If Tomorrow Never Comes

by Kadi

Rated: T

Disclaimer: It's not my sandbox, and they're not my toys... I just really love playing there!

Chapter 2

There wasn't much that could be celebrated when working homicide. When they got involved it was usually after the darkness descended. Lately it didn't feel like they were getting a lot of wins. Everything after Phillip Stroh's escape felt like they were living in limbo. They lost some. They broke even on others. It didn't feel as if they'd had a win, not since before the horrible Burning Man case.

Phillip Stroh was still at large. There were sightings of him reported every day, but nothing official. As far as they knew, he was in the wind, already out of the country. Or he was sitting back, waiting for his moment to strike. After almost six months searching for him, and despite this very frightening, very dark reality, it felt like maybe the tide was turning. There could be light on the periphery of a very black horizon.

They weren't only taking a win where they could find one. A missing child recovered, returned to her parents, and the suspect behind bars. All within forty-eight crucial hours, and all of it, apparently, before a single hair could be harmed on the child's beautiful blond head. It was something worth celebrating.

It was unclear who originally tossed out the idea to go to Malone's, a popular sports bar and grill where the team occasionally gathered after closing a case. It had been a long time since they'd gone. Too long. The team jumped on the opportunity, but convincing their Captain to join them was another matter. She tried to defer, to beg off. She insisted that they would have a much better time without their rule loving boss tagging along.

They ganged up on her. It was a brilliant case of tag-team Captain handling between Flynn and Provenza. When they finished listing all the reasons why she should join them, Sykes and Buzz went in for the kill, using guilt on her. In the end, it was Tao's cool and precise logic that won their case for them. The Captain would be joining them at Malone's for a celebratory meal and drink.

As they cheered their success, and Amy and Tao shared a high-five, Sharon rolled her eyes at them. "Okay, alright." She waved her hands at them. "Everyone settle down. There's still a lot of work to be done before we can leave." As they groaned, she smiled. "I know. There I go, spoiling all of your fun. It's one of the many perks I get for being in charge."

Provenza leaned back in his chair, a frown on his face. He cast a look across the room, at his partner. "She's in charge?"

Flynn smirked at him. "Well, she likes to think that she is. It's one of those little white lies we tell every once in a while. You know, keeps her happy, keeps us out of trouble."

"Remind me again," Provenza drawled, "why that is important to me?"

"She signs the time sheets," Tao stated, without looking up from his desk again.

"Ah." Provenza turned back toward his desk. "That's almost like signing my paycheck. That's a reason that I can accept."

"Getting paid is good." Flynn nodded slowly. "Okay," he decided. He waved a hand at Sharon. "You can be in charge."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him as she turned. "Thank you, Lieutenant. I can't tell you how much your approval means to me."

"Oh," Andy smirked. "I can tell. The excitement is just rolling off of you."

She shot a pointed look at him from over her glasses. "Hm… The first round is on the Lieutenant," she decided and strode into her office with a grin.

It occurred to them, very quickly, that she had not said exactly which Lieutenant. Mike and Andy exchanged a look, and both grinned as they quickly said, "Not it!"

Provenza scowled at them. "There is going to come a day…"

From her desk, without looking up, Amy chirped happily, "When you're going to finally retire?"

The Lieutenant almost choked. He glared at the top of her head. "Whatever happened to good old fashioned respecting your elders?"

Buzz grinned as he walked past them, "We met you and realized that there are exceptions to the lessons our parents taught us."

"Why can't she just fire him?" Provenza huffed loudly.

"Because you want it too bad." Flynn didn't bother looking up this time. He was flipping through the case file on his desk. "She'll never give you the satisfaction."

Provenza could always recognize a good opening when it was presented to him. He smirked as he tapped his pencil against his crossword. "Bet you know all about that, don't you Flynn."

He thought back, considered how they had spent the weekend. Then he thought about just how satisfied he had been in the shower that morning. Andy shrugged. "You're the expert," he said instead, "so I guess what they say is true. Takes one to know one."

