~Jade~

I was sitting on a hard plastic chair, with my head in my hands. An audible buzz from the florescent lights above me, the work of the surgeons, and the beeping of a heart monitor were the only sounds in the observation room.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I had my head in my hand looking down at the skirt I was wearing. A black skirt with a blood splatter design covered in actual blood. Vega's blood.

I stood quickly letting out a growl of frustration as the chair clattered to the floor behind me, the sound echoing in the empty room. I approached the large glass window looking down at Vega's body that lay lifeless on the operating table. The only indication that she was even still alive was the beeping of the heart monitor.

I took a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut as I placed my forehead against the cool glass.

There was an intense squeezing pain in my chest, as if someone had parked an 18-wheeler on top of me as the memories flicked through my mind. The memory of her whimpering in pain as I carried her out of that van, blood pouring down my hands and arm. Of her lying on the concrete, blood pooling around her as it gushed from her shoulder. Each heartbeat expelling blood. Each heartbeat bringing her closer and closer to death's doorstep. Her eyes barely opening and a ghost of a smile flickering across her lips. Each image cut deeper and deeper. I wanted so desperately not to care about Tori. I wanted desperately to not care that she got hurt and almost died. But I did.

I cared a fucking lot.

I wanted to skin those fuckers alive with the sharpest pair of scissors I own. I wanted to cut their skin off one square inch at a time until their bodies were void of skin, so that they could feel something even remotely close to what I was feeling right now. To feel the pain that Vega was going through.

I huffed angrily. I also wanted to punch Vega in her stupid face repeatedly for volunteering to be taken. Why the fuck did Vega have to be so fucking stupid? Why the fuck would she volunteer to be kidnapped? I could've taken care of myself. The last thing I needed was for her to be there; for her to get hurt.

But then again it is Tori fucking Vega. Little miss perfect, as always, trying to come to the rescue. Always trying to help me no matter what I did to her. Always there for me. Always trying to be my friend. She has been a thorn in my side since the first time I saw her. She had been performing in the Big Showcase, replacing her talentless sister (Thank God), and she stirred up feeling inside of me that I hadn't felt in almost 4 years. Feelings I shouldn't have, feelings I can't have, welled up inside of me as I watched her dying in front of me. Feelings for a girl I wanted to hate.

So I tried to keep her away. Being an absolute bitch to her in every single way I could muster. I sabotaged her every endeavored, got her in trouble multiple times, and did my best to make her miserable every day. But she was always there with a bright smile no matter what I did to her. She was like a Chinese Finger Trap; the harder I tried to pull away from her, the stronger she held on.

It was dumb luck that both of us didn't end up washing up in some drainage ditch dead. Dumb fucking luck and Vega being fucking Vega. Dumb luck the second bullet hit the driver, causing the van to flip, but Vega fighting for the gun even after she got shot. Vega fighting for the gun, while I sat there motionless.

I stabbed that first asshole in the leg, but when I was staring down the barrel of a gun I froze. I became a gutless, spineless, piece of shit. Instead of carrying out the rest of my plan, which was to grab the first guy's gun after stabbing him, I became a pussy. Here I was with barely a scratch on me, while Vega had a bullet in her shoulder. While Vega might die. And it would be all my fault. Mine. My fault I took her to that stupid bank. My fault I didn't tell her to wait in the car. My fault I pussied out.

I rode along with her in the ambulance, watching as the paramedic tried to patch up her shoulder. They tried to admit me to the hospital, for some bruises, instead of locking me up for getting Vega potentially fatally injured. Of course me being Jade West I told them exactly where they could shove that admittance, and demanded to be taken to the observation room for the operating room where Vega's surgery was taking place.

And here I was watching the doctors mend the wound I caused. I could only pray to god that she didn't die.

Right as they finished closing her up the heart monitor started producing a single continuous beep. My eyes shot to the heart monitor, which displayed an unbroken line, indicating no heartbeat. Vega was dead.

I slammed my fist on the glass and screamed "Don't you fucking give up Vega! Don't you fucking dare!" My outburst earned me several glances from the surgical staff, but their attention quickly returned to Vega.

They quickly wheeled over a defibrillator, and zapped her. Her body seized off of the table, but no heartbeat started. I squeezed my eyes shut, a sick feeling welling in the pit of my stomach. All I could think was that I just watched Vega die.

I heard a second zap, but the heart monitor didn't change. That piercing unbroken beeping continued. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

I heard a sigh. Then the surgeon begin, "Time of Dea-"

It hit me that he was pronouncing her dead. I slammed my fist on the window again. Yelling down at them "Don't you fucking dare! She's not dead! Fucking Zap her again!"

