Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the Mimic, and Moegi the Japanese Beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.
U/N: And now, a word from our sp- Wait, that doesn't seem right...
Lunasa: What, now that you took my money away, you tried to get in on the action yourself? Despicable.
U/N: But we don't even have any sponsors... ...Save for crazy Reimu's discount donations! Do you want to donate, but don't thi- Wait, what am I saying?
Lunasa: Hrm. A discount donation? That seems like a rather poor choice by the Hakurei. She'd pay more for you to speak about it than... Hrm. I wonder. Are you possessed, or has your mind been played with? Give me a moment, and I will... extricate an answer.
U/N: Do you enjoy Konpaku Fried ChinChin? Well we have we a deal f- Wait, that one made even less sense! Ahh! Cold hand!
Lunasa: Ah, quit being such a crybaby. My hand isn't groping your temporal lobe that harshly. But there is something here, just what is it...
U/N: I can't... feel the... left side of my body. I have to... talk like an actor... for some reason.
Lunasa: Hmm... Apologies, I accidentally place my hand between the nerve endings. Should be better now. But there's someone in here. Let me just extract the nuisance...
U/N: If you kill me, I'll-
Lunasa: Damned cretin on a stick, if you don't come out I'll... Good, got it. ...Hello, sister.
Merlin: Greetings, sister! Have you decided to assist me in the glorious revolution that I am beginning in Usagi's head?
Lunasa: ...Glorious revolution. By using her head as a metaphorical megaphone for various inane advertisements?
Merlin: Indeed! Can you not imagine the glory of a revolution onset by Izayoi Padding and Upholstery?
Lunasa: Did you steal some of my coffee?
Merlin: ...Maybe.After all, you did have to give it all aw-
Lunasa: Shut up about that.
U/N: Ahh, that reminds me, did you enjoy that wish~? Or maybe the lesson in friendship you learned, because of it?
Lunasa: Yes, can't you tell by the thrill that is in my voice? Why, I imagined that I would bleed after spending so much time...
Merlin: You mean you didn't enjoy the eggplant?
U/N: ...Eggplant?
Lunasa: Not when we are playing scrabble, and you attempt to feed me the pieces!
Merlin: But the pieces were made of eggplant! And they were delicious!
Lunasa: It doesn't help when you're about to win the game and you stuff my pieces down my throat.
U/N: ...Well, as those two seem to be busy, I think I'll start talking to myself, as though people actually watch this show! ...Seriously, our ratings are pretty darn bad. We are on a channel that pays people to watch we are so unpopular! Anywho, ignoring the odds of me having a bit of lingering insanity in my noggin, how is everyone! ...You don't say... Now, I know that people were confused, if those little people in the mail box that scream compliments and complaints at us can be believed, so I'll be clearing that up a bit. ...Maybe... Or maybe I'll just confuse you more? Anyways, Sakuya is from Luminous Beginnings' work, so she's a bit... different from mine. A total sadist, and probably a murderer, at that!
Merlin: Oh, she's not a sadist. She's just a poor little girl who likes to stab people. A lot. With knives. Just like how sister her likes to stab our ears with the shriek of her violin!
Lunasa: ...Sister, do you control yourself. I'd rather not be getting further on the bad side of a girl who has figured out how to stab ghosts.Not that I can do anything against her. When I use my powers, she gets excited, like the freaky dog that she is.
Merlin: That's why I love to play with her! She has such a wonderful look on her face. As if she's eaten a few wheels of cheese.
U/N: Wait, did you say "Izayoi Padding and Upholstery" awhile back? Big sis Remi's going to be mad that you know about that...
Merlin: Yup yup! Then she'll go after the other version of me, thinking that it was her! Isn't it grand setting vampires on your dimensional twins?
Lunasa: For a certain definition of grand, perhaps. But do you have any reason for setting loose a youkai on Usagi's Merlin?
Merlin: I fail to see any need for this thing called 'a reason'.
Lunasa: Shall we hurry this up before my head aches any more than it already does? I'm already suffering from caffeine withdrawals. Do remember that it is your fault.
U/N: Ahh, that's right... As I'm sure only the two of us know, I do need to say one more, very important thing! In DoP, it's currently... I think it was October 12th, 2011? Anywho, in this fanfic, it's summer of 2012, much like KKYEC. Ohh, and if these acronyms confuse you, simply look at my list of stories. Ohh, and I only know the exact date because the full moon was the day before~ I'm not insane in that way, you know...
