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The First Month, The Fourth Day; Haven
Mother said I should write everyday. I said I'll try. I asked why Fendrel doesn't write in a diary, and she only gave me a look. I see nothing wrong with the question...
But I saw her! I finally saw her! The Herald! She... She is not what I imagined. From all the stories I've been hearing around from the oher refugees, they told me she was a Circle mage - a human noble from the Free Marches. A Marcher! I wonder if she met Hawke? Kirkwall is in the Free Marches, maybe... Maybe she did? I hope. Hawke's holding in high places in Kirkwall. A woman from the Lothering! One of the high people! I applaud my pride for my small, damned village. We get to high places eventually. Hawke did. Anyways, the Herald, she... She's tall. Mighty tall (Fendrel says I'm just shorter, that blasted man). She has this long, deep black hair and bright eyes that glitter. Glitter! They sparkle like snowfall, and her gaze was just as cold.
When I thought of a Circle Mage, I always thought of someone who looked like the Grand Enchanter. You know, with the long classic robes and the kept hair? The Herald... Well... She's rather stylish. She dresses in nicer things, but not like the Orlesian sort. Functional, I suppose, with leather and cotton in the layers. I saw her hand glow green at times, green as the Breach in the sky. She could close the rifts too, Fendrel told me (the apostate elf he's been talking to know a lot of things, apparently his name is Solas) her powers are more than any mage could only imagine. Scary. I'm frightened of the Herald, yet people seem to admire her.
Fendrel's eyes have been wandering. I've been watching that blasted man for a good long time. He's got his eyes on her buttocks! Right there, eyes glued like they've got sticky ends. I remember it so clearly. He has no shame - that no good bastard. I blushed for his cause, my cheeks all red and itchy, embarrassed for his bones. I looked at the Herald for a moment, then at those buttocks that Fendrel's been taken with so much. They were curved nice and round, swaying wherever she walked. I could see why Fendrel's got himself fixed - even I, for the shame of me, have been staring there for the time I had. I shook my head away. What in Maker's Earth was I doing? She's a woman, just like me, and I should never be looking.
Mother likes to distract me when I watch the Herald, keeping me busy with all the chores she could find. Father's been helping the apothecary with his brews (my father knew some brews), and Fendrel's off being Fendrel. That leaves me alone with all the responsibility, everything that Fendrel and my father escaped from - I do it, unfortunately. But when I can, I watch the Herald when she's out and about talking to everyone. Like me, she would sit hours talking to Varric, talking about everything that I wish I knew. Varric seems to be unafraid of her, bold and comfortable even though she's a mage. I wonder how he does it, how he becomes so fearless of magic. Fearless of her.
Despite the strong face she has, the Herald seems approachable, but it doesn't mean I would go on and talk to her. She still frightens me, but Fendrel said she's quite friendly. Of course, that bloke would go and try to talk to the Herald without fear - that's how he gets his bruises from those blokes who would box his ears! He would go off, talking to everyone and uncaring about all the people that were out to eat him alive. He's making me worried. But the Herald never done a thing to harm him.
Oh, but you know something saucy? Sometimes when I check the stables and feed the horses for Master Dennet, I see the Herald talk to Seeker Pentaghast (not the friendly kind of sort, you could see things boil hot miles away), and then I see Commander Cullen sliding a glance through the narrow aisles of camp tents. It was a curious glance, but I swear to Andraste he was looking at her - looking at the Herald, silently and to himself. I wonder what he thinks of her. I hear he was a templar at Kirkwall, and fought alongside Hawke against his own Knight-Commander. A brave man, but he's still a templar. Templars contain mages, and I wonder how's it like working together on equal footing with someone with something you used to contain. How weird.
I bet you, he stares at her buttocks too. I fancy the thought of the Commander being a perverted sort, it just seems his kind of work. The training area for the army's scarce of women like the Herald. She's just got the form for it. Damned nobles.
Fendrel returned with a blood lotus. He says they were for me. Was that really a kind gesture? I can't help but think he's tricking me. Mother says he was being sweet and nice. Sweet? Fendrel? Maker preserve me. He's plotting something, and that smirk of his is not fooling me.
Ah! I saw it again. He glanced at her. I can't help but think that Commander is a sly bit of shy. I wonder if he's as frightened of her as I am, or if he's secretly plotting to kill her! Anything is possible. Like how the Grand Enchanter apparently approached the Herald asking for help when they're already tied to Redcliffe. It's a murky story, but I swore to everyone who asked me of Redcliffe that the mages were all under Tevinter hold for as long as I can remember. Even Varric couldn't believe me (ironically, especially with the liar that he was), because everyone who went to Val Royeaux with the Herald the week before we came swore that they saw the Grand Enchanter offer them an alliance.
I say that's impossible. Why would they do that when they're already with Tevinter? Weird.
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