Jason's second entry into the book

I've just gotten back to the church after another long day. Apparently, Seven wants me to keep doing it, she says it will 'help' with the voice. I don't notice any change, although it is my second entry.

So, what's this depressed murdering psychopath got to right in the book today?

Well, that's where it gets difficult. If someone was to one day find this thing what would happen?

This book is like a nail in my coffin, the last thing I wrote in this book admitted to killing one guy, not to mention the fact I mentioned the others. If someone caught wind of the church being a base for the Order and someone raided the place, I'd be in deep shit.

So what have I been doing?

Today was very hectic to say the least. I was given the task of planting bombs on four cars, each belonging to a group of people who worked for the man running for senator I'd already killed.

That took far longer than it should have, I was told that the cars would be running in a convoy.

Nope, that would be way too easy. One car was stuck in a parking lot for 20 minutes which gave me more than enough time to plant the bomb when the driver left the car for a minute.

Car number two was parked in a mall's parking lot for an hour, which gave me more than enough time to plant it.

The other two were stuck together like glue and the drivers never left the cars.

I followed them the best I could on foot before I had an idea, I posed myself as a delivery boy and made up some labels that looked genuine enough. Luck prevailed and they took the packages as if they were expecting them.

After that, I used a payphone to call Seven to tell her that the bombs were planted, so I went to a pizza place to get some food.

I bought a six-inch cheese pizza and didn't get through a quarter of it before I stopped feeling hungry. It wasn't because I wasn't hungry anymore, it was because the Titan's walked into the parlor.

My bag was on the floor next to me. I was sat on the top floor in the outdoor section of the place, of course, something had to go wrong.

They were talking about meeting a strange kid the night previous. At that point I was freaking out more than ever, they were talking directly about me, they were eventually aware of me. Seeing me out of the corner of their eyes.

I tried hiding my face by eating some of the pizza, then I heard something worrying. A small beeping sound in the background, I soon realized what it was. When I looked, I saw one of the cars that I'd planted a bomb on.

The second I grabbed my bag and began to walk away, the car exploded. The concussive force of the blast sent me flying forwards into some of the Titans.

I'd been knocked out for a while, when I woke up I was stuck on a paramedic stretcher, no-one watching me, so I managed to cut myself free and slip away.

I reached the church without any incident, that was pretty much the only thing that went well that day. Well, the voice was much calmer than it usually was, mainly because I was doing as it said today.

It wasn't telling me to kill innocents today, it agreed with Seven as if it knew something that I didn't.

Jack -another young member of the Order- came to see me today, he always managed to brighten up my day. I never knew what it was about him, there was always some strange quality around him.

His short blonde hair, bright green eyes, him being about 5 inches taller than me and the fact that he didn't directly kill anyone seemed to make me feel better about myself.

I should probably stop here. Hell, I'm more worried about Jack finding this now rather than the Police, he's more likely to kill me than they are.

Then again, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

There I go again, fucking it up.

Robin's P.O.V

The bombing at the Pizza Parlor wasn't a coincidence, it wasn't long after that which we heard about another three car bombings in the city.

I began to think that there wasn't another coincidence until I realized that the same Kid I'd caught walking along the bay on his own the previous night as at the parlor looking at us with this terrified expression.

It didn't take long for me to start my investigation into it, for some reason, I felt intrigued. Over the past few weeks, murders of political figures in Jump City went through the roof and I couldn't figure out why.

Neither did it take long for me to get my hands on surveillance camera footage of the areas where the cars exploded. That took me a while, retracing the car's route to find something suspicious.

Lo and behold, there he was again. Looking under the cars before walking away, his head darting left and right.

That Kid was the bomber, he was likely the killer too.

"Hey Robin, you've been at this for about three hours now dude. Find anything?" Beast boy walked into the investigation room at the tower.

"Yes... Remember that kid at the parlor?" I looked at him as I leaned back from my chair.

"Umm..." Beast boy sighed as he placed his hand on his chin, rubbing it slightly.

"The one in the gray hoodie?" I sighed.

Beast boy clicked his fingers in victory.

"Yeah, but what about him?" He asked as he walked over to me.

I showed him the footage of the kid to his astonishment as he stared at the screen.

"Wow... Dude, we gotta find him." Beast boy began.

I was already ahead two steps of him, I was tracking the kid's steps on the security footage after the parlor bombing.

