Author's Note: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.
Notes: I apologize for the huge lag between chapters one and two. I don't anticipate doing it again.
Also: A big MUAH to MissMarilynRamirez, my new beta-reader, who probably doesn't even realize she saved me from insanity, or much longer it would have taken to post this chapter without her input and encouraging feedback.
Entrapment: Chapter 2
Dinner, never overly festive or noteworthy, was more lifeless than usual that night.
But hell, life was never festive or noteworthy, at least not lately, and at least not at home. Work held a small medium of excitement, but only when he was plotting business strategies or engaging in the act of collection from a particularly stubborn client. Sometimes those interactions were fun, especially if he could deviate from his standard code of conduct and get into some rough stuff.
Rough stuff didn't entail a simple threat, confiscation of deeds or paperwork that would be a downfall of client's livelihood, such as the sale of a family member, or liquidation of any and all assets. Also not included were random visits, where Kanou made a threat simply by making his presence known. It wasn't a botched suicide attempt on a client's part to avoid a debt they couldn't possibly repay. It varied; at times, it was a mere slap to the face. On other occasions, a hand to the throat with the slightest shift in pressure would suffice. Sometimes he had to squeeze, use both hands, and lift. Rough stuff was fun, particularly when it resulted in what he desired. Of course, the satisfaction he experienced when a client pissed his pants, or officially reverted to an absolute, bonafide pussy, dissolving into tears, snot dribbling from one or both nostrils while they gasped for breath or pleaded for their lives was only icing on the cake. It didn't happen as often as he liked, but when it did, it was very much enjoyed.
Results were inevitable at work; Kanou was very adept at what he did for a living. Try as he might, he didn't have the same success rate in his own household. It was a bad day for Kanou. But then again, every day was bad when he had to come home to this.
The apartment was as quiet as always, save for the sounds of glasses being set back on the long, elegant table and the clinking of chopsticks against flatware.
Ayase was so stubborn and so incredibly complex, that it threatened to boggle the mind. To boot, he was so damn deceptive; these traits were hidden to those who did not know the boy, and were continuously problematic, disrupting the potential harmony of their household.
Everything Ayase did pissed him off while simultaneously filling him full of a maddening sense of helplessness. Everything. The expression that dominated Ayase's angelic profile, even as he panted from dashing to the front door to greet Kanou each day when he returned from the office, was never one of happiness or positive expectation. There hadn't been a single day in over a year when Ayase hadn't been standing in front of his entryway, cheeks flushed, apprehension evident.
There was never a morning when Ayase rose after him. Regardless of when Kanou finally let the boy sleep, he always awoke with plenty of time to prepare for classes, fix Kanou a nutritionally sound breakfast and equip him with a specially prepared lunch to take to the office.
Dinner was always prepared with Kanou's tastes in mind. These days, there was never an item he disliked that found itself on the table. God forbid, Ayase would never allow that to occur. He'd pick each pea off of Kanou's plate with his chopsticks if that's what it took.
The apartment was slightly chilly, a result of several open windows. Kanou, while being an avid, passionate smoker, didn't care for the smell to linger in the apartment excessively. Ayase had taken to opening the shining glass and keeping scented candles lit to combat the smoky odor.
As a result, the tiny blonde experienced a constantly low body temperature that even heavier clothing couldn't completely cure while Kanou radiated heat like a furnace gone crazy. Even as they currently sat across from each other, Kanou noticed the minute shivering.
His eyebrows drew together. Honestly, why didn't the boy just close a window?
No. Because then Kanou would possibly grow too warm and smell the smoke more strongly, and God forbid, Ayase would never allow that to occur either.
Was a simple "I'm cold, you bastard" or "If you don't want peas, eat shit and die, then" too much for a man to ask for?
It was a backwards sort of need, but the constant consideration and scrabbling to accommodate Kanou drove him batty because it indicated that Ayase was still uncomfortable and discontented. Ayase's behavior now showed that he was still fearful, and harboring that knowledge each day during every interaction was difficult, because he hadn't yet found a way to fix it.
Ayase was incredibly stubborn, although one may not notice that fact immediately. His stubborn nature didn't manifest in the form of smart comments or unsavory attitudes. Instead, Ayase showed his unwillingness to adjust through compliance, absolute obedience and consideration. He accepted everything, but with a certain disdain and apprehension that made absolutely no sense. Who wouldn't want everything in life handed to him on a silver platter?
