had the tea this time. Although I may have messed up this time…I didn't receive any comments from Saber-san…
"Have you not returned home, Sakura?" Saber-san asked me, awakening me from the daze I was occupied with. Lunch was over and Saber-san volunteered to help me with the dishes. Of course, I was more than happy to have my knight aid me in such a noble crusade against all of whom that would dare threaten the cleanliness of our household kitchen utensils.
No response, Sakura Matou merely bowed her head in a lowly manner. I knew someone was going to ask eventually, but I think I was giving off the wrong impression. "N-not that I'm asking you to leave, Sakura. Quite the opposite, in fact. I must know, however-aside from Shinji, who else do you live with?"
Dark, dark memories invaded my mind. That of my only….no. That remained of the Matous, aside from my brother, was…
"Just my grandfather."
"Your grandfather?"
"It's a long story."
Saber-san's voice turned rather stern. "Indeed. I am rather not aware of the situation surrounding your adopting into the Matous, Sakura. Why do you not talk about him?"
No answer. I was not prepared to give one to any living person.
"He's not my real grandfather…" I say, rather plainly.
"I am aware of this, Sakura. Is there something wrong?"
"N-no! It's just…grandfather can take care of himself and he's letting me stay here so long as I come home after school tomorrow."
The dishes finished, I began putting my apron away. "…."
"Saber-san?"
"I am sorry. Your family name, Matou…I just realized something…"
I tilted my head. What could she have figured out?…I let her know as much.
"I am certain now. This may surprise you, Sakura, but I am not exactly a Heroic Spirit, although I can be summoned as such."
I hesitated. A Servant that isn't a Heroic Spirit? How is that possible?
"In short, I'm only partially a Heroic Spirit. A long story short, I will be a real one, eventually. Unlike the usual Servants, I can remember the previous times I have been summoned into this world."
That's right-Heroic Spirits exist outside the cycle of life and death, residing within "The Throne of Heroes", a sort of spiritual realm. As such, they are truly immortal and very powerful beings. Over the course of the Grail Wars, however, a particular Servant's memories of previous Grail Wars is erased when they return to the Throne of Heroes…but Saber-san is an exception somehow?
That's…mind boggling.
"During the last Grail War ten years ago, one of my opponents was a Berserker of immense skill, beyond that of the Berserker of this cycle. Of this I am certain."
Berserker of last cycle?…she can't mean…
I stayed, almost statue-still, in the midst of hanging up my apron in the closet. "He was an older man, of an age I cannot quite be certain of, but…he had white hair and a serious face. I heard from Rin that his last name was 'Matou', like yours. Who was he?"
My frame began to tremble. I tried my absolute hardest to hold it in, to not show any weakness to Saber-san, needless though it may be. A man with white hair…it wasn't always white, actually. It was because of grandfather he became that way. A man I knew when I was only a little girl…and was near the end of his life at the time.
"…."
"Sakura?"
"…he was just the last of the true Matous who could use magic. He died during the Fourth Holy Grail War," I gulped, my throat dry. My head hung low, avoiding contact with Saber-san. Wordlessly, I walked back to my room, leaving Saber-san alone.
Kariya…my uncle…not my true uncle, but more of a father to me than my true father ever was…oh god…how I still miss him…
I clutched onto my chest and fell to my knees in grief. The memories of a man I will never see again. And it's my fault he's dead. I don't know how he died in the Fourth Grail War, and even if Saber-san was the one who was the direct cause of his death, it never would have happened if not for me. The man known as Kariya Matou gave his life in an attempt to have me returned to my real family. I would be Sakura Tohsaka again. I would've grown up alongside my sister, my family.
Pictures raced through my head: Images that just weren't possible.
Imaginary.
Fake.
Fables.
Lies.
I imagined what it would've been like had I reunited with my sister shortly after our separation. We would've had birthdays together. We would have spent so much time together, grew up together, become best friends and shared the best times together.
A mere mention of my uncle brought me so low?….how pathetic I must seem.
I can sense Saber-san's presence just beyond my door. Not through magic or skill, just through expectation…that is, to say, we had become so close now…the slightest change in my attitude would attract her attention faster than lightning. And I wasn't exactly being subtle with how I was feeling. While I could focus long enough to say to Saber-san…to tell her she could come in if she wanted. Would now be alright? To show her how utterly helpless I seemed? I truly am that way. The shadow of her hand merely touched the side of the door, which I had previously thought closed.
"I am sorry, Sakura."
How long had I been like this?…
Not even three minutes. It felt like a lifetime and a day. An entire eon of loneliness, coupled with my pathetic brain, made time almost literally stop for some small amount of time. Not even a trickle of tears flowed from my eyes. My usual smile was on my face, although downplayed. I stifled not a cry nor a hiccup-they never came close. As what had happened, I merely walked somberly to my room and fell to my knees for a couple of minutes in deep thought. I was merely surprised by Saber-san bringing it up, really. That she had fought my uncle's Servant, who was indeed of the Berserker class.
My grandfather said it was his own fault. Kariya had run away when he was younger and didn't train himself in the ways of magic. Otherwise, he would have been able to control Berserker and not lose his life. But it was mine. I was the reason he participated in the first place. It will always be the absolute truth.