"I'm looking now, it looks like he's headed towards a church in the projects. I was about to tip off the police until you came in." I explained it to him.

"Oh, well I'll let you get back to it." Beast boy began to leave.

I wanted to stop him, after all, it got lonely after a while, but it needed to be done. Quickly I got on the phone with the police to try and get a SWAT team over there as fast as possible, faster than we could have ever managed it.

J's P.O.V

I closed the book and hid it under my mattress, for the time being, knowing full well that I may never get the chance to write in it again. I sat there for the moment, that was until I decided that I wanted to go out. Staying in one place wasn't good for me, I needed fresh air which was something that I couldn't get whilst sitting in the basement of a church.

That night was a night I needed my gun. I pulled out the 4-inch revolver from under my pillow and stuffed it in my waistband before I decided to walk out of the door.

It was then that I heard the banging on the door upstairs, it was a clear sign for me to start moving and in a direction that could lead to my death.

The thing was that the church was built on top of an old subway tunnel that had been out of service for 10 years.

The only issue was, we'd never used it at all as an escape route, but it was there. It was close to dangerous to even think about going down there, I understood that it was dangerous, but I didn't know why.

Quickly, I darted back into my own room, grabbed the book and stuffed it into a black backpack that Seven had given me. I had to go into the wardrobe as there was a hatch in the floor. I didn't bother climbing down the ladder, I just jumped straight down the hole not caring about what could happen.

I landed correctly, which was a relief seeing as the rails were still there. They hadn't bothered to take up all the old lines and reuse them. Thankfully, I had a general idea of where I was headed, that didn't matter, though, the dark tunnels were damn near impossible to get through without a flashlight.

So I kept walking, trying to formulate a plan of what to do when I got out of the damn tunnel, it kept my mind busy until I finally found a service shaft.

The door was padlocked, but thankfully the tip of the knife was strong enough to undo the screws around it. Soon enough, I was out of the tunnels and out in the flurry of snow the city had turned into.

Unfortunately, I hadn't come up with a plan, the best thing I could do was find my way to the nearest safeguard and stay there until someone came looking for me, be it the police or the Order, I was beginning to not care at that point. I'd fucked it up enough, now it was just getting worse.

In the back of my mind, I hoped that no-one saw me enter the abandoned library. For some reason, I was sure they had.

Robin's P.O.V.

"Nothing, he isn't here Sir. Two civilians, a child, and carer, none of which match your description." Came the voice on the radio.

I cursed under my breath and picked up the radio.

"Fine, any documents or any bomb building materials?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"No sir, nothing." The voice came again.

"Damn..." I sighed.

I looked back at the security cameras, nothing. There wasn't a single sighting of him for the rest of the night. It was about 10 pm that I gave up, if I couldn't find him using the cameras, I'd have to go out looking for him. It wasn't the time, though, I couldn't spend the time to look for a kid who could blend into almost anywhere.

Frustrated, I stood up and began to walk towards the door until I heard the radio go again.

"Wait... We've got gunfire!" The radio crackled, the sound of gunfire coming through the speakers.

"There's two shooters! We're taking fire and we've got wounded, get back up!" The radioman screamed down the radio

In an attempt to help, I hit the alarm button and grabbed my gear.

J's P.O.V

I hid in the office of the library. When I walked in, I saw just how long the place had been abandoned, the dust on the coffee table was almost an inch thick. To try and make it more comfortable, I wiped the dust from the chair and sat down before placing the book and the gun on the table.

I knew it was my fault, I knew I was the reason that the church was being raided. I fell into a deep depression as I realized I likely left Jack and Seven to die. My head hung in my hands as I groaned loudly, knowing full well that Jack and Seven could easily have been killed. The only people I cared about dead, I only thought that it was fitting that I died along with them.

Stupid idea, I know.

I wrote one last thing in the book.

J's book - The note.

I am so sorry.

This is my genuine confession.
I have killed so many people for a cause I don't even know exists, for some sort of political race.
I have shot them, I have stabbed them, I have blown them up in their own cars.

I am sorry.

I am sorry I left you there to die, I'm sorry I wasn't there to take the fall for you.

This is my note.

I can't keep going through with this, not knowing who I am, not knowing what I am doing on this earth and worst of all, not knowing what happened before I happened upon the Order. Not knowing who I am or what I'm here for.

After I finish this note, that's it, the end for me.

The great J.

J

That's my fucking name.