The surgeon turned to look at me. "Ma'am I'm sorry but your girlfriend is d -"

"Fucking shock her again!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I glared at him. I must have looked insane. I heard another sigh as he turned, and the defibrillator charging.

"Clear!" he ordered.

The sound of defibrillator discharging into her body echoed around the room. Vega's body convulsed as the electricity pulsed through her system.

Then a Beep. And another. And another.

I heard one of the nurses say in disbelief "She's got a pulse."

I squeezed my eyes closed as I slid to my knees. I could feel the tears pooling behind my eyelids. The weight on my chest lifted, at least a little bit. I vaguely heard the surgeon order her to be taken to the ICU.

After several minutes, I gathered myself wiping at the dry tears on my face. I took several deep breathes before storming out of the observation room, and toward the ICU. I traipsed past several rooms looking for Vega, ignoring the calls of the nurses telling me I couldn't be there unless I was family.

I finally found her room, and froze as I entered the door. There she was bandaged to all hell, covered in tubing and wires. She looked broken, and I couldn't help but think of that stupid fucking smile that flashed across her face when I told her I would give her a ride. I'm sure she regrets asking me, just as much I regret saying yes, and getting her hurt.

Had I not screamed at them to shock her again, she would've been the second person I killed.

I heard heavy footfalls behind me, and then a burley voice said "Miss, I need you to come with me."

I turned to see a huge muscular man dressed in a security uniform towering over me. His name tag said Hank. "I'm not going anywhere, so fuck off Hercules."

His jaw tightened, "Miss this is your final warning please come with me, or I will have to remove you from the premises by force."

I scoffed. "I would like to see you try."

He grabbed my upper arm roughly, and started pulling me into the hallway. I tried to wrench my arm away from him to no avail. Just as he pulled me out the doorway of Vega's room, I heard another voice. "Sir, I'll take it from here."

I looked up to see Vega's dad standing there dressed in his police uniform, with his wife clinging to his side. Her eyes were red from crying.

Hank glared down at me clearly wanting nothing to do with me, before letting me go. He stalked off with a frown.

"Your Tori's friend right? Uh- Jade?" Mr. Vega asked. He had a gentle smile on his face, his expression shining with compassion.

"Yeah." I said quietly. I had to get the fuck out of there. I almost killed his fucking daughter and he is standing there smiling at me. I couldn't take it. "I should go." I relayed curtly before turning on my heel and out of the unit.

{~*~}

I stood in the shower with the water as hot as it could go. I looked down at the floor of the tub watching pink water swirl around my feet and down the drain. Pink with Tori's dried blood washing off of me.

At some point I left the shower lazily toweling off before dressing in an Sixx:A.M. t-shirt and some sweatpants. I dropped heavily onto my bed, and huddled under the covers trying to sleep so I could escape reality for a few hours. But despite how exhausted I was, sleep didn't come.

I tossed and turned for what felt like forever. I replayed the moment where the surgeon called Vega my girlfriend over and over in my head. Despite it being a random assumption it resonated with me. I was unsure of what to do with those thoughts.

I gave up and opened my eyes. I was lying on my bed staring up at the bland white ceiling of my basement bedroom; only illuminated by a purple lava lamp. My phone buzzed beside me for about the millionth time that evening. I glanced over to see Beck was calling. Again. I ignored it and returned my eyes to the ceiling.

Several minutes later I heard the doorbell ring. I vaguely heard the Trophy wife opening the door and greeting someone, before yelling towards my bedroom "Jade! Your boyfriend Brady is here!"

I rolled my eyes not moving an inch. How the hell do you get Brady out of Beck?

Promptly afterwards I heard the door to my room open, and footsteps down the stairs. The main light in the room flicked on, much to my dismay. I wanted to be alone.

"Turn it back off." I grumbled. But he ignored me, and started across the room.

When he reached the foot of my bed he called out my name. "Jade?"

I didn't answer.

He sighed, before I felt the bed dip and his head appeared in my line of sight looking down at me. "Jade, talk to me please." He implored.

I pushed him back a bit so I could sit up. I leveled a glare at him. "Why are you here?" I asked softly. I don't know why I asked that. I already knew why.

"Jade, you went through some shit today, and I want to be here for you. I was and am worried about you." Beck said earnestly. The love and sincerity dripping from every word. I felt bile rising into my throat and my stomach began to swirl with nausea.

"Why are you worried about me?" I asked. It came out small and pitiful. Why would anyone care about a murderous, gank like me?

"What do you mean why?" He said incredulously. "I could've lost you today Jade."

"Well you didn't, so you can go now." I said. I laid back down and rolled over so my back was facing him. I pressed my eyes shut hoping he would leave. I wasn't that lucky.

