The Flame Within, chapter 2
The next morning, Kirk hadn't been able to resist grinning at Spock when Spock had come onto the bridge to begin his shift. Spock had lifted a good-natured eyebrow at him, but Kirk could tell that he hadn't considered the exuberant greeting to be anything out of the ordinary. His friend had simply stood back for a moment to allow Uhura to precede him out of the lift, and walked over to his station as he did every day. Kirk had felt a little foolish, really, for expecting Spock's behavior to be any different, but he couldn't help it.
As the day wore on and they became increasingly busy, he pushed the mystery of Spock's unknown companion into the back of his mind. Doctors and supplies had begun to arrive from all over the sector, and the coordination of the relief effort was quickly growing into a monumental task. Eight medical ships and twelve supply ships were currently in orbit with them, and Kirk rubbed his forehead as he listened to Uhura try to organize arrival and departure times for all of the shuttles that were loaded and ready to go.
"Captain of Felicity, please respond. Felicity, come in please." She pulled out her earpiece and scowled. "Who ever thought to put a man like that in command of a ship named Felicity?"
Kirk chuckled. "Is he still being difficult?"
"Difficult is putting it mildly. He's actually started calling the captains of the Singlin and the Mariah impolite names. Claims that he was here first, so he should unload first and be allowed to leave."
Sliding her receiver back into her ear, she tried again, "Captain of Felicity, please respond." She ran her fingers across her board. "Come in Mariah, Enterprise here. Oh good, thank heavens you answered. What's going on? Mariah? You're breaking up. Please boost."
She frowned and fiddled with her board, and Kirk met Spock's eyes for an instant before Spock turned back to his own board to assist.
"Mariah, Mariah, please boost."
"Admiral." Kirk looked back at Spock. "The Felicity is jamming the signal."
"Confirmed," said Uhura. "That son of a... Er, sorry, sir, but he's trying to take charge of this himself. At this rate, I'm inclined to let him."
"And I wouldn't blame you, but—"
"Commander, feedback from their signal," said Spock.
Uhura yanked the receiver out of her ear a split second before a high, deafening whine emanated from her board. "That idiot! Thank you, Spock. I happen to like that eardrum." She tapped a few keys. "He burned out at least thirty of my relays, too. Switching over to backups. No good. Admiral? I need to slave my board to Jorgenson's until I can straighten this out."
"Go ahead."
Nodding, she keyed a few more commands before she slid out of her seat and opened the panel beneath her station. Soon, all he could see of her were her legs. Kirk turned toward Jorgenson. "Can you make any sense of it?"
"Uh, Captain of Mariah just told Captain of Felicity to go to someplace not good. Captain of Singlin affirms."
"Commander, we may have all-out war on our hands soon if you can't get that fixed," said Kirk.
"I'm working as fast as I can, sir. Ow! Ouch!"
Kirk saw sparks fly out from where she was working, but before he could react, Spock was on his feet and calmly moving in her direction.
"Commander, are you injured?" Spock peered under her board.
Her voice was muffled but strong. "No, I'm fine, but five more relays just blew. He really did a number on us."
Spock glanced at Kirk in relief before turning back to Uhura. "Are you in need of my assistance?"
"I'd love some help. These are blowing faster than I can fix them."
As she scooted over to make room, Spock crawled under and stretched out on his back next to her. Leaning over in his chair so that he could see what they were doing, Kirk watched as they efficiently cross-patched and rerouted her board. Although they hardly spoke more than a few terse words here and there, they worked perfectly in sync. He frowned, recalling his puzzle of last night.
Could it be? Nah, they were both just good at their jobs, and they'd worked together like this countless times before. This was going to get out of hand if he suspected Spock of a liaison every time he interacted with one of his fellow officers. Still, that glance, there, when they finished...
"Admiral," said Spock, "the commander is ready to receive communications again."
He returned to his station while Uhura picked up her receiver and positioned it in her ear.
"Jorgenson, transfer communications back to Commander Uhura," said Kirk.
"Done, sir."
Uhura's clear voice filled the bridge. "Captain of Felicity, come in. Come in, Felicity. You are in clear violation of general order number C-101 slash A."
Kirk sighed and looked back at Spock. This was going to be a long day.
...
"Hello, Spock and Uhura. I am recording this message to both of you because I know that you always listen to my messages together."
Uhura smiled at Spock. "Perceptive little thing, isn't she?"
"Indeed."
Saavik continued. "It is inefficient to record separate messages for both of you, so from now on I am going to combine them into one."
"And we will receive half as many," said Spock.
"We can't get too many less, or they'll stop altogether."
