A/N:

Thank you so much for the reviews! :)

I know! I know; I'm so freaking late in updating this fanfic (Seeing how "201", the sequel to "200" aired on TV like almost 2 months ago).

And so, it is revealed that Jack Terroman is Eric Cartman's father (In the words of Stan Marsh: "Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!" LOL). Now, I already revealed, in the last chapter, that Gerald Broflovski is Eric's father and I'm going to stick by that idea; I'm not going to change that detail at all.

So, let us see how Eric Cartman tries to confirm that Gerald Broflovski is his father (Which he hopes he isn't!)...

Sorry for bad spelling and grammar! (Still need to be Beta'd by my awesome new beta, but because tie is of the essence, I have posted it anyway. I will update with corrects soon!)

Enjoy! :)

Title: God Damn It - Who's My Father!

Rating: T (Because it's South Park!)

Description: Cartman is told that the results of his father's identity were tampered with. Now, stronger than ever, he wants to know who his father is. But is he ready to here the truth that will change his life forever?

Warnings: May spoil Episode 1405 to those who haven't seen it yet.

Disclaimer: I am obliged to write this statement, for if I don't, I would probably be sued for god knows how much money. In short, I don't own South Park; Matt Stone and Trey Parker do.

God Damn It – Who Is My father?
Written by mpkio2

Part II

It's not true, it's not true...

God, please tell me it's not fucking true!

But God did not answer Eric Cartman's pitiful questions. Cartman was left with no answers to his prays. All he had was the word of a Jew...the word of a fucking money grabbing, sneaky Jew-rat! And did that mean anything to Cartman? Did his lies and twisty little words mean a thing to Cartman? Of course that didn't! He is a Jew after all.

But whether the Jew was right or just being the sneaky little dickhead who Cartman knew he was, did not stop Cartman's heart beating a hundred beats per second. It did not stop the fact that sweat was dripping down the back of his neck and ran down the back of his spine like a river. It did not stop the fact that Cartman wanted to just kill himself...

Because something, something that Cartman didn't know what it was, was playing around in his thoughts, in his mind. It was like a falling sensation; like the feeling you get when you know you're about to fall off your bike and hit the ground hard. It was like the feeling that pulled you down when you find out that you just lost your one million dollars. It was dread. It was fear. It was shock. It was all these emotions into one...

Cartman felt himself falling off a cliff, ready to hit the sharp rocks that were his death...

But Cartman didn't want to hit them; he wanted to grab onto the cliff face before the impact. He wanted to save himself from the fact that he could be a Jew himself. How fucking ironic is that! He has made fun of Jew's since he was born and now he finds out, from the hand of fucking fate, that he could be one. He could be one of those god-damn, sneaky Jews that he hates...

And better yet, he, Eric Cartman, would be a hypocrite. For Cartman, now that he reflected on himself, could see, with that falling/dreading sensation, that he possessed qualities of a Jew; Cartman wanted a million dollars, he loves shopping a Wal-Mart and he didn't, exactly, love Jesus Christ. Oh fuck, he was a Jew for sure; a fucking cheap, money grabbing Jew hypocrite!

And he would be his son! His fucking son! He would be Gerald Broflovski's son and would have to live in that god-forsaken house and eat all the crappy Jewish food, and go to sleep at a certain time and live by their god-damn weird and evil Jewish rituals and ways. He would have to dress as one of...them. He would have to wear that silly little white hat (He was going to get burned by the guys at school! They were going to make his life hell...) and wear one of those beards. And, worst yet, he would have to go to a synagogue and pray with all those other Jews and, if that came to be, if they accepted him, he would be part of the community. No, if that happened he would certainly kill himself.

He would have to live with them, be part of the Brolovski name (His name would be Eric Broflovski!) and that fat-bitch kike of a Jew would be his...step-mom! And that little Jew-rat! Kyle would...

And with the dreading feeling finally pulling Cartman down to the rocks, Eric dies. He realizes, as he sinks to his knees what, if Gerald Broflovski is his father, what it would mean between him and Kyle; what they were all this time without realizing it; how much of their relationship would be different; how awkward and how much of ell it would be if the fact was true...