Lunasa: Sometimes, one does wonder. But enough of this. I'll leave Merlin in your care as thanks for all of your help with the cretin. Do have a lovely day.
Merlin: So, shall we join and continue our glorious revolution? Or am I going to have fun~?
U/N: Uhh, okay. So, Merlin... what sort of things do you do for fun?
Merlin: Oh, lots of stuff! Such as making people vomit in technicolor while spinning, making radio sets sputter weird noises and evil laughter. I'm really good at evil laughter. Oh, and subliminal messaging is always fun to do... I still make my sister pour laxative in her coffee that way, sometimes. I thought about having people bathe, then turn all the water to blood, but that's my niece's schtick!
U/N: Uhh... H-how about we do things that I find fun, and see if you enjoy them...?
Merlin: I suppose that might be alright... Ooh, one idea real quick. We can play chestburster! I can hide in you, and when you're talking to someone...
U/N: Ohh! That does sound like fun! Alright, let's do that! I even have a target in mind...
The next hour drug on as he walked alone, the sun low in the sky and nearly blinding the view. It was rather unfortunate that Youkai Mountain did not obstruct the view of the burning orb. Rather, it was merely framed by it. At the very least, it allowed him to easily spot its visage, and press onwards towards it.
His trek was momentarily stopped by a forest that had sprouted up between his location, and that of the mountain. Eyes casing from side to side and looking for an alternate path, he spotted none. With a sigh, Earl began to walk closer to the forest.
As he did, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. Whether by some manner of lower instinct triggering, or prescience gained by being stabbed and killed, he felt the presence of another nearby. Knowing that it was most likely a youkai considering if he would make a good meal, he shook his head and pressed forward into the forest proper.
Walking through the shaded forest floor, he felt the presence recede slightly. Whatever it was, it seemed to have disappeared. However, a voice on the wind seemed to carry past his ears, causing him to worry again.
"What a good smell… It's almost intoxicating~"
Hearing the voice, he cast his eyes upward, debating if it would be worth it to head back the way he came and find a spot to bunker down. However, observing the orange rays peeking through the treetops, he shook his head. "Damned if I go, damned if I go back." Turning towards the dark heart of the forest, he sighed. "In for a pence, in for a pound."
Continuing to walk again, Earl began to glance at the trees, attempting to find his mysterious and invisible companion. "I know you are there, so you might as well know that I'm heading in."
Again, nothing responded immediately, until the wind carried in another voice. "I wonder what human tastes like…"
Slowly making his way through the forest, he began to run into some trees. Unfortunately, the man did not have the fortune to be born a youkai, and as such had incredibly bad night vision in comparison. As he hit his foot on the fifth exposed root, he began to fume slightly, before hearing something else impact a tree.
Standing still, he tried to look around, attempting to spot whom might be following him. However, he did not have any dice to roll and attempt to spot, and thus failed. As his futile search continued, he heard the impact again, followed by a sniffing voice. "Jeez… I wish I could see…." Another sniff, sounding almost like a little girl crying, sounded out. "I smell you though, meal. I'll find you soon enou-" Suddenly, whoever it was running around slammed headlong into a tree, causing a rather disgustingly wet cracking sound. "Mah nozshe!"
Internal little instincts kicking in, Earl turned towards the source of the sound, slowly feeling his way towards the commotion. "Hello there? Are you ok?" Making his way along, he bumped into a few more trees in the complete darkness. Eventually, though, his foot caught on something softer than wood, and he tripped onto the ground.
"Bah… that's gonna leave a mark. But are you alright there?"
The dark figure, which he could barely see, seemed to stare at him incredulously. "Oww! W-why would you come towards the voice of someone who wants to eat you? Idiot…" With that declaration, she lashes out at him. With a closed fist, and with all the ferocity of a little girl.
Wondering if this was some sort of strange joke being pulled by a stranger person, Earl decided to play up the attack, just in case. Rubbing his arm tenderly, he countered by saying, "I might be a bit of a aka, but it wouldn't exactly be right of me to ignore you if you did hurt yourself. …That is, if you want some help at least. Or could you perhaps tell me your name?"
The voice responded, completely ignorant of his attempts to ham things up. "Don't have one."