Wearing the mask of a girl who looked as though she had just returned from a rendezvous with her friends, I rather cheerfully walked back to the door where my knight was standing.
My grandfather…how I hate him.
"Sakura!"
…the floor was not very far from my face all of a sudden. Saber-san had caught me at the last minute. I was surprised and latched onto Saber-san as if she were the mast of a swaying sail boat. This was…highly unusual. Not the fainting bit, that actually tends to happen (I'm clumsy!).
I felt a certain…how to put this…a certain "lightening" of my chest. Saber-san steadied my posture as she helped me back to my feet. Now right side-up, I inspected my chest, the area just in front of my heart and felt it. It definitely felt lighter somehow. And not in a bad way. In fact, throughout my body, I began to feel much, much lighter. To my right, Saber-san was mystified at my sudden spring from abject sadness to outright glee. I smiled. I smiled my greatest smile, a secret one that I had reserved specifically to win Senpai's heart, or so I had thought. Saber-san seemed even more confused as I stared, eyes sparkling, into her eyes. This could only mean one thing:
I was free.
Few words were exchanged between me and Saber-san for the rest of the day. Or…anyone else, for that matter. For the most part, both Nee-san and Senpai did not raise any issues with my newfound enthusiasm aside from an initial question from both of them.
I dreamed again. I couldn't exactly remember what it was, but I remember it being very pleasant, like sweet honey. Maybe it was about Senpai, or Saber-san…or maybe even about Mitsuzuri-senpai and Fuji-sensei. No…heh. I would've remembered it if it involved Fuji-sensei.
I don't know why, but…waking up the next morning and not finding Saber-san by my side like before…was kind of a disappointment. I have grown so close to Saber-san in these last few days…
To a Servant. The Servant of Senpai….
She has even pledged herself as my "knight".
The house was quiet. I seemed to have gotten up before everyone else. Except Nee-san. Come to think of it, this was the first time I've ever seen her up this early. Wearing her casual red sweater and skirt, she was walking in the opposite direction of me in much the same way a zombie would, her hair in slight disarray. I said my good morning's to her as we got close. My answer?
"Ehhhhhh…..'ning, Sakura…."
Oh my. I never knew she wasn't a morning person. So much for my image of her as the "miss perfect".
Before I started cooking, I found Saber-san in the dojo (I was looking for her and didn't find her in the house, so…). I would understand it if she was a Servant from Japan or some other Far Eastern country, but, color me surprised, here she is. A Westerner on her knees in a dojo. And yet, somehow…this looks right.
"Saber-san! Good morning!"
Without opening her eyes, Saber-san replied: "Good morning, Sakura. I trust you slept well?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I?"
She smiled without even looking. "I guess I must have been imagining things. My dreams are only that of my Master, Shirou's. You actually appear in them, sometimes."
I blushed. Like the redness of an apple.
"H-he dreams about me! In what way? Are we just cooking? Or are we like lovers and we're on a date?"
Saber-san must be getting used to me; her expression remains stoic. Only now, her eyes opened and revealed the eyes of emerald within. "Neither. It was simply the injury that led you both into the relationship you have now. Of the days when he could not yet leave the house and how you took care of him. And the, er…"
Saber-san hesitated a moment and she averted my gaze a little. Oh dear…she saw "that", didn't she?…
"…well, your cooking has improved greatly since then, so there is no need to dwell on it. But please, stay here if you would," Saber-san motioned for me to sit next to her. "I have been given explicit instructions by Shirou to tell you not to cook this morning."
I nodded and sat beside my knight Saber-san as she had asked. Senpai must want to cook this morning for Ilya-chan…just what is their relationship, anyway? Maybe Senpai just wants to make Ilya-chan feel at home if she knew that he was taking care of her in such a way, to show that he cares about her. Once again, just like my Senpai.
"Uhm…what are you doing in the dojo anyway, Saber-san?" I mustered up the courage to ask. With her eyes yet again closed, Saber-san replied. "I very much like this dojo. Would it not be strange if I instead sat somewhere I didn't like?
"This small building is a training ground for aspiring young students to practice their skills and learn how to hold one's own in combat. Everyone at one point in their lives was once like that-just students, training and failing, and then training again and succeeding day in and day out."
I almost became lost in Saber-san's soliloquy. It seemed so well rehearsed, so well thought out, as if memorized since birth. But it is more than that. "Saber-san, you were a student as well?"
"Yes. Even when I was a young-well, younger, I suppose-I was a novice. So naïve was I, that even Shirou at his worst could easily best me in swordsmanship. It is hard to believe it to look at me, but that was how it was."
"Saber-san…"
"This place fills me with such nostalgia. The training grounds are as much a sacred place to me as much as the hilt of my sword."
I started to blush again. "Um…Saber-san, don't you think that's a little too romantic?"
She looked back at me. "I do think you are correct. However, I do not regret saying it, as it is the truth." I couldn't help but giggle a little, causing Saber-san to pout. "I fail to see the humor in speaking how one felt. Perhaps you, too, would like to feel what it was like to be a student again?"