He made a face at him. Damn you, Provenza thought, and turned his attention back to his crossword. He thought for sure that would get a reaction out of the other man. That it hadn't, made him more suspicious than not. Flynn was entirely too easy going these days. Or as easy going as any of them could be with everything that was going on. The puppy dog looks were gone. He wasn't staring after their Captain anymore, not in the way he had, not like a starving man that was desperate for a meal. His gaze still followed her more than it should, and they seemed to be as close as they ever were, but something was different. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Or more to the point, he couldn't get his partner to admit to anything. Ye gods, he wasn't going to come right out and ask! But what kind of friend was Flynn anyway? He was supposed to tell him these things, or at the very least, warn him before the world exploded in his face.

While Provenza grumbled into his crossword, Andy turned his attention back to finishing his after action report. The Murder Room grew silent as the others did the same. All too soon they were wrapping it up. As they gathered their things and closed it down for the night, the Captain reappeared from her office, purse thrown over her shoulder and jacket draped over her arm. It occurred to Andy, not for the first time, that carpooling would be more responsible, but they both always took their own cars to work. They never needed to worry about the other being made to wait if the hour ran late and one of them was detained. It also allowed them to maintain the appearance of discretion, although at some point it was going to come out, the change in their relationship and living arrangement. Neither was prone to announcements, however, and decided to just let it be. It would happen, when and how it was meant to, much as the rest of their relationship had done.

Andy, who was usually the designated driver for these occasions, palmed his keys and decided it was another point in the favor of not carpooling with Sharon. "Okay," He asked, "Who's with me tonight?"

"Your driving makes me dizzy," Provenza decided as he shrugged into his jacket. "I'd rather wait and see if I need it."

He rolled his eyes at the other man and looked at the others. "Amy, Mike?"

"I'm meeting Cooper after," Sykes explained. "I'm good, but thank you, Lieutenant."

"I'm with Buzz," Tao told him. "I want to see the new GPS he installed this weekend."

It was on the tip of his tongue to comment on the geek factor of that. Andy swallowed it back, but laughed as he watched them leave. His eyes tracked the room, the others were already filing out. He met Sharon's eye and nodded as she strolled away with Amy. "Julio, you good?"

The younger detective had lingered back a little longer than the others. He packed his desk more slowly and finally shrugged into his jacket. "Actually, sir, I think I'm going to go home."

Andy's brows drew together. He tapped the fingers of one hand against his leg. "Oh come on, we talked the Captain into tagging along. How often does that happen? You can't beg off tonight."

Julio shrugged. He glanced away. "I think she might prefer it if I do." He was only recently back from his suspension. Getting back into the swing of the team dynamics wasn't hard, but things were still awkward and quiet where the Captain was concerned.

He watched him shift where he stood. Andy shook his head. "That's bullshit. Come on, all hands on deck. Trust me, if she didn't want you around, you'd know it. Let's go."

"I know that you think that you're an expert on the Captain," Julio stated calmly, trying to maintain some level of respect, "but honestly, sir, you haven't had to deal with her in quite the same way. It's pretty obvious how things are now."

"Obviously not." Andy took a step toward him. "Look, we're only going to talk about this the once, so you're going to want to listen. I get it, alright? You pissed her off, and that was hard to deal with. Worse, you disappointed her, and that's even harder. The thing is, Julio, if she wanted you gone, you would be gone. Hell…" He shook his head. "Who do you think kept your job for you?" After the stunt that he pulled, attacking Christakis, Sharon had been mad as hell. It was more than losing his temper again and attacking a suspect, he'd put Rusty's life in danger by jeopardizing a possible lead in finding Stroh. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but she went to bat for you. Staples wanted you gone, and Taylor was inclined to let it happen. Sharon called in more than a couple of favors." They weren't living together at the time, but they were spending a lot of time together. Even now, there were phone conversations that he tried to not hear, because they were taking place in their home or in the car while they were on their way to or from dinner. In the end, Julio had ended up suspended for three weeks. He'd spent another three on paid administrative leave while he attended anger management classes. He had come back to a desk job while he was evaluated by Professional Standards. It was only in the last month that he had been released back to Major Crimes. "She had to make a deal to keep you. If you screw up again," Andy continued, "it's not just your ass in a sling, get it? You'll be out the door, but they'll be putting a formal reprimand in Sharon's jacket. Her incredibly spotless jacket. So yeah, I know, if she didn't want you here, you'd be gone. You're going to have to earn her trust back. Now, suck it up Julio, come have a drink with the team."

