Chapter 2: The Mall
She woke up in the truck to Snow pulling into the parking garage of the Gran Pulse Mall. "We got out fine..I wrecked the car...but we're fine...yes it's gonna bump up our insurance an...NO I didn't buy it...I was..no? Ok maybe I was..." Snow was talking on his Toothpick++ to Serah apparently. Lightning got up. Her head hurt from being smashed by Hope's boomerang. She turned around and saw Hope and Vanille get out of the car. "Wait you little bastards..." Lightning tried to move but her head still hurt. "Woa woa there Speedracer, I took everyone to the mall so we could all take a load off." Snow hadn't realized that Lightning had already left. "Fuck. First the car now this..." Snow buffled and got out of the car. Lightning was making her way to Bath and Body Works. Their fragrances always made her head feel shittier than it already did. She was greeted by Fang, who worked there. "Oi Loightning. We got some new fragrances in today; Sanctum Surprise, L'cie U L8r, The Purge, and Primarch's Haven. All of which ahre 75% off because it's the semi-annual clearance sale." Fang said, semi-depressed. "You work here?" Lightning asked. "Yeah. Oit's just a soide job mate." Fang started huffing some hand sanitizer samples. "Ok...maybe Serah would like some. It's pretty cheap after all." Lightning began sampling fragrances, which made her feel like shit. Suddenly Snow walked in. "I thought you'd be in here." Snow was carefully treading around the lotions and sprays. Lightning picked up a Try Me! perfume. "Do you think Serah would like The Purge?" Lightning asked Snow. "I don't know, try some on?" Snow asked. Lightning sprayed Snow with the fragrance. "AHHHH LIGHTNING YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC!" Snow howled. Lightning continued spraying until the entire Try Me! bottle was empty. Snow's face swelled up so he looked like a fat Bubba with big nigga lips. Lightning smelled Snow. "Eh, I don't like it." Lightning picked up the next bottle and sprayed Snow again. By the time she was done, Snow looked like the Michelin Man and Fat Albert's baby. Lightning finally decided on an old classic; Japanese Cherry Blossom. She put the three items on the counter. "Alroight, that'll be $9.67." Fang started chewing bubblegum. "Shit I frogot my purse..." Lightning turned around and saw Snow all buffled. She held out her leg, waiting for Snow to wobble over to her, but instead a random citizen tripped over her. She tookvout her Blaze Fire Sabre and sliced him to smitherines. She took his wallet. Fang just watched and chewed her bubblegum. Lightning recomposed herself and paid. She proceeded to roll Snow out of Bath and Body Works to find Vanille and Hope.
Unfortunately, Lightning saw Vanille getting a pedicure at the Spa in the window. Lightning had a fear for pedicures and instantly had hard core angst. "Ugh... Snow get up and deal with Vanille... I'll go find Hope." Lightning felt the weight of terrible memories and sweaty nervousness creep up her skirt. But it wasn't nervousness- it was Snow, who had slithered around Lightning's legs like a stripper! "Lightning... Hope is probably with Vanille in there..." Snow sexily hissed and tightened his snaky strangle hold around Lightning's legs. He started moving in such a fashionable pattern that the paparazzi surrounded them. "OH MY! So fabulicieousss!" A homoleciexual male paparazzi snapped some photos of Lightning. Then his old fashion camera developed the photos- and boy were they HD! He gasped in astonishment. "DISCRUSTING!" He howled and all the paparazzi gathered around to see what was wrong and what he had discovered. The many paparazzi gasped and put their equipment away after seeing whatever it was. The crowd diminished, and only Lightning, Snake-Snow, and the homoleciexual male paparazzi man remained. "Sssshows over Lightning... You are getting in there!" Snow tried to sound snaky, but failed because his voice was too gruff after eating that delicious Atomic Barl'cieto. "No! You can't make me!" Lightning roared and tried to rip off Snow, but Snow was stronger and so Snow used his sexy pattern to force her, step by step, closer and closer to the spa. "Snow... Snow... Please..." Lightning CRIED A SINGLE TEAR and it fell RIGHT ON SNOW's MEATY FACE! Snow stopped forcing her forward. "Lightning... I-" but Snow was cut off because the homoleciexual male paparazzi man grabbed Lightning by her hair and started pulling her towards the Spa. "Young lady, your clothes are trying to do you a favour, now get in there and get a pedicure so your shining neck cracks the newspaper tonight!" The homoleciexual male paparazzi man threw Lightning into the chair next to Vanille. "Hehehe, hi Lightning!" She googlie smiled. Lightning started hyper ventalating. "Am... Am I just clothes? Is that all people see me as?!" Snow was having a mental breakdown after being called a piece of clothing- which was understandable, as many people have wondered if his beanie is part of him or not. He fell into a deep depression, but still clung tightly to Lightning's legs. A lady came up to Lightning. "Hi there, thst gentleman over there said he payed for a full pedicure for you! How sweet, he must want the D! Hehehe." The pedicure woman smiled warmly. "I...I'm" Lightning tried to speak up but she started freaking out as the lady began scrubbing at her hideous toenails and feet caliciees. Vanille pipped up. "Martha, isn't she just a shy widdle doll? Hehe!" Vanille giggled, talking to the lady who was scrubbing Lightning's feet. "SHE?" The lady stumbled back. "THIS MAN... IS A LADY?" Martha screamed out loud. Vanille burst into tears of laughter and she pulled out a crowbar and began wrenching off Snow from Lightning's feet. Snow was too busy mentally breaking down so he did not resist. Vanille scooped up Snow in his tube like state and walked out the door. "W-wait!" Lightning cried out getting up but Martha put her back in her place. "NOW THAT I KNOW YOU ARE A LADY, I AM EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! YOU ARE GETTING THE SCRUBBING OF YOUR LIFE!" Martha howled and strapped Lightning in her pedicure chair. Martha began scrubbing at Lightning's disgusting fingernails and would finish the toenails later. "My lord, your nails are almost as nasty as a Fal'Cie's! Lightning had a super anxiety attack and passed out.