Chapter II: Mania

For once in her life, old Lady Violet found herself near-speechless. Mr. Robotnik was almost impossible to take seriously, like a comic figure in a Dickens novel.

Cora had other problems on her mind, like the rudeness of her middle child.

"I do wonder where Edith is," she whispered to her husband as the good doctor went on about his greatness. "We've been at table for twenty minutes already!"

Robert shrugged, his face expressionless as he cut his lamb into the tiniest bits. "I can hardly fault her for being absent tonight…"

Robotnik's laugh almost made the room quake. Matthew kept his eyes upon his lamb as Mary sighed as loudly as possible.

"I'm honestly surprised none of you have never heard of me," the man of honor said. "I mean, in the States, I'm regarded as a genius."

"Humility must be a foreign concept to a genius of such magnitude," said Mary in her usual deadpan manner, accessorizing it with a contemptuous grin. She took a sip of wine as she gave him an icy, triumphant stare. The genius bristled a little, but his own smile was quick to return, brighter than ever before.

"And I would suppose the same goes for a paragon of wit such as yourself, dear lady," said Robotnik, leaning back in his seat.

Carson nearly burst a glass in his hand. Robert's jaw dropped. Violet looked damn lethal. Everyone else tried their best to remain civil. Robotnik just flashed his wide, toothy grin as he swirled his wine glass.

The brief bit of glory ended with a literal bang. The entire manor shook as a great crash rang out with the sound of falling bricks and shattering glass. Everyone shrieked save for Robotnik, who looked agitated. He slammed his gloved fist upon the table.

"That damn rat! Spoiling everything-!"

Cora's hands flew to cover her mouth in horror. "Such language!"

"What in God's name is going on here?" shouted Robert. "I will not stand to have this dinner interrupted!"

Just then, a blue blur rushed through the room and an odd creature settled upon the dinner table. Then, the cheesiest thing ever happened.

"The name is Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog!" exclaimed the blue monstrosity. It wagged its index finger.

"What the hell is that demonic rat doing on my table," shouted Robert. "It's positively vulgar!"

"I'm not vulgar!" snapped the creature. "I'm a hedgehog!"

"And you're a dead one!" shouted Eggman, whipping a small remote control from his pocket and pressing the big red button in the middle.

Suddenly, the wall exploded into bits of brick as a gigantic mecha burst onto the scene. The coveted blue emerald shone like a beacon within its steel claws. Mary gasped.

"Not the emerald! How are we to save Downton?!"

Robotnik laughed heartily.

"Ha! It seems the old bucket of bolts accomplished the mission after all! Try beating this, Sonic! Now, smash him into the table, my beautiful mecha!" he exclaimed, pressing one of the buttons on the remote.

Or he would have, if Carson had not tackled him to the now ruined floor, knocking the remote out of his hand.

"How dare you, sir," the old butler shouted, his pudgy face red with fury. "We spent three days planning this dinner! THREE DAYS, SIR! And now you have ruined an otherwise pleasant evening with these shenanigans!"

Violet, who had kept herself seated despite the events at hand, rolled her eyes.

"Now Carson, there's no need to rage on. If anything, the walking pin cushion has saved us from a dull evening of boasting. Boasting and rather mediocre lamb, I am sorry to say…"

"No, grandmamma," shouted Mary as she marched over to where the two men were practically wrestling on the floor. "This man has tried to take the one thing that can save our home and restore our fortunes!" She smashed her foot onto Robotnik's face, emitting a howl of pain from the doctor.

Sonic the Hedgehog stood in bewilderment. No one noticed the blonde young woman rising from the cockpit of the mecha, her bloodshot eyes set on her sole living sister.

Living for now, anyway.

Cora turned and gasped.

"Edith, what are you doing?!"

Cora's cry brought Edith's position to the attention of everyone else in the room and they shared her amazement. Especially Robotnik.

"Wait, how did you get in there? That thing was being remote controlled by me!"

Edith nodded ruefully, her eyes tearful. "I'm not surprised," she said, her tone proof that she had perfected the art of nasal whining. "No one thinks I can do anything. When I get a little attention for nursing soldiers, I only get confused glances, since God forbid it not be Mary. So it comes with little shock to hear that no one in my family ever recognized my skill with robotic weaponry!"