The younger detective shook his head. He hadn't known all of that. He shoved his hands into his pockets while he thought about it. She was pleasant enough, but things were different. She didn't rely on him in quite the same way she had before. Julio figured the Lieutenant was probably right, she didn't trust him anymore. He was a loose canon in her eyes. She would need to know that his suspension and all of the classes had some effect. Even he wasn't really sure about all of that. Julio sighed, he looked up at the Lieutenant again, squinted as he studied him. "How do you know all of that, sir?" The Captain wouldn't have discussed it. It would be too much like breaking the rules. Actually, it was a confidential personnel matter, so it would be exactly like breaking the rules.

Andy rubbed a hand over his hair. "Really, Julio?" He rocked back on his heels. "You know, I can understand it with the others. Provenza is mostly ignoring it, and Amy is… okay, she's Amy," he said with a smirk. "Mike doesn't care, and Buzz doesn't want to know, but I kind of expected better from you." He gave him a pointed look, and finally rolled his eyes. "Not like we're really shouting about it either, I mean, we like having our privacy, but…" They expected the people who were around them the most, who made a living out of being able to figure things like this out, to at least have some basic inkling that they weren't exactly just friends anymore.

Julio stared at him for a moment. "Uh…" He didn't really know what to say. "I was kind of busy. You know, with not being around and trying to not beat the crap out of people anymore. I guess I missed it." He blinked a few times. When he thought about it, it made sense now. They weren't mooning after each other anymore. It was a lot more subtle. Julio shrugged again. "Cool."

"Something like that." Andy made a face at him. "So are you coming or not? We don't have a lot of time here. If Provenza gets my girl drunk, she'll talk. My job is to keep that from happening, and if I don't, because I'm standing here with you, it's my ass and not hers. Don't ask me how that works because I'm still trying to figure it out."

He snorted at him. Julio ran a hand over his head and sighed. "Thanks Lieutenant." He finally nodded. "Alright, I'll come along. Just to keep you out of trouble. You were single for too long. You forgot how this all works. You never let them think they're in charge. They are, but you're not supposed to let them think it… man…" He picked up his keys, but decided he would ride with the Lieutenant. As they left, Julio tilted his head. "Exactly what will she tell us if she gets drunk?" Some of the sparkle was back in his dark eyes. "I mean, how does she feel about tequila…"

Andy groaned. "Dammit Julio…"

MCMCMCMCMCMC

The groan and the shuffle of her slippered feet against the hardwood floor announced her presence. Andy stood at the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in hand. He fought the urge to grin. If he laughed, he was sure that she would shoot him. Instead, he put his cup down and reached for another. He filled it, and waited until she collapsed onto one of the bar stools. Her head hit the surface with a thud. She groaned again. Andy shook his head and carried the coffee over. He sat it nearby.

"How's your head?"

"Oh god. Not so loud." She waved him off, as if that would help. It was only the aroma of the coffee that had her lifting her head again. Sharon stared at it. "What did you do to me last night?"

"Me?" Andy shook his head at her. "Oh no, sweetheart. Not me. That's the one thing you never have to worry about." He felt a little bad for her. She wasn't wearing her glasses and looked like three kinds of hell. He'd managed to pour a bottle of water down her before she fell into bed the night before, but it obviously had nothing on the two margaritas and four rounds of shots the others had managed to talk her in to. He ended up driving her home after all, after Cooper picked up Amy, who was too drunk to meet him anywhere. Buzz had driven Mike and Provenza home, while Julio stayed with him and Sharon. If Provenza thought they'd taken Sharon home first, since Julio's neighborhood was on his way back to where his old Bungalow had been, well, he'd just let him think that. The cat was out of the bag though, at least as far as their dating was concerned. After the first margarita and two shots, she had slipped into calling him honey. That was one way to let it be known, he supposed. He was only joking when he told Julio that she would talk. Sharon never had more than a glass or two of wine, unless she was out with Gavin. Julio and Amy's intentions had only been to get her to have the first shot with them, but then Provenza insisted on a second round, and as Andy knew only too well, after the first couple of drinks, the others came all too easily. He tried to talk her out of the last one, but neither she nor any of the others had been in the mood to listen. That was ultimately the one that had done her in. Andy smiled at the top of her head when she let it drop to lay against the surface of the bar again. "Drink your coffee, you'll feel better," he promised. He put a bottle of aspirin beside it.

