Disclaimer: Same as before. Except for the lemon, no lemon this time.

Sins of a Solider

By: Rogue Amazon Boo

"There never was a good war, or a bad peace."

Benjamin Franklin – Poor Richard's Almanac

Kaname Chidori stood by her bedroom window and gazed across the expanse at the apartment building where Sousuke lived. She had just put on her pajamas and had been getting ready to go to bed, when she felt herself drawn to the light glowing brightly from his window.

There was a full moon tonight and it bathed everything in a soft white haze, dispelling the usual shadows.

"Sousuke," she whispered and sighed.

He'd been acting strangely lately and she was concerned about him. She rolled her shoulders, working the kinks out, and rested her forehead against the glass. She could see his shadow pass by ever so often and knew that he was still awake.

She had stopped herself hourly from going over there and demanding that he tell her what was wrong, but then she remembered what had happened at school earlier today.

Kaname walked through the halls of Jindai High School lost in thought. Around her chaos ensued. The Rugby team stuffed a helpless nerd into a locker, Mizuki stood with a gaggle of boys flirting shamelessly, and in the distance the science club was engaged in a verbal sparring match with the photography club in yet another dispute about the lack of club space on school grounds.

The only thing missing were the random explosions usually provided by her military manic. She chanced a glance back at Sousuke and found that he was staring straight ahead, ignoring the things going on around him.

Usually by now, he would have disabled the rugby team, probably dropped a smoke grenade to dispatch the loitering, horny boys in the hall, and would have started citing various treatises to try and mediate the dispute between the two clubs. The fact that he hadn't done any of those things surprisingly disturbed her.

Kaname bit her lip and looked away when he met her eyes. Come to think of it, Sousuke hadn't had an otaku moment all week, not since he'd returned from his last mission. She should be thrilled, but instead she was worried.

He looked terrible. His normally intense eyes looked bruised and dead from lack of sleep and his spine had lost some of the starch that defined his posture.

She glanced at him again and noticed that his uniform shirt was mis-buttoned. If she knew anything about her bodyguard it was that Sousuke was always impeccable put together. Clothes ironed and starched, pleats razor sharp, and shirts buttoned and tucked in accordance to regulation.

It had nothing to do with vanity, but was ingrained in him the same way his pavlovian response to following direct orders was.

"Is something the matter, Miss Chidori?"

She jumped a bit when he spoke and dropped back so that they were walking side by side, their shoulders brushing occasionally. She wasn't one to beat around the bush, so she asked, perhaps a bit more harshly than she should have.

"Yeah there is. What's your damage, Sousuke? You've been weird since you got back."

His ridged posture went even stiffer. He looked away and surveyed the hall.

"I assure you Miss Chidori there is nothing that will prevent me from fulfilling my duty in protecting you. It is not a problem."

Kaname's temper flared. "Yes Sousuke, it is a problem. You haven't blown anything up, threatened anyone, or generally behaved like the crazy otaku you are for almost a week!"

He shrugged and the laconic gesture enraged her more. "It should please you that I have not done any of those things. Do they not exasperate you?"

"Of course they do," she growled. "But that doesn't mean…ugh! I swear you are so annoying!"

Usually when she got mad at him like this he would look at her like a kicked puppy and apologize. He did neither this time.

"Miss Chidori as I said, it is not a problem. Let it go." It was an order. She blinked at him in surprise and her hand tightened on her harisen, but before she could raise it and hit him, he walked away.

"You…you…" She was apoplectic with rage. He ignored her. Kaname watched him go, her mouth gapping like a landed fish.

She shook herself back to the present. Sousuke never ignored her, even on those days when she really, really wanted him to disappear and pretend she didn't exist. She frowned. Now that her anger had cooled she thought back on their conversation. He hadn't denied that there was something wrong with him, he'd simply told her it wouldn't interfere with his duty and wasn't a problem.