He didn't have to work, and everything was delivered to him. Yet, the fool actually enjoyed his employment at that okama bar. That stupid okama bar, of all places, where only a door separated Ayase from perverts from all walks of life, idiots who would take one look at Ayase and lose their minds, lust clouding their better judgment and although Ayase worked in the kitchen, he wouldn't put those knives and cookware to good use when threatened. Kanou spent more time there than ever now, though it was just to perform routine checkups. The Kuba twins also shared that responsibility, and normally unflappable, both of them hated the task; Kanou could tell, but didn't give a frog's fat ass.
All of his expenses were covered, and Kanou attempted to predict Ayase's needs before Ayase himself recognized them. He tried to replace the cheap possessions Ayase insisted on keeping with items of value and beauty. Ayase wanted to hold fast to the reminders of his childhood and family, bent on thwarting Kanou's efforts each time, but awkwardly so. No gift was expensive, pretty, or interesting enough for Ayase to appreciate in comparison to the cheap, rickety shit the boy owned and coveted. He always accepted his gifts graciously, but never used them as replacements for what he already owned, and the more technologically advanced gifts were put away and never used- period.
What did Kanou give a boy that could only afford cheap instant food at best? High priced groceries and expensive restaurants, of course. Polyester was replaced by silk, wool, and fine cotton. Creaky sagging mattresses with a firm well made bed, threadbare scraps with satin sheets, and ancient covers with thick, imported duvets. Long, tiring walks where Ayase was exposed to the word and its dangers were swapped for chauffeured rides in air conditioned private luxury vehicles.
In return, Ayase remained wary, struggling for a fragile hold on independence. Ayase wanted his own job; wanted to pay for his own things. He wanted to walk to work and class, and awkwardly dealt with attempts of catering. Even now, he sacrificed his own comfort.
At every "thank you", "you shouldn't have'' or "this must have been very expensive", Kanou longed to put his hand through a wall. He yearned for a beautifully executed "this isn't what I asked for", "fuck you", or something, anything that indicated Ayase was starting to take these luxuries for granted, that everything wasn't a shock to him, that he was accepting his position permanently.
And that was irritating in itself, because Kanou rarely longed or yearned for anything. He could afford any material item he could possibly every want, and forced situations to bend to his will. This dose of reality, of realizing that not everything he desired would come easily, was unacceptable.
"Ayase." Kanou spoke for the first time since beginning his meal, tapping his fingers on his kneecap. "Are you cold?"
Even as he unconsciously chafed at his upper arms, riddled with goose bumps, Ayase managed a smile. "Not at all, Kanou-san."
"Close the windows and turn on the godamned heat!" In his frustration, Kanou barked out his instruction more harshly than intended.
Ayase nearly tumbled from the chair in his haste to follow the order, while Kanou curled his fingers around his own jaw and watched, grumbling incoherently.
When Kanou yelled and terrorized, that meant he cared to some extent. Why else would he go to such efforts? He normally reserved his more sedate, although still ruthless side for enemies, or for moments of intense irritation beyond the norm.
Luckily, those subjected to his caring side were few and far between. The treatment did, however, come with a bonus; devotion in the form of bullying, but also protection when necessary. So while Kanou usually voiced unrealistic, domineering types of demands, they were typically not without good reason, at least to himself.
The kind hearted and naïve, as well as the stupid, needed to be molded and guided.
That molding and guidance took the form of harsh words and heavy handling. Kanou's intentions were normally good, but their oxymoronic manifestations sometimes baffled others. He meant well, so the method was irrelevant. Ayase knew that- he hoped.
Everyone else in his life knew that. That was why, despite Kanou's abrasive nature, his people stuck around. Even the Kubas, fearful as they were on some days and as many times as they vocalized their issues with his treatment to each other-but never him- never seriously considered fleeing. Someya was the second most harshly treated next to Ayase and he- she, whined and complained, but continued to hound him relentlessly. Hell, even Gion would hug and tease Kanou immediately after being brained with a book, vase, video camera, shoe, or anything else in near proximity. It was the nature of their relationships.