I don't really think Saber-san will actually try to hit me with a kendo stick…but I'm not taking that risk. "I'm sorry, really!" I wave my hands in front of me in apology. Her pout only slightly dissipates.
"…Sakura, you've yet to talk to either Shirou or Rin about your situation. I can admit that such a thing is not easy-particularly in your sister's case-but these are pressing matters. Shirou must know about your situation as an ex-Master."
"Ex-Master"?…..
"Saber-san…y-you knew?…"
"I did. Since the very beginning, I knew you had to be a Master. When I saw that your brother, Shinji, required a book to control Rider, that only served to tell me which Servant was yours. I do apologize for not saying anything sooner." Saber-san's expression became neutral.
"…why did you spare someone you knew was a Master? Killing me would've still ended Rider's existence right then and there!" Sweat began to pour, lightly at first, from all of the pours on my forehead.
Saber-san did not move. "It is for the reasons I told you, Sakura. There would have been no reason to harm you and every reason not to. My original thinking was that you had a chance to harm my Master and didn't take it. More than a few, in fact. I must apologize again-perhaps admitting this earlier would have eased your mind if but a little."
Not at all.
I smiled and looked into Saber-san's eyes. Her lovely, emerald-colored eyes. "It's fine, Saber-san. You were doing nothing but thinking of me." In all truthfulness, I was a little angry at her for keeping such a thing hidden from me. She knew I was the Master of Rider so why didn't she just….ugh!
Nonetheless, I can't fault her for this. She is a Servant, after all. Her duty is to fight other Servants, not make friends with them. But then she became friends with me, and then…something a little bit more…
I'm going to burn your portion of the meal next time I cook, then!
"I thought you would be angry with me, Sakura. I….do not feel like I deserve to be forgiven for such a crime."
You have no idea, Saber-san. I don't plan on hurting you physically or anything-just make you suffer.
Still, I "am" taking this better than I should be.
So to even things out, I tell her what's on my mind.
Saber-san instantly straightens up the moment I tell her what's for dinner next time. She is also shaking a little and I think her bottom lip is even quivering, like she was a dog that had just gotten disciplined.
"S-Sakura…t-that's unfair…"
I giggled a little more, savoring this moment while I can. "I'm afraid you've left me little choice, since you've been bad to me."
She gulped and sat there, forlorn-lost in a sea of tragedy from which there was no escape. I imagine Saber-san would let no one else get away with torturing her like this. This Servant is so kind, so knightly. She always puts others before herself, fighting every inch for her Master. And then, for no particular benefit (the opposite, actually), she befriended me, an opposing Master, and then showed me such weakness. She truly….truly does not see me as an enemy.
The battle I never had with Senpai…would've been even worse, in hindsight. Rider, Saber-san, Senpai…they are all such good people.
I lay my hand onto Saber-san's. "It's not too bad," I said, returning the affection from the hospital earlier, "I like you. And I like Senpai."
Saber-san looked down, towards the floor. "…."
"…I will talk to Senpai and Nee-san, but…I can't do that now. I mean, I really want to…you've supported me. But this will only put more unnecessary stress on them. Senpai is the only one of us who has a Servant. And a good Master can only think of fighting and victory, right?"
"Yes. You are correct."
"…and harming me would've just hindered your Master because I am closest to him, right?…"
Saber-san showed her weakness yet again, for her face looked as though she was lost. "I, er…in a roundabout way, yes, that is right. But that is not the reason I did what I did!"
I gripped her hand a little tighter. Her silky smooth hands…the hands of a legendary hero, a Heroic Spirit, were no different than the hands of a girl of her age. I blushed a little as Saber-san's expression softened a little into a blush, that is, a hue of color that my face soon matched. We were two girls despite everything, and we had a mutual feeling of affection for each other. I let go of her hands soon enough and stood up in the dojo.
I turned around and began walking to the door without a word until Saber-san said, "Sakura, I will-" I opened the door to leave, showing no interest in what she had to say. It was true. I didn't care, really, what next she had to say. I had something more important to say…
"…I'm going home for now."
"Home to your grandfather? For wh-"
"My grandfather is dead now."
"What!"
I turned around and smiled from the bottom of my heart and I spoke with a voice that was soft like pure, white snow. "You do not have to worry, Saber-san. I hated him. I hated him for everything he's forced me to do. Forced me to hate my sister. Forced me to learn magic I wasn't supposed to learn. He used me like a tool like he used everyone else-my uncle, my brother, even my Servant."
The knight looked as though she'd seen the ghost of her father.
"…Saber-san, I love you and I love Senpai. That's why I'm going home. There are quite a few books of magic there that can help you end this stupid war. You can claim the Grail like you wanted, and I will finally become Sakura Tohsaka again."
"What about your brother, Shinji?…"
"He can have the Matou household to himself. Of course, I'll visit from time to time, but…you made me realize…that I need my real family." I bowed, gratefully, to Saber-san. "Thank you. I'll be going now. Please tell Senpai I will return later."
I could sense the Servant regaining her composure, her stoic voice returning. "Yes. I shall. And you are very welcome, my lady."
Whore.
You're nothing but a whore.