Tilting his head, he watched the darkness carefully. "Really? That is interesting…" A thought struck him all of a sudden. "Would you want me to give you… No. That wouldn't be right of me to do." Shaking his thought away, he leaned forward and touched her arm lightly, trying to get her attention. "But do you need help, little miss?"
However, his hand on her arm seemed to burn, and the figure slapped at him. As if she was trying to beat him to death. With a paper napkin. "What do you think you're doing, you letch‽" As she cried out, she skittered away a few paces, but still stayed relatively near.
Hands jumping into the air automatically, even if she couldn't see them, Earl tried to apologize. "Sorry! I'm not trying to do anything like that at all. Trust me." Glancing around, he stood up, and began to make a motion to move away. "I just wanted to help, since it sounded like you hurt yourself a fair bit. But if you want me to just go…"
With a frustrated growl, the voice seemed to shuffle about, pouting slightly. "Fine then… I'll forgive you. It's too damn dark, and you're a human, so it's not like it's your fault."
"Probably."
Smiling slightly, he settles in against a nearby tree, before speaking to the voice. "Alright, thank you. And it is dark… makes me wish that I could use some magic." A reminder popping in his head that this was a youkai of some sort, he continued. "You did imply that you weren't human."
The voice was quiet again, before answering, "I've got just a bit… All of us have that much, at least."
"I was just curious. Didn't know if you wanted to make a light." With a slight grin crossing his face, he said, "That way, you could check and make sure that I'm not too bad of a person. And if you want, I can check and see if your nose is better." Tilting his head curiously, he asked, "Or has it already healed? I know some youkai are… quicker than humans in that regard."
The little youkai snorted in response. "Don't overestimate us, human. I'm no great youkai. I can heal a bit faster, but not that fast… A-anyways, I don't know how to make lights. It's not like I'm some sort of magician."
Wry grin covering his face, Earl said, "I know not to assume too much, but I'd rather be overestimating than underestimating, to be honest." Glancing back down at her, the look of curiosity covered his face again. Not that anyone could see it. "But now that you mention it… May I ask what you are? That is, if you don't mind me doing as such."
Hesitating momentarily, the man could imagine that the voice seemed to be blushing slightly. "I'm just a little pixie of spring…" The voice trailed off, shrinking into nothingness.
"Don't believe I've ever met a youkai like that before." While his stay in Gensokyo had been cut abruptly short by the dog in the Scarlet Devil Mansion, he had managed to learn a bit about the various youkai species. But that was not one of them. However, a more pressing thought cut off his musings. "You hesitated in saying it… Is there something wrong about being a pixie?"
By now, he could nearly feel the heat radiating off the pixie, even if he still could not see her. "I didn't want to become a pixie. I just didn't do what Lily told me to. And since she's the Herald of Spring, and I disobeyed her, I was turned into… this." He could imagine by this point that she was gesturing to himself, but he still could not see her. Next time, he should really bring some dice. "After that happened, I began to… hunger, for human flesh. And no matter what I do, it just wont' go away." Heaving a sigh, the pixie seemingly slumped to the ground, dejected with the world at large.
Having not heard much about Lily the White, he blinked before saying, "Whoah, whoah, hang on. You were a fairy before this? And now, she made you into a… flesh-eating creature? Why in the world would she even do such a thing?"
Before he got a response, another, more horrible thought popped into his head. "And… have you eaten someone already? Or were you planning to…" As much as he wouldn't have minded seeing Eiki again, especially in light of what he was told, he gagged at the thought of becoming someone's, or something's, meal.
Unfortunately, though, she provided the answer he least wanted to hear. "I've yet to actually feed. And now, I just had the perfect chance to strike outside the forest when you weren't paying attention, yet… I-I couldn't bring myself to! I don't want to hurt anybody, or eat them, I just wanted to play!" She began to sniff again, her voice becoming watery and thick with tears. "
"I want to go home!"
The cry for home was shouted loud and clear through the trees, with a volume that something as small as he imagined she was should be incapable of. As the voice echoed, the trees began stirring, as a multitude of creatures began moving about. A sense of dread began to fill his stomach.
Immediately moving closer to the pixie, who was momentarily oblivious to his movements, he whispered, "Shh little one, I understand. That fairy messed with your head when she did that to you." Feeling more confident than he was, he continued speaking as the rustling became louder. "We'll just make her take it back won't we? But little pixie, I don't suppose you know a way out? Because if those youkai find me…"
Granted, this was all pointed out to the creature that had just minutes before attempted to eat him. That was one of the times that he was glad that he had grown up treating charisma as his primary stat. High diplomacy and persuasion, and an enemy became an ally in face of another enemy. The only bad thing was that were a lot of other enemies now. And they all wanted to eat him.
