"Aghhhhhh God Bella!" Zsadist cried loudly as she gripped him harder and moved her hand faster concentrating near the head of his erection.
"Yes Zsadist?" she was now kissing his neck and slowly licking her way up to nibble on his ear lobe.
He tried to find the words but every syllable failed him. His fists knotted in the sheets and he felt him self waver on the brink of heaven, but he knew that he just wouldn't cross it, not tonight.
"St……st…stop this isn't right." He desperately tried to twist out of her grasp, but she had frozen in mid squeeze and every time he moved it brought him closer to paradise.
Bella back away from him unable to fathom what he had just said, he had been on ther verse of orgasm and she knew he'd been enjoying it. So why now was he asking her to stop?
With agonising reluctance he reached under the sheets and carefully drew her hand completely off his dangerously throbbing shaft. The tightening in his belly was awful but it was nothing compared to the heartless feeling in his chest.
Bella looked very confused as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.
Looking up into her eyes, she saw sad-happiness twinkle there for just a moment before he lowered his gaze and spoke very softly.
"I'm sorry, but I will not take pleasure from you, not tonight."
Slowly she took back her hand and wrapped her arms around her self. She wasn't cold but all warmth seemed to have gone from her mate and she suddenly felt very lonely.
"Why Zsadist?" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before asking the question she dreaded. "Is it me? Was it not good?"
"What!?" he snapped his head in her direction and his eyes widened. "No, I loved what we were doing and I was dying to finish it, I still am!" he gave a grunt of pain as his dick throbbed painfully at the memory his conscious had deprived it off. "But…" he turned towards her in the bed and reached out to stroke her face. "I don't want to receive something from you when I can not give it back." She lifted her eyes to his and tried to smile, but she had been more than willing and now she still had this unattractive feeling hanging over her.
"It makes the deed seem selfish." Zsadist finally finished, dragging her into a hug.
Bella nodded although she was a little surprised that he felt something so deep and had the strength to stop. But then he had changed a lot from being the person she'd first met, he was caring and protective and understood more about a relationship now that he had previously. But then no blood slave would have had the best education about life.
Thinking about this and the horrors he must have gone through, for she did not know the details, she wrapped her arms around him tightly and sent a silent prayer up to the Scribe Virgin thanking her for the person he is now and hoped he would always be.
"Giving birth" she said suddenly making Zsadist frown and wrinkle his brow.
"It's what I was thinking about in the bathroom." She traced the seam of his shirt with a finger and tried to make it sound like no big deal.
"When I started to get those pains, I thought I was going into labour and I got really frightened. I didn't know what was going to happen and I couldn't breath and well it was just so painful and well then I just couldn't stop thinking about what it was going to be like. All the pain, the blood and they say it can take hours and that sometime the females don't survive and…. and……" Bella's face has gone from pale to flush to a deep pink from not taking a breath between speeches.
Her breath is coming fast and hard and her eyes feel like they have rocks in them from the tears she is desperately trying to hold back.
Zsadist is also fighting for breath but he doesn't dare let on that he's worried sick about all of that too. Instead he takes her hands in his and kisses them soundly.
This stops Bella in an instant; she falls silent as Zsadist kisses her on the lips tenderly, and then stares into her eyes intensely.
His penetrating stare is almost hypnotic and her breathing slowly eases and returns to normal. His silence says more to her than anything. He's here with her and everything will be alright. He knows it and he's telling her she knows it too.
She sighs as the tighten fear fire in her chest dissipates and she can relax again. Zsadist has been rubbing her back and she closes her eyes and rolls her shoulders letting her head falls back.
Seeing her relax he urges her to roll on her side and stretch out. he then quickly takes off his shirt and pants and stretches out next to her, his chest to her back.
Humming quietly he strokes, rubs and massages her neck, her shoulders and down her back. Her tense muscles unwind and she snuggles into his warm embrace, and once again calm is restored to both of them. he can breathe easier now and he smiles as she mmmm's her thanks and then brings one of his massaging hands around her front to lay protectively over the young growing inside her.
