Phineas and Ferb
Dude, Where's My Girlfriend?
Chapter 1: Whose Anniversary is it Anyway?
Disclaimer: Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me. It belongs to the two geniuses Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh. Keep up the good work, gentlemen!
A/N: To "Unnamed Reviewer": Thank you for the review. Appreciate it very much. The reason I portrayed the characters the way in did in the last chapter was because I was thinking that if I didn't, I'd be portraying them the exact same way the show was, and I didn't actually think I'd get as many hits as I did. Besides, between you and me, I really don't like Candace's character that much. Never did, never will. Oh, and yes, I do take critisism very well, thank you for asking. I just request that you don't swear in a way that insults me or my work. Other than that, anything's game. Please keep reading, because I appreciate all of your feedback!
1 Day Earlier...
The sun rose above the horizon over the town of Danville, at the peak of an hour where most people...would probably be sleeping in at this point. But Phineas and Ferb had another idea in mind.
It was only 7:00, and their alarm clock hadn't even rung yet. But the two brothers were already up and running, ready to design a great project.
"OK, Ferb. Let's just go over the task list one more time." Phineas said to his step-brother as he took out a check-list. "15,000,000 chocolate chips?" Ferb gave him a thumbs up. "Check! 7,000 pounds of butter?" Another thumbs up. "Check! 83 pounds of baking soda? Check! 32,000 eggs? Check! 11 gallons of vanilla? Check! 190 pounds of salt? Check!" They were going through a check-list so they could make the world's largest cookie and beat out the old record. That was their big idea for the day.
They always had a big idea for the day, even if their big sister, Candace, didn't approve.
But a block down, in the home of the Garcia-Shapiro family, there was another big idea brewing inside a little girl's head. 10-year old Isabella Garcia-Shapiro was also waking up to enjoy another great day of summer. But today wasn't any ordinary day of summer vacation for her. No, for her, today, especially today, it was going to be much different. She took out a marker and circled today's date on her calender: June 13th.
"Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's here!" She squealed in glee. "My friendship anniversary with Phineas! It's here!" she immediately jumped out of bed and started jumping around joyfully. But it sounded so distressful downstairs to her mother that she immediately rushed up to see if Isabella was already.
"Mija, are you alright?" She asked urgently which caused her to stop abruptly.
"Oh I'm better than alright, mom! Today's the day."
"What day, Isa?" She had to think about it for a second, but she did finally get it after seeing Isabella's bright face and the date circled on the calender. "Oh you mean that day?"
"Si, mama. And it's going to be the best one yet!"
"Oh, and why is that?"
"Because today, I'm finally going to suck up the courage to tell Phineas exactly how I feel about him!"
She gasped in excitement. "You are? Oh Isa, that's wonderful! But how will he take it?"
"I don't know, mom. But I'm not waiting any longer. If I wait any longer, I might never get the chance to tell him how I truly feel." Her mother didn't say anything, but Isabella could tell she was agreeing with her.
"So, Isa, what did you make for him this year?"
"Oh! I almost forgot!" She ran over to her dressing drawer, and pulled a very small, pink heart-shaped box that had a picture of the two of them on the front.
"Aw, what a cute picture."
"What? No, not the picture," She opened the box and revealed a shiny class ring inside. "This!"
"What is that? Is that a class ring?"
"It sure it!"
"Well, why?"
"Why? Mom, everybody knows that the first gift you give to a boyfriend/girlfriend is a class ring!"
"Uh-huh. And where did you read that?"
"I found an article online explaining it. It was written by some guy with the initials P.G. I mean, what kind of moron would lie about that kind of stuff?"
(Cue Cutaway)
We cutaway to a suburban home in Rhode Island, where a really fat dude (Guess home) is busy with a twitter update on his couch.
"And after you give your boyfriend/girlfriend your class ring, you must then show him/her that you are the dominant one in the relationship. It is extremely crucial to follow this tip right after you officially become a couple. If you allow your partner to become the dominant one, World War III will surely break loose."
At that moment, his talking dog, a white beagle, came in and saw him texting on twitter.
"Peter, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm writing an article on twitter."
"OK? About what?"
"I'm giving unsuspecting people incorrect advice on how to keep a relationship. Oh, listen to this, Brian. 'After sustaining dominance over your partner, it is then your responsibility to physically show off to your partner by assaulting them in places that should not be shown on camera. By doing this, you are showing them that they are the puppet and you are the master."
Brian watched as his master gleefully texted sexual molestation advice to unsuspecting people. "Peter, you are a sick and disgusting bastard."
"Love you too."
(End Cutaway)
"Oh my, Isa, you are serious about this."
"I sure am, mom. I've never more commited to anything in my entire life!"