The newest addition to his odd clan, after the first few months of living with Kanou, had been taking baby steps in his adjustment to a new life in all ways possible. It was difficult for Kanou to be pacified by that knowledge because it had been a long time in coming, and it had simply improved some, little by little, for a very brief period of time. Of course, that was before Ayase did an about-face and reverted back to his original type. It had happened almost overnight; all of a sudden Kanou noticed the change in demeanor, so sudden that he had wondered at the time if Ayase was simply having a bad day. Then a bad week, and then a bad month. At times, it appeared Ayase was again taking steps in the right direction, but he was always guilty of looking over his shoulder and changing his course at any given moment. Who or what flipped that switch, initiating a complete change such as that?
When Ayase returned to the table, it wasn't to sit and finish the meal he'd merely pecked at for the last twenty minutes; it was to present Kanou with his customary after dinner cup of coffee.
His pale, thin fingers gripped the cup by the handle. As he lowered it to the table top, rich brown liquid sloshed from side to side, dangerously close to dribbling over the side of the delicate, ornately decorated cup and spattering the table.
Kanou had been angered into silence and watched Ayase struggle to serve him with his wildly unstable hand before reaching out and taking the thin china, sparing the blonde the trouble. However, he wasn't about to drink it; sitting there for another second was out of the question.
He set the cup town before shoving his chair back and standing. "I'm going back to the office."
Ayase nodded. He had no reply as Kanou snatched up his suit jacket and left the apartment, stopping only to jam his feet into his well polished shoes before slamming the door behind him.
He didn't bother calling either of the twins then; he was more than capable of navigating the complicated streets himself. Kanou rode the elevator to ground level and strode through the doors to the parking garage.
Once inside his vehicle, he started the engine, only to immediately kill it. It was after eight; what was he supposed to do? His staff members were efficient at their jobs; overtime was never necessary. Kanou worked late because he desired to do so, but it was in no way required. At times it was an escape, but he didn't even feel like working; he'd just needed to get away from Ayase. Poring over reports and paperwork that had already been scrutinized and handled just didn't have the same appeal that night.
Kanou appeared to rule the household; he paid the bills, he dictated what Ayase was or was not allowed to do, if and where he could work, what activities he undertook. He allowed Ayase to return to his classes, and only allowed certain people to become a part of Ayase's everyday life, and only once he determined whether or not those individuals were worthwhile. Most weren't.
And still, although the blonde was not aware of it, he held all the cards. He was in control, no matter how Kanou tried to deny it or make it otherwise; changing the boy's mindset wasn't the same as controlling his actions. He shuddered to think of what Ayase could do with that power, once he knew he possessed it, if he was manipulative and cruel enough to use it to his advantage. Power didn't always belong to the one who was the strongest or used brute force.
Kanou was in charge on most fronts, but the expression on Ayase's face and his behavior all contributed to the way that Kanou conducted his days. How harshly he handled his employees, what time he came home, what mood he was in when he retired for the day; Ayase was responsible for his frame of mind, and his frame of mind was responsible for how his days went.
Even now, that was obvious. Kanou had just left his own apartment and was killing time in his car with nowhere to go and no purpose. Meanwhile, Ayase was up in the apartment, no doubt relieved to be free until Kanou again returned home.
Smiles that Ayase had begun to bestow on him had stopped, but only in his case. He continued to respond to all acts of kindness; Someya's coddling, gentle teasing from Gion, hopeless devotion from Yamato and doting consideration from the Kubas were all rewarded by a smile that seemed to release sweet, healing sunlight, inspiring good cheer. Kanou no longer was subject to that smile in his own home.
There were times when Kanou was optimistic, imagining that all Ayase needed was time, just a little more time, and he would come around and accept life as it was, that he would lose all fear of Kanou's domineering nature, understanding that it was just the way Kanou was, and that no harm would come to him. Kanou knew he was an asshole; what else was new? He just expected Ayase to see past that and behave normally as did everyone else in his life. However, then the question arose in regards to what exactly was normal for Ayase, and he had no clue, had never been witness to it in the two years he'd known the boy.
Then there were times Kanou deemed the whole situation hopeless, telling himself that Ayase would never change, and that Kanou himself would have to adapt to their situation. Usually when he went down this path, his insides actually rebelled; he would not and could not accept it. He'd make Ayase behave.
