Episode 1, part 2 – Jealousy
Text on-screen: Foaly's Inventions: the proud sponsor of The Adventures Of Artemis Fowl.
Theme music plays. Holly, Butler and Artemis are still in the plane. Holly is sulking in a corner.
HS: (To self) Why, Artemis, did you have to add me on as a second? Am I merely a sidekick to you? (Melodramatic) To assist you in your schemes? (Quiets down, but still emotional) Of course, you have saved Haven numerous times, for which I am grateful. (Sudden outburst) But why am I mentioned second, as an afterthought?!
AF and B look at HS, surprised. AF rushes to her side and takes her hand.
AF: (Concerned) Holly! Whatever is the matter?
HS: (Pained to look at him)Do not enter my gaze, fair one!
AF: (More concerned) Holly, are you not feeling well? Butler, Butler! Come assist our dear friend at once! I fear she may be, (Pauses) delusional!
o
"Hmm," Artemis started, a small smirk on his face, "Everyone always said television was always right."
Holly punched him on the arm lightly and demanded, "Just what are you implying?"
o
Dramatic music. Holly puts one hand to her forehead, as if faint.
HS: D'arvit! I'm afraid I may have, (Removes hand and turns sharply to look at AF) fallen for you.
Gasps from AF, B, F.
AF: Holly, I- I don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed!
o
Back in the real world, Holly and Artemis avoided each others' gazes, clearly uncomfortable. The teen fidgeted with his manicured fingernails, and Holly tugged at the sleeves of her jumpsuit. Juliet took one look at Holly, then at Artemis, before doubling up in renowned laughter. "I think it's rather sweet, don't you Arty?" Angeline Fowl asked her son.
"Artemis and Holly love?" inquired Myles, looking curiously at his older brother.
"Mother! It's not – oh, forget it," he declared, before standing up and trudging out of the room. There was only so much teasing one genius could take. Holly looked after him anxiously and bit her lip.
"Should we go after him?"
"Oh, of course you should, Holly," Juliet told her, grinning madly.
"I'm not – it's not! Oh, forget it!" she said, quoting perfectly without noticing, sitting back down on the couch with her arms crossed, all traces of humour gone from her face. Juliet was still grinning, oblivious to the two's embarrassment, while the rest of the family continued watching the horrible show with.. unnatural interest.
o
AF: Holly, I have to tell you this, I –
AF is caught mid-sentence as the plane lurches. The engines fail.
AF: Oh no! This is terrible! Butler, do something!
B: (Resigned) Artemis, there is little I can do. The plane is crashing.
AF: (Points) No – look out the window! There is nothing wrong with the plane, just that a bird has died on one of the wings. It appears to be a chicken! The plane is no longer even in weight, thus causing us to be unbalanced!
HS: What a genius you are!
o
Holly spluttered and choked while Juliet patted her on the back. "Genius? For figuring out that a bird had died on one of the wings? I would really just have flown out and fixed the stupid problem myself," she said once she could speak, rolling her eyes.
Artemis poked his head around the door. He hadn't really gone up, that would've been cowardly. He hadn't intended on letting his presence be known, but this was getting on his nerves. "'Thus causing us to be unbalanced'? What simpleton do these people take me for? And I am not such a pansy as to ask for Butler's help at every single problem I encounter! He'll tell you himself, right Butler?" Artemis glanced at Butler, before realising the contradiction he had made, "That was a rhetorical question, of course. And also –" Artemis was cut off by the blaring theme song again, marking the end of that episode. He refused to show his relief, but nearly dived to shut the damned television off. Juliet giggled again and received a cold glare from Artemis, but she only shrugged. "But also," he continued, "how did a chicken get onto one of our wings and die?"
"There's still ten minutes of the show left," Holly noticed, puzzled and ignoring Artemis completely.
He, of course didn't take this too well. "I said –"
"We know, we know. Problems, my brother, chickens, dying, whatever," Juliet interrupted, "And, yeah, Holly's right. That's curious."
"Oooh! Maybe there'll be
"Why don't we turn it back on?" Angeline suggested much to Artemis' horror. Now his own family had turned against him! "There might be something else we're missing."
"Oooh! Maybe they've included bloopers!" Juliet declared, lunging for the button on the set before Artemis could reach it.
As the unfittingly chirpy theme song came back on, Holly was left wondering, ".. bloopers..?"
o
Credits on-screen: We would like to thank D. Butler for access to Master Fowl's private aircraft..
o
The rest of the people on the 'thanks' list did not receive their due credit, as all the attention in the room shifted to Butler's sheepish face, then Artemis. If looks could kill, Butler wouldn't just be dead. He'd be dead, torn to shreds and fed to meat-eating turtles. But then again, Artemis probably wouldn't want that.
o
Credits ending: Produced by Foaly's Genius Productions.
The screen changes to a beaming image of Artemis, with a beaming image of Holly next to him. They look unnervingly like the real characters.
Artemis: Hey there, peeps!
Holly: As some of you may know, that wasn't the premiere of The Adventures Of Artemis Fowl – well, it was. To the public.
Artemis: What you probably don't know is who the very first showing was.. shown to!
Holly: Well we're going to tell you just who they are!
Artemis: They're incredibly special people, and we're honoured that they took the time to –
o
"Get on with it!" Holly shrieked. Either she really didn't like that faux-Holly, or she really liked the show and wanted to know. You decide which one you think it is.
o
Artemis: – all thanks to our top-notch publicity!
Holly: And now, we are so happy to present to you a few reviews from the prestigious group of critics who call themselves the "Fairies". What an odd name! But I'm sure you know them. (Wink)
o
Artemis stared. "The Fairies?!"
"Shh!" Holly hissed, "They're coming on!"
o
There is a curiously short person wearing a Mickey Mouse mask on-screen. Beside him is another curiously short person in a Minnie Mouse mask. Beside her is another curiously short person in a Goofy mask. Beside him is another curiously short person in a Donald mask. Beside him is another – I think you get the picture.
"It was amazing – I had no idea how they were able to achieve failure on such a level."
"The characters, though meant to be diverse and appealing, are extremely dislikeable."
"The plot is unique to the point of pure idiocy."
The screen appears to the beaming ArtemisHolly pair.
Artemis: Did you hear that, Holly?!
Holly: Indeed I did!
Artemis: This show has garnered words such as 'amazing' and 'unique' from these though critics!
Holly: Not only that, but it's 'diverse' and 'appealing'. I do believe that we are.
Artemis: And so the people have spoken!
Holly: Thank you so much for your never-ending support and goodbye for now!
The screen goes blank.
o
The group was speechless.
Finally, the silence was broken by a curious Myles. "Daddy, what's eedosie?"
"It means someone isn't as.. gifted with brains as you are."
"Is Artemis eedosie?"
"That!" Holly interjected, lively, "Is a good question!"
"On the other hand, that," Artemis said, gesturing to the television, "was –"
"Sad," Angeline Fowl finished grimly.
Everyone agreed.
an; Life decided to turn around and stab me in the back. It's a little too personal to put up on here, but there will be some more information on my profile. On the other hand;
Many thanks to Schermionie, who gave me the idea of putting in some Fairy criticism. :3
Oh! And also to anonymous, who pointed out that Artemis Senior doesn't know about the People. Let's just pretend he does. XD
And, of course, many thanks to the seven people who have reviewed this so far. C: You are literally the reason why I sat my butt down and extended/edited this to be fit for public eyes.