Somebody else wrote something like this so I wanted to write it where you could hear Damon's voice and the level of usual snark in it. I hope I did what I wanted. Enjoy!
My name is Damon Salvatore and this is my story.
I was human once, a long time ago. I was happy with my brother, friends; it was different time and place than it is now. But everything changed when my brother and I fell in love with the same girl, Katherine Pierce. At first we didn't know she was a vampire. Didn't know her real name was Katerina Petrova. But I found out, and wanted to spend eternity with her so she manipulated me into drinking her blood. Truthfully she really wanted Stefan and I was just a hotter, added bonus. When Katherine was rounded up with all the vampires in our town, she faked her death and left us, and we became vampires. I spent a century waiting for Katherine. While Stefan became a ripper, and we learned just how many times she compelled us. Of course I was in love with her, I didn't care. But Stefan never forgave her. There was a time when I thought I should of died instead of being a vampire, I was wrong. I wanted to live for Katherine, but I learned to live for myself. So it was easy getting over the manipulative little bitch, didn't mean she didn't still find ways to hurt me whenever she had the chance.
I came back to Mystic Falls, the town my brother and I grew up in, to unlock the tomb because I thought Katherine had been in it this entire time. Turns out she wasn't and we'd gotten tricked into letting older, meaner, stronger vampires out. Bad move. Reckless. After a long time of letting Stefan run around after Katherine's doppelganger Elena Gilbert, I realized I was in love with her as well. When I first met her, before Stefan even knew I was back in Mystic Falls, it was strange because she looked exactly like Katherine, so I knew why my brother fell in love with her. But joke's on him because she fell in love with me. She was and still is an amazing person who would do anything to save her loved ones. I was a totally different person then, I was a terrible person. But last I checked I was still a vampire and it is in my nature to kill people. I enjoyed it and not it's just that. I was terrible to everyone, except her. Mostly cause I didn't want to be nice to anyone. What was the point? Sure I made a few human friends. But they were as bad at making friends as I was.
The night that Elena realized she was in love with me, she became a vampire. But the problem was she was sired to me, I didn't knew it at first. It involved blood-sharing, and using my blood to turn her. At some point Elena broke up with my brother. We were together but I found out about her being sired to me. At that time I felt really weak, because I thought her love for me was just because of that stupid sire bond. Just when I managed to find strength to make her forget me and go live her life, she proved she loves me. So I didn't tell her to do a thing. But then her brother died (who eventually came back like he does every time) and she lost it, she was devastated, it was painful even looking at her in that stage. So I did what I had to, I used sire bond to make her turn off her humanity. Little tip; don't ask someone you've sired to turn off their humanity if they don't have anyone to pull them back. They always need an anchor. And Elena's died when we were trying to find the cure so we could all be human again, find Jesus and find a solid reason to stay sober. So when Elena turned it off, she didn't want to see me or Stefan. When she got her humanity back we were happy. She proved again and again that she loved me, and after a hundred and seventy four years, I finally got the girl. Elena was happy for the whole summer after that, because of me.
But then the inevitable happened. Some new bad guys dropped into Mystic Falls and tried to turn our town into a magic-free zone. Never liked one of those Travelers, never will. So in order to save everyone, I blew up the one spot where the Travelers would be. I was planning on going alone, but Elena came with me, and when we died, Bonnie brought her back and I didn't. After a long time when I managed to come back to the living, with Bon's help, when I thought that my girlfriend will wait for me, I found out my best friend made her forget that she ever loved me, because she asked him to do it. I didn't know what to do. So I was trying to win her back, at any way I could. But she was happy. She had as close to a human life as she could with the present circumstances and me being in the mix again would ruin it. So I let her go. But she came back, again. She gave a speech when she did, knowing only about half of the times she had come back to me gave her enough foreknowledge to see something I couldn't. We were meant to be together. Stefan was her doppelganger soulmate, and that's why they were together so long, but somehow the universe's plans got ripped to pieces and someone wrote a new story, where only some got happy endings. So me and Elena started dating again. Bonnie gave me the cure to vampirism; she said that I could do whatever I want with it. The one thing Elena wanted, maybe more than a future with me. I didn't want to give it to her because I knew what it would do to our relationship. I was so scared of losing her. But my mother, who came back from the dead (long story), gave it to her. Elena took the cure after I told her I'd take it with her because I love her more than anything and I would do anything for her. That beautiful little potion gave my girl her memories back. She was Elena with new memories, old ones, and the same woman I've loved for eight years. Elena knowing all that she did, she made me think not once, not twice, but six thousand times before I decided to take the cure and die with her.
Luckily I'm not as stupid as I look, I wanted to be with her and this time I proved how much I loved her. The scales need to be balanced again at some point, right? When we were supposed to finally be happy, the psycho Kai who was trapped with me n Bon bon in a prison world for the summer, killed my best friend's fiancé and his two kids, tried to kill Bonnie again, and put my girlfriend in an eternal sleep. He bonded her to Bonnie and as long as Bonnie is alive Elena will be sleeping. So now, I am alone again. My fiancé, my soulmate is lying in coffin and I'm just sitting around even though she asked me not to be, waiting for her to wake up. I mean, I tried to suggest desiccation but wouldn't you know it, Elena tipped the scales again. She wanted me to be happy, told me to be. But I can't be happy without Elena. Not now, not ever. So these next 60 years are gonna go by about as fast as watching grass grow. But I'll stay alive long enough to take that cure and be with my girl.
I could go into a lot more detail, but I don't have the time.