Allow me to say that this story is not going to develop into a giant prank-fest between House and Wilson. I have some several chapters in mind that are far less mischievous, but these first two happen to fall into the same type of genre. Anyway, don't let me ruin anything for you.

And thank you to paulac45 for pointing out my error. This is an AU fic, and I decided to give the boys a house and a garden.

So without further ado...

Whistling under his breath, Wilson pulled on his bright green gardening gloves and dropped to his knees. He picked up a trowel and removed a sizeable chunk of earth from the flower bed.

"A real man wouldn't wear gloves, you know," House grumbled. He tossed his cane haphazardly to the side and lowered himself to the ground a couple feet behind Wilson. "Innuendo intended."

James wiped the sweat from his brow. "Very clever." With a reluctant smile dancing across his features, Wilson extracted a petunia from its plastic carton. "You have any idea where the watering can is?"

From his position on the lawn, House easily spotted the forest green watering can perched behind a peony bush. "Not a clue," he reported convincingly.

Wilson got to his feet and shielded his eyes from the sun. At his altered perspective, he could see the curved spout peeking between the broad leaves with no trouble. "Do you actually have any control of what comes out of your mouth, or do the lies think of themselves?" James placed his petunia-free hand on his hip.

With an impish grin, House thoughtfully scratched his chin. "I can control myself. The lies just come naturally. It's a gift, I suppose." He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Wilson tramped over to the bush and grabbed the watering can, annoyed to find it empty. "If you're going to pester me, you may as well make yourself helpful," he grumbled. "Fill this up." Wilson hesitated, wagging a threatening finger at House. "And no funny business with the hose."

House opened his mouth to speak, but Wilson cut him off.

"No innuendo intended." Wilson masked his chuckle with a cough and tossed the seemingly empty can over.

What happened next was completely unexpected by both men. A fuming chipmunk sprang from the depths of the watering can and latched onto House's tee-shirt.

With a humiliating squeal, House batted at the panicked rodent. Those tiny claws were latched firmly into the fabric of his shirt, and the chipmunk couldn't have freed itself if it wanted to. House grunted in defeat as he yanked his shirt over his head and launched it to a distant patch of the yard. He took several deep breaths before glancing up at Wilson.

The formerly somber oncologist was doubled over, clutching his abdomen as his body shook with laughter. He met House's eyes and tried to gather his emotions. "That… was so… great," he choked out between bouts of childish giggles.

House ran a hand over his face and plucked his cane from the grass. He eyed his bright red concert tee, but quickly decided against retrieving it. "You knew it was in there, didn't you?" he queried accusingly as he got to his feet.

Wilson held up his hands with mocking surprise plastered across his smug façade. "I had no idea, House. It was just an added bonus, really."

His mischievous tone suggested dishonesty, but his truthful brown eyes spoke louder. House nonchalantly spun his cane between his fingers and examined the smears of dirt on Wilson's pants. "Let's just see how long the laughter lasts, Wilson. You're the one who has to do the laundry." He turned on his heel and started towards the back door, only pausing to throw a couple of words over his shoulder:

"Innuendo intended."

I recently realized that the Review button isn't green anymore. So humor me and click on that lovely little speech bubble. There's no way I'm going to make it through 26 chapters without feedback!

~JD