"Two words I loathe," cried Robert. "No daughter of this house will ever be caught dead in such trash! Get down this instant, Edith!"

"Do as your father says, darling," said Cora, eyeing her husband warily. "The last thing we need is to have him in ill health over such a tiny quarrel…"

"Yes, get down now," shouted Mary, her heel near embedded in Robotnik's cheek. "It's like ruining our happiness has become a sport of yours!"

Edith's face and neck proceeded to turn scarlet from all the unkind vibes. "That my family is so discouraging is yet another dull surprise! Well, I'm tired of trying to prove myself to you, for I shall become the most powerful being in the universe! That may not be as wonderful as marriage or writing or being Mary, but nevertheless, you will all bow before me!"

"Holy shit and I thought old Egghead was dangerous," exclaimed Sonic.

A chill swept over the household. Robert seethed with fury. Cora wept as she wondered where she had gone wrong as a mother. Mary rolled her eyes as she attempted to think up a put-down she never used on Edith before. Violet wondered if there was any chance that her chauffer would come to fetch her early.

Robotnik finally threw Carson off of him and yanked Mary's ankle, sending her crumpling to the ground. He dove for the remote, pressing every button he could. When there was no response, he threw the contraption across the room in anger.

"Damn girl! She's disabled my controls!"

The room trembled as Edith began to charge the energy of the emerald into the right arm of the mecha, the cannon targeted squarely at Mary. The older Crawley sister found herself woefully immobile, the doctor's attack having injured her ankle.

Matthew ran forward, spreading his arms wide so as to shield his beloved.

"Edith, don't do this," he cried. "Destroy me if you must have vengeance, but know I cannot live without Mary! I know she can be rude and bossy and entitled-!"

"Tell me how you truly regard me, Matthew Crawley," hissed Mary as she cradled her ankle.

"A-Anyways, I know she is flawed," he said, pulling at his collar. "So please, spare her!"

Edith shook her head, blinking back tears with the subtlety of a bad stage actress.

"Oh Matthew, you were one of the few people in my life who never regarded me with contempt. But this chaos-charge cannon will likely blow the entire house up, not just Mary. I am sorry, but it's the only way to do this revenge business properly. I will be sure to name a summer palace or something like that in your honor when I rule all."

"Oh God, here she goes, raving on like a tragic Shakespearean hero to be pitied," remarked Mary, her voice not betraying the immense pain in her ankle. Edith screamed in rage. The hedgehog stepped forward, rubbing the back of his neck in obvious discomfort.

"This is kinda awkward," he said. "But seeing as I'm a good guy through and through, I'll need to stop you- AHHH!"

The hedgehog, so famed for his speed, barely registered the mecha's swatting him through the roof and into the atmosphere. Robotnik grew pale. Just then, Orbot and Thomas rushed onto the scene. The young servant skidded to a halt about five feet away from Robert. His breaths were shaky as he attempted to compose himself.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner, my lord, but it seems our guests have been attempting to rob the household."

"No shit, Thomas," said Mary, now sprawled upon the ground.

Robert ran over to Robotnik and grasped him by the shoulders. "Please, you've brought this nonsense upon us. As a gentleman, you must make it right!"

The doctor frowned as he drew himself up straight. "I'm sorry, my good man. But as much as I hate to admit it, that hedgehog was our only hope of stopping Eerie Edna up there."

"EDITH!" cried the Edna in question.

"Oh shut up," snapped Mary. She had started using one of her long gloves as a bandage around her damaged heel.

"So there's nothing we can do," screamed Robert.

Robotnik shrugged. "Nope. Trust me, I wish I could help. Being destroyed by a jealous young lady in another dimension is not the way I wanted to go."

"Because being defeated by an electric blue rodent over and over was a preferable fate," stated Orbot. Robotnik attempted to kick the robot, but missed, landing upon his back.

"Well, I assure you no one is more embarrassed than I," interjected Mary. She held a hand out to Matthew, who quickly rushed to her side and helped his beloved to her feet. "I suppose I should try to have some dignity now that there is no hope."

A voice from the back of the group pierced the ensuing silence.

"Not yet, my dear," said Violet. "Not when you have power of your own."