Then there were rare occasions, few and far between, when Kanou pondered letting the boy loose, but those urges were always immediately squashed. Like hell he was going to release Ayase anywhere, or to anyone. The idea of Ayase going through life without supervision terrified the huge man- and nothing terrified him; just look at the fate the boy had met on numerous occasions even while under Kanou's care. In addition, he had no one else, family or otherwise, to rely on, absolutely no support system. It would be cruel to leave the boy alone with no defense. He was safest, most protected with Kanou. After toying with the idea, he always reverted back to optimism, at least briefly.
Somehow, during the scattering of his already random thoughts, the time passed, all too quickly, and when he glanced at his watch it was well after nine. He'd had enough of sitting in his car below his own apartment, hiding from Ayase like some fool that couldn't handle his problems. That wasn't him; he'd march back to the elevator, ride it back to his floor, and deal with Ayase like a man should, force him to talk.
But he was no good at logical, calm discussion and most likely, he'd march back to the elevator, ride it back to his floor, and deal with Ayase the way in which he was accustomed; in bed, whether Ayase reluctantly complied or Kanou had to revert to physical persuasion-more bullying. No matter how standoffish, Ayase knew better than to refuse, and why would he? Thwarted attempts would either result in force or leave Kanou bad tempered, and God forbid, that was another thing Ayase simply couldn't allow. In addition, Ayase always behaved the same after an orgasm. He relaxed temporarily, pliant and prone. He wasn't a talker; he'd simply lie where Kanou left him, quiet and obedient, if he didn't immediately pass out of exhaustion. Post coital cuddling was the only occasion where Kanou felt comfortable holding him, where the reaction-or lack of- bore no consequence. It was a rare time, one thatAyase's fatigue allowed.
To his chagrin as well as relief, if that made any sense at all, Ayase had turned in for the night. When he reentered the apartment, the lights were dimmed, the dining room cleared, and kitchen clean as a whistle. The windows were closed, curtains drawn, candles snuffed but tangy scent still present. Per Kanou's earlier command, the apartment had warmed considerably due to the closed windows and the increased heat setting on the thermostat.
The bedroom was dark as well, but he could see Ayase lying flat on his back, thanks to the sliver of light that filtered into the bedroom from the hallway. It was impossible to determine whether or not Ayase was actually asleep; his breathing was steady, his almost translucent eyelids closed, pale lashes brushing his cheeks, hands clasped and drawn up to his chest, but he could have been faking. His soft tresses were fanned on his pillow, showcasing his delicate features.
Kanou entered, leaving the door open to allow the faint light in, and to avoid having to turn on the bedroom light while he changed. He climbed gingerly into bed after killing the light, mindful of the form next to him, even though he suspected that Ayase was simply feigning sleep.
At times he had no qualms about simply waking the blonde up in order to satisfy his urges, but tonight he was unusually resigned and surprisingly not in the mood.
Ayase had never truly acknowledged the attraction that, in Kanou's opinion, fairly crackled between the two of them, an attraction that Kanou accepted and refused to deny, the attraction that forced him to bind Ayase to him by any means necessary. It had been there from the beginning and after two years, Kanou still experienced jolts of the current.
He'd thought Ayase had too, at long last. Ayase, despite his unease, sometimes slipped. It could be a mere sharp intake of breath or a shaky moan. Whether or not Ayase's baby blues widened in shock, regardless of the fact that he immediately clapped a slender hand over his lips, the damage had already been done. Kanou saw everything, heard every slip of the tongue; it was always too late. He knew. After Ayase's dubious confession of being sensitive to Kanou's presence, of his own reaction, Kanou's touch gentled, demand transforming to request. After all, Kanou only demanded what he couldn't obtain by normal methods.
No, a word that always filtered from Ayase's lips, had shifted in intent. Originally uttered as a plea for Kanou to stop, he suspected it had transformed, became an attempt to deny himself the reactions he had no control over any longer, as if he was willing himself not to fall too deeply, a reminder that sex with Kanou was not to be enjoyed. Even so, trembling, restless gyrations and clenching fingers etching shallow crescents into Kanou's neck and back told another story. That wide-eyed wonder led Kanou to believe that perhaps progress was indeed being made, although slow in coming, denial be damned. It was really possible, not an unattainable, farfetched fantasy.
