Dusk and Summer

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: SVU, though I really wish I did…And I don't own Dashboard Confessional, I just love their music.

Summary: Post 'Loss', reflections on pre 'Loss'. If you don't like femslash, don't read it.

Ch. 2 – Dusk and Summer

----------

"She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles…When the world is hers and she held your eyes…Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer…And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers…She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer…"

I remember, Olivia, I really do. I remember everything. I remember leaving a trial to find you waiting for me; I remember entering the squad room to see you smiling up at me from your desk…Those were your subtle hints. You wanted more.

Then I remember long walks in Central Park, waking up on lazy Sunday mornings with you in my arms, I remember…Oh, do I remember…

"…But you've already lost…But you've already lost…But you've already lost…When you only had barely enough to hang on…"

And now I've lost it all. I lost it all because I had to push myself in that stupid case. I know you told me to back off, everyone warned me not to press so deep into it, but once I stop…You know I can't stop.

But we didn't have enough. We didn't have enough for the case, just like we didn't have enough time together.

"…And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth…And she made you better than you'd been before…She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer…And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap…She said, "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"…"

You were always there to comfort me after a hard case, but where are you now Olivia? You're probably asking the same of me, I know.

You told me about your past, about how you came about and your reason for joining SVU and never in my life had I felt so close to you. I wished I could have helped you but I really was glad to have you in my life Liv, too glad.

Then I think one late night, when we first met, you told me something else that has haunted me more than anything any perp has ever said. You told me that we all get lost among the files; we're just names to the city, even if we serve it.

It scares me to know how true that statement has become; I know in a few days, I will be nothing more to most than a name.

"…But you've already lost…But you've already lost…But you've already lost…When you only had barely enough to hang on…"

I wandered around my new town today, Liv, it scared me. I wanted you be there to hold my hand and tell me everything would be ok, but you weren't there. I had nothing of my old life; they wouldn't let me keep anything.

I did fight them for one thing though, the necklace you gave me on our first anniversary. I'm hoping the 'Fearlessness' emblazoned on it will give me a taste of your fearlessness.

"…She said, "no one is alone, the way you are alone"…And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known…Some things tie your life together, in slender threads and things to treasure…Days like that should last and last and last…"

I wish I had known that it would get so out of hand…If I did, I would have told you…I would have told you that I loved you too. But I didn't want to rush into anything, I was foolish, Liv, so foolish, so blind.

"…But you've already lost…But you've already lost…But you've already lost…When you only had barely enough to hang on…"

I don't like to think that I've lost the memories and time I had with you. I would like to look to forward to a time when I can return to you, then I won't let you go.

"…Hang on…Hang on…Hang on…"

So hang on, Olivia, I'll be back soon. I promise you.

----------

Chappie 2 down! Alrighty, R&R please! The more the merrier! Ha-ha.