I interrupt your productive lives for some unproductive fun. Please keep all appendages inside until the end. Thank you and have a blast.
Dib was slumped over drooling in his chair when the unwanted voice of his captor rang through the dark room.
"Rise and shine, slaves! The fans have just left and I got all their money… I mean questions, comments, and wishes!" the writer shouted.
"Kill me now," Dib muttered.
"Sorry, kid. I'm not allowed unless the fans wish it!" the voice explained. "Any who! Let us see what we got here."
A list unrolled and circled the two captives. Squeals of joy could be heard.
"They love me! So happy," the voice cheered. "Ahem. Anyway, people talk about the looks on your faces when I mentioned zadr, bla bla bla. Oh! Zatr fan! This goes to Zimmyz teh best!"
The duct tape was ripped off Zim's mouth, along with some skin. Fast-paced footsteps could be heard. Soon Tak appeared from the shadows and she bowed in front of the two surprised captives.
"My Tallest! Thank you for..." She looked up. "YOU'RE not the Tallest!"
"Run, Tak! Run!" Both Zim and Dib shouted.
It was too late. Soon Tak joined the Tied to a Chair Club.
"Now, Tak. Kiss Zim. On the lips. Make it good."
Dib looked horrified. Tak, angry. Zim, just confused.
"What is this kiss thing you speak of? And what does it have to do with Zim's lips?" Zim demanded.
"I will not display a sign of human affection and especially not...Oomph!" Tak was roughly pushed into Zim, causing their lips to crush together.
"There. Was that so hard?" Heartofstone15 purred.
"That's how humans display affection? Disgusting!" Zim spat, trying to rid his mouth of Tak's saliva. "I prefer the beans!"
"Oh and Zimmyz teh best has a question for you, Zim," the writer said. "'Why are you so amazing?'"
Zim tried to look as proud as he could while strapped to a chair. "I guess I just am. I'm glad SOME human filthies can see the awesomeness that is Zim!"
"Next request comes from...uh oh," the writer groaned.
A girl burst forth from the darkness. "OH! Oh! Me! Me! Can I write this part? Plez!"
"NO, Mayo God. No you can't." The voice sounded very annoyed.
"I'll give you chocolate!" Mayo God sang.
"DEAL! Gimme chocolate!" The girl threw the bar of Hershey's into the shadows.
"Alright y'all have fun, m'kay!" Mayo God's voice screamed.
The lights dimmed onto the face of a heavy ebony woman, who slowly and tactfully walked up to the three victims.
"Yo gurl this is Shequana an' I am here fo' Mayo God." She said drawing her hands to her hips.
"Wait…WTF IS THI-"Dib screamed, but before he could finish his sentence he had been smacked with enough force to knock out a 7 ton rhino.
"Boy don't you yell at me! Oh H*LL naw!"
"Heh heh. Dib stink got slapped…" Zim snickered.
"Ow…. "Dib whined from the floor.
"Mhmm gurl! Don't f*ck with Shequana!"
"Okay…I think that's enough…" Heartofstone15 mumbled.
"Oh gurl H*LL NAW! Shequana ain't goin' nowhere till this little mofo learns was right 'round hea!"
"SECURITY!" Dib screamed which only made him receive another blow.
"That's enough Mayo God; you've made your character curse enough now that we probably won't be considered rated K anymore. Besides people probably now think were racist. Now say sorry to all the nice fans…"
"NO! BUHAHAHAHA!"
"GURL YOU TELL THAT MOFO!" Shequana screamed as Dib tried to inch out of Shequana's view. "BOY DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME!" She ordered as she chased Dib around the room.
"Oh…my...Irk…is that even legal?" Tak said worryingly.
"I'm just glad she hasn't hit ME yet." Zim sighed under his breath.
"YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? BOY I WILL CUT YOU!" She roared as she ran toward Zim.
"Great Irk…" Zim mumbled bracing for the blow that almost knocked him out of his chair.
Shequana got up off of Zim who was almost crushed under her body weight and declared, "I am done with you little mofo's. Mayo God let's get the f*ck out of this place."
