When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
Beca Mitchell was in love with Chloe Beale, and she would never stop loving her.
But she constantly felt horrible because she was barely home, swamped with work.
She often got home after Chloe was asleep and left before she woke.
She can't even remember the last time she told the redhead she loved her.
Beca's POV
I just got out of one of my meetings and sat in my office.
I just leaned back and closed my eyes to relax for a little while.
I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in God knows how long.
I opened my eyes again and sighed.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
I picked up my phone and saw I had a voice-mail.
It was from Chloe.
I instantly clicked on it and listened.
'Hey, it's Chloe. I don't know why it took me this long, but it did. It took me this long to see that you don't love me anymore. You barely talk to me, you don't kiss me, you rarely look at me, and you haven't told me you loved me in over two years. I just can't anymore Becs, I can't. I don't know what I did to our relationship, but I'm sorry. If you had told me, I would have tried to fix it. But it doesn't matter anymore. By the time you come home, I'll be gone,'
She took a deep breath.
'You may not love me anymore, but I still love you. I always have and I always will. Goodbye Beca,'
And then she hung up.
I looked at the time of the message.
Five minutes ago.
I grabbed my phone and keys and ran to my car.
I felt the tears burning my eyes.
I jumped in and sped home, barely avoiding multiple collisions.
I couldn't let her go.
And the tears come streaming down your face
I saw the house around the corner and parked the car.
I ran inside without even turning it off.
I looked for Chloe everywhere on the first floor.
When I didn't find her, I looked upstairs.
I wiped at my eyes and I ran around, the tears wouldn't stop.
She couldn't leave me, she was the one person I loved, the one person who loved me back.
I opened the bathroom door and saw blood, a lot of it.
I felt a sob escape my lips as I ran out.
I looked in our room and found Chloe on the ground clutching a picture of us.
I ran over and dropped down next to her as a new wave of tears and sobs hit me.
I could see the cuts all over her wrists and thighs and the burn on her hand.
I put my fingers to her pulse point as I sobbed.
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
There was a pulse.
I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed nine one one.
I grabbed Chloe's hand as it was ringing.
"Come on, stay with me Chlo, don't leave me,"
Another sob escaped my throat as the ringing stopped.
"Nine one one, what's your emergency?"
"I just came home and found my girlfriend with cuts down her wrists and thighs, she still has a pulse though,"
"Okay miss, what's your address? We'll send someone over right away,"
"34 Burmington Street,"
"Okay, someone will be right over. Just keep checking her pulse,"
"Okay, thank you,"
The call ended.
I looked at Chloe and saw the tear stains on her cheeks.
I slowly moved my hand and wiped them off.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
I checked her pulse again, it was there, but getting weaker.
Just then I heard the front door open.
"Upstairs!" I yelled.
I heard footsteps as the men ran up the stairs.
When the entered the room, one automatically moved to Chloe while the other came to me.
"How's her pulse?"
"It was stronger the first time I checked, it's gotten weaker,"
"How long has it been since you found her?"
"About two minutes before I called,"
"Okay miss, we have to take her to the hospital, unfortunately you can't ride in the ambulance because you'll be in the way when we get there, but we can get an officer to come and drive you,"
I nodded as I stared at the other guy putting Chloe on a stretcher.
"They'll be here in less than five minutes, grab whatever you need,"
He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, giving me a small smile.
I nodded again.
He took a card out of his pocket ad gave it to me.
"When you get to the hospital, ask for me and I'll fill you in on her condition,"
"Thank you,"
He smiled as they left with Chloe.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
I grabbed my things and went to wait on the porch.
As I was waiting, I realized I should text the ex-Bellas.
I pulled out my phone and put them all into a group chat.
'Hey guys, Chloe's in the hospital, I'll text you guys with any news I get'
I instantly got a text back from Aubrey.
'I'll fly out as soon as I can'
Then from Amy.