I am the knight, Saber. The night has just become a battlefield. I pride myself on my light sleeping and it has paid off. My Master is calling me.
Oh, so the cause of all your troubles is dead now, is he? Tch. As if.
Doesn't change who you are now, whore.
I am the Servant, Saber. Shirou and Illyasviel are with me in the kitchen. Rin will protect the still-sleeping Sakura Matou. There are warriors made out of bones arising. The enemy, Caster, has finally showed himself.
Think I'm lying?
Think I just say that to be spiteful?
These are facts. You don't need me for 'em.
I am Saber, the master of the ways of the sword. Caster is my natural enemy-dishonest, the expert of traps and magical constructs, relying on tricks and magical power to win. Second only to Assassin on the hierarch of all that is dishonorable. But, at least, this Caster has let us know that he is here. I will rend her with my blade. I choose to protect.
You think good girls get tits like yours? Think you got those voluptuous curves of yours by praying to God and doing all of your homework?
Whatever.
Oh, and if you don't think you're a dirty little slut, why don't you wake up right now and tell that to that chick you just slept with.
I am King Arthur.
A witch from the time of the gods she may be, I've yet to meet a foe I couldn't slay. That Noble Phantasm of hers is just a trick, I know it. But before she can use this trick, she falls, dead. Several swords have impaled her from above and behind. The golden Servant returns.
Archer. From the last war. He retreats, savoring the moment.
I call out Sakura's name. Rin tells me she is perfectly fine while not looking directly at my face. Through a quick, yet precise, glance, I can see that something is bothering her. Her face was blank, hesitant, and….
Oh dear…
It was red as well.
Walking towards where Sakura is currently sleeping, I calculate and plan my apologies with all of my attention.
I am now at her bedside. I do not know how the barrier around the house has not affected her and woken her up. Perhaps it is some feat of magic, something that Caster had prepared to keep her asleep even if the barrier activated. It is the only reason. Everyone else was wide awake, and I have complete protection from magic. My armor clinking softly in the night, I reach down and stroke the young girl's hair. She stirs lightly, muttering something in her sleep. It would appear that, had Rin not taken the spell off of her, then it was definitely gone now. I can rest easy…I have protected my charges.
Her hair feels warm, and soft, and in the dark, her purple hair almost shines, like the meadows of my home.
…by obtaining the Grail, I will be saying farewell to everyone here….
So I savor every moment I have with these people, who are my friends above all else. I may have failed in the past, but I will not fail this time.
"Sakura…if I were to destroyed in battle…" I say softly. I'm sure she can't hear this. "It would be in glorious victory. I swear it."
As my hand gently cups my lady's cheek, I can feel my Master call me. I know what this is about.
I replace the covers up to just below Sakura's neck and stand up, overlooking my work. Another night of peaceful sleep.
…I hope this wins me a good meal in the morning…Explaining our situation to Rin is not a battle I wish to fight on an empty stomach…
Some time had passed…
I have the last haul of books in bags in each arm. They are very heavy and the walk is kind of long, but I can manage. Ilya-chan helped by casting a spell on these bags the other day-for the remaining days of the week, everything put into these bags will have their weight halved so now I can carry twice as many books and groceries in them. I was very grateful to her.
…I've talked with Senpai about our situation…
He is so kind. Of course, he was shocked. Anyone would be. But seconds later, he was very understanding about what I had to say. When I apologized for any wrongs I may have caused, he simply nodded his head and told me not to worry. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's all okay now, so don't beat yourself up over it."
Senpai…
The gate's open…that's strange…
Oh, perhaps Senpai forgot to close it. This wouldn't be the first time.
"Senpai! Saber-san!" I called, still holding onto the two loads of magical texts in each arm…
…that is, until I noticed why nobody was answering me.
"Nee-san!"
They hit the floor like lead weights. Halved though their weight may be, there's still a lot of them in my bags and the sound they made could be heard from half the house away.
"You don't have…to yell…" said my sister, bleeding from the stomach. The wall behind her was slathered in her blood. There was even blood covering a majority of her face. Her hand clutched the wound as if to close off all of the exit points from her body. Strangely, she seemed almost stable.
I was at her side before I knew it. The bags no longer holding me back, I might as well be a deer bounding in the forest. Nee-san looked at me with a smile. "Where's…that idiot, Shirou?…"
"Nee-san!" I had no idea I was blurting this out. Bells rung in my head. "Don't talk! You're-"
"I'm alright for now…I healed it just in time…urgh..ugh…" she winced at the effort. The fact she can still talk must mean she's telling the truth…but…
I lightly pulled her hands off the wound. Indeed, it was closed up, and curled up in one of her hands was one of her jewels, now empty of magic. With the magic stored in just that one stone, she could even regenerate damaged organs. Even so, she is at least very light headed from blood loss. I took cloth from the table. It won't be much, but at least it's something. I could…At least I can rub off the blood from her face. "Not so hard…" she complained.
"Who did this to you? Was it Assassin?"
Kind of a dumb question. Assassin goes for the kill in one shot.
"Close. I didn't see it coming, true, but…I had my guard down."