Interrupting his recollection, the pixie replied, voice shaking. "N-no. I a-always just run when-"
A growl from behind the two cut the pixie off, causing her to shriek. Without thinking, Earl reached out and grabbed the pixie around the wrist, beginning to run as quickly as possible from the growl. "Dammit! No time little pixie, come on!"
In his fear, the man was able to weave through the trees as best he could, fairy in tow. Where before he could not see them in the slightest, he was now able to perceive them slightly. Keeping his mind from bothering to explore that oddity while attempting to egress at top speed from a rather hungry predator, he managed to make his way past the next copse of trees.
The chase continued in the same vein for a few minutes, but Earl began to tire. His lungs burning at the sudden exertion, with naught to show for it as the presence that was looming behind him, eager and willing to feast upon his bones, was growing closer and closer. A thought flashed through his mind, suggesting that he leave the pixie behind. The youkai that was chasing the two would perhaps stop and take the slower meal as it attempted to regain its bearings, and he would be able to run more quickly. Not to mention that she had attempted to eat him in the first place.
However, the little sister instinct proved too much for him, and he immediately cast the idea out of his head. He attempted to rationalize that the youkai probably would prefer a human's flesh over that of a pixie, and would continue to pursue him. Summoning up some hidden reserves, his heart began to beat as if it was an iron machine, speeding up further.
Thus, they continued for another fair bit, fleeing through the forest. However, Earl's body began to feel weaker and heavy, and he can't help but to slow down, iron heart surging forward or no. Mentally, he reviewed his situation with what faculties remained. The youkai couldn't be outrun unless it wants to be outrun, and only sheer force of will is continuing to carry him forward. The rest of his head, unable to make a coherent thought, is pounding, vision swimming before him.
It is then that Earl realizes that there is no sound following him at all. No footsteps, no nothing. Mind ignoring the fact that his own feet were making no sounds, he slows all the way to a stop. Breathing deeply with his hands on his knees, he attempts to calm his beating heart as black spots meet the edge of his vision.
"Ok… I think… that we may… have lost… it…" With an incredibly weak cry of joy, he turned about and moved towards the pixie in an attempt to hug her. Eyes widening at the lack of contact with anything soft, he begins to glance around, checking every nook and cranny for the girl.
"Wait… pixie? Little… pixie? Where did… you go?" Completely exhausted, he collapsed onto the ground, only able to listen lest he completely cast himself to the darkness of unconsciousness.
For a minute or so, silence reigns o'er the night, letting the man catch his breath. Still exhausted from his sprint, he barely notices over the sound of his huffing the fall of little feet growing louder and louder. Finally realizing that something was coming his way, he quieted himself, in the off chance that it was something wicked.
For the first time fortune seemed to smile upon him, as the pixie's voice broke the quiet. "The jerk…. If he was going to run with me, he could have at least not drug me through the mud. I think he broke my left wing! Damnable jerk…" As her voice fell into a variety show of muttering, inanities, profanity, and growling, Earl mused that fortune may instead be screwing him over one.
Before the mental image could be carried further than is necessary, she began to speak coherently once more. "Cretin of a jerk! I knew I should have just tried to eat him! …Even if every time I've attempted to eat someone, the girls kill me and the boys do strange things with a gun made of meat…" She stomps onto the ground, sending a puff of leaves into the air. Not that they could be seen. No dice had yet to be found. "I hate humans! They might as well all go straight to Rumia, for all I care."
Listening into her tirade, Earl found himself mouthing the words she was speaking. "Weird… gun made of meat?" Horror dawned on him as he realized her words. "Wait a minute, that means… Oh no." His eyes widened at shock at the epiphany. But they also widened because he realized he had spoken loud enough to hear. And the pixie did not seem to be in the mood for pleasantries, tea, and crumpets.
As the air stilled, he decided to bite the bullet. "Sorry about that Miss Pixie. I didn't mean to be hurting you. I was just trying to help you get away…"
In the middle of his apology, she seemed to have located from where he was speaking. "You!" Zeroing in on his location, she dove forward, a snarl gracing her lips. "I'll kill you, you bastard!" Footsteps pounded on the ground, growing louder and louder as she approached.