She lifted her head, just a couple of inches, and squinted at it. "I think I might love you," she muttered. Sharon reached for it, and after several moments of struggling, she managed to finally remove the lid. She shook a couple of aspirin into her hand and popped them into her mouth, only to chase them with coffee. It burned her tongue, she didn't care. "Please tell me," she asked, "that I didn't do anything embarrassing?"

"Well," Andy grinned crookedly at her, "I would, but you made me swear last night that I wouldn't."

"Oh my god." Her head hit the bar again. "Ouch."

"What happened to her?" Rusty strolled into the room, his bag on his shoulder. He dropped it into a chair before walking over to slide onto a stool beside her. His nose wrinkled. "God, Sharon, you reek." He leaned a bit to one side. "You smell like a brewery. What did you do last night?"

"It's all Julio's fault," she mumbled, without lifting her head again.

Rusty's eyes widened. He looked across the bar at Andy. "Did he get in trouble again?"

"No." He poured another cup of coffee and passed it to the kid. "The team went out last night. There was a little too much tequila involved for some of them. I'm sure Amy is feeling it this morning too, and I've never known Julio to actually have a hangover…"

Sharon lifted her head and made a face at him. "That's not fair." She was certain that even her hair hurt. She picked up her coffee again and sighed. "I should never have agreed to that second shot."

"Really?" Rusty stared at her. "Two shots of tequila did this?" He'd heard the stuff was strong, but come on, he'd heard of people doing five and six shots before being drunk enough to pass out.

"Four, actually." Andy lifted his own cup and took a sip. He leaned against the counter again. "With two margaritas, and there might have been a beer slipped in there at some point. I tried to talk you out of the last one," he said, when she moaned at the number. "I believe your exact words were, get your hands off my drink, or you're sleeping on the sofa."

"Oh no." She covered her face with a hand as her cheeks colored. "Please tell me that I didn't."

"Oh you did." He chuckled quietly. "It's safe to say that while they don't know I'm living here, they probably have the rest figured out." He lifted his cup at her in salute. "Congratulations. We are out of the closet."

When Rusty laughed, Sharon glared at him. "Why is that funny? There is nothing funny about this situation. I am mortified." She sniffed at him. "I can't believe you're still laughing. My own son laughing at my humiliation."

"Nope, the guilt isn't working." Rusty grinned widely at her. "You do the crime," he chirped, far too happily. "Come on, Sharon. It's not like you got naked and danced on a bar." He pointed at Flynn before he could open his mouth. "Don't even go there."

He snorted. "I would have drawn the line there. I don't care how mad she got at me. No public stripping allowed. Dancing on the other hand…" She glared at him next and Andy just smiled back at her. "It's fine. You didn't do anything embarrassing. Outing us was going to happen eventually, so it's not a big deal."

"I appreciate that," she told him, "but I would really rather not have done it while I was too intoxicated to know what was coming out of my mouth." She sighed as she lifted her coffee and slipped off the stool. "I'm going to go and stand in the shower until I can no longer smell the Jose Cuervo seeping out of my pores. You, I adore," she told Rusty, in case he was already gone when she returned. "Even if your laughter is completely inappropriate."

Rusty shook his head. He laughed again as she shuffled out of the room. "She never drinks, how did he get her to do it?" He never considered Sharon's one or two glasses of wine to be drinking, at least, not in the same way his mother drank, or Jack drank, or even Andy had done once upon a time.

"He said please." Andy topped off his coffee and started another pot to brewing. "She still feels bad about being so hard on him, but it had to happen. She's trying, but it's not easy. She has to learn to trust him again. Sharon tries not to play favorites, but it's human nature. Sometimes we just can't help it, and I'm pretty sure, Julio was her favorite." Andy shrugged. "He still is. That's why it's hard."

He thought about that. Rusty nodded, understanding. It was how she felt when she had to be tough with him or one of his siblings. Sharon hated it, but she would do it. She would feel bad about it, but she would stick to it for as long as she had to. "What time did you get in? I didn't hear you."