Senpai told me that Rin's Servant was destroyed by Berserker on the night he was rescued by Saber-san. Without him to protect her, Nee-san is a huge target for helping a Master in the Holy Grail War. "..otomine…"
"Huh?" I finished clearing off the blood from her face. It was still fresh. I just barely missed her attacker. I would've been so easy a target, I might as well have had a huge bulls' eye stamped right on my forehead.
"Kirei. Kirei Kotomine…happy?" My sister smiled at this answer.
Kotomine…
The priest that is supposed to be overseeing this Holy Grail War. He stabbed my Nee-san right in the front. That bastard! [citation here!] She relied on him for years and then he…he!…
"…are we even now?…"
I had left to get something to clean her up with. When I had returned, she began talking again as I busily got to work.
"Huh?"
"Sakura…are we even?"
What is she….talking about?
"Don't…get it?…worry about Kotomine later. Shirou will…be here."
"Don't talk!" I urged her to rest, quite a few times, actually. She never listens. Ever.
"Just you and…me, finally," said Nee-san, "our roles are reversed, too. Funny, isn't it?"
I stopped.
"You know you want to just leave me here."
"N-no! That's not…"
"I never felt sorry for you, Sakura."
"…what?"
Her smile never fading, Nee-san's voice turned cold again, like her normal voice. "All those times you had to suffer for…the sake of this damn war…while I got to be the Magus our father always wanted me to be."
I knew what she meant. And I was stupid enough to forget my anger at all those years. So angry now was I that I stopped cleaning her up and looked downcast towards the floor. I clutched the wet rag like it was my chest.
"I got to learn…the magic our family passed down from generations ago…while you got the pits. I don't really feel bad…nor did I think I was…given the good bit of the deal."
She's not delirious. I knew it all along.
But I resumed cleaning her face and hands. I was going to have to clean her whole body off.
"You're such a hypocrite," I said, mirroring Nee-san's cold emotions.
"I don't regret it."
"I didn't think you would."
A good once over of the back of her head revealed that there were no wounds or concussions. It would seem that while she wasn't ready for the sneak attack, she was always ready for what happened afterwards.
I hate Nee-san. I hate her for everything she failed to do.
But I was relieved she was alive. Unwell, but alive. And on the way to recovery.
I smiled and held her for the first time in my life. In her life. A once in a lifetime embrace. And maybe not the last.
There was no talking for some time. Her blood-soaked sweater stained my own, bring dress. But I didn't care. It's a minor nuisance at best. I closed my eyes as I enjoyed her presence.
"….."
"….."
"…I don't not [citation needed!] love you, Nee-san."
Nee-san brought her hand up and caressed the ribbon in my hair. It was the only thing she ever gave me.
"I know. Heh…and that just makes it worse."
Her breathing slowed down, almost as if she were asleep.
"I'm a hypocrite."
"You're my sister."
"You're too soft."
I stroked her hair. Nee-san's beautiful, long black hair…
"My Nee-san is pretty stupid, isn't she?"
"Yeah…she is…Ergh…listen, Sakura…" With her failing strength, she pushed me away, like a light breeze. "You…urgh…" I lifted her up to her feet as best I could, holding onto her as we made our way to her room.
Nee-san did not struggle in the least.
"You have every right to hate me. I deserve worse, you know that!"
She almost seemed like she was arguing with me, but I was not affected by her words. Senpai…and Ilya-can. And Saber-san…and Fuji-sensei, too. They all supported me these last two years. It took kind words from Saber-san to make me realize the world I was now living in.
I had hate. And that hate kept me going for a long time….
"But…Nee-san…I can forgive you."
"Wha…?"
"It's all over. I never thought I'd say this, but…It's okay."
Nee-san now looked genuinely surprised as I laid her down on her bed (her garments I replaced with a towel; she was now 99% clean). "Sakura-!"
"It's okay you didn't save me."
"Would I sound stupid if I thought you never needed saving?…and then I found out about…well, 'that'…"
"It's all over now. Senpai taught me…it doesn't matter what happened then. If you're stupid, I'm stupider. It took the death of the man who perpetuated it all for me to realize this….and Saber-san's love."
"…idiot…"
I smiled as I pulled the blanket over her.
"You're…supposed to…wait for my apology first…"
That is the correct way, I suppose. Nee-san grabbed me by the scruff of my shoulder in a firm grip that loosened very quickly. "You're not getting my apology now, you know that…"
"That can wait. Rest now," I said, sitting at her bedside with her hand still gripping my shoulder. She sat up despite my protests.
"Two things…One, give Shirou my dagger. You found it in my clothes, right?"
I nodded.
"Good. You know how to use it. Tell Shirou how. And two…"
Nee-san's grip tightened. Even though all the blood was cleaned up, Nee-san looked very pale. I grabbed the cup of water that was standing on Nee-san's desk and gave her a little. When it was gone, Nee-san began a coughing fit that lasted several seconds (it happens sometimes). When that was done, her face was very close to mine. I could feel her breath almost and I could see how pale she had become. Nonetheless, she would live. As long as her magic crest contained mana (which I provided), then she would survive.
"What is it, Nee-san…?"
"…I'm sorry."
It was her turn to hold me. It felt delicate, like a mother cradling her newborn daughter.
