Here we go. I'm just coming up with mostly random ideas for these. They will be a lot shorter than my usual chapters, because they cover far less material. Like I said, these are snap-shots of the goings on between the Faculty. The side of Beacon you never get to see because it doesn't directly involve team RWBY.

The frightening life… of an employee!

Chapter 1 – Collateral Damage

"Why are we doing this again?" Jaune asked with a dreary sigh as he looked at the badly damaged building in front of them, windows smashed and door hanging onto one hinge by a thread. Sure this was a particularly rough part of the city of Vale, but the damage was well-beyond what might have been expected.

"I suppose that would be because the Headmaster didn't want to deal with this himself." Glynda sighed as she used two fingers to push her glasses further up her nose. She held her crop in her other hand, keeping it drawn in case there was any danger.

"Well yeah, that went without saying." The Headmaster was after all, a very busy man, or so he had assured them as he backed out of the staffroom, waving goodbye to them. None of them had been fooled, although the moment's hesitation had given Oobleck the chance to declare some lessons he needed to plan and flee.

When he and Glynda had turned to Port, it was to find nothing but a chair with an empty mug resting on it.

The bastard.

"Let's get this over with." Glynda stepped forward and tried to push the door open, wincing slightly as it fell off the remaining hinge and clattered to the floor.

The interior of the building was no better. Shattered glass columns stood with jagged edges, while suited men used brooms to clear dangerous glass shards from the floor. Meanwhile a tall scaffolding system looked to be arranged in the centre of what was once a dance floor, with a few workers looking at a hole in the ceiling.

Glynda ignored it all, leading the two of them to what once might have resembled a bar, but for the large broken gaps in it. A man stood behind one of the longer still-standing sections, dressed in an immaculate black and white shirt and waist-coat combo. A single red tie at his neck.

"Glad to see the illustrious Beacon Academy could send someone down here." He drawled. "I'd offer you a drink but…" He gestured sarcastically at what remained of the selection.

"Hei Xiong?" The real Professor queried, getting a gruff nod from the man. "I understand you filed a damage report against Beacon Academy?"

A damage report against the academy, Glynda had explained the theory behind it to him en route. Combat schools like Signal and Beacon taught students how to defend themselves against the Grimm. They took children as young as eleven, unlocked superpowers within them, gave them weapons capable of mass-destruction… and then taught them how to use them.

Most eleven year olds kids that didn't get their way would rant and rave at the unfairness of life.

Hunter children however? Well… that was what damage reports were for… And it only got worse as they got older. Throw in alcohol and a night club like this?

Let's just say there's a good reason Beacon had a no-alcohol policy on its grounds.

"I did. Damn student of yours completely wrecked the place. Attacked me too, and some of my boys." He looked unhurt, possibly aura, possibly medical treatment. Though there was hardly any denying his claim about the place being wrecked.

"Could you describe this student for me, or name them if you're able?" Glynda pulled out a notepad from one of her pockets, along with a pen.

"Yeah. She had blonde hair, really long, dressed in a brown jacket with a mini-skirt and boots. Used two yellow wrist-mounted guns and martial arts. Pale skin, purple eyes that could turn red too."

"I've never heard of a girl that matches this description." Glynda apologised.

"Oh you mean Yang Xiao-Lo-I mean nope. Never heard of her." Jaune replied at the exact same moment.

To her credit Glynda didn't even flinch as the man cocked an eyebrow. Jaune would have offered some form of apology, but was quickly distracted as a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind.

"Well hello there." An accented voice greeted, as a pale face aligned on his right shoulder. "You here with the broad?"

"Ah- yeah." Jaune replied nervously at the girl, whose face was so close to his own. Another weight settled on his other shoulder, as an almost identical face, bar for some make-up differences, rested there.

"You work at Beacon then?"

"I'm a teacher there." He acknowledged, feeling a little uncertain on where he was supposed to put his hands, considering they had grabbed an arm each. The safest option seemed to be complete and utter paralysis, so he went with that.

"Oh wow, Melanie he must be really strong." Rightie cooed.

"Ooh, you're right Miltia." Leftie replied. "There's something a big, strong hunter like you could help us with."

"Uhh… Yeah?" Well they were supposed to help sort the issue out, weren't they? Maybe he should go give them a hand lifting some of the broken things while Glynda sorted the details out.

Clearly he wasn't helping her in that regard.

"I guess I could help." He condemned himself, smiling weakly when the two girls let out pleased cheers.

"Come on then Professor…" Melanie (or was it Miltia?) urged.

"Yeah, the work we need doing is in our room."

"Your room?" What had Yang been up to that she had trashed not only the entire dance floor, but also these girls' rooms? Then again, this was Yang Xiao-Long they were talking about… so the normal rules of logic didn't really apply.

"Oh yeah, it's something that needs a man's touch." The one dressed in dark red grinned as she started to drag him towards a backdoor, a moment before they all froze.

