Note: This is my edited version of the story in the first chapter. I originally wrote the story before I had even read Twilight and didn't like it because there was just something not right about it. Turns out that 'something' was that my male character sounded waaaay to polite and traditional and it didn't make sense without explaining the story behind the letter. And then I read Twilight. Reading through this again I realised it reminded me so much of Bella and Edward and their story and suddenly I didn't need to explain the backstory - because it was Twilight! So this version allows all the little bits about their characters to come into play without changing the story too much and the discrepencies that existed in the first version have been edited :p
A crinkled piece of paper lay on the floor; discarded by an act of salvation, an omission of self worth
A crinkled piece of paper lay on the floor; discarded by an act of salvation, an omission of self worth. Two words peaked through the now waste, a glimmer of ceasing hope. my guardian. Parted by mere ink, these words were woven together, destined to become one. A resurrected confession – yearning to be guarded yet already released.
A heavily laden foot brushed the paper, memories seeping into the air. A delicate hand picked it up, straightening out the creases to be read yet again. Time however did not make exceptions and the hand that caressed the page resumed its familiar vibration. Teardrops drowned the illusive declaration of languishing, perishing love. A whimper escaped from the tightly bound lips of the young girl, afraid of losing self control. Her strength gave way, and instantly she became her own worst fear. Shoulders heaving, she sinks into the depths of the ground beneath her, an offering of replacement.
My darling Bella,
I'm writing you this letter because I have to tell you something that you must know. I couldn't possibly tell you in person, because I am too much of a coward and I couldn't possibly live with seeing you in pain. So instead I am writing this letter to you to tell you the most regrettable mistake in my life, something which I don't expect you to forgive me for, but that you must be granted the right to know.
I don't love you anymore.
Time pushed on, and Bella remained where she was, reality found in the coldness she lay on. Darkness had crept up on her, and only when she couldn't see any light was she ready to get up, awoken from her affliction, remembering what once was. Although she knew that these were merely words and that they never did hold true, her heart still remembered the suffering she encountered. Her tearstained fingers flickered on the light overhead, casting an undistinguishable shadow behind her, vague and blurred. She pressed her hand to her hollow face, a remnant of seemingly wasted love. Faith, too it seems did not survive the turmoil, whisked away by the spirit of lost love; needing reassurance to return. And the letter lay abandoned, but certainly not forgotten, once more.
I tried, I honestly did, but we both know that I couldn't fix it. Fix myself. Fix us. Looking back, maybe it wasn't too late, but the damage was done. I know now that you still love me, and oh god I loved you too, but we both know that I cannot see you anymore. I am too dangerous for you.
She read this second letter over; not needing to even hold it in her hands, for it was etched in her memory, involuntarily lending itself to her. She lost control once more, still remembering those painful weeks of loss, of lifelessness, of no love. She collapsed on her pillow, burying her tears in the comfort of her bed, her scent fostering her peace. A hand wrapped itself around her neck, its body snuggling into hers, and held her, crying too. She turned to face the mound of warmth, and pulled her close, offering comfort and receiving it too. "Don't cry, baby. Mummy's okay" The toddler cried even harder, distressed to see her mother upset, and Bella held her tighter, erasing Renesmee's fears, still battling her own. Her daughter lifted her small, delicate hand to Bella's face pressing its heat into her cheek. The image that flashed before her eyes was the scene that had just played out – Renesmee distressed to see her mother in this state. Bella closed her eyes and sighed, aching to see her daughter in pain too.
"Mummy's just a bit upset, that's all darling"
"Do you want me to go get daddy?" Renesmee asked.
"Thanks darling, but mummy just needs some alone time, okay?" Bella replied.
The little girl looked at her mother with saddened eyes and wrapped her arms around her neck, an invitation for unconditional love. "I love you mummy" she said as she let go and toddled out of the room, her long curls bouncing behind her.
Bella walked over to her dresser, withdrawing yet another letter. This one, much thinner than the first, held the truth with more grace, and a little less brutality. Smooth and crisp was the letter, unlike the other, enlacing in it monograms of hope. Given after the second and after much consideration, it was this letter which Bella cherished; her saving grace. She knew she only had a minute at most until her husband would enter their room, concerned for her.
The door creaked open and shut, and instantly without a second passing, a strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around her from behind. She relaxed in them, realising she could still breathe, a beautifully simple revelation, one which brought her back down to earth. "A little somebody told me you were upset" her husband said.
"I thought I told him I wanted to be left alone," a giggle escaped from Bella's mouth.
"She didn't mean to tell me. She can't help that I can read her mind" he smirked, dazzling her with his smile, but his eyes were proof of his agony.
"But you didn't mean it did you?" Edward gently whispered, feeling Bella's pain. Glancing at the piece of paper Bella was clutching in her hand it dawned upon him why she was so upset.
Bella, my darling I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you. We have wasted so much precious time being apart. Do you realise it has now been a year since we first met? A year of my life which I will never be able to forget, nor ever be able to replace. That was the best year of my life, and I want to thank you for sharing them so willingly with me. The memories I have from that 1 year alone, are enough to sustain my happiness for the rest of my life, and it is you my darling who has made me eternally happy. You are my guardian, my angel, and it is you who I will always love.
She turned around and sobbed into his cold neck, and Edward held onto her, a guardian himself, protecting her from their past, from his mistakes which had molded himself and Bella in to who they now are. Bella let go of her fears, safe in the arms of the man she almost lost, the man she loved, and found herself exactly where she wanted to be. It was an embrace of salvation, of redemption, of everlasting love.