"I'm sorry. For everything."
Pushing me away, she planted the smallest kiss on my forehead, breaking my entire façade of a smiling face. Nee-san smiled. For the first time, she smiled to ME. No words could possibly describe my feeling then. After about a minute or two of silence, I heard Senpai and Saber-san enter through the front door (hard to miss the shouting, actually). At the same time, Nee-san's head fell onto my upper torso, just above my heart. She had finally passed out from exhaustion.
I needed my real family, I had said [citation needed!]. And I got it back.
"…..Sakura!"
Saber-san deflected a fired lance I'm sure was aimed at me.
The golden god of a Servant, the Archer-no, Gilgamesh.
Even with Senpai, myself, and Saber-san, he just could not be beaten.
This was such an emergency.
It was a hazardous explanation at best, but I revealed to Senpai the reason I was raised the way I was.
I told him my identity as the "Black Grail" as opposed to the "White Grail", Ilya-chan.
This gave me a link to the Holy Grail itself, a fountain of nearly limitless mana that I could draw from at any time. Even with my link so weak as it was now, unembued with the lack of Servants to power it, I drew great power from the dark Grail.
Yet it was not enough.
The Servant formerly known as Archer had unlimited blades to use against us. Saber-san herself could barely hold of his attacks long enough to counterattack and even then he could deflect those.
"Give up, yet?" his smug, vile voice bellowed from the far side of Ryudou Temple.
I clutched my chest with my left hand, the entire arm saturated with darkness. The Matou techniques I learned were useless as my magic circuits were not designed to use it. Matou magic specializes in absorption-the Tohsaka magic that I was born to learn was more or less the exact opposite. Only the sheer power of the mana brought to me by the Grail was of any advantage. I can only exert as much as my magic circuits allowed…but for just one shot….
I just need an opening…even a no-nothing of combat like me knows that there's a time to strike and a time to defend.
"TORYAAAAAAA!" Saber-san cleared a dozen projectiles with a few swings of her sword. A few clipped the side of her face, a small dash of blood drawn, but nothing could stop her. She knew what I was thinking somehow.
It was a distraction, I think…Senpai was right behind her the entire time. I followed as close as I could, readying that one burst of mana that not even the King of Heroes could overcome easily.
With a snap of his fingers, the dark weapon Ea appeared in the King's hand. The evilest smirk imaginable crossed Gilgamesh's face. "I can't believe how strong you guys are!" He said, his arms open to us, "at first I thought three against one, I'd have the advantage, but you sure showed me wrong! But really. I haven't even been trying!"
"Eeeeeeex-!"
"Enumaaaa-!"
Saber-san brought her sword down with enough strength to slice a building in half. "CALIBURRRRR!"
"ELISH!"
The two beams of energy clashed in a miniature version of the Big Bang. Neither side gave ground, but we all knew Saber could not outlast this attack even with the power of Excalibur. It's unthinkable how strong Ea is, to be able to stop the Sword of Promised Victory. I remember from history class that "Enuma Elish" is the name of the story Gilgamesh was from, how it described the creation of the universe…I truly do not understand what that means in reality, but…it's a weapon of creation…or ultimate destruction.
Senpai looked back at me, bracing Saber-san as hard as he could.
This…
…was it.
There is one Matou technique I was good at, the only one-the ability to grasp objects from a distance. Simple things, like cups or bowls or the occasional small animal. It is in between, a spell that does not absorb yet does not impart mana. It can merely grasp things. Amplified by my connection to the Grail, however, and it can do so much more. I bet it all on this, pushing my magic circuits to their absolute capacity. This was likely not going to end well even should I succeed. But I was going to succeed.
No. Matter. WHAT!
"EINZ….ZWEI-HANDER!"
A dark shadow of a had stretched from where I placed my darkened arm. Faster than a speeding car, at a speed no human could possess, it reached from the second to third dimensions and grasped Ea by the part of the hilt Gilgamesh was not holding onto.
"Worm!"
He struggled. No amount of strength in this spell could shake the strongest Servant's grip. He laughed at my feeble attempts. Every jerk felt like it would split my head open.
Throbthrobthrob….throooob.
Every heartbeat. Every second it felt like my head would explode.
…
…is this all you got?
Gilgamesh began to stop laughing until it died down completely. Saber-san continued her magical attack, despite it being far more than she should be able to handle. Senpai was helping her very well, it would seem.
And my grip never loosened.
Is this all?
You must be joking.
I must have said that out loud. I found myself smiling. But it was true, in fact. This was nothing.
"…I was tortured every day to the breaking point…" I said, unaware I was even saying anything. I was unaware that I was aware. I have no clue. They came out on their own. "'Little girl!…' he would say. 'Lift this cat in the air or else' he used to say. Yeah. I can lift it into the air."
My brain was on fire but I swayed my left hand as casual as I might be conducting an orchestra. "I got 'or else', anyway."
Three other hands sprouted from the end of the spell and gripped onto the other arm of Gilgamesh. Pull as he might, he was NOT going to move. Magic of his own sizzled the spell on his weapon only for two more to take its place.
I think he could hear me. I hope he does.