As if she had heard Uhura's comment, Saavik said, "I am sorry that I let so much time elapse since my last message, but I have been very busy. Yesterday was Elizabeth's birthday, and it was very difficult to catch her present. She liked it very much, though, so it was worth the effort. Margaret baked a cake and they taught me how to sing a song called 'Happy Birthday.' I thought that perhaps they had forgotten the words because they sang the same line over and over with very little alteration, but they assured me that it was supposed to be like that. Margaret said she considers me one of their family, since I am living with them, so they will have a party for me on my birthday, too! I did not tell them that I do not know my real birthday. I like the date we picked for my school records so I will let them have a party for me then.
"We finally finished building the treehouse with the two stupid boys. As soon as it was done, they said that they wanted to do a club. Evidently doing a club is a very special thing that can only be done a special way, because they said that stupid girls could not do it. I explained things to them very carefully, though, and they were impressed by my logic, because they said that Elizabeth, Rosa, and I could do their club.
"It is growing cold here, but Margaret said that it will not snow. I told her that I was very sorry to hear that, because snow is fascinating. When I asked her if she had ever played in snow, she said that I should ask you about it sometime, Spock."
At Uhura's questioning smile, Spock murmured, "Margaret introduced me to snow by placing a large quantity of it down the back of my shirt when we were young children."
Saavik hesitated. "Last week in school we studied the Romulan war with the Federation. Mr. Thras said that the Romulans are very cruel, and that they hurt innocent people just because they lived near the neutral zone. He said that they killed children! And grandfathers! And mothers with babies inside them! I did not tell anyone about my parents, no one at all, but on the playground the mean girl said that maybe I was a dirty Romulan." Saavik's eyes grew big with the remembered pain, and Spock noticed that Uhura had drawn closer to him.
"She would not let me do playing with the other children, but Rosa and Elizabeth said that we did not need any of them, and we went to do playing by ourselves. I was very good, Spock." She drew herself up. "You would have been proud of me. I did not say anything to her because her meanness did not deserve the dignity of an answer."
Spock nodded. "Very good, Saavikam."
"And do you know what happened next? All the other children came to do playing with us, and the mean girl was left all by herself. The children said that they do not think I am a dirty Romulan, and I let them think that. Was that lying, Spock? Did I do it wrong?" She paused, and Spock could see her struggle for control. "Was it true about the Romulans? Did they really do all of that? Am I a mean person inside? Is that why I get so angry sometimes?"
She looked down at her lap and spoke very quietly. "I must go now. I will send you another message soon. Saavik out."
Spock stared at the blank screen. He was very aware of Uhura next to him, but he could not bring himself to face her. Finally, he felt a light touch on his arm, and he turned his head.
"Oh, Spock," she said sadly. "Didn't you ever tell her anything about the Romulans?"
"No, I did not. I had hoped to shield her. I see now that it was an error, but at the time I thought it best."
"I know. You would never, ever intentionally hurt anyone, and especially not Saavik. What will you do now?"
"I do not know. It is obvious from her comment about the insult not being worthy of a response that she has already spoken of this to Margaret. Margaret is not aware of Saavik's heritage, however, so I am the only person who can address that."
Uhura shook his arm so that he would look at her again. "I know that you can explain this to her in a way that will make her understand she's not a bad person just because of who her parents were."
"I will record a response. Perhaps that will cover it sufficiently for now, and we can discuss it further when I see her next."
"What will you tell her?"
"I do not know."
"At least the problem with the bully on the playground seems to have been resolved. You know, at her age, that could have turned into the bigger problem." She scowled. "Children can be so cruel."
Spock nodded, remembering his own childhood. While it was very true that the Vulcan children taunted him for being emotional and unintelligent because he was half-human, that was minor compared to Saavik's being told that Romulans were cruel murderers.
"Saavik will be fine." She smiled, obviously trying to lighten the mood. "Now, why don't we have a cup of tea before you show me whatever it was you wanted to show me? I'll even fix it. Vulcan style."
Amused despite his concern for Saavik, he said, "Very well. I will observe."
She walked over to the table by his wall. Handling his ritual goblet as if she knew exactly what she was doing, she filled it with hot water and stirred the dried che'ya leaves into it. After they had dissolved, she took a pinch of herbs between her fingers and crumbled them on top, inhaled the aroma, then added a few more.
When it was done, she lifted the goblet in both hands and carried it over until they faced one another. She held it out to him and he took a long drink. When he tasted it, he noticed that she had put too many herbs in it, but he was careful not to let it show in his expression. That was a minor mistake; she would learn in time. He handed it back to her and watched while she drank.