"Thank you Zsadist. Thank you for being here with me" She whispers, it seems a strange thing to say to ones life mate but she feels the need to say it anyway.
"I'll always be here for you Nalla. Through everything I'll be with you." Bella clings tightly to his hand as her fears return for an instant but somehow dimmed thanks to Zsadist hidden promise. .
"You'll be there with me. No matter how hard it gets?"
"On my blood and my honour I vow I will never leave you." Zsadist replies giving the most powerful oath a warrior can offer.
Bella smiles and lets the tears flow freely down her face, but they are happy sobs so she does not brush them away. She will wear them with pride. Proud of the love that she and her Hellren share for each other.
Zsadist smiles contentedly and cradles her body with his. His protective nature still active even as sleep creeps in.
They both have their eyes closed now and Zsadist wills the lights off in the room, but the darkness spread around them does not seem cold and empty but full of love, warmth and knowledge.
Knowledge that even though sometimes life maybe hard and seem black they will always have each other to hold on to.
"I love you Zsadist" Bella whispers in the dark
"I love you too." he murmurs back kissing her delicately on the neck. "Now shussh. Sleep; forget about everything and dream about how happy a family we'll be."
"Find me in my dreams?" she asks right before she falls deeply into restful, peaceful sleep.
"Always…" is his only reply as he opens his eyes to once more look upon his beautiful mate. She really is the missing half to his heart. He leans over and kisses her gently then lays his head next to her and lets sleep claim him too.
As the shutters lift for the following night, Phury raises his head in a daze. Urgh, his brain is foggy and his limbs feel like they are full of mud.
Why does he feel so rock heavy? Then turning his head he sees his overflowing ashtray and a bottle of gin. It's an empty bottle.
He groans as last night comes flooding back.
He'd been wandering around the kitchen unable to sleep and having a serious case of the munchies.
After a sandwich or two he'd decided that ice cream might be the perfect thing, the milk would be soothing on his stomach and the ice would hopefully cool his agitation.
That nights fights hadn't exactly been easy and he'd been able to stop him self from carving two lessers up like chop-sui. They'd deserved it he reasoned with him self. But he still couldn't rack his heart from guilt.
He'd promised Zsadist that he would stop what he was doing but if he was honest with him self he didn't want to. T gave him a feeling of incredible power. To ripe another being to pieces with his own hands was an extraordinary rush. To know that he was the very thing that evil feared was…comforting? He would see the blood on his hands, his own and the enemies and smile.
While he'd been thinking all these things in a daze and slopping ice cream about the room Cormia had walked in.
God he must have looked an awful fright, he'd not even had a shower and there were still smears of lesser blood all over his arms and face. She'd looked horrified and concerned and…..frightened. She'd looked frightened by him!
The feeling still made his throat close up painfully, the way she'd looked at him… it made him feel…evil. Was he truly that bad that even his family were terrified of him?
"Cormia……." He started to say after a really long silence. He'd taken a step towards her but she had backed away, eyes wide and focused.
"Y…your grace?" she'd whispered fearfully "I just came to see if you... needed anything. But…." She faltered as she gazed down at his hand.
Looking down with disbelief Phury found that he somehow held a carving knife and was dragging the blade across his skin deep enough that rivers of blood were appearing.
"Oh God!" he'd roared flinging the knife away from him, reaching for a cloth and wrapping it around his lower arm.
He'd turned sharply away from her and huddled over his wounded arm. They weren't bad injuries they'd stop in a few seconds but he was so embarrassed, he didn't even realise what he was doing! He'd just wanted to make sure his blood was red that was all!
He'd never thought….. Oh shit he didn't know what he thought but he certainly never thought she'd be the one to catch him.
"Your grace do you… wish me to go?" she sounded so down trodden but the way he was totally shutting her out could hardly make her want to stay with him.
He'd nodded as he didn't trust his voice to remain steady and calm. Thankfully she'd departed without words and he was left alone in the kitchen, a bleeding arm and an unquenchable thirst for more alcohol.
