THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS of the last chapter. I'm continuing this as a sort of collection of moments that should be in some sort of chronological order. Let me know if it's worth going on. Also, apologies for the typo, I needed to get this up before I ran out of internet access and the editing suffered.
She said it with a breath. Wreathing under him in sweat and pleasure with the sheets bunching up underneath them. He could make her do anything.
"Did you mean it?" he broke the silence with his husky voice against her bare shoulder, exposed to his lips.
He waited for her nod, running a palm over her navel.
"Say it again" he moved his body on top of hers.
She diverted her stare from his twitching muscles and his expectant face.
"Emma" he kissed her neck sending shivers all through her again.
"I want you Will" his hands guided hers above her head, he owned her body again.
"That's not what you said"
"I love you" she whispered it so quietly and just like that, her guard was down.
They walk side by side through the corridor, never touching. Not like the summer, that had been full of delicate brushes and hungry kisses. His morning stubble, his coffee cup, all his freshly laundered vests. She had felt it all because he generously offered. But now it was time for fall and sideways glances and being with him in the real world where the kids needed them and the stress of it all made Emma feel flawed and uneasy.
"Mr Schuester! I had a musical epiphany over the summer!"
"Hi Rachel, it's nice to see you too. Finn! Hey" He beamed at the ever-growing teenagers and they grin back with equal enthusiasm.
Together, they shared stories of Nationals that were a bittersweet loss and of New York, which was an undeniable success. It happened without him thinking. Finn was recounting his disastrous fishing trip with Burt Hummel and Will's arm slid, discretely and firmly around her back, pulling his colleague into his side, holding her. In public. At McKinley. In front of the whole world.
Emma froze and he felt it.
"By the way Miss P. I'm glad you finally took him back. Mr Schue went all weird without you-"
Her face went white, he dropped his arm. Was she going to be sick?
"Oh no Finn. Mr Schuester and I aren't uh, you know, romantic or anything inappropriate. We're just colleagues. Yes, just two colleagues walking together, I mean in the same space. In the school. Because we're teachers…. I have to …. go" and she did.
She made a beeline to the bathroom and scrubbed her hands with Lysol out of her bag, the same one she told Will she would leave at home.
It was out of control, this thing between them. They had deliberately taken it slow. After Carl it seemed right and respectful. But then he'd show up on her doorstep with take out, humming some intoxicating song she'd never heard, and she couldn't help but let him in.
But it wasn't just Will now, standing in her kitchen flipping eggs and burning them, the Will that was so furious he shook when explaining away his mother's drinking habits. Now he was Mr. Schuester, who so publicly broke her heart and she was Miss Pillsbury, sick and ever-foolish. Here, the risks were greater, the fall would be harder. She wasn't ready to risk it, her mental health or her pride, or her heart.
She looked her reflection in the eye and calmed herself.
He had let himself into her office, knowing she wouldn't come to his. Slumped a little in the chair, he looked too tired for the morning hours.
"What was that back there?" she hated the way he was never afraid to look into her eyes.
"What do you mean?" she played ignorant. She had always been good at that.
"You don't want Finn and Rachel to know we're together?"
"I just think we should keep things professional at school" the pause that followed was awkward and reminisant of her wedding announcement a lifetime ago.
"So you don't want the staff, our friends to know either?" his eyes watered the way they do when he is concerned.
"It's easier that way Will" and with that she hurts him and he can't hide it.
"Are you embarrassed?"
"No-"
"Then I don't get it". There is a hint of anger.
"Can we talk about this later? I have work to do"
"Not until you explain why our relationship is all of a sudden top secret" it very almost a yell, so she raised her voice to match it.
"Everyone is waiting for us to fall! They've seen your marriage breakdown and mine and now it's just a matter of time right?"
She was red in the face when Mercedes arrived for her appointment to discuss college applications and scholarships. It scared her when he didn't say anything. He stood up, acknowledged his student and was gone. Emma was dizzy.
"Uh, do you need a moment Miss P?"
"No, I'm fine. It's so nice to see you Mercedes" she smiled her brightest but Mercedes was more perceptive that Emma gave her credit for.
"I know it's none of my business but Mr. Schue is all kinds of crazy about you. And I know you were with that dentist guy or whatever, but the Glee club, we need Mr. Schue on his game this year if we're going to take Nationals"
"Oh, Mercedes, I don't think-"
"Kurt and I saw you at the Mall. You were holding hands and you guys had these goofy grins…. Whatever it is, you can fix it. I mean you are guidance councillor"
She waited until the lunch bell and ran in heels to the choir room.
He heard her shoes but didn't turn from where he was writing notes on the whiteboard. She stood beside him, close enough to smell him cologne and coaxed his eyes to hers.
"I think I know what my problem is" she said matter of factly, taking the marker from his hand. He tried to speak but she was determined to articulate herself this time.
"I don't know what to call you" he tilted his head in confusion.
"I mean when people ask me about you, I don't know what to say. I've never done this before. I suppose you're my boyfriend but that doesn't feel right. And you're a wonderful lover…" she blushed but continued "but…"
He let the silence hang and then interrupted.
"Finn pulled me aside before and you know what I told him?" she shook her head and those huge eyes were wide and listening. "I told him that you were everything to me"
"Even when I completely overreact and run off on you?" what had she been thinking?
"Especially then" his voice was perfect.
She took both his wrists gently in her palms and played with the cuffs on his shirt while she kissed him, softly, slowly until he moved his hand to her hip and pulled her closer. When the noise of 12 teenagers in a mix of cheer and disgust were heard she held him still for a few more moments, tasting him and feeling him because he was her everything. And she couldn't tell the kids that yet, or her parents, or even Will himself, but she could show them all, everyday.