Kyle would be his half-brother.

"Dear God," Cartman whispered as he covered his head with his shaking hands. "Please, no,"

Kyle may not be his full brother, but anything relating to Kyle meant death to Cartman. It would mean the end of his life. There was no way he would be related to him! Not fucking him! No fucking way! There has to be another way!

But there isn't another way and Cartman knows that. He and Kyle would be half-brothers; they would be related through tinted blood and Jew parents. They would, almost, be the same.

No

After all these years; after all the years he had been making the boy's life miserable and here it was, the truth, that he was picking on his own half-brother. That he had made fun of Kyle for all the reasons that he was and, now, he too was what he made fun off. How fucking ironic can it get! Heck, they could practically be brothers! Both could be the same!

"Eric?" It was Gerald Broflovski's voice that Cartman heard. Presently, Cartman was in the same place he stood when he heard the same man tell him that he is his father, except Cartman was now on the ground. Booms went off all around the two of them and their was screeching and people screaming could be heard, but Cartman only ignored it.

"We have to get out of here, Eric," The Jew man continued in a worried voice. "I know your probably shocked and all, but I must take you to your mother..."

Mother. Yes, that woman. That bitch that lied to him! The woman who did everything for him! The woman who did anything he asked with the snap of his fingers. Yes, her. Of course, she cared for him. Not telling who his true father is; yes, that really shows she cares!

NO!

She doesn't care! She doesn't give a shit about Cartman! She doesn't do anything! She just gets fucked by all the men in the whole fucking town! She does nothing! And did she protect Eric? No, she didn't! She's only lied to him for all this time! She's only been doing everything for him because she probably feels guilty for not telling him the truth! She had the chance to tell him, but she let them get away with it! She didn't even tell him! Even before Maphesto announced that...

"Come on, Eric," Gerald continued to move Cartman, talking to him in that concerned voice. "I must take you to your mother where it is safe..."

But they weren't going to go to his mother. Both were going to visit a very lonely man on the top of a hill in a lonely building. He would know the answers; he would know everything...he does know everything! He could finally tell Cartman the truth about everything; if Gerald is his father, who covered up the lie, everything. He would know...

Cartman slowly put his hands down. He lifted himself off from the ground and looked directly at the Jew. Thinking he had gotten through to Cartman, Gerald smiled.

"Now, we will go to your mother-"

"What we will do," Cartman started in a serious voice, glaring at the man. "Is go to Maphesto's. We will go there and I will know everything at last..."

Cartman and Gerald made it to the top of the hill with very little difficulty, surprisingly, seeing as Barbra Streisand was rampaging through the town and destroying everything in her path, fire and destruction everywhere. Bombs planted from some Terrorist organisation were blowing up houses as well. Whatever was going on, was big, but Cartman didn't really care much about any of it; all he wanted was to hear some answers...

When both reached the doorbell to the abandoned looking laboratory that was Maphesto's home, Cartman and Gerald could just about hear the screams of people from the town as a whisper in the air.

Cartman knocked on the door, heard some rustling behind the door and heard an audible: "Who is it? What do you want?" The voice was rather husky, but there was no doubt that it was Maphesto's voice.

Cartman coughed, cleared his throat and said in a high girly voice: "Please sir, it's so cold out here. All I want is a place to stay for the night and some warn food to fill my rumbling tummy. Oh, won't you let me in?"

"Of course little girl," Maphesto replied from behind the door. "Let me just open the door and-"

The door was open and Maphesto stood in the door frame, his little sidekick, Kevin, standing before his feet. When Maphesto's eyes laid upon Cartman and Gerald, his eyes widened a fraction.

"Now," It was Mitch Connor that was speaking now from Cartman's hand. "You, Dr. Maphesto, are going to have a little chat with my friend, Eric, here..."

"You don't understand," Maphesto sighed as he looked at Cartan in the eyes. "I was told not to speak. I was going to tell you the first time, but-" Maphesto stopped speaking at once.

"Go ahead," Mitch Conor urged, the hand puppet looking at Maphesto (Was it really looking at Maphesto? Is it even real?). "I and Eric are waiting..."