One letter.

That's it, I've had enough.

Robin's P.O.V

We arrived on the scene, no gunfire, but the remains left behind was a reminder of the Order's brutality. A few of the SWAT team were killed by the gunfire in the street, the rest were wounded. Paramedics were on the scene before we got there, but it was too late for some of them. In my mind, I was trying to figure out how that kid managed to do this, but there was no way.

"Dude..." Beast boy sighed as he looked over the scene.

"The shots came from that building." I pointed at the building the radioman described.

"Could you take a look in there Star?" I asked.

Solemnly, she nodded and began to fly towards the building to investigate.

"Should we check out the church?" Cyborg began, trying to help me figure out what we were supposed to do.

"No, they checked the place ou-" I began, but the gunshot in the distance stopped me from completing my sentence.

The shot wasn't quiet, but it wasn't deafening either, the shot came from somewhere close by.

Where?

That was the question, but frankly, we were more concerned about finding out who was wielding the machine guns that were probably used to gun down most of the SWAT team. Attempting to divide up attention from the task at hand was a dumb move if the Kid was able to gun down the SWAT team, I wasn't going to risk any of the titan's lives because one key member was away whilst the rest of us had to deal with him.

One person can make all the difference.

J's P.O.V

"Jack?" I looked into the eyes of the titular blonde.

He'd snuck up on me, waiting until he knew what it was that I was trying to do, he jumped in, wrestling me to the ground, making the gun go off towards the wall, rather than into my skull.

"I know you're upset." Jack took the revolver from me and threw it away.

"But this isn't the answer, there's a better way." He sighed at me.

I shook my head, still feeling the impending feeling of pain in my chest.

"I ran and left you and Seven to deal with the SWAT team. You're the only thing I've got in this life... What is the point if I'm just going to run?"

Slap!

Jack slapped me across the face pretty hard, leaving my cheek stinging for a while.

"We don't have time for this, pull yourself together." He sighed, grabbing me by the collar and lifting me up with him.

"I'm going to head towards Gus the doctor's place, he said he could give me a place to lay low for a while. You'd be better off coming with me." Jack explained his plan whilst I rubbed my cheek slightly.

When I thought about it, it was a dumb idea, the only reason the SWAT team had managed to figure out the church was the base for the Order, they were there looking for me. If they found me with Jack, they'd arrest him on association with me.

"No, they're looking for me, not you." I started, taking in Jack's bright green eyes again.

"They'll find me eventually, so I'll stay away from downtown, at least for a while whilst I figure out what to do.

J's Book

I couldn't do it.

Jack was there, staring at me with these concerned eyes. His bright green orbs were mesmerizing, it was enough to stop me from pulling the trigger.

Even then I managed to fuck it all up.

I explained to Jack that the best way for us to lay low was to split up, even if it seemed for the worse.

The reason I wanted for him to leave was so that he wouldn't follow me when I went back to the church.

Jack went to another safe house, one in the middle of town. I gave it a few minutes before I started my trudge through the snow-coated streets in the city.

It wasn't long before I arrived a few blocks away from the church, from there I could see why it was a bad idea to head back.

Ambulances and squad cars were parked, blocking the road off from observers. I knew what was going on from there, I knew who the culprits were.

The OJ twins.

They were the ones who were likely behind the massacre, they were merciless beings, only capable of murder and heinous acts. They were perfect for terrorism, the only issue was that in this instance, the police were probably looking for me, to begin with under suspicion of murder. Now they were likely looking to arrest or kill me for what had happened there.

It was easy enough for the police to put two and two together, if only they knew about the other number that was missing from the equation.

I couldn't hang around so I walked away from the scene down an alleyway only to have something worse happen.

When I walked down that alley, the OJ twins were waiting for me. They managed to restrain me enough to the point where they could get me in the back of a small car and drive for what seemed like hours.

When they took me out of the car, it was still dark even though it was starting to become light.

What happened next is hard to put into words.

They dragged me out of the car and pinned me against the bonnet. I tried my hardest to understand why they were doing what they were, and they told me.

I'd killed someone I really shouldn't have.

In the Pizza Parlor explosion, I'd killed the one person who gave the order political power.

The person I'd been killing people to get into a senator position, I'd killed by complete coincidence.

Trying to explain what happened to them was like trying to explain my predicament to the police. Now, let's be honest. As I am now, I could have killed them both the second they tried to grab me.