"You have done very well."
"Thank you. I learned from a master."
"Are you prepared to learn something else now?"
"Yes."
"Computer, lights down, Vulcan normal."
His quarters were abruptly lit with a comfortable reddish glow. He had already moved the firepot to its small platform and arranged a mat on either side of it, so he returned the goblet to its place and led her over to the mats.
"Kneel here."
She complied, and he knelt across from her.
Taking the tone of the teacher, he explained, "The flame that burns within this object is the t'hy. It symbolizes the flame that burns here," he touched his forehead, "and here," he touched his side, over his heart, "in each of us. On another level, it also symbolizes the flame that burns between two people when they find that they are drawn to share themselves with one another. Sometimes these two people are brother or sister; sometimes they are friends. Sometimes they are lovers. Between lovers, the flame is called the t'hy'la'ke."
"Have you ever shared the flame with Admiral Kirk?"
"Yes. I have. As a friend and as a brother."
Her eyes were big as she gazed at him, and the firepot threw shadows up onto her face. "Did you share this with T'Pring?"
"Never," he said sternly. "She and I may have been bonded, but we were never friends, nor were we lovers."
"But me?"
He softened. "You are my friend, and you are my lover, Nyota. Only you. The experience we are to have tonight is the sharing between lovers, the step toward oneness that is so crucial to a Vulcan. It is one that I have had with no other." Thinking of some of the rumors that had reached him at various times in the past, he added, "Contrary to what some would have you believe, I have not even shared this with Admiral Kirk."
She smiled, obviously understanding; he knew that she had heard the rumors, too. "So what do we do?"
"Look into the flame. Watch it flicker and dance. Search for the flame within your head and within your heart."
She frowned in concentration but finally shook her head.
"Empty your mind, Nyota. Forget about me, the room, the ship, everything. All that exists is the flame. This will not be easy. I have had a lifetime of training, and locating the flame within still does not always happen quickly for me. However, finding one's individual flame must happen before one can even hope to share it with another. If you cannot find it alone, I will assist you, so do not become anxious. You will find it."
He allowed her to stare into the flame for a very long time. Her eyes began to water from the effort, and finally he could tell that she was becoming frustrated with the lack of results. Careful not to drape his robes into the flame, he leaned across the firepot and touched her on the forehead with his fingertips.
The result was instantaneous. She gasped but did not look away from the firepot.
"Yes," she whispered. "There it is. The flame within."
He tried to control the pounding of his heart as he anticipated what might happen next. So clear in his memory was that awful, mysterious night when he was seven years old and his father had sat next to him on the edge of his bed and explained it all, from the bonding that was to take place on the morrow to the consummation of that bonding, the pleasures of the flesh and the mind that awaited him someday, the trials he could not fail. He had lain awake all night that night, his tender young mind shaken and his innocence lost, and contemplated what was to happen to him. The flame of the t'hy'la'ke had seemed the most terrifying of it all. Now, though, he yearned for it with all of his being.
"T'hy'la'ke," he intoned. "The flame within. Do not look away."
Nodding, she stared into the flame, and he shifted his fingers to her cheek and temple. As soon as he made contact, she looked up at him for a moment, then closed her eyes. He saw this as if he were watching her, but his eyes were closed, too. He could feel the flame. It was burning; it was growing. He took a shaky breath, for it danced along his nerve endings, it leapt between them, it threatened to consume them.
Trust me.
The answer came back, as clear as if spoken: I do.
His hand trembled with the effort it took to keep it on her face. The flames were licking at the two of them now, blistering them, peeling their flesh away, but still he kept his hand in place. She was shaking, but she did not flinch. The pain was awful, all-encompassing, but he could do nothing to control it.
Suddenly, as if the flames had expanded to encompass the universe, the two of them were surrounded in a burst of white-hot sensation and it was gone.
He leaned his head back and panted, nearly overcome with exhaustion. His hand was still in place. When he finally opened his eyes, he almost expected to find a charred ruin, but instead he only saw his room, with the firepot burning calmly between them and the goblet still on the table exactly where he had left it.
She did not move. He watched her with concern, but he was patient and allowed her to come around on her own. When her eyes eventually opened, she stammered, "Oh my. That was intense."
"The flame of the t'hy'la'ke. It was intense for me, as well."
She glanced delicately at his lap. "Did you...?"
"I did not, although I would not have been surprised to discover that I had."
"I can't say that I'd want to repeat that every day, but... wow."
"Wow, indeed."
She scooted around the firepot until she was sitting next to him, and together they stared at the flame until long into the night.
End chapter 2