Scissoring of legs and restless motions gave movement to Ayase's rioting emotions and nerve endings. Reflexive tightening of his thighs against Kanou's hips, the vice like grip of Ayase's legs as he crossed and tightened his ankles at the small of Kanou's back. The heaving of that pale chest with their hardened and flushed peaks, violently contrasting with his otherwise opalescent skin, all but pleading for Kanou's adoration even while Ayase whimpered in protest.
But that was the past.
Also seemingly overnight, that same budding wonder had been snuffed, with Kanou left to ponder what had been responsible for causing it.
Just what should a man do when his lover lay beneath him, stubbornly silent? When beautiful blue eyes grew barren and bereft of response and emotion, when a body that had just begun to respond to his touch possessed all the liveliness of a corpse? No shock, not even denial or rebellion; just plain old disheartening resignation.
Just as quickly, his gentleness bowed down to roughness, a manifestation of desperation, confusion and frustration. Whether he'd been trying to drag a more emotional, genuine response out of Ayase's mouth and body or attempting to break the small boy in some way, Kanou wasn't sure. His actions were meant to call forth a reaction, negative or otherwise; he just wanted Ayase to feel something. His efforts were futile and those rough handed actions drew no sound from Ayase; no whimper of pain reached his sensitive ears, no glimpse of fear, just more of the same.
Kanou wasn't deluded enough to hold a glimmer of hope that one day, Ayase's eyes would beg for Kanou to hurry, to please hurry, because Ayase couldn't wait to have Kanou inside him, caressing him, powerful hips rocking them both to inevitable, violent climax. That was unrealistic, preposterous.
But just because the ideal could not be attained didn't mean Kanou desired the exact opposite. Resignation, disgust and reproach-to whom, Kanou didn't know- flared temporarily in his eyes before fading into nothingness, and Ayase did indeed seem to be silently pleading with Kanou to hurry- and get the whole thing over with. Even protest, tears, or pleading were welcome at this point. He'd never had to try this hard to pleasure anyone in the past, and that knowledge sat heavily in Kanou's belly, growing steadily, threatening to unravel him.
It wasn't satisfying without some form of response. It would serve to quench his thirst about as much as drinking warm beer or toilet water. It was empty.
So tonight he would do without, and tomorrow he'd have a horrible day, much like most of his days recently. Everyone within a close radius would suffer, and that knowledge was comforting, but not satisfying enough.
But then again, nothing was these days.
Okay, chapter 2 has been posted! I apologize for delaying it with second guessing and nervousness. I spent some time with my rough draft in hand, watching the anime and flipping through the 8 volumes of manga. I wanted it to be as accurate as possible, and with the two main characters being so complicated, it was difficult.
YaoiFangirl: Thank you! Although it took me forever to get the second chapter written, I don't anticipate that same slowness for future installments; I just struggled with this one a bit, since I don't want an inaccurate Kanou.. Oh, the horror!
Tankyasue: I sincerely appreciate the detailed review; it was just what I needed to gauge what I needed to work on, and what is working thus far. It is very important to me that I get all of the characters down, and if not, I really appreciate being told why. A couple of your comments made me aware of some facts that I hadn't even considered while writing, and when I finished reading your review, I had a couple of "Whoa!" moments. Thank you so much for your comments- they are much appreciated.
In regards to not making you wait too long- I have to apologize; nearly months is WAY too long between chapters. o.O It took me forever, since I didn't want to write a Kanou that wasn't truly him. Hopefully it's not disappointing. And some of Ayase's plan will be revealed the next chapter. Didn't want to let all of it out of the bag too quickly!
see1like: Thank you! I am planning on seeing the story through the end; I just hit a roadblock with chapter 2, which I think I've cleared up to my satisfaction.
MissMarilynRamirez: Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I am trying to work on my understanding of the characters, since I believe that Ayase was easier to write than Kanou. They're both complicated as hell, but Kanou even moreso, at least to me, and with this chapter, I was constantly stopping to think: "Does that even sound like him?" I seriously sat with my draft printed in my hand while I watched the OAVs again, just to confirm a few things.
I agree! He's very caring, and has the absolute best intentions- he's just an idiot when it comes to expressing them. Poor Kanou-san…. Of course, those that love and understand him can get past all that awkwardness.
Thank you so much for always being such a kick-ass reviewer- and saving me this chapter! Everyone likes an "OMG I love it" review, but details help so much, constructive and positive. I always appreciate your help!
Oh, and yes: part of the plan will be in chapter 3.