Literally.

The two girls let go of his arms, even as he began to slowly levitate a foot off the floor, and be pulled away from them.

"I'll thank you to release my m-support teacher." Miss Goodwitch seethed, one hand adjusting her glasses in a manner Jaune had long-since come to realise meant she was not in the best of moods.

"Hey you old biddy, I thought you and Hei were going to work out details?" One of the girls, the red one, complained. He could see her muscles twitching as she strained against the invisible bonds holding her still.

"Yeah, us kids should get out of your way and let the old people talk, right?" The one in the white dress negotiated, standing unnaturally still.

"Old person . . . biddy. . ." Glynda whispered. The words only just audible to Jaune, who did his best not to flinch from his unusual position in mid-air. "I can assure you, I can cause more damage here than Miss Xiao-Long ever could."

"You mean the girl you've never heard of?" Hei Xiong supplied, leaning back on his ruined bar and crossing his arms.

". . ."

"I'm getting the feeling you're a little annoyed with me Glynda." Jaune sighed, as the two of them made their way back into Beacon Academy. The woman in front of him refused to answer, face pointing away from him as she led them down corridors. A few students stopped to stare as they passed, but otherwise didn't dare comment.

Not when she had that face on anyway.

"I have no idea where you're getting that opinion from Mr Arc."

"Well…" Jaune started uncertainly. "Part of me thinks it's the twitching above your eye… another part of me wonders if it's the way you've ignored my attempts to apologise for the last twenty minutes."

He then pulled a deadpan expression as the woman turned to face him. His eyes tried to focus on the upside down woman, but struggled to do so.

"But most of me thinks it has something to do with the fact that you've been carrying me upside down from Vale all the way to Beacon."

Which for the record, was a twenty minute round trip, the entirety of which he had spent locked ram-rod straight vertically upside down, even on the Bullhead!

"I think my blood is rushing to my head as well." He reported, dizziness beginning to set in.

"Maybe that will help you to think with the correct head." The woman mumbled inaudibly.

"What? I can't hear anything past the rushing of my brain." Jaune shouted loudly.

"I said `Nonsense Mr Arc, it's all a coincidence.`"

Poor Jaune, you should know your place.

So as you can see, these side-stories will be slightly more parody based than the main story, which is realistically a romcom. While the omakes on the main story will be utter slap-stick.

It's a fine balance between three layers. The main plot: Professor Arc. The side-stories, which are canon but unrelated to the plot. And the Omakes, which are completely non-canon and over the top humour.

Omake:

Ozpin's eyes snapped open, vision rushing into his mind as he looked around a room he could not remember.

"Where am I?" He rasped, voice weak from lack of use. His brain felt fuzzy, his memory like a heavy lead weight in his skull. He could remember his name… but little else. He was… a hunter, wasn't he? He'd graduated… yes. A team, friends.

Come to me.

"Who's there?" He gasped, climbing to his feet as he looked around the strange room. He was dressed in an unusual green suit he had never seen before. This room… filled with opulence and strange decorations.

This was not the room he remembered as his own.

Come to me.

That voice again… whispering directly into his mind. Promising. Demanding.

He could feel the static in his mind, a keening wail that threatened to push him under, but he fought through it. He was a hunter, a proud warrior. He would not give in.

He needed to orient himself, this was no prison cell. He would find his way out, figure out where he was, and go… home?

Why did it feel like he hadn't been home in so long?

I will comfort you.

His eyes darted around the room. He was alone. The words, that voice, nothing more than his imagination. Perhaps the desk in the centre of the room would offer some indication as to his location… yes. He should investigate.

Papers, books, scrolls. Nothing of real use, but enough to tell him this was an office of some kind. The only thing that sat on the desk otherwise was a cane… his cane. His weapon. Good. Another sign he was not a captive.

And also an undecorated white mug of steaming coffee.

Drink me Ozpin.

Yes… he was thirsty, wasn't he? And his throat hurt so badly, perhaps a drink was what he needed. And yet… something felt wrong with that thought. Some lingering doubt.

Don't think Ozpin, drink…

He could think on it later, right now his body needed sustenance and there was no point trying to figure out where he was on an empty stomach. His hand gripped the mug, though the muscles in his arms shivered. Somewhere, his mind seemed to scream in agony, almost in fear.

You're thirsty Ozpin.

He was thirsty though. Perhaps it would be easier to think after this.

The mug rose to his lips, touching them as he tipped his head back. From the corner of his eye, a lone tear rolled down his face, followed by another. A moment later, and the ambrosia was gone. The empty mug clicking down on the mahogany desk as he straightened his shirt.

"Much better." He replied easily, picking up his reports as he prepared for another day as the Headmaster of Beacon Academy.

Trapped inside his mind. The real Ozpin could only scream.

0.o – Holy crap – That was kinda dark.

Finally we know who the true ruler of Beacon Academy is! All hail!