'I'll come visit my favorite flat butt as soon as I can'
Then from Ashley and Jessica.
'We'll be there as soon as we can find a flight'
Slowly, every Bella texted me to say they'd be here as soon as they could.
I saw the police car pull up and ran to it.
"Thank you," I said as we started driving.
"My pleasure," the officer replied.
When we pulled up to the hospital, the officer turned to me.
"I hope girlfriend is okay,"
"Thank you," I replied.
He nodded and smiled.
I got out and ran to the main desk.
I pulled out the card the EMT gave me.
"I'm looking for Steven Days," I told the lady behind the desk.
She nodded and spoke into the microphone for the intercom.
"Steven Days to the main desk, Steven Days,"
I smiled and thanked her.
I saw Steven coming down the hall.
He came up to me.
"So, Chloe is currently being stitched. She lost a lot of blood so she won't wake up for while. Also because of the blood loss, she might have memory loss, not very likely though,"
I felt the tears build up again.
I nodded and he left.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
I walked over to the waiting room and sat down.
I let the tears fall as I replay Chloe's message in my head.
'You may not love me anymore, but I still love you. I always have and I always will. Goodbye Beca,'
'You may not love me anymore,'
The tears were streaming down like a river when a nurse walked in.
"Chloe Beale?"
I instantly stood up and the nurse motioned for me to follow her.
When we got to the door, the nurse stopped me.
"She's asleep right now,"
I nodded and opened the door.
I looked at her face that was so pale and lost it.
A sob escaped my lips as I sat down on the chair next to her.
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
I buried my face in her stomach.
"I'm so sorry Chloe. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry,"
Another sob escaped my lips.
"I'm so sorry,"
I kept apologizing and apologizing.
I stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I looked up and saw Aubrey and Stacie.
I felt my lips quiver and tears burn my eyes all over again.
Stacie came closer and wrapped me in a hug.
I cried into her shoulder and couldn't stop.
"It's all my fault. It's all my fault," I said into her shoulder.
"What do you mean sweetie?" Stacie asked quietly.
"It's my fault she did this,"
"Why do you think so?"
I handed Stacie my phone and played the message.
'Hey, it's Chloe. I don't know why it took me this long, but it did. It took me this long to see that you don't love me anymore. You barely talk to me, you don't kiss me, you rarely look at me, and you haven't told me you loved me in over two years. I just can't anymore Becs, I can't. I don't know what I did to our relationship, but I'm sorry. If you had told me, I would have tried to fix it. But it doesn't matter anymore. By the time you come home, I'll be gone,'
She took a deep breath.
'You may not love me anymore, but I still love you. I always have and I always will. Goodbye Beca,'
"I found her clutching a picture of us when I came rushing home,"
I barely got the sentence out when I started crying again.
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
It was now night and the nurses were kicking Aubrey and Stacie out, because only one person could stay in the room overnight and they told me I could stay.
As they left, I thanked Stacie for comforting me.
"Anytime," she said as she hugged me.
They left and I sat back down.
I grabbed Chloe's hand and looked at her.
I felt the tears coming back again.
'Goddamnit,'
I let go of her hand and cried into her stomach again.
"I'm so sorry Chlo. I love you, I do. I just... I don't even have an excuse. I'm so sorry, I should have told you I love you. I should've made more time for you. I should've loved you better,"
I kept crying until I felt a hand on my head.
I shot up and saw Chloe looking at me.
"Chlo," I breathed out before hugging her.
"I'm so sorry Chloe. I'm so sorry,"
I sobbed into her shoulder as I kept apologizing.
"Shh, it's okay Becs, it's okay," she said.
"No it's not. How could it be okay? I made you want to kill yourself Chloe. How is that okay?"
"Beca I-"
"No. I don't even know why I came. Why would you want to see me? You wanted to kill yourself because of me. I- I can't be here right now," I said.
I barely heard her sob as I ran out.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you