She looked across the street again. His light was still on. Making a decision she slipped her feet into her slippers, left her apartment, looked both ways, and crossed the road.

It was time for some answers.

Sousuke was pushing his body up and down, the muscles of his forearms and back contracting as he counted off his push-ups.

"247, 248, 249, 250…"

He continued counting trying to banish his latest dream to the recesses of his mind where it was hopefully dissipate for a time, but no such luck. He would have scowled darkly if he was the type to do so. As he counted the tormenting visions danced behind his eyelids and he pushed himself harder.

"256, 257, 258, 259, 260…"

"Dammit Kurz I told you not to come back for me! That was a direct order Sergeant!"

Kurz's normally playful features were hard and determined as he strained to shift the broken metal beam that was pinning Melissa down. She screamed and he cursed as blood started to flow more freely. She was injured dammit and they needed to get her out of here, right the fuck now!

"Sousuke a little help!"

Sousuke gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the voices in his head.

"263, 264, 265, 266, 267…"

The young Mirthril solider ran up to his friend and comrade and made a quick scan of the area. His commanding officer was trapped in her Arm Slave and their enemies could be on them at any moment.

"This place is not secure. We need to go." Kurz turned on him and spat.

"No way, not without Mao."

"Baka, I told you to fucking leave me! The microchip is too fucking important!" Webber glared at her.

"Stow it, sis. You can beat my ass later, but we are not leaving you." He turned to Sousuke. "Help me." The young solider nodded once and both men put their weight into the metal. It squealed and moved half an inch.

"Dammit, we need leverage. I'll grab that branch, stay here." Sousuke nodded again.

Melissa screamed. "You stupid moron! Damn you Kurz, if I get out of here alive I fucking swear to Christ, the virgin Mary, all the apostles, and the saints that I'm gonna stick my boot so far up you arse that…"

A quick movement by Sousuke startled her and she shut up. The young solider had pivoted and pointed his weapon into the trees, he'd been the only one to see the flash of light.

"270, 271, 272, 273, 274…"

The sniper met Sousuke eyes, and by the trajectory he could see that they barrel was aimed right at the top of the Sargent Major's head. He was going to kill her. He saw the sniper's knuckle tighten, and Sousuke fired…

The sweat was dripping now and his arms were shaking, but he didn't stop, couldn't stop. He just wanted to drop were he was in exhaustion, so he wouldn't remember what came next.

...the sniper fell from the tree and hit the ground, dead. Slowly and cautiously the young solider started towards his fallen prey…

A loud insistent knock at the door interrupted him. Frowning he pushed himself to his feet, grabbed his pistol, and flattened himself on the wall beside the door.

"Who is it?"

An annoyed huff. "It's Kaname you baka, open the door."

"Password please."

"Sousuke," she growled in warning. He was not to be deterred.

"I can not allow you to enter without the password. How else am I to know for certain that you are, indeed, Miss Chidori."

"Because you know my voice, idiot!"

"Password," he said, flatly.

"Urgh…fine. Bonta-kun."

He lowered his weapon and opened the door. Kaname was poised to beat him with her harisen, but she froze in mid-swing.

"S-Sousuke…what happened to you?"

He was drenched in sweat and his hair was plastered to his forehead. The dark circles under his slate eyes were more pronounced, making him look like someone had punched him in the face repeatedly, and his normally dark complexion was pale. He was swaying on his feet and he looked like he could barely stand.

He straightened as much as he could and said. "Was there something you needed Miss Chidori?"

She narrowed her eyes and pushed her way passed him, grabbing his wrist and dragging him with her.

She startled him. "K-Kaname…what are you…" He didn't finish his sentence. She'd dragged him over to the sofa and pushed him down. He sat with an oomph and she sat down right in front of him on the coffee table. She crossed her arms.

"Now that we're comfortable, we are going to sit here until you tell me what is going on with you?"

He looked away from her and stared at the wall. His face revealed nothing.