"Well I hope it works out for you, honey. I really do. I'd hate to see you heartbroken."
"Don't worry, mom. I know he likes me. He wouldn't want to hang out with me if he didn't. I just want to know if he likes me likes me."
This threw her mother off greatly. But she agreed anyway, just so she wouldn't look like a total jackass. "Well good luck with that honey." She said before leaving the room to leave Isabella to tend to her activity for today, finally admitting her feelings to Phineas.
She got dressed quickly and then took her box outside with her, hoping to see Phineas. Her mood drastically got even better when she saw him in his backyard with Ferb, Burford, Baljeet, and her FIreside Girls Troop working on the world's largest cookie. She ran over to him, flashing on the inside with happiness.
"Hey Phineas!" She shouted to him, which turned his attention away from the cookie for a moment.
"Hey Isabella!"
"So whatcha' doin'?"
"We're going to make the world's largest cookie! Do you wanna help?"
"Do I ever!" She shouted gleefully while still clutching the box in her hands. He's making me a cookie for our friendship anniversary! She thought aloud to herself, while giving out a dreamy sigh. She ran over to where Phineas was and started following his instructions on what to do with the cookie. During the whole time, she was curious as to what he thought about their friendship anniversary. "So, uh, Phineas, what else are you doing today? I mean, after this, of course."
"Uh, I'm not sure yet. I gotta see how long this takes. I won't have time to do anything else if this takes all day."
"Well, I meant, do you have anything special planned? You know, maybe like a special day? An anniversary?" She emphasized the last word so as to jog Phineas's memory. But he wasn't getting the picture.
"Uh...no, I don't think so." The truth was, he didn't forget about their anniversary. He just forgot it was today.
"OH. OK."And with that, she went back to work, slightly crushed, but still holding out hope that he was just playing with her.
They all continued to work through the day to makes sure that their cookie was the world's biggest cookie ever. They were all enjoying the work, including Isabella, despite the fact that she was becoming more and more frustrated that Phineas wasn't acknowledging their friendship anniversary.
"You know, Phineas, anniversaries aren't just important to adults. Anniversaries can be important to kids if you set them up. Right? Right??" She was trying so hard to get Phineas to remember, but he just was not getting the hints.
"Uh...yeah, I guess you're right. It kind of reminds me of when my dad forgot his wedding anniversary with my mom." Was all he said on the subject, before returning to the cookie. "Hey Ferb, how many chocolate chips do we have left!?"
Isabella growled, getting more frustrated by the minute.
It was almost 4 pm, and after much preparation, decorating, and Candace trying to bust them to mom, the cookie was nearly completely. They had already made the cookie itself. All that was left was to leave it out in the sun to let it cook. During this time, Isabella tried to get Phineas to remember about their friend-a-versary, but with no luck.
At this point, she was very desperate. SHe felt like this was her last chance to get through to him. So this time she decided to use the box that had the ring she was going to give him.
"You know Phineas, I've been noticing that more and more children are starting to wear jewlery at a younger and younger age. Like, say, a class ring." Once again, she emphasized her gift, desperate to see some reaction.
"Um...I guess." Phineas was too confused to give a real response. But then he did notice the box. "Hey, you've got a box with you."
"Yes! Yes I do!"
"After we're done cooking the cookie, we can use that to deliver pieces of it to everyone in Danville. Good thinking! But we're gonna need a lot bigger and a lot more boxes. Do you think you could get us some?"
By now, Isabella was so frustrated and angry with Phineas that she wanted nothing to do with him or the project. "Get your own damn box!!" She shouted as she stormed off and went back home, leaving Phineas confused.
"So you don't want any of this cookie then?"
Isabella marched right in and slammed the door behind her, holding the box close to her heart, and crying a bit. Her mother ran to her side. "Isa, honey, what's wrong? Did you get hurt?"
"Yes. Yes I did!" She said in between sobs. "Phineas forgot our friend-a-versary!" She shouted before burying her head into her mother's arms and crying her eyes out.
"Honey, that's awful!"
"I can't believe I actually thought he liked me!" She took herself out of VIvian's arms. "But now I see him for what he really is. A back-stabber and a big, fat jerk!"
"Now Isa, don't say that! Maybe he's just pretending to forget so you'll be even more surprised later!"
"No, mom! He really did forget! I could tell in past years if he was playing me or not, but this year it really seemed like he had no idea!"
"Oh, honey..." Vivian tried to calm Isabella down, but with no luck. She was so upset that she ran upstairs and buried her head in her pillow to cry about it. This was truly upsetting her, and Phineas never even realized it.