At that time, though, I was weak and already accepting death. I let them do what they wanted, even if it meant a slow and painful death.

The OJ twins were some of the worst people you could ever meet.

In my defense, I did fight back the second they tried to take my clothes off. That was after they'd beat my legs with hammers, they were sick men.

It was a knock at the door that stopped them from going any further with their plans.

One covered my mouth with his hand whilst the other went to the door and opened it, he soon managed to talk his way out of having the container searched.

I'd had enough when the one covering my mouth undid his belt buckle.

Something clicked inside me, something awoke inside me. A familiar feeling, like it had happened before.

I remembered when it had happened before and what I'd did to defend myself.

Back then, I ripped out the man's throat with my teeth.

This time, I had to kick him off of me first. I was enthralled with rage, more than enough inside me to kill him five times over. Several stomps on his head should have done it, but I was too angry to check before I charged into the other, knocking him down and outside of the container.

I headbutted him twice before biting down on his throat and ripping it out of his neck.

Blood went everywhere, spraying crimson rain everywhere.

When I turned to look around for witnesses, I found one.

Oh did I find one?

Robin was stood there with a horrified look on his face. His hand reached for his collapsing staff on his belt. I was about to try and kick him in the chest to try and get him away from me, but for one thing, I was too short and for the other, the remaining OJ twin was still alive and armed.

He shot me in the side, sending me down to the floor in pain.

With the pain already running throughout my body, it took about 10 seconds for me to black out.

When I awoke, I was in a worse position than I was before.

Strapped to a bed in what looked like a prison cell, clothed in a yellow jumpsuit. Not only was the jumpsuit not my color, it wasn't my size or my chosen style of clothes.

It only meant one thing, I was in prison. Only I wasn't in prison, I was locked up in Titan tower.

They found the book, the one I'm writing in now. They brought me a cup of cocoa. I still don't know why, but they did it anyway.

After everything I've done, they bring me a cup of cocoa. I was expecting a cup of poison or something, instead, they're being kind to me.

Anyway, I'd best pass this through the bars to them.

J's P.O.V

"Here, what's it for?" I asked shakily as I slid the book across to the green skinned girl across from me.

"You mean you do not understand?" She asked, concern in her voice.

I shook my head as I picked up the cup again, almost dropping it with how shaky I was. She looked through the book, reading through it as she sat like I was, cross-legged on the concrete beneath us. Suddenly she took a deep breath before putting a hand over her mouth.

"W-what?" I asked, worrying even further.

She didn't answer, instead, she got up and walked out of the door. In a frenzy, I got up from my sitting position to try and look through the bars to see where she was going, but it was no good, I could tell where she was headed seeing as I didn't know the way the tower was built.

"You've fucked it now." The voice arrived once again to accompany me.

"Stop." I sighed, shaking my head, not wanting to listen to it anymore.

"No, you really have done it now. You're trapped here, they know about me and they know what you've done my friend. You're going to die for the things you've done and with you, me." The voice continued to persist.

"Yes, you don't even know what's happening to you do you?" It managed to push me again.

"J? Are you ready to talk to us?" Another Titan walked in, Robin this time.

"This voice, it's driving me insane," I complained as I looked at him.

"You ARE insane!" The voice started screaming.

"J, we need to talk to you about what's happened to you." Robin crouched down in front of me so that he could talk with me.

"You're not this murderer you are now, I want you to look at this," Robin explained before pulling out a folder of pictures.

The first one was of me, smiling. The next was of me in the hospital having the bullet removed. The next of which was a strange picture of a tiny piece of metal.

"That's a nanomachine, there was about 400 in your blood stream, do you have any idea where they came from?" Robin asked.

"From the syringes... Seven gave me syringes to try and stop the voices in my head." I explained as I began to piece together what was happening.

"Seven is the lady from the church isn't she?" Robin pressed.

I nodded as I sat back from the bars. Seven and the Order had betrayed me from the beginning. They'd been using me against my will even though I was willing. The voice in my head was me, my past self screaming for me to let it take control, taking every viable route to try and get me to crack so he could break free.

"These machines have been releasing endorphins into your bloodstream. I think the main purpose was to stop you figuring out what was going on. Do you have an idea of what they were trying to do?" Robin attempted to get on my level.

"They were trying to get me to kill all the opposition for this one guy..." I began to explain to Robin what was going on.