"I don't care if you tear my arms off," I said as my right arm spouted blood. I could feel the pain, too. It just doesn't matter.
The Gate of Babylon opened, three Noble Phantasms aiming just at me and fired with the resounding thunder of cannons. I don't even move. Senpai has a sword in his hands. I can see that it's tinged with gold and filled with his faith. Two of the are taken in one shot at his great expense. He calls out my name…Senpai yelled at me to get out of the way.
But just one Noble Phantasm…against All the World's Evil? It was deflected with the same hand that was bleeding profusely earlier, as casual as bending a straw. Sparks flew past my eyes and almost singed my face. In the end, the God King's attack did absolutely nothing. Not even my concentration was broken.
"Not a…chance…" my nose leaked blood. "ZWEI…HANDER!"
With a roar, an instant: the recoil from deflecting our attack from two fronts was all the push I needed to wrench Ea from his golden hand. In front of me lied perhaps the greatest weapons ever created, Ea. It spun a few times, it's last few spins before I returned the Zwei Hander spell and held onto it as hard as I could. This was a temporary measure if that-all Gilgamesh would need to do is recall it and it would return. But I would not make it happen soon. And his time was close.
A hundred Noble Phantasms or more burst forth from the Gate of Babylon. Two….ten…twenty….my knight, Saber-san…no, King Arthur could deflect only a lot of them.
Seconds from being pierced by a sword of evil taint, my beloved Senpai threw himself in the way. I screamed his name. Not my name for him-his real name.
But
It Did Not Pierce Him.
It instead flew back at Gilgamesh and exploded just in front of his feet. Dark energy spiraled in all directions from the misaimed shooting of the Noble Phantasm. One even landed near me, crushing the hard floor in what was almost a "splash".
When I could see again, I saw Senpai take my father's dagger, Azoth, and jam it directly into the heart of the God King. Amazed, Gilgamesh gurgled one last "Damn…filthy…!" I couldn't make out the last word….
I was falling unconscious. I felt the ground. Hard.
"…kura…Sakura!…"
I awoke with a jolt. Saber-san had me cradled in her arms where I had fallen. Now aware of the world around me, I finally acknowledged all of the pain my body was in. Both arms were still attached, thank goodness, but…I'm afraid they were both in a sorry state. My magic circuits held, but they were completely pooped and now currently on strike for being abused so much. I could feel Saber-san carry me towards the Holy Grail, up the steps towards Senpai and our final enemy. He would be no match, no matter what. Even at one tenth the mana, Saber-san was stronger than any human on this Earth. Senpai alone…could he even last, however?…My heart yearned to see him as I held onto Saber-san, fast.
Before we came to the final few steps, there was a brilliant flash, blue in color-and in the place of where our enemy should have been, there were instead just tattered clothes and the remnants of a rosary…what was left of the black hearted "priest".
"Senpai!"
He didn't move. Senpai simply stood on his knees, pale as the white snow, and shivered in a cold sweat, not from taking a life. No. I could feel it from here. I've seen this before (I've suffered it, too): this is the after effect of surviving so many curses at once.
Curses are like drugs, in a way-take one, you build a slight resistance. But to keep it up, you need to be exposed even more. Overdo things, however, and you died. But should you live, you will live to regret it. Senpai's magic circuits were almost a joke due to how few he has and what little they can hold. I jumped out from Saber-san's arms and held onto Senpai's shoulders, if just to help shoulder the great weight now placed on his shoulders. There was no cure for the after effects of a curse save time and plenty of bedrest…assuming he would even survive, that is.
"Senpai!" I started to cry I yelled his name so much. "Senpai Senpai Senpai SENPAI!"
He really doesn't know, but Senpai is my world. For the longest time, he was my everything. Everything I ever loved or hoped for was embodied in him. He was the only one I could ever hold on to in this life. Even if I had more friends now or….realized that I had them in the first place, no one could possibly replace him. I love him. I love the boy, Shirou Emiya.
"Be…fine…." he managed to say, albeit weakly. Senpai held up his left hand and said, with renewed vigor, "Saber! Destroy it! Destroy the Holy Grail!"
The final Command Seal on his hand dissipated and a red, powerful aura embued and completely replenished Saber-san's mana for her final attack.
"As you command, Master."
King Arthur-Arturia Pendragon
She raised her sword above her head as it glowed with the familiar, golden light.
"EX!…"
Wait…the last Command Seal!….[citation needed!]
"CALIBUR!"
Ilya-chan slept soundly in Saber-san's arms before she set her head down gently on the ground. Senpai had fallen unconscious after the effort. In the midst of it all, Saber-san's beautiful, golden hair became undone and flowed in the gentle, slightly chilly breeze. She turned around to say something, but…
"Saber-san!" I yelled in her arms. Strange…
I thought I…
That she…
When did I get up and….
Doesn't matter. Saber-san has no more links to this world. "Sakura…I am out of mana," she said, cooing my name softly, "or at least I will be. I will last just one more minute."
A minute?…
That's just long enough.
"Saber-san-" I interrupted myself with the feeling of her lips. I instigated it. The first contact. My first kiss….
