I woke with a pounding in my head. I felt like about ten jack hammers were working on a road in my head. I tried desperately to remember drinking but couldn't. The last thing I remember was Olivia going for coffee. Oh my god did I drink too much and tell her. I sat up quickly and opened my eyes but quickly closed them. Who the hell had every light on. I laid back down feeling around for my night stand but instead was met with rails. Where was I?
I slowly opened my eyes and began to look around. A hospital room? Why was I in a hospital room? And why could I only see out of one eye? It all slowly started coming back to me. I was attacked in my office when Olivia went out for coffee. The security desk had called and said I had flowers. I told them to send them up. She left to get coffee and the guy came in and started hitting me. I fought as hard as I could. Oh god did he rape me? Panic started to rise in my throat. I was fighting back an urge to scream when an image flashed in my mind.
It was Olivia. She was smiling at me saying hey. I remember asking if I was raped. Olivia was telling me that they did a rape test and I wasn't raped. I shook my head which caused more pain. There was no way Olivia stayed with mer. She was always so cold to me no matter what I did.
Hearing a noise to my right I slowly turned my head and opened my eyes. My breath caught in my throat. There was Olivia sleeping in the chair next to me. She had been here all night. Why? I thought she hated me. I guess she felt guilty because she had left to get coffee when I was attacked. That had to be the only reason.
I just laid there and watched her sleep. I have never seen her look as peaceful as I did then. Any other time there always seem to be a guarded expression across her face. Her brown hair fell across her face and I had to fight the urge to brush it away. She has to be the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.
The first time I ever met her she was searching a house of a suspected rapist. I walked in and told them that looks like pharmaceuticals, bag it. She looked up and those chocolate brown eyes caught mine. "Who the hell are you?" she had asked me. I could tell she was getting defensive about me being there. Casey Novak your new ADA, I had answered not bothering to extend my hand. Try to stay out of the way she told me. I stepped back and watched her work. She was so meticulous in her search. She was determined she wasn't missing a thing. There was such dedication in her work. Something I hadn't seen in a while.
The next day when they were interviewing a potential suspect I had walked in to the interrogation room. Elliot Stabler her partner pulled me out of the room and proceeded to yell at me. You don't ever interrupt me when I'm interviewing a perp he was screaming at me. I wanted to cry on the spot but I saw her looking at me. For some reason I couldn't explain I didn't want to show her any type of weakness. She had pulled me aside after Stabler was done to talk to me. The simple touch of her hand on my arm sent chills up and down my spine. It was so hard to focus on what she was saying. The only thought I could hold on to was that I had an undying urge to kiss her.
I was in my office crying after that first case we worked together. I had made my mind up that I was demanding a transfer the next morning from Arthur. She had come storming in my office. I could tell she was hell bent on yelling at me but stopped when she saw me. She began to explain to me that this was a difficult position. We see the worse in everyone and just when we thought it couldn't get any worse a new case would come. One that was more horrific than the last. I had asked her how did they deal with it. She informed me that they didn't deal. They compartmentalized. Stabler didn't talk about his work at home which caused problems with his wife, Munch was divorced three times, and Fin had a son he was estranged from. And you? I had asked. I stay single. The guys I date either lean in for more information or try to get away as quick as possible. Either way there was no second date.
My heart fell at the mention of guys. I would never have a chance at her. Then again why would I. She was gorgeous and demanded attention when she walked in a room. There was something about her that made her almost untouchable. She took me for drinks that night and the more we talked the more I was falling for her.
"Your awake" an angelic voice almost whispered pulling from my thoughts. I smiled at her and could have sworn I saw a spark in her eyes.
"Yeah. My head is killing me." I started to sit up but was met with two hands on each shoulder pushing me down. God knows I had dreamed of her pushing me down on a bed but this wasn't what I had in mind.
"Lay back and rest. You have a concussion." She told me as she brushed some hair from my face. There was something about the way she was looking at me that made me want to tell her how I felt. I took a deep breath. If anything I could blame it on the concussion and play really dumb if it back fired on me. "Olivia…" I said but was interrupted by the door opening and the doctor walking in.
"You're up" He said with a smile. As he got closer Olivia seemed to take an almost protective stance I glanced up at her wondering why. It had to be the guilt.
"Yep and ready to go." I responded a little more sharper than I meant to. He checked me over and after about ten minutes he declared I could go home as long as someone was there with me. My heart dropped I lived alone.
"I will be there." Olivia answered. The doctor nodded and said a nurse would be in shortly with release papers. Great she plans to stay at my house with me. I have no clue how I am going to keep myself distracted to keep from making a fool of myself.
"Olivia I appreciate the gesture and the offer to stay with me but I'm sure you have something better to do than stay with me." I say knowing there is nothing more I want than to have her by my side. I want her there because she wants to not because she feels obligated.
She puts her finger on my chin and gently raises my head so I am looking her in the eye. "Casey there is no other place I want to be right now than with you." There is a flicker in her eyes. If I didn't know her I would say it was desire. She takes her right hand and gently rubs my left cheek. Being extra careful of my bruises.
Is this what it's like to be touched by her. There had been so many nights I had laid in bed and imagine her touch. How gently, loving, and caring she would and could be with me. Imagine myself wrapped in her arms. I had never been held by her but I knew without a doubt I would feel so safe and protected in those arms. Unconsciously I lean forward silently pleading for more contact.
She reaches around me and pulls me close. Oh god is it possible. Then I hear the buttons unsnapping. I began to chew my bottom lip nervous. "Relax" She whispers as she removes my gown "I'm just going to help you get dress. She leans back and stares into my eyes as she removes my hospital gown. There's no doubt she can read every emotion that is going across my face.
She never breaks eye contact when she tosses my gown to the side. She stands there just staring at me. It is making me nervous. I began to shake and she carefully pulls a t-shirt over my head and dresses me. She gently moves my legs over the side of the bed and begins to pull a pair of jeans up them. I take them from her. "I can do this. Thank you." She doesn't leave but stands to the side in case I need her.
Need her I do but not to dress me. I need her to love me the way I love her. This gentleness she is showing me is killing me. How can I go back to the old way when I have seen the loving caring side of Olivia Benson. In two days I will find out how hard it is to give her up. For two days she is mine. Not the way I want but god knows I will take her any way I can. If caring for me while I'm injured is it. So be it.