Cartman, Gerald and Mpahesto were all standing in Maphesto's main labotory area. Weird looking form and objects floated in different colored liquids in big glass tubes. Monkeys with eight buts, a half bee and half goat, a chipmunk-chesses creature were all locked in cages along the side of the room, all eyes staring at the scene before them. The room didn't like it had been cleaned in years; cobwebs fell from the ceiling and dust lingered in the air.

Cartman was sitting on a chair and Maphesto was sitting on a chair opposite. Gerald stood just behind Cartman, his eyes shifting around the room, in a nervous way.

Maphesto sighed and dropped his gaze.

"I...I was going to tell you the first time but..." Maphesto looked up and stares just behind where Cartman sat. "...I was stopped by someone,"

"Who?" Cartman asked in a dark tone, demanding to be told the answer. "Who stopped you?"

"The same person that tried to kill me..."

"Who?" Cartman asked, his desperation to know that answer, growing by the passing seconds. He stood up and walked closer to Maphesto. "Who tried to kill you?"

Maphesto glances just behind Cartman at a particular spot. Cartman follows his gaze were it lands onto...

Gerald Broflovski.

What? No way!

"You!" Cartman shouts, understanding what Maphesto's eye contact was saying. "You tried to stop Maphesto from telling me the truth!"

Gerald's eyes dart around the room; he looked as though he was trying to find a way to escape; but all doors and windows were firmly shut. Seeing how there is no way to escape, Gerald sighs and begins his explanation:

"I panicked, all right. I didn't want anyone to know. My life would be ruined if anyone did! My wife, my reputation, my job; it would all be gone. You have to understand, Eric..."

Cartman did understand, but he wasn't happy about the reasoning. He was mad, no, furious! He was just furious!

"You still could have fucking told me in private you god-damn son of a bitch!"

"Hey!" Gerald exclaimed. "Don't speak to me that way; I am still your father,"

"Yeah," Cartman scoffs back. "We'll see about that..." For that is one of the reason's Cartman is here in the first place; to see if the Jew is his father.

Cartman turns back to Maphesto.

"Carry on," Mitch Connor says.

"After Gerald shot me and I recovered from my injury, I get a visit from your mother, Eric. Liana Cartman told me not to reveal the true identity of you father. She told me to tell you a cock and bull story which, I am sorry to say, you believed. For payment for doing as she told me to do, she gave me a blowjob,"

Oh, that bitch! He was right; Cartman is right! She had lied to him for all these years! She had lied to him, had told Maphesto to tell him a made up story to hide the truth! This was her doing as well as Gerald's! Both of his "parents" didn't want him to know the truth!

And Maphesto; the son of a bitch, getting a blowjob from his mom! He was next to be turned into chilly...

"Now, if that is all, would you mind leaving?" Maphesto says aggravated gesturing to the door.

"No, no, no," Mitch Connor says.

"There is still one question left unanswered," Cartman says, getting closer to Maphesto.

"I wanna know who my father is, once and for all..."

"The results are in," Maphesto said as he pulled off a piece of paper that came out of a huge machine.

"It's about freaking time," Cartman said as he walked to Maphesto, Gerald just behind him. "What took so long?"

"Analysing hair from DNA is a long process," Maphesto replied with the piece of paper in his hand. The test was to take a piece of hair from Gerald and apiece of hair from Cartman, analysing the DNA from both hair samples in a machine and then see if the machine matches the hair as the same.

"So, what's the result?" Cartman asked, impatiently. "Is he..." Cartman point to Gerald. "...my father or not?"

Maphesto looks down at the piece of paper and reads the findings for a few minutes. He stops and slowly looks down to Cartman.

"Well?"

"Gerald Broflovski is your father, Eric. You are the son of a Jew..."

A/N:

Well, there's Part 2 done and dusted!

This chapter was going to be a lot shorter but, oh well. This chapter is so long that I decided to continue into a third part!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I got into Cartman's head of what he would feel if he was a Jew and was half-brothers with Kyle. Yeah, so ironic and yet so sad for him. LOL

Give me some good reviews and I will post Part 3 even quicker! :)

See ya in the next, and last, part!