Author's Note:
THERE WILL BE NO MERCY FOR THE PSEUDONYM GIRL WHO WRITES THIS TALE, THERE WILL BE NO HOLDING BACK, THERE WILL BE NO—
-hangs up the phone-
Hi everyone, I'm back. Onwards!
Judgement Day
A fanfic by Pseudinymous
- Part 2 -
[Karpados used JUDGEMENT!]
From the deepest psychological depths of the Bug Catcher's mind, fear rose up and flashed briefly over youthful eyes. It started like the bubbling of lava and then exploded into the physical part of his brain like a nuclear missile. This was appropriate, because what he was viewing was something the United Nations would have considered equally distasteful.
Karpados the "Magikarp" had leapt into the air, twisted in a way that shouldn't have been possible by most self-respecting three-dimensional creatures, and let loose a flurry of darkened orbs. They zoomed outwards around its body, made a number of circuits while the fish was still airborne, and then rushed towards a Caterpie that was now in quite a bit of panic.
The Caterpie tried to run, but there was no escape. Karpados landed on the ground WITH THE GRACE AND FORCE THAT ONE WOULD EXPECT FROM THE RULER OF THIS MARVELLOUS WORLD, and waited.
Youngster Ben was learning that his Magikarp must be in the top percentage of all Magikarp, and might even be cooler than shorts — even if not as comfy or easy to wear.
When the shadows left the Caterpie's form, the line between fainted and outright dead wasn't particularly clear. Sometimes its tiny little feet would twitch, and its muscles would jerk. The Bug Catcher was horrified. Youngster Ben was overjoyed.
"Yeah, Karpados, that was the best!" Youngster Ben squealed, running up to Karpados the Magikarp the Arceus. He scooped up the fish and twirled around with it, as if it was a very, very small girlfriend. "I've never seen a Splash attack like that, but you're so! Cool!"
I AM NOT MERELY "COOL"! I AM THE ONE TRUE CREATOR BEING, YOUR GOD!
"I'm gonna feed you so many poffins!"
WHAT IS A—
A sweet, pink, dough-like substance was stuffed into Karpados's mouth, partly because Ben was too excited for his own good and partly because he wasn't entirely sure Karpados could chew properly. Karpados gaped its lips open and snapped them shut in a manner that spread the poffin throughout its mouth without getting any of it to go down its throat, and apparently swallowed about ten minutes later.
Arceus found the poffin MILDLY SATISFYING.
As the days went by, Youngster Ben and Karpados forged a beautiful friendship, truly unlike any other. As a Pokemon that had been given to him, Karpados sported Ben's Trainer ID number, and was bound to obey the boy no matter how highly levelled it was. Ben suspected his Pokétch app was broken, because it constantly labelled Karpados at Lv. 100, and never showed any increase in experience regardless of what Karpados's most recent victim was. It also glitched out occasionally and displayed not a Magikarp, but some other Pokémon with four legs and a big geometric ring around its rump. Another Youngster had tried to claim it was MissingNo.
After a week of training and countless hoards of dead wildlife, Youngster Ben finally stood up to his father.
"I want to go on a Pokémon adventure!" he announced, with the unshakable conviction of a foolhardy schoolchild. "I'm going to take Karpados and become the Pokémon League Champion!"
His mother, who was washing dishes, would have given anything for the tissues to be handy at that exact moment. After regaining her wits she peered into the sink and decided to drain the water.
Even his father had to brush away a tear from his eye. "Really, son?" he asked. "Benny, I know now that you're ten years old, you think you can take on the world. But surely you would know you can't win every fight? The schoolchildren around here don't have Pokémon like those in the routes beyond do. They're a cakewalk by comparison."
"Fine," said Ben. "Let me fight you."
Amusement flashed across his father's face. "One against one, then?"
But Ben wasn't messing around. "No, not one against one," he declared. "We do this at the Pokemon centre. Twenty-six against one."
"Twenty-six against one?!" said Charles, doubling back. "That's my entire collection! I've got a Qwilfish, you know. Level nineteen. You'd be flattened."
"Want a bet?"
"I'd bet my wife."
The glare Charles received nearly physically paralysed him, but he pressed onwards anyway.
"Fine," he said. "What's the bet?"
"If I win, you let me go on a Pokémon adventure."
Charles grinned, knowing what the outcome would be. "All right, son. Sometimes, you've just gotta learn things the hard way, right?"
"I'm not sure that counted as a fight!" said the obviously terrified nurse. "That was… oh my God. Oh my God. Those attacks were not Splash attacks!"
"Now who's learning things the hard way?" said Youngster Ben, with a grin that showed every single one of his teeth. "Lucky I had a few Ethers handy! Would've sucked to get locked into Struggle."
The truth of the matter was that even Karpados's Struggle attack was more than powerful enough to handle anything Charles could throw at it in one hit. Charles fell to his knees.
YES, HUMAN. thought Arceus. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP YOUR ALMIGHTY RULER.
"I don't understand," Charles stammered. "I just… I can't… how? It was nearly dead!"
"Karpados is just amazing," Ben declared. "So, do I get to go on my Pokémon adventure now?"
Charles didn't see how he could back out. Karpados had well and truly crushed him, and possibly atomised him too. It wasn't so much that Ben was an up-and-coming Pokémon trainer, it was that Ben had, by some freak accident of nature, come into control of the most ridiculously, nonsensically overpowered Pokémon in existence. And it was a Magikarp.
Charles's voice fell under his breath. "I… I'll call your mother," he managed, weakly. "If she says yes, you can go."