...
We'd said screw you Humba and gone off to do other challenges. Cleared Nutty Acres Act 1, got a few Jinjo tokens, blah blah. That got L.O.G. to open up Banjoland.
Both Banjo and I did a challenge for Klungo, a no-brainer like him. We found Captain Blubber for the first time on this quest and he was with Clanker. The whale... fish... whatever thing was wedged into grating and Blubber wanted us to protect his eyes from a bunch of Gruntbots.
Banjo and I picked out Humba's Tank to use, and we fought like hell, but Clanker was too slippery. After a while I had enough.
"Banjo, get off the tank! Let's go kick some Gruntbot butt ourselves!" We were fighting like hell on foot, but Blubber wouldn't stop whining.
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID HIPPO!" I shouted.
The Gruntbots had seized an eye and made off with it, and then they got the other eye and made us fail the challenge.
"Now look at the state o'this poor ol' whale... fish... thing. How could ye let Grunty get away with it?" Blubber's rancid voice spoke.
I poked my head out of the backpack and threw a couple insults at him.
"We, um, kind of tried not to. Problem is your slippery little friend and our lack of speed, which we cannot do a lot about in Banjoland, makes it kind of hard for us to save his eyeballs. Why does Gruntilda want them anyway? Clanker used to be her garbage dump."
We tried again. And again. And again. To the point where the number of times we failed was twice Humba.
Over and over: "Now look at the state o'this poor ol' whale... fish... thing. How could ye let Grunty get away with it?" 10 tries... 20 tries... 50... tries... 70... tries... 1,000,000... fucking... tries.
"Now look at the state o'this poor ol' whale... fish... thing. How could ye let Grunty get away with it?"
"That's it! I'm finished with you too, blubber boy! Prepare to join Humba Wumba!"
I got out of Banjo's backpack and flew above Blubber's head. I grabbed his hat and spit into the inside of it, threw it away, and started whipping him with L.O.G.'s wrench. In between grunts, he'd scream out pleas for me to stop, music to my ears. "Avast, ye swabs, ye'll make the old captain sick!"
Simple little sentences that caused me to burst out in evil cackles.
"Arrr! I had a feisty parrot once, but not like this!"
"Banjo! Go get Mumbo!" He ran off and came back 10 minutes later.
"Hey Mumbo Dumbo, do me a favor and turn Captain Schlubber here into a plate of raw, rotten dolphin meat!"
"Sigh. Mumbo do as bird wish." In a second, Captain Schlubber was a plate of raw, rotten dolphin meat just like I asked.
"Now give me some sort of crap. You know all sorts of stuff that a certain warty witch would hate eating. And disguise it as sweaty gorilla feet and camel spit milkshake."
Mumbo grinned evilly.
"Mumbo eager to torment witch. As bird wish, Mumbo make crappy food!" I prepared the dish, wrapped it in a box and all of us went back to Showdown Town.
"Hey, Winkybunion! We got you a little present!" I shouted.
"What's this, a present, oh just for me? Why how good this day turned out to be! Come over here, bear, and give me your gift, then go back whence you came from, that strange swirling rift!" Grunty said, delighted.
I gave it to her and she opened the box. Taking a bite, she jumped. "Oh my word, this is quite good! What did you make it out of? Click Clock Wood?"
We all shook our heads. "Nope, it's made of frog legs and cow milk, Wart Brain!" I said.
She spat it out, threw the rest at her new minion Piddles and threw up on the ground. All of us looked away.
"Why, you three know I hate fine cuisine! Who made this for me, one of you? Come clean!"
"Goggle Boy did it, Winky! He demanded that we give it to you!" I said. The old buzzard spun around and stormed off to Bottles' tour guide location.
"You should never mess with me, little mole! This Christmas, all you're getting is a lump of coal!" She turned him into a piece of coal, buying us enough time to sneak back to Banjoland. All three of us high-fived.