"Jade… please just talk to me." His voice was desperate and I could hear undertones of frustration.

"I obviously don't want to talk, otherwise I would've picked up the phone. Take a fucking hint dumbass."

He let out a sigh of frustration. "Jade, what's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the distance, the coldness, and the jabs at me. Not just today but for the past few months."

"I don't know what you are talking about." I lied. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I had been distant. Our relationship had become mechanical at best. I spent most of my time alone.

"I've been trying to give you space. I wanted you to come to me on your own terms, but that clearly isn't going to happen. I can't do this anymore." He stated exasperatedly.

I rolled over and looked at him. "What exactly can't you do anymore?" I asked venomously.

"I can't do this anymore Jade. I can't be a guy for you to have a relationship with only when it is convenient to you." He said sadly.

"So that's it?"

"Jade, what other choice do I have? I've been with you 3 years, and I feel like we are worse off than where we started at. I can't be your punching bag. I mean I know your childhood sucked, but it's not fair to take it out on me."

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about IBeck."

"I don't know about it because after three fucking years in a relationship with you, you've told me jack shit about you. And I get it maybe you don't want to talk about it, but you don't even try to come to me with it. You don't try to do anything in our relationship frankly." He lost his cool. Anger boiled in his words.

He was right of course. I had been trying less and less. I was so caught up in dealing with Vega that Beck fell to the wayside. But I couldn't admit it to him, because I wanted it so desperately to not be true.

"I don't try? What because I don't fucking share I'm not trying? Because I don't want to think about the shitfest that was my childhood?" I shouted.

"No Jade, not because of you not sharing your past. It's because you don't share you! You don't make time for us, and when you do it's like a chore to you. It's like you aren't even there most of the time otherwise. Half the time we are together I feel like I'm talking to the Great Wall of China!" He said back; his voice was strained.

I was done with this conversation. I couldn't deal with this shit today.

"Get out!" I yelled at him.

"Jade, I love you, I always have but-"

"I don't loved you Beck. I never did." I spat. I don't know why I said it, maybe so it would hurt less, but it was probably the first time I had ever been completely honest with him in our relationship. For a time I thought I loved him; I thought I could be normal, but Vega came and destroyed that illusion.

He was looking at me stunned. Part of me wanted to take it all back, and throw myself into Beck like I did when we first started dating. But I knew I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't pretend that I wanted to be his girlfriend.

"Get. Out." I ordered.

He looked at me with hurt clear in his eyes. He looked ready to cry. He took a deep breath before getting off my bed and stalking up the stairs.

I knew in the back of my mind this was a long time coming. This was the only resolution to our relationship; me hurting him like I did everyone else. I wanted to hurt or feel sad or feel guilty but I just didn't.

I laid there looking at the ceiling for several more hours. I didn't cry. I didn't sleep. I just stared listlessly at the ceiling watching the shadows dancing as my mind replayed every second of today over and over again.

{~*~}

I had eventually fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning. The following two days I only got out of bed when my stomach wouldn't shut up or to wazz. I spent hours just lying there doing absolutely nothing.

On Saturday morning my dad made an appearance in my room with the house phone. He was dressed to go into work like always. Suit and jacket the whole nine. He looked upset.

"Jade, why the hell the police are calling for you? What shit did you get yourself into this time? I cannot have you running around doing criminal shit; it looks bad to my investors and shareholders." He snipped.

I wasn't surprised. Being the CEO of Multiverse Technologies always came first to him.

"If you must know daddy dearest, on Wednesday while I was at the bank it got robbed. I was kidnapped and almost died. Thank you for the concern." I said in the most mocking sugar sweet voice I could muster.

He barely seemed to register it what I just told him. He tossed the phone on the bed and left my room promptly.

The call was from Vega's dad asking me to come down to the station to answer some questions whenever I felt up for it. He also added on that Vega still hadn't woken up before getting off the phone.

The nausea was building again. The fear and panic that I had experienced while she was dying in my arms came back full force. All I could think was she wasn't going to wake up, that she would die because of me. I laid back down and continued the routine I had developed over the last few days.

Several hours later my cell phone began buzzing on the nightstand next to me to my surprise. Beck stopped calling and texting me after our argument and Cat stopped after I told her off. As the buzzing continued my curiosity got the better of me; I looked over to see Vega was the caller.

I watched as it buzzed unsure of if I should pick up or not. The decision was made for me when my phone displayed a missed call and a bit later a new voicemail. I spent several more hours wrestling with my thoughts before listening to the voicemail.

"Uh. Hey Jade. This is Tori. I was just wondering how you were doing. I didn't get much from my parents other than you were okay." She said a bit awkwardly. "I- uh hope you are doing well. Please call me back if you want to talk about anything. Um okay. Bye Jade."

