I've been researching the threat in the area. Spying, following, examining, not really my thing, but it's in the contract. It wasn't, as I thought, just one or two critters, no. it was a damned epidemic of sparkly faggots and Abercrombie-and-Fitch models who happen to turn into enormous wolves. Oh, and surprise! These vamps are the toughest I've ever seen. Well, anatomically speaking. They're mostly sissies who won't even feed on humans. You have to utterly destroy them to even get them to stay down! Not that I don't like a challenge, but….

This was gonna suck.

Dalbach is squatted down next to a still spring, filling up a silver bowl covered in sigils. At this point, several miles away, a vampire introduces his girlfriend to his family. Dalbach taps the crystal from his rearview mirror, now hanging about his neck.

"Husaam, wake up. We need to divine out where the target is."

A green, translucent man stands before him, sitting in the lotus position just above the surface of the water. A vapor comes from his every pore, making him appear to burn.

He says flatly, "Got the bowl?"

"Yeah. Filled and ready."

"Very good. And the fang?"

Dalbach dips one of the vampire teeth from his necklace into the water so that the spell may recognize what it is after. "Foilsigh mise a griocha go hulie…"

"Now, we wait for the spell to take effect…"

A moment later, the water turns dark, and a picture fades from the inky surface. The face of Dalbach's target shows and a red arrow lights up over the bowl, fanning out in a northerly direction.

"Alright. C'mon, let's go."

"If you say so," Husaam replies.

The two slowly follow the arrow until they are in view of a large glass house.

"This is it." Dalbach ducks behind a boulder, and draws a blocker sigil on his forehead, so as to avoid control or intrusion on his thoughts. Husaam floats overhead, not bothering to cover himself as his crystal-holder is the only one who can see him. Hussam pulls out a large scroll from his limitless body cavity. He begins to read from it.

"Dal, it says here that we have to kill him slowly. Whoever wants this done, wants it done with as much pain as possible."

"I know that. I'm just getting research on him is all. It's gonna be a bitch to kill his outsides, but killing him on the inside is gonna be fun."

A rustling from the forest several yards away breaks Husaam's concentration on his scroll. He looks in that direction, and calls to Dalbach, who is preoccupied with sharpening his knives.

"Dal… the contract has us down for the werewolf clan, too."

"So?"

"There's one right over there," he says. Dalbach whips around and sees a pair of large golden eyes in the bushes. He reaches for his Peace-Maker slowly, but the wolf recognizes the glint of metal and tackles him.

Dalbach struggles against the wolf's enormous body, and manages to bring the pistol directly under the creatures jaw.

It fires soundlessly, due to a sigil on its barrel. The wolf slowly transmutes back into a human, and Dalbach tosses him off.

"Damn. I wanted to make a coat out of him."

"That's the least of our concerns. We need to burn the body so we don't attract attention."

"Husaam, seriously. The wolf knew we were here, so its clan must too. Stealth is out the window on these guys. You know what that means." Dalbach stands up, pulls out his knife, and smiles insidiously from ear to ear.

"Get me the taunting kit from the van."

Husaam opens his palm toward the van, parked several hundred yards away, and a black suitcase phases out of the wall and zooms toward them.

"What do you want with it?"

"You'll see…"

Within a few minutes, a corpse is hanging from a branch, covered in prostitute makeup and fake semen dribbling from its mouth.

"Hahahahahaaaa!!!... Holy crap, I do LOVE this job!"

"You are one sick bastard, Dalbach."

"You think we shoulda given him a fur coat? Or a silver necklace?"

Another rustling sound, and suddenly thirty werewolves are upon Dalbach, some humanoid, some in wolf form.

One of them demands, "Why… the FUCK… are you here!?!?!?!?"

"Uhhh, money. Duh. Why else would I hang your buddy to draw you out? I'm not totally nuts. Just… a little nuts. Oh, are you…" he pulls out a sticky-note from his pocket, "Jacob Black?"

"…How do you know my name?"

"It's on my contract, see. My employer only mentioned you specifically out of the wolves."

Jacob turns to his pack and shouts, "KILL HIM!!!"

Dalbach points his finger into the crowd calmly and says, "TINE."

All but Jacob burst into pillars of flame, and are piles of ashes in seconds.

"Muuuuch better. Now, I was told to make this a bit flashy. Whoever wants this must hate your guts."

Jacob stands in his wolf form, backing away slowly, and whimpering audibly.

"You see this?" Dalbach asks, motioning to the sigil on the bullet chamber on his shotgun. "This little doohickey means that if I shoot it, it's fuckin' dead. No special rules, or diamond skin, or whatever excuse the writer gave you, you are D-E-D, dead."

Dal hops from the tree, landing with one foot on Jacobs's neck, and fires directly between his eyes.

Ironically, a silver bullet is now embedded in his spinal cord. Dalbach is a fan of theatrics.

"I'll say it again, I, L-L-L-LOVE this job!"

Dal raises a hand toward Husaam, who answers it with a half-hearted high-five.

"So, what do we do with the body, Dal?"

Dal looks up at it. "Meh, leave it. It's my best work yet, I think. To the Bat-mobile!"

Dal runs to his van, and drives back to his hotel. A vampire in the glass house looks out, and sees the van speed away.

"Er, Ed?... We may have a problem."