"Late." Andy leaned his hip against the counter again. "Don't worry about Sharon. I'll pour some coffee and protein down her, she'll be fine." He'd had too many mornings, just like that. He remembered the ritual pretty well. The upside was, she had been able to let go the night before, truly enjoy herself. The truth was, and he wouldn't tell Rusty, but she had only agreed to the second shot after receiving his text that he was home for the night. Only once he was locked up inside the apartment, safe and secure, had Sharon been able to relax. She would be kicking herself later, probably already was, for letting herself get that far gone, but when he really thought about it, Andy felt she had probably needed it. They could be cautious. They could reduce a lot of the risk, but Rusty was right about one thing. They couldn't spend every day of the rest of their lives looking over their shoulders.

"Okay." Rusty drained the last of his coffee. "I need to go, tell Sharon I'll see her tonight if we aren't shooting too late." He laughed again as he retrieved his bag. "Tell me there are pictures?"

"Nope." Andy smirked at him. "Even if there were, I wouldn't show you." It was a team event. What happened at Malone's stayed at Malone's, at least for the most part.

Rusty shook his head as he strode toward the door. "I can't believe you guys had a party without me. Not cool dude, really not cool."

Andy laughed again as the kid left. While Sharon was busy in the shower, Andy got to work on making breakfast. Fresh fruit, eggs, and bacon, he decided, would make her feel more human.

She reappeared while he was setting the table. This time dressed in her short, fluffy bathrobe, with her hair still damp and curling from the shower. She looked better, he decided. She certainly smelled better, but Andy wisely kept that to himself. As she dropped into her usual place at the table, he took her coffee cup and refilled it. "Better?"

Sharon grunted. She nodded quietly and lifted a piece of bacon. Her stomach turned at the idea of eating, but she knew it would make her feel better. She chewed thoughtfully, and when he sat beside her, at the head of the table, Sharon glanced at him. "What exactly did I say about us last night?"

Andy chuckled quietly. He placed her coffee in front of her and lifted his own. "Not a lot. It was less what you said and more what you called me." He watched her nod, easily accepting that. "You might have kissed me."

"Oh god." She covered her face with her hand while her cheeks colored. "I thought you said I didn't do anything embarrassing," she groaned.

"Kissing me is embarrassing?" He grinned crookedly. "Thanks, Sharon. That's great. Really."

She rolled her eyes toward him in a bland look. "It's not funny."

"Oh, it is." He leaned over and kissed her. "When you're feeling better, you'll see the humor in it. It was fine, I promise. You were no more out of control than you would have been if we were out to dinner with Nicole and Dean." She kissed him in front of the kids. "You laughed, you had fun, don't worry about it."

Sharon sighed. "That's not really the part that bothers me. It's the letting myself get that carried away. What if something had happened?" She swept her hair back from her face, tucked it behind her ear. "Even at home, Rusty isn't always completely safe. What was I thinking?" She covered her face again, this time with a sigh.

"You weren't." Andy shrugged. "For once, you really weren't thinking at all, and it's okay." He reached across and slipped his hand into her hair, let his fingers rub the back of her head. "You needed a break, Sharon. Rusty was covered. He has the panic button on his phone," the one item he agreed to in all of this, just in case something did happen while he was out in the world alone. "He also had his security detail watching the building, and you know, small consolation though it was, I was sober all night."

She looked up, into his crooked, boyish smile and sighed. "I know." She laid her hand on his arm and stroked it's length. Even when she wasn't watching Rusty, she knew that he was. He cared, just as much as the rest of her team did, what happened to her boy. Andy also had a personal stake in it. Rusty was family now, and one day, at some point in the future, when they were ready, her boy would probably be his stepson. "I love you," she said quietly. "You were here, I know, I just…" She sighed. "I feel like my entire life has been about keeping Rusty safe these last few years, and just when we could breathe again…"

"All of the air was sucked out." He took her hand, drew it to his lips. "I get it." It was how he felt, when he thought of losing her. "The thing is, it's okay. Rusty is as safe as we can make him without locking him away or putting him in Witness Protection. We're going to catch Stroh. Maybe not this week, or even this year, but he's going to screw up at some point, and we'll have him. In the meantime, Rusty is going to go to school, and he's going to go to work, and he's going to hang out with his friends. He's going to live, because that's what he wants, and it's what he needs, and it's what you taught him. So it's okay if you do the same thing. Have dinner with Gavin, or drinks with your team, and you can forget for a few hours that you're scared for him every second of every day. We're all here, and we've got your back, we've got Rusty's. So live, Sharon."