"There is nothing that will hinder my duty, it is not a problem."

She leaned in and placed her hands on his thighs. He jerked in surprise and met her brown gaze. She tightened her hands and her nails dug into his legs. He winced.

"I didn't ask you if anything hindered your duty. I asked you what's wrong with you, Sousuke. You're obviously not sleeping and you're not acting like yourself. So, tell me already…you're freaking driving me insane!"

The young sergeant could be just as stubborn as Kaname when it came to certain things, like her protection, and he wasn't about to tell her why he hadn't been sleeping. In a way Sousuke saw his silence as simply another form of protecting her, and if there was one thing in this world that he took deadly seriously, it was keeping Kaname safe.

Agitated, but not showing it, he moved to get up so he could walk away from her. She wasn't having any of it. In a move so quick it would have made him proud, if he'd been in his normal frame of mind, she shifted until she was sitting on his legs and straddling his waist. Normally, she would have been tomato red with embarrassment, especially since she was on his lap, but she had more important fish to fry right now.

Sousuke froze.

"K-Kaname, please…what do you think you're…"

She bopped him on the head.

"Quiet. You're going to answer my questions if I have to pin you to this couch all night!"

He twisted, but she responded by tightening her thighs and grabbing his shoulders hard. He winced. She growled and poked him in the chest.

"And don't you dare use some crazy otaku move to throw me off! I want answers and I want them now!"

Sousuke was sweating again, but this time it was from nerves and that funny feeling he always got in his stomach when she got to close to him. The only parts of her body in contact with his were her legs and hands, but she was so close he could see the different hues of amber, russet, gold, and chocolate that made up the swirls in her eyes.

He realized something, looking into those hypnotic orbs. She was serious about her threat. With something that would be seen as simply a lessoning of tension in someone else, but for Sousuke was a defeated sigh, he relented.

"I can not tell you much for a great deal of the information is classified."

Her eyes softened, and her features turned from annoyed to receptive in the blink of a second, once she realized he was going to give her what she wanted.

"Tell me what you can." He nodded curtly, and his gaze returned to the wall beyond her. He knew couldn't look into her eyes and be able to tell her what had happened.

"Sgt Major Mao, Sgt. Webber, and myself were dispatched to an island whose location I can not reveal, to you to retrieve a…something of great importance for Mithril. The mission ran smoothly and we were approaching the extraction point when we we're ambushed. Both the Sgt Major's and Sgt Webber's Arm Slaves were damaged. Sgt. Webber ejected and detonated his Arm Slave, but the Sgt Major had become trapped in hers.

She'd taken a blast and one of the support beams had pinned her and another had driven clean through her shoulder. She told us to leave her, but Sgt. Webber refused to do so. We attempted to free her from the damaged Arm Slave. During this operation I saw a glint of metal in one of the trees. There was an enemy sniper there and he had the Sgt. Major in his sights. I followed my training and fired center mass. The sniper was killed."

Kaname frowned in puzzlement. That scenario sounded pretty much par for the course for a Mithril operation. There was something he wasn't telling her.

"Was Melissa hurt badly?"

"Negative. We were able to free the Sgt. Major and make it to the extraction point on time."

Her frown deepened and she gently put her hand on his cheek and forced him to meet her eyes. Reluctantly he turned.

"What aren't you telling me, Sousuke?"

He tried to look away again, but she caught his chin firmly.

"Tell me," she whispered and gasped when she watched pain, remorse, and shame flitter through those fathomless depths, before turning to stone once more.

"T-The s-sniper. He turned out to be a ten year old boy. I…"

He hated that he was shaken by the fact that the enemy was a child. After all, when he'd first started fighting he had only been two years younger than the boy he'd killed, and he knew that no one he'd ever fought against would have regretted putting a bullet in his skull. It still didn't stop the boy's face from haunting him.