I could only roll my eyes. She got shot and was in a coma for two and a half days and she was asking if I was okay. Typically Vega.

For the rest of the day I tried to resist the urge to go visit Vega. It wasn't until midnight that I finally gave in and drove to the hospital. I sat in the parking deck for almost an hour before breaking, and going to the ICU.

It was fairly easy to sneak past the nurses in the ICU, and I quickly made it to Vega's room. It was a standard hospital room, Vega's bed was in the middle of the wall to the right with a patient controlled pain pump right next to her bed. There were chairs on the wall across from the entrance, a door to a bathroom, and a TV in the corner. The walls were painted a sickening shade of pale yellow, a "calming color". The smell of antiseptic was stronger in the room than it was in the hallway.

She was sleeping soundly; her chest rose and fell slowly and there were still traces of that stupid smile of hers on her lips. She had a small bandage on the left side of her head, and thick bandages around her left shoulder, where she was shot. There were wires and sensors scattered across her body. Her normally tan completion had paled drastically.

I sat and watched her sleep as anger boiled within me. I swore again those fuckers would pay. I rested my elbows on my knees, and buried my face in my hands. I wished futilely for these feelings to go away; the guilt and anguish I felt looking at her broken body was unbearable.

After a while I heard a small groan of pain pulling from my self-pity and self-deprecation. I looked up to see Vega's face contorted in pain. Her right hand was blindly groping for the pain pump remote. After her being unsuccessful for several seconds I stood and grabbed it before pressing the button several times. The machine beside me whirled, and Vega's face relaxed.

I pushed the remote into her hand and closed her fingers around it. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at me. Instantly, she began smiling. The anger washed away and was replaced by relief; I was genuinely glad she was okay.

"Th-thanks Jade." She said weakly.

I sighed before sitting back in the chair I had been in. "How's your shoulder?" I asked softly.

"Hurts, but s'okay. No major damage. The bullet nicked a small artery, but the doctors were able to patch it up. Dr. Star said I would make a full recovery with a bit of rehab." Her voice was slow and deliberate.

There was a pregnant pause after that; the only sounds were the slight buzz of the florescent in the hallway and the pain pump whirling. We just started at each other blankly, but her face slowly contorted into one of concern.

"So… uh how are you doing Jade?" she asked cautiously breaking the silence.

The anger and guilt washed away any relief that had been present like a tsunami. She was asking if I was okay, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

"No! I'm not! What the fuck is wrong with you Vega?" I growled.

"W-what?" she was confused.

"Why the fuck did you volunteer to get fucking kidnapped? You do realize that they were going to rape and kill whoever they kidnapped." Was she really that naïve?

"I-…" she tried.

"Seriously, are you that fucking stupid and naïve? Or do you have some fucking hero complex?"

"No Jade I'm not and I don't."

"Why the fuck else would you do that? Volunteer to get kidnapped and throw yourself in front of a bullet? No one is that fucking selfless. You are clearly out of your mind." I spat bitterly. She almost died because of me.

"Why are you being like this Jade? What's wrong?" she asked trying to stay calm and rational, but I could hear her getting flustered.

"You fucking died Vega! You were dead on the operating table!" I yelled. It was my fault that she was hurt. And she's acting like we just took a walking in the park.

She looked shocked. She opened and closed her mouth several times, but said nothing. What was there even to say to that other than to scream at me for getting her almost killed?

I paused just staring into her brown eyes for a moment. "Why do you care? Why did you take a bullet for me?" I asked. I couldn't comprehend after all the shit I've done to her she would do something like that for me.

"I figured a 50/50 of me wrestling the gun from him was better than 100% chance of you getting your head blown off. I care about you Jade." She said like it was the most obvious think in the entire universe.

I snorted, she cared about me. Of course she did.

"No one asked you to." I replied as I stood rapidly. I couldn't look sit her and deal with her caring so fucking much. I couldn't deal with the feelings she incited; the way she made me feel about her.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" she asked softly. I barely heard her.

I didn't reply. I simply turned and left, leaving her bewildered I'm sure.

I sprinted to my car and threw myself inside. Tears started to fall from my eyes, caused by feelings that I didn't want to have. I wanted so badly not to care about her, but I knew it was a losing battle. She stole my heart the second I saw her.

A/N: I would like to thank all of the wonderful people that left reviews. I definitely failed at updating weekly XD. I hope you can forgive me. I rewrote this chapter 3 times to get it to where I was happy with it. I won't make any grandiose claims about regular updates, I'm starting my 3rd year of university so I don't know exactly how much free time I will have to write, but I'll try my best. Please leave a review I love hearing what you guys think :D.