"Alright, Shequana. Bye guys! TTFN! Thanks!"
Heavy sighing could be heard as Mayo God and Shequana left.
"That was good chocolate, but I'm not sure if it was worth it," the voice of Heartofstone15 said. "Oh well. That's up to the fans! Anyway, randomperson wants to yell at the Tallest!"
Two chairs rose from a hole in the floor. The Tallest, whom were strapped onto them, were arguing.
"Now look what you did!" Red accused. "How'd we end up here when we were only looking for the new snack room? We're not even ON the Massive!"
"How's it my fault?" Purple glared.
"My Tallest!" Zim shouted excitedly.
One could almost see the phrase "oh no" pass through both Tallest's minds at the same time.
"Tallest Red and Tallest Purple, you have been called forth so that randomperson can yell at you," Heartofstone15 announced. "Unfortunately, randomperson is not present so I will do the yelling. Ahem."
Silence for at least thirty seconds.
"You two are such JERKS! I mean come ON! Lying to a loyal soldier like that. He may ruin everything he touches, but STILL! ZIM IS AWSOME! And what you did to Skoogde was just...ergh! You guys suck! He was probably the best Invader ever but NOOoooOOO! He's short, fat, and ugly! Shoot him with the Canon Sweep! AAUGH!"
Though the yelling continued, the Irkens were just concerned with the fact that the Tallest were being insulted. Dib only cared that he had an opportunity to mock the Irkens.
"How dare you treat the Tallest this way, filth!" Tak growled.
"You're names are 'Red' and 'Purple'. Are you serious?" Dib burst into laughter.
"Hey! I recognize you!" Purple said randomly, looking at Dib. "You're that large-headed kid that danced with Zim's SIR in Zim's base!"
Dib glared at him. "I hate you."
"And sense you're not even listening to me anyway!" Heartofstone15 tsked. "Let's get on with the rest of randomperson's wishes. 'Dib: why is your head so big?'"
"It's not big!"
"And, for Zim: 'Be nicer to GIR! He's cute!'"
"Humans believe my SIR unit possesses this cuteness they see in the hair monsters?" Zim pondered out loud. "Perhaps I can use him to bend the humans to my will! The Peepi creature obviously could not follow commands. Yes. It just might work. MUHAHAHAHA!"
"I can hear you, Zim," Dib said. "I won't let you get away with any of your screams! You'll never take over Earth! I won't let you!"
Everyone was watching the two squabble.
"They fight similar to a bonded human couple," Tak muttered.
"Maybe that's why lots of people like zadr," Heartofstone15 said in awe.
"What's that?" the three Irkens asked, curiosity sketched over their faces.
"An acronym for a romantic pairing involving Dib and Zim," the writer explained. "Such pairings were invented by fan girls whom are insane by definition. I admit to being one but I prefer zagr. I have nothing against male and male or female and female pairings. DON'T KILL ME, FANS!"
"Just WHO are you yelling at?" Red demanded.
"The fans! They determine the make or break of my little empires! We must appease them at all cost!"
"Aren't fans something one could use to blow air with?" Purple commented.
"Well, yes, but there's also another meaning for fans!" the writer exclaimed. "A fan could be a person with an intense, occasionally overwhelming liking and enthusiasm for something. Getting some to like you is kind of hard but very rewarding in the end."
"Humans are strange," Red said.
"You don't know the HALF of it!" the writer exclaimed. "You haven't even heard about politics among us yet!"
"Humans can get WEIRDER!" Purple said in disbelief. "I thought being tall yet dumb was as weird as you could get!"
"Yes. Yes we can," Heartofstone15 sighed. "But we must talk about that later. We have a question from one Invader …Shit. Yup, there goes rated K! Anyway, this person says,' How about dib tell us y his head is so big?' So Dib, tell us again about your head."
"Stop calling it big! It's not big!"
"Anyway, we're out of time! So don't forget to click that review button so you can send me all of your wishes, comments, and questions! I'll make them do stuff for you people, even! Just remember! NO FILTH! And by the way, I GOT A POLL! Vote on it!"
I now return you to your productive lives. Scram.