"I am." She leaned toward him, arms braced on the corner of the table, and let her lips hover against his for just a moment before she kissed him. She was embracing her life where she could, and she was embracing him, and this love that had taken her completely by surprise. They were moving faster than they might have, if not for the darkness hanging over their heads. This was just something that they had both needed, to feel like they were moving forward in a world that seemed to be standing still. "Where did you come from," she murmured.

"I was always here." He grinned against her mouth. "Waiting for you."

She leaned back with a smile. It lit her eyes. He could be so corny. She loved that about him. Sharon shook her head at him, she laughed quietly and reached up to smooth away a single tear. "Andy."

He laughed as he stood. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Eat your breakfast. I'm going to jump into the shower and get ready for work."

"Hm." Sharon tipped her head back so that she could look up at him. She made a face at him, wrinkled her nose. "I think I should call in," she said, just a bit petulantly.

"You're going to work." Andy turned and started toward the hall. "The rest of the team is going to be there, feeling just as bad. You can't call in. Be a good captain and suck it up."

She made another face at his retreating back. "If you loved me," she tried, "you'd let me call in."

He tossed a look back at her. "I do love you, but you're going." Andy continued down the hall, but called back, "You're a whiney brat when you don't feel good."

"You're stubborn all the time," she called after him. Sharon considered the plate in front of her, then she thought about the fact that she was going to actually have to get dressed, do her hair, and put on makeup. She moaned quietly. It was going to be a long day.

Sharon and Andy arrived at the office, somehow managing to make it on time, despite the fact that she was dragging her feet and they'd stopped for coffee on the way. They decided they would retrieve her car on the way home that evening, and since they were outed, arriving together was no longer such a problem.

She strolled into the murder room, a smile on her face, and carrying the drink tray laden with steaming Styrofoam cups. "Good morning everyone."

At his desk, Provenza groaned. He had his head in his hands. "That voice. It grates. Make it stop."

Amy laughed. She sat, bright eyed and smiling widely at her own desk. "Good morning, Captain," she chirped.

"I hate her." Tao turned in his chair. He was still wearing his sunshades. He sniffed, smelled coffee and lifted his brows. "You, I might still like." He held out a hand as the Captain neared.

Sharon handed him the tray and readjusted her purse and jacket. "Believe me, I understand the feeling, Lieutenant. Amy, not so loud."

"Told you." Julio shook his head at her. "Captain, there's breakfast." He nudged the box on his desk. "Trust me, the sugar will help." Like Amy, he wasn't feeling the effect of the drinks he'd had the night before.

"I've already eaten, but thank you. Maybe later." She turned toward her office. "Someone else promised protein would do the trick."

"I just bet he did," Provenza muttered. He lifted his head and glared at them. "Honey."

At her door, Sharon turned and fixed Andy with a look. "Can't I just fire him?" Then she tossed a smirk at the Lieutenant and strode into her office.

"There are going to be words." Provenza pointed a finger at Andy. "Later, when my head is not hurting, and looking at you doesn't make me want to puke. You and I are going to have a very long talk."

"Sure." Andy grinned as he slid out of his jacket and dropped it on the back of his chair. He placed his keys and phone on his desk. "So tell me, how is Patrice these days?"

"Oh shut up." Provenza turned back to his desk and let his head fall back into his hands. Maybe there were some things that they shouldn't discuss. Ever.

Andy chuckled. That was one way to stop him before he even got started. He sat down and leaned back in his chair. With a smirk, he went in for the kill. "You know, we could double one night…"

"The hell we will." Provenza waved a hand at him. "You just keep it over there, and well away from me!"

"If I have to…" Andy shook his head as he started up his computer. He caught Julio's eye and shrugged. They couldn't say he hadn't tried. As he settled in to work, he heard Mike groan again. Andy fought the urge to laugh. It was going to be a long day.