My first REAL kiss…
I felt her arms wrap around me, the metal platelets gone along with all of Saber-san's armor.
I wanted to feel more, like that one night…
Servants are made to disappear when their mana runs out. The Grail, however, is merely the tool with which they are called forth into our world.
My hands felt Saber-san's back. Her smooth…absolutely perfect form felt as such. A small "pop!" resounded when our lips finally parted. "S-Sakura…" she blushed, "must you be so forward?"
"Shhhh…" I put my finger to her lips and smiled. "Now listen closely," I began.
My left hand rang with a small amount of magic as I stepped back and began to recite the words I had used to summon Rider into the world of Earth. And ended with a simple question…
"O Mighty Servant-do you accept this contract?"
Saber-san's eyes lit up the entire time, almost as bright as the circle of magic the enveloped my hand. This was still a risk, but I could live with it. My body's mana was far from dry and I am quite above average when it comes to the amount I could offer a Servant. But my magic circuits, the conduits with which to use mage craft, protested. They were bent and almost broken. I output more magic than they were normally capable of and I was pushing that even now without rest.
An arm for my beloved? A far too unfair of a price. An arm and a leg might be a little more even, actually…
In the eyes of the Servant, Saber-"Yes. I accept this contract with you."
And that's all there was to it.
"Ow!"
"Hold still, or else this will hurt."
"It hurts, anyway!"
"OF COURSE IT DOES, IT'S PEROXIDE! NOW QUIT CRYING LIKE THE BABY SISTER YOU ARE AND HOLD STILL FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
Nee-san, obviously.
My head could've been in better shape. A very minor concussion, but I still hoped that this wouldn't bring my GPA down. Even patched with magic, the damage was still done. Internally, anyway. The outside was still scabbing over poorly. Saber-san sat at my side, gripping my hand as Nee-san treated my injuries (Nee-san was on the left side). Every so often, she would dab a particularly pained spot and I would scream out her name (or Senpai's…or Saber-san's…).
Ilya-chan appeared suddenly at my feet, a smile on her face. She was the only one completely unharmed.
"Sakura, feeling any better yet?" she asked, kicking her feet upwards while she was on her stomach.
"A little…much better than I would be, I suppose," I replied, rather strongly. She playfully giggled in response and said, whilst getting up, "oh good! Least you're better than Shirou is!"
"Eh?"
"Oh, right…" she danced around the room a little. "You don't know!"
"Know what?"
"Cute li'l Shirou is kind of…out of it right now. Curse backlash kills most people, but he's hanging in there like the man he is!"
Right though she may be, I still can't help but wonder…
He's comatose!
Did I say that out loud?…No one's reacting but I felt like I did…
Oh, I didn't. Good….I can't freak out now.
"Are you sure he will be fine, Illyasviel? You seem awfully sure of yourself…"
Ilya-chan curtsied and then looked at us with a tinge of (playful) malevolence. "Hm hm hm. Yep. Normally, he'd be dead or worse if I weren't here."
"Ehe!" both of us Tohsaka sisters gasped at the same time. Just what was she talking about?
Ilya-chan stood straight again and gave us a warm, genuine smile. She's awfully cute, now that I have a good look at her. Crimson eyes, silvery hair…she's almost like a snow angel.
"Shirou might wake up in a few days if I treat him each day…or a few weeks…but it's okay. He'll wake up eventually, I can guarantee it," she said, "I'm not worrying you, am I?"
I smiled in return. It was light, but it made her happy. "No…well, maybe a little, but I'm just naturally that way…hehe."
Ilya-chan bent over just behind me, just in my sight as I laid my head back down on the pillow as Dr. Tohsaka worked on my arm.
…I could never have asked for more.
My dearest sister, Rin Tohsaka, to my left…my beloved knight and my lover, Arturia Pendragon, to my right…my new and close friend, Illyasviel von Einzbern…all three of them were looking straight at me, into my eyes. Mixtures of the brightest colors I could ever imagine were all focused on me. They were always there for me, in the end. My friends…my family…the closest to me in all respects and from all backgrounds they came.
My life was always dark and cruel. Every day was the same-despair. Pain. Hate. Anger. Sadness. Remorse. The pain of living yet the fear of death. I was the living embodiment of contradiction. Hate was all I knew. It taught me how to breath, how to eat, how to exist as a person. Senpai became my shining light, my everlasting white knight…or so I thought. I didn't know…I can't tell who's fault it really was. Nee-san never helped me…but I never asked for it, never knew to just talk with her about it. And I had plenty of chances. I was afraid my entire life. That one day, I would never wake up. But I did. And now, here I was.
I had the family that was the envy of many others, or deserved to be. With the darkness in my eyes for so long, I didn't see that the light was right next to me. Closed for so long, their healing hands helped me to open them.
And see them all embrace me at the same time. It hurts, but it was only a little pain. Just to let me know I was alive.
Saber-san asked me, finally, "Sakura, um…my lady, your kiss, it…"
"Hm?"
She shook her head. "I feel silly for asking, but…you kissed me, during the pact making. I had heard that the techniques to do so could be quite, er, 'intimate', but was that part of the contract for a Servant such as myself?…"
I closed my eyes.
And smiled.