Speaking of the little bas -- I mean, adorable clueless child, he, along with the others, had just finished baking their cookie. The people from the Guiness Book of World Records were there to make it official: The World's Largest Cookie now standing at 110 feet long. Everyone gathered there celebrated their accomplishment, except for Candace, who was trying to show Linda that the boys were responsible for it. But all she could think about was how tasty the cookie was.
"Hey, Ferb, have you seen Isabella?" Phineas asked Ferb, who shook his head no. "Hmm, that's strange. She never leaves in the middle of a project. I hope she's not coming down with anything." It wasn't that Phineas didn't care about Isabella. That wasn't true at all. He cared abot her a lot. He was simply very clueless and he was so caught up in his activity for today that he didn't pay any attention to the calender.
But Isabella did. And that's why she was crying her eyes out in her room with her mother trying to comfort her.
"Come on, Isa. Cheer up."
"How can I!?" She snapped as he turned and faced her mother with beat-red eyes. "My so-called best friend in the whole, wide world forgot one of the most important days of our young lives!"
"I'm sure he didn't mean to."
"It wouldn't surprise me." She stood up and paced angrily around her room. "This always happens! I flirt with him, he doesn't get the picture! I try to tell him something and he interprets it for something else! I express my feelings for him in the most obvious way possible and it doesn't through his thick skull!" It was truly frustrating to her that Phineas never showed any signs of affection for her. I mean, if you were in her position, wouldn't you? No? Well, then there's something very wrong with you.
"I just wish there was some way to get through to him..." Isabella said to herself as she continued pondering. Vivian decided to leave to let Isabella calm down and think for a while.
It took Isabella a long while to think of something. But once it finally came to mind, she visited her mother downstairs and explained to her the big plan she had come up with.
"Honey, are you sure you want to do this?"
"I'm sure, mom. I need to teach Phineas a lesson that you don't just forget an important day and expect people to forgive you."
"Honey, I am trusting you on this one. I trust that you know what you are doing."
"I am, mom. I am."
"I just don't want you to get hurt or anything. I love you, Isa."
"I love you too, mom. But I have to do this."
With her help, Isabella packed some things together including some of her toys, her favorite teddy bear, 2-weeks worth of provisions, and a bus ticket. She was heading to her uncle Tom, who (to them) is an Army Lieutenant (the fact is he died 5 years ago, but they don't know that.) and Vivian knew that he would be the perfect one to take care of her daughter in a crisis such as this, or perhaps in a crisis such as a black guy becoming president. Oh wait, that's already happened! Sorry.
They finished packing that night and put it in a safe place so they wouldn't forget about it. After that, Isabella put her pajamas on, took one last look at the ring that should've been on Phineas's finger, and drifted off into a rough and restless sleep, which only lasted a couple of hours.
The next morning, Isabella and her mother got up at 5:30, earlier than most adults do, and even earlier than Phineas, and that's saying something. They got their stuff ready for her and readied her to board the bus that would pull up in front of her home in just a few short moments. It was a one-way public bus so it was just one continuous trip that would take them anywhere they requested. Isabella was going to her uncle Fredward in Missouri. Boy she was going to be shocked and pissed off to learn that he's been dead for half a decade.
"Isabella, I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked her very tired and exasperated daughter, who gave a look of despair but confidence.
"Yeah, mom. I'm sure." She replied softly before giving her mother one final hug before she went back inside. Isabella then waited patient on the stoop for the bus to arrive to take her away.
She only had to wait 15 minutes for it. She saw a bright, yellow bus coming towards her and she was readying to get on. But she failed to notice that the driver was drunk, and only seconds later, he swirved the bus in all directions before finally crashing into a home several houses down that wass inhabited by a black man, his wife, and his 3 children.
The entire front of the man's house was destroyed when the bus crashed, and when it did, the debree from his house fell. The black man was in the bathtub when this happened, and when the front of his house was destroyed, so was the debree that was holding up the floorboard.
The floorboard slowly started tipping downward and the bathtub started sliding off. "No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!" He yelled as his bathtub slid right off and fell to the ground, breaking on impact. The driver that was driving the bus was killed on the spot, along with its 33 passengers. The black man simply sat there, hopelessly confused out of his mind. "Great! Now this town's gone to pot too!"
Meanwhile, yet another bus, a blue one, the real one that she was supposed ot take, pulled inin front of Isabella's house. "Sorry about that." He said to her. "I told him not to get so drunk before going out."
End of Chapter 1!
Next Time: Phineas learns the horrible truth and sets out to find his best friend. Isabella makes her way to her deceased uncle Fredward, and disaster ensures.
A/N: If you couldn't figure it out while reading, that last bit was parodying "The Cleveland Show" because (spoiler!) Cleveland left Quahog this past Sunday. So now I bet you can guess where Phineas and Ferb takes place in.
Expected Update: Monday, October 5th.