"The Order was trying to get this guy to win the Senate vote. He got killed in the Pizza Parlor when that car exploded. That's why the OJ twins dragged me into that shipping container." I explained in as much detail as I was comfortable with.

Robin nodded before he stood up and unlocked the cell with a key and slid the door open. With the wound I had, I couldn't really move around without feeling too much pain. It hurt, to say the least when Robin gave me a hand up from the floor and helped me walk.

"You're going to meet the team, then we're going to try and get you your memory back. Sound good?" Robin asked as he tried getting me to walk with him.

"Yeah." I grimaced.

It was difficult, to say the least seeing as Robin was a good foot taller than me, instead of struggling with walking me around, he picked all 95 kilograms of me up and walked me through the tower and into the main room.

The main room had a kitchen and a lounge with the biggest TV I'd seen in my life.

"Jeez." I looked at it, wondering how you watched it without going blind.

Robin put me down on the couch so I could feel some independence.

"Let me get the others, don't move." Robin sighed as he walked off to go and get the others.

I looked forward to out of the gigantic windows, looking at the city across the water and the slowly setting sun, with it being winter, it wasn't late, but it was still going to be dark early in the day.

I was still hurting, especially around my ribs, that was something that couldn't be helped. What could be helped was how warm I was feeling, I rolled my sleeves up and rubbed my tattooed arms.

"Hey." Came a quiet voice.

Even though she was quiet, she still made me jump out of my skin when she spoke. I saw Raven, still draped in the blue robes she was wearing when she was attempting to follow me about a week ago.

"H-hey." I shook as I looked at her.

"I heard about what they were doing to you, you're lucky we came across you before the police did." She closed her book and turned her attention to me.

I didn't really answer, it made me squirm a little with the way she knew what had happened without even asking. Like it was a warning not to lie to them about anything, but then again, if they knew everything...

What would have been the point in asking me anything?

"Raven... Why are you helping me? You already know everything I do about the Order." I asked her, not sure whether or not there was a point to asking.

Raven just looked at me, an expression of remorse pasted all over her face.

"Because you aren't the murderer the Order made you into." She spoke softly.

Time began to freeze around me as a sudden realization hit me.

The Titans knew who I was, even the stuff before I was indoctrinated into the order.

"Do you know what my name is?" I shook, my heart raced like it was trying to burst out of my chest.

Raven took a few moment to compose herself before she spoke her name like she knew what the effect of it would be.

"Jason White." She sighed.

Time did freeze, nothing moved, no-one breathed, nothing happened.

That was until the pain hit me, the feeling of something in the center of my brain was ripping my skull open, trying to get out.

The room flashed white, memories flooded my mind.

Where I lived before the supernaturals were exiled from the United States.

What happened on Tsun island.

What my father did to me.

How he tried to kill me.

How he killed mom.

How I survived.

Jason White.

I was Jason White, a 14-year-old boy, a supernatural being, belonging to a species of supernatural beings called Tiwinoku.

I was a half breed between a human father and a Tiwinoku mother.

After my father failed to kill me, I was rescued from the aftermath by a friend of my mother, when I fell ill, she took me back to the village where I was born.

Back to the village where my Grandfather purged me, turning me into a warrior rather than a normal Tiwinoku.

The village was Five thousand Tiwinoku beings lived.

The village where eight hundred Tiwinoku were gunned down by unnamed gunmen.

The village where I was fatally wounded by said, gunmen.

I remembered the hospitals I was transferred to.

The shabby treatment which leads to more scars being added to my already scarred exterior.

Everything.

Time returned, the only thing I could do was grab my head in pain, screaming. Hoping that the pain would stop eventually.

Raven

The second I told J his real name, something happened. He grabbed his head before falling off the couch, screaming in pain. Eventually, he curled up in pain, of course, I wasn't far away and neither were my powers.

Cautiously, I tried to keep him still, shushing him to try and calm him down. When I saw his eyes, though, I froze for a second. They were glowing with some kind of radiant blue light, his sleeves were also glowing.

As time went on, the light was getting more intense, my attempts to ease his pain were in vain as he just couldn't stop hurting. His screaming stopped, but his whimpering soon replaced it.

He was crying.

I figured that I'd must have managed to reawaken his previous memories, based on what Robin had explained about him previously, I should have eased him into his past. There wasn't time to regret what I'd done, I had to try and help him as best I could, but there wasn't anything I could do without going into his mind.