Forcing him self back to the present Phury hefted him self off the bed, where he'd sprawled still fully clothed after passing out, and into the bathroom. Turning on the shower and stripping he glanced down at his arm and sighed as the marks now were completely gone. Flawless skin remained; perfect, beautiful and important. Very unlike the person he saw in the mirror.
Growling at the reflection he turned away and stepped under the water.
An hour later he was clean and dressed and just about to head off to ZeroSum to get a stash. He'd been smoking up so much lately that he was almost out again.
As he crossed the foyer, a huge booming voice from the top of the stairs stopped him in his tracks.
"Phury?"
Heaving a sigh, he turned around and saw Wrath standing at the balcony.
"Yeah?"
"You okay man?" He asked calmly
"Yeah, I'm good"
You sure there's nothing you wanna talk to me about?" Wrath stared down hard at his Brother unmoving.
"My Lord?" Phury tried to look confused, but he had a sneaking suspicion he had an idea what this was about.
"Hmmmmm" Wrath grumbled but didn't elaborate. "Well our new boy is coming in tonight so I want you back he in an hour. You got anything to take of, you do it now. Got it?"
"Yes my Lord?" Phury bobbed a little bow and then turned towards the exit.
"Oh and Phury... should you remember anything you wanna tell me, I know you got my number, right?"
"Yes my Lord?" Phury said again between gritted teeth and fangs not turning away from the door. Oh shit. Had Cormia gone to the King last and told him what had happened?
Fuck, bugger and double fuck!
De-materialising to ZeroSum he brushed past all the bouncers, nodded to the ape outside Rehv's door and was soon in and out with a fresh supply of red smoke and a grand lighter.
The Reverend hadn't been available tonight but since he was a valuable customer he had no problems getting what he wanted.
Thankfully this is his only errand tonight and he's soon back in the privacy of his room already rolling up a joint. Stretching out on the bed he leans back against the pillows and heaves a sigh not wanting to think about anything but the calming druggy feeling that is about to overflow his body.
Unfortunately a timid knock at the door interrupts the bliss….
"Your grace, May I enter your chambers?"
Shit its Cormia, he's not sure he can face her, but he can hardly turn her away, it must have taken her a lot of courage to come back to him in spite of what she'd seen last night.
"Uhhh yeah sure come in" he called hurriedly looking around the room to see if any remnants of last night remain, but thanks to Fritz it's as clean as new.
Her head appears around the door and silently she walks into the room and bows to him. He inclines his head in return and waits for her to speak. She's fumbling for words and seems uncomfortable to be around him and she hasn't come any further toward him. Is she afraid of what he might do? The thought of this made him ill and he quickly made to reassure her.
"Listen Cormia, I'm really sorry about last night. I was very drunk and I didn't really know what I was doing." He suddenly rose from the bed and came towards her. She quivered where she stood but she didn't step away. "I didn't mean to scare you, and please believe me when I say that I will never hurt you." Of its own accord his hand rose to cup her soft cheek and suddenly embarrassed he hurriedly moved it. "You are safe here, from me and everyone else"
Cormia nodded "Thank you your grace…"
Her hand crept up to the cheek that he'd touched and her eyes drooped a little disappointed. She desperately wanted to comfort him like a proper First Mate should but she didn't think the Primale would receive her, he seemed to have shun all kinds of contact with her since he'd brought her here and now she wondered if he had issues with intimate situations.
Hugging her arms around her self, they both stood there together each unable to think of something to say.
"If it would not offend…I wish to…." She faltered she really had no business asking him about his behaviours but the fact that he should want to cause him self harm was eating her insides.
Phury sighed he knew what she wanted to know, but he wasn't sure he could give her a valid reason. Still he could try to explain. He strode to the bed and patted the empty side next to him for her to join him. Slowly she walked towards him and sat down leaving an obvious space between them.
"You want to know why I did it, don't you?" he said chancing a glance at her. She sat on the bed like a beautiful white angel, her gossamer robes decadently wrapped about her and golden air framing her angelic features. It seemed wrong to encompass her with this dark subject. She was prefect, beautiful and pure. Why should she want to have anything to do with a twisted, evil, black hearted drug addict like him?