But it shouldn't be. He shouldn't have cared. The child would have killed Mao without hesitation or remorse. He had done his duty.

So why wouldn't his enemy's ghost leave him alone?

Kaname had gone very still and he could see her expressive eyes fill with horror, incomprehension, and to his immense surprise, compassion. He'd thought she'd be disgusted by him.

"Oh Sousuke," she whispered, and to his further shock she suddenly leaned forward and pulled him into a tight hug. He found himself powerless to stop his arms from coming up and holding on to her warmth, while she tucked her head against his chest. He rested his chin atop the crown of her silky hair and he felt her sigh.

Something bubbled up deep inside him, something foreign, frightening, and glorious.

A single tear rolled down his cheek, and then another, and another. The leak of moisture didn't last long, but for Sousuke it was as close as he'd ever come to bawling his eyes out like a baby. He instinctively tightened his hold on Kaname and whispered.

"Kaname…am I a monster?"

She felt tears prick her own eyes and she snuggled closer.

"Would you have killed him if you'd known he was only a boy?"

He struggled internally with that question. All his life an enemy was simply an enemy. You either killed them or they killed you, but now? He was honest enough with himself to realize that something had started to change in him, and it had started to change the moment he met Kaname Chidori.

"He would have killed Sgt. Major Mao. Even if I'd known I would have had to kill him…but I…" Regret it deeply, far more deeply than I ever thought possible.

She didn't say anything and for some reason he felt compelled to continue.

"I-I've killed before, Kaname and I'll do it again when I have too…but I've never taken pleasure out of it…I've never…."

She shut her eyes tightly and held on to him. She'd known Sousuke had killed people, even though she didn't like to think about it too much. Sometimes it was so much easier seeing him as the crazy military nut who blew up his locker because he didn't understand the concept of a love letter, but then there were those other times…times like now when she was forced to see the other side of Sousuke…the darker side.

It was this side that made her hesitate to let him know that she lo-cared for him, in more than a friendly way. She wasn't all together sure if she could handle it. Was he a monster? No…no she didn't see him that way. How could she when she'd seen how deeply he cared for those around him, and how hard he would fight for what he believed to be right.

She sighed deeply. He was such a complex boy, and really, she wouldn't have him any other way. She gently pushed out of his arms and he reluctantly released her. He was looking at her as if he expected her to be disgusted by him, so she gave him a soft, reassuring smile. She was still smiling when she stood up and tugged at his fingers.

"Come on." Confused he allowed himself to be led. When she pulled him into his bedroom he became even more puzzled.

"Kaname?" She didn't say anything as she went to his night stand and pulled out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. She tossed them to him.

"Change out of those soaked clothes." She turned her back and although he was still wondering what she was up to, he complied. When he was done, she turned around, grabbed his hand again, and pulled him towards the bed. She knelt down on the mattress and tugged his fingers to get him to join her.

He tried to pull his hand free, but she tightened her grip.

"Kaname, what are you? Why?" She pulled once more and this time he came. She smiled as she nestled him under the covers with her and snuggled against him. He stiffened and she giggled.

"Relax Sousuke, we're just sleeping. You need to get some sleep or you're gonna drop dead."

"But Kaname this is highly inappor…"

She cut him off with a light tap to his forehead.

"Shut it baka, and go to sleep. I'm tired." She snuggled deeper into him with a sigh, and in moments her breathing had turned steady and she was fast asleep. Sousuke felt his own eyelids fluttering but fought them.

Besides he usually slept under his bed and he felt highly exposed on the mattress, especially with Kaname using him as a pillow.

The last few nights, however, had taken their toll on the young solider, and despite all his training he felt his eyelids drooping. Still, he marveled. She was sleeping against him so peacefully and willingly. That kind of trust…was humbling. Soon, however, the warmth and comfort of Kaname's arms was too much to fight against, especially in his weakened state, and fell asleep.

There was peace.

He didn't dream.

Fin