CHAPTER 2

"Petite Lydia has found l'amour?"

"Right, bonehead," Beetlejuice growled from his place on the couch at the roadhouse. "Disgusting, isn't it?"

Jacques LaLean shook his skull. "Non, non, non, Be-atlejuice! C'est magnifique! Ze sweet Lydia deserves romance in her life!"

Beetlejuice gagged openly and the skeleton gave him a disapproving look, but the ghost neither noticed or cared as he kept his eyes on the tv, flipping absent-mindedly through the channels.

"What is ze young fellow's name?" Jacques asked.

"I forget," Beetlejuice lied. "Richard or somethin'."

"Ah, it is of no matter," said Jacques forgivingly. "If Lydia is 'appy, his name matters not." His expression turned thoughtful and he put a bony finger to his absent lips. "I think I shall send Lydia some roses for herself and her new beau, to wish zem well."

BJ groaned and the French skeleton turned and went on his disgustingly merry way out the door. In the meantime, Ginger the tap-dancing spider had stealthily dropped down from above on a single-strand of web and hung in the air next to Beetlejuice.

"What did he say?" she asked.

Beetlejuice's eyes flicked in her direction. "He said you make a good piñata!" he shouted as a sombrero suddenly appeared on his head and he whacked the spider with a colourful stick, sending her sailing across the room. Ginger shrieked and landed in a heap of mangled legs and tangled webbing.

"Ooohh..." she groaned as stars danced before her eyes. "Beetlejuice! You're despicable!"

"Heh, heh... thanks," he replied, showing his green teeth in a sly grin.

"BEETLEJUICE!" a voice suddenly bellowed, making the entire roadhouse shake. The ghost looked to see The Monster Across The Street standing in the doorway, his huge, imposing frame nearly blocking the entire passage. "What in tar-hooties are you doin' to little Ginger?!"

"Tryin' to make her into something useful, furball," BJ retorted. "What's it to you?"

"He batted me across the room!" Ginger wailed, seeking the monster's sympathy.

"Batted you? Pfft!" Beetlejuice said. "If I had batted you, it would've been like this."

He vanished only to immediately reappear directly over her in the form of a bat and began flying around her head and plucking at her hat, all the while laughing like a maniac. Ginger cried and the monster leaned over and thumped Beetlebat on the head with his fist, knocking him down with ease. The bat lay crumpled at his feet for a second before changing shape again, returning to the form of the obnoxious prankster sprawled semi-conscious on the roadhouse floor. Beetlejuice had barely recovered his senses in time to feel himself being lifted forcefully into the air as the monster gripped him by his jacket lapels and brought them eye to eye... or it would've been eye to eye if Beetlejuice had actually been able to SEE the monster's eyes.

"Stop pickin' on Ginger, Beetlebritches!" the monster yelled in his face. "And tell me what's this I'm hearin' about Miss Lydia!" He let him go and BJ landed hard on his rear with a loud thump.

"I don't know how you're hearin' much of anything through all that hair," the ghost quipped with a sour expression as his backside throbbed from impact.

"Jacques was just 'a tellin' me he was on his way to get some flowers for Miss Lydia and her new beau," the monster said, ignoring the remark.

Beetlejuice's expression was bland. "Yeah? So?"

"So it's true," Ginger interjected, having picked herself up and regained her composure. "Lydia must have a boyfriend! Isn't that adorable?"

"Not half as adorable as the rats in my pants," came the grumbled response. Numerous lumps appeared in the striped fabric of his trousers and began racing up and down his legs.

"Well, shucks," the monster said, a brilliant smile having formed in the huge wall of hair beneath the big, blue cowboy hat. "Our little Lydia is growin' right up."

"I wonder what his name is," Ginger wondered.

"Who cares?"

"Well, YOU should, Beetlejuice," the spider answered. "Lydia is your best friend. Don't you care about who it is she's dating?"

That last word alone used in reference to Lydia made Beetlejuice's skin crawl, and not in the way he liked. "Nah," he feigned disinterest. "I got bigger fish to fry." He changed into a frying pan and was suddenly crushed by a giant carp. The bizarre image vanished in the blink of an eye and he reappeared as himself as if nothing had happened, hovering in mid air with his arms folded. "Besides," he continued, "it probably won't last. The guy is probably just some jerk with more flashy, useless talent than brains. Lydia will see through that soon enough."

Ginger and The Monster Across The Street exchanged glances.

"Beetlejuice," the spider dared to venture, "if I didn't know better, I'd think you were jealous."

The dead man leaned down until he was only inches from her face. "Yeah, well, good thing you know better, octo-heels." He glowered at her long enough to dare her to say another word, then rapidly pulled away.

"Well, anyway, now that I got the scoop on Miss Lydia," the monster said, attempting to sound casual and break the obvious tension in the air, "I'd best be moseyin' back over to give my little Poopsie his bath. I'll see y'all later, Miss Ginger... Beetlejuice." He tipped his hat and ducked on his way out to avoid hitting his head in the doorway.

"Hopefully later than soooonerrrr," Beetlejuice drawled in a sing-song voice, slamming the door shut.

He floated across the room and settled himself back on the couch, the remote control appearing instantly in his hand as he resumed flipping through channels. Ginger observed him wordlessly from the spot he'd left her, feeling as though he'd genuinely forgotten she was even there. It was clear to her that it was more than mere boredom that fuelled these intense rounds of channel surfing he'd been engaged in all day. She watched him roll through the same line-up of stations over and over, his eyes fixed upon the television but having taken on a glazed, distant appearance that she wasn't used to seeing. He wasn't at all interested in what he was looking at. In fact, the spider could tell with little doubt that his mind wasn't even taking in what was on the screen. Maybe it was just the angle, but the more she looked at him, the more she began to think that he somehow seemed smaller than usual. It was a strange thought, but then she reminded herself that this was Beetlejuice she was observing.

Finally, deciding there was little more for her to see here, Ginger exited the scene on silent spider silk, leaving Beetlejuice completely alone with his thoughts. He failed to notice or care.