Title:One-legged Women and Perverted Doors
Author:TinaMustDie
Ahh. Took me long enough right? Am such a lazy arse.
In case anyone was confused, in the last chapter, the hat wasn't speaking out loud. That was just Scorpius.
He almost pities the prefect that has to lead him back to Ravenclaw tower. Almost being the key word. Really, messing with her was just too much fun. Although he did think she looked a bit like she wanted to cry. Especially after that Cockroach Cluster incident. He was pretty sure that one had traumatized at least half of the new first years.
They reached the tower in record time... the longest walk back to a common room. Scorpius just smiles proudly. He's not one to brag, but his contribution was critical to such an achievement. Getting into a fistfight with one of the suits of armor, irritating the stairway till it was more like an amusement park ride than a mode a transportation, and of course, the Cockroach Cluster incident, greatly increased their time. He feels that he should at least get a medal for his effort. And compensation for his shiner. That suit of armor started it, and damn, did it have a mean right hook.
And then it happened.
Miss Prefect, turning to tell them to be careful on the upcoming tower stairs, froze and let out a piteous wail. Scorpius spun around and prepared to be dazzled. He was not disappointed.
There, floating above them was a tiny, smirking man. He let out a gleeful cackle and before anyone had time to blink, attached himself to the head of Miss Prefect, bursting into a vulgar drinking song. Scorpius was awed. Who was this glorious creature?
"She only has one leg, but I don't mind!" sang the small man over Miss Prefect's screams.
"Where have you been all my life?" Scorpius cried joyfully amidst the terrified chaos.
Eventually, another upperclassman had come upon the scene and ran to alert the Bloody Baron. This saddened Scorpius immensely. He hadn't even gotten to talk to the marvelous little poltergeist.
"That horrible thing is a terror to the school!" ranted Miss Prefect, walking them up the staircase, still quite shaken from her experience.
Scorpius snorts. Miss Prefect glares.
"You think something is funny, you little menace?" she hisses.
"Yeah. I'm giggling at the lawsuit I'm gonna slap on you for calling students derogatory names." he explains.
When Miss Prefect turns around, fuming, he knows he's won.
Unfortunately, the other students don't.
"Don't be a jerk!" snipes one girl.
"Don't look both ways before crossing the street. Maybe some flashy sports car will take care of your nagging for me."
The girl looks horrified. Ah, the fruits of snarky Malfoy labor.
"What form does a boggart take when alone?" wheezes the door.
"Probably a very lonely one," answers Scorpius before anyone else has a chance to think about it.
The door giggles before swinging open. He swears he feels it brush his backside as he walks in.
Well at least the door likes him.