When she suddenly found herself kissing a tree once again.
Hearing the slumped form of her body hitting the ground, Earl waited calmly for a few seconds, before glancing about. "So, Miss Pixie? Are you… awake?" No reply forthcoming, he sighed and stood up, shaking slightly due to his fatigue. He looked away and through the night, wondering if he should simply leave her be. After all, she'll simply respawn if she dies, correct? No harm, no foul.
"…I can't just leave her here. She's hurt because of me." He paused momentarily, arguing with his sense of logic. "Except for her nose; that's her own fault. Still though…" Knotting his brow, he thought the question over for a bit longer before giving a grand sigh. Little sister instinct had beaten logic once again. "I can take her with me. It shouldn't be too hard… And if I do run across civilization, I can get her some treatment."
Gingerly, he leaned down, scooping the pixie up in his arms. Taking great care with the feathery wings, he moved her in his arms until she rested comfortable. His front and arms now smeared with mud, he began to slowly mosey on along, pixie in his arms like a newly wed bride.
The next hour passes by in blissful silence, as whatever youkai might have been awakened by the pixie's cry seem to have fallen back into slumber. That, or they perhaps were out prowling another part of the forest, or munching on some other kill they had made. Earl tried not to think about it too hard.
The running that he had indulged in earlier had indeed proven rather fortuitous, showing that fate did not solely intend to use the man as a butt monkey. While it had taken him completely off course, it did deposit near to the far side of the forest. Walking out into the moonlit night, he casts his eyes about, searching for a landmark in the now bright night.
It takes him a few seconds to realize that he is staring at the base of Youkai Mountain, rising above the land in its brown, plain glory. Glancing about, he sees nothing else of note on the mountainside. No houses, no shelters, no kappa lurking to steal his shirikodama. The only thing that stands out among the tall grass and waving trees is a field far in the distance. Squinting his eyes, he attempts to see what is in the field, but is only able to tell that it is yellow. Somehow. Perhaps fate took pity and decided to roll the dice for him.
Mentally marking off spot from his checklist, he begins trudging towards the mountain. Looking down at the mud-covered pixie in the dark, he begins to explain his plans to her, even if she couldn't hear him. It is always cathartic to speak to a living being, after all. "I suppose tomorrow, we can head towards that field. The tengu probably wouldn't like us coming up their mountain, even if we mean no harm. And the kappa…" Shivering at the thought of what they would do, he continued. "Anyways. Still, that looked like a field of corn, or wheat… So perhaps the Aki's would be able to help you?"
Waiting a few moments for an answer, but receiving nothing but her breathing in response, he shook his head. "I suppose we will find out tomorrow. But I'll find us a place to rest. And then, I'm going to just keel over and sleep until noon tomorrow." Chuckling weakly, he shook his head. "If you don't decide to kill me, that is."
Oddly amused by his own rather morbid humor, he walks further around the base of the mountain as the moon silently watches the two. After a long while, he spots a small crack in the side of the mountain. Somehow, looking at it, he knew it would lead to a cave that he would be able to bunk down in, and that a youkai wouldn't be able to find it. Even though youkai have better eyesight than humans, in general. Not questioning the voice in his head, due to his fatigue more than anything, he trudged towards the cave.
"Not that I could go on, anyways. Limbs just feel like… jello. Springy jello. But what flavor…" In his state, he idly wondered that if he licked his arms, would he taste like jello. Ignoring the thought, he made his way into the cave.
Taking care to not go too far in, and lose all light, he set the pixie down on the stone floor. Glancing towards the other side of the cave, his body weak from exertion, he started to move. However, as he glanced once more at the pixie, he shook his head. "I shouldn't let her be laying on the hard rock…" With a hum of thought, he removes the shirt, mud caked and cracking, and folded it up so that the pixie could use it as a pillow. Sliding it under her head, he waited to make sure that she was breathing alright before turning his back to her.
Earl made his way to the far side of the cave, as far as he could get from the pixie without letting her out of his sight. With one gimlet eye checking on her, he curled up on the floor, giving a sigh of relief. It may have been extremely uncomfortable, but after the abuse he put his body through, any relief was fine. Closing his eyes, he whispered softly to the night, "Good night, Miss Pixie. Hope you'll feel better in the morning. And less murderous."
As he drifted off, some part of him swore that a voice on the wind replied to him.
Lunasa: I really do hate eggplant...