A/N: Hey Y'all! So here's chapter two..kinda emotional so be prepared. Enjoy!

'Cause no one, no one lives forever
But we will be remembered
For what we do right now

I woke up in a cold sweat that morning. I'd had another dream, and this time I remembered it. It was about Dally, and Johnny.

We were at the lot last night, the night Dally almost got himself killed. Except for this time, I didn't stop him. I couldn't. I couldn't move, just sit and watch. He pulled out his gun. Johnny was there too. He was yelling at Dallas, but he was dead and Dally couldn't hear him. He was hitting Dally as hard as he could, grabbing the gun and trying to rip it out of his hands. But nothing moved. He was sobbing, pleading with Dally to stop.

The ring of gunfire was echoing through the lot. I jumped, but Dally was on the ground, blood raging out of him.

Once I was finally released from the spell I was under, I ran over to Dally, begging him not to die. I was alone. The gang wasn't there. Where were they? Why weren't they here? I though vaguely. Blood was pouring out of the three holes in Dally's chest. I was sobbing into him, trying to find a way to save him, getting covered in deep crimson. My friend's face contorted into a pained smirk. "Aww, stop your fussin', kid. You don't need me. None of ya do. You'll get over me soon enough. Get tough, kid. Nothin' can touch you." Those were the last words of the infamous Dallas Winston. His eyes rolled back in his head as he went limp in my arms. An anguished sob escaped my lips as I fell onto my friend's body. "You're wrong, Dallas. I need you. More than you know." I whispered.

Someone's foot connected with my shoulder, pushing me off of Dal and onto the concrete behind me. Johnny stared down at me with a menacing look plainly on his face. "It's all your fault Pony! All your fault! You were standing there! You could've stopped him! You could've stopped everything. If you hadn't have run away from Darry, I wouldn't have had to kill Bob, and we wouldn't have had to run away, we wouldn't have saved those kids, wouldn't have seen it happen, I wouldn't have died, and Dally wouldn't have just gotten himself killed! It's all your fault! All of it!" He screamed at me, getting closer to me with each sentence. I was cringing away from him, like the scared puppy that he always used to be.

He bent down to Dally's body and swiftly pulled his switch out of our friend's waistband, where he kept all his weapons. Flicking it out he started towards me slowly. "Two down, one to go."

I was woken up by shaking, it was Soda. "Pony! Pony! Wake up!" He was shouting. I jolted up and immediately started sobbing. Soda gathered me in his arms and just held my trembling body. "Shhh, Ponyboy. It was just a dream. You're okay, Little buddy, you're okay." He shushed me.

"It's all my fault, Soda! It all leads back to me! I got Johnny killed! And Dally killed!" I was shouting.

He stopped me, pushing me away from him gently to look at my face. "Wait, wait, hold on Pony! Dally isn't dead. You saved him remember. You tackled him! He would be dead if it wasn't for you. He's fine." Soda told me, looking at me quizzically.

I shook my head. "No. He's dead. I watched him die! I just stood there and let him get shot! He died in my arms! I let him die." I shouted, my hands tangling and tearing at my bleached hair.

Darry came and sat down next to us on the bed and grabbed my face, making me look into his concerned eyes. "Ponyboy, that was a dream; Dally's fine. It's okay. Just calm down." He rubbed my head and pulled me to him. I tried to get my tears to slow, realizing they were right. They wouldn't lie to me about something like that.

"It wasn't a dream, Darry, it was a nightmare. The worst nightmare I've ever had." I paused and stared at my hands, remembering it. I sniffled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand, avoiding eye contact with my brothers. "It was last night, only, I couldn't move to stop Dally. Johnny was there, too, but I was the only one who could see him. And you guys weren't there. And then," I choked back tears. "and then, he got shot by the fuzz after he pulled out his heater. I tried to stop the bleeding, but it was too much. He died in my arms, and there was nothing I could do about it. And, and then Johnny pushed me back and started yelling at me about how it was all my fault and he pulled out Dal's switch and came after me. And-and, well, he's right. It is all my fault. If I wouldn't have run away that night, Johnny wouldn't have killed Bob and we wouldn't have had to run, and we wouldn't have even seen those kids in the church, and Johnny wouldn't be dead right now, and Dally wouldn't be in jail, and everything would be how it should be! It's all my fault!" I explained, not being able to hold back many more tears.

I had pulled away from my brothers and escaped the bed, standing in the doorway of the room Soda and I shared. They exchanged a brief look before looking back at me with nothing but worry and fear in their eyes. Darry stood up and reached out slightly towards them. "Ponyboy," He left it hanging, not sure of what to say.

I backed up into the kitchen. "No! Darry! Just stop! Just...leave me alone, okay? Just give me some time to myself, Alright? I'll be back in a little while; I gotta get some air." I said, finally beginning to get a grip. Without waiting for a reply I grabbed my leather jacket and slipped on my Converse and walked out the door.

I took a deep breath of the humid Oklahoma air as I ran down the steps. Once I decided I was far enough away and that neither of my brothers were following me I started walking.

The entire world looked different to me know that I had lost my best friend, and frankly, myself along with him. Absentmindedly, I wound up in the lot. Pain coursed through me once I realized I was sitting in the same spot Johnny and I used to lay around and stare at the stars. I took a deep breath and lit up one of the Kools I kept in the pocket of my jacket. It made me feel a little better, but there was an emptiness inside me that couldn't be cured.

Images of Johnny flashed through my head like headlights. Him laughing and smiling with and at me. Him being relaxed, staring at the sun rising. Then I saw pictures of him after he faced off with his old man. After the Soc's attacked him that one day. The terrified look on his face when he told me he'd killed Bob. The determination in his eyes as he saved the kids from the fire, and the longing for his suffering to end, but yearning to stay with me in his face the night he died in front of me.

I laid back on the grass and tried to choke back all my tears. If anyone found me like this, I'd be done for. Greasers don't cry. It's a fact of life. Though, I guess I'd never really fit that mold anyways. I hated the different classes and the separation of the town. That's the true cause of all this. If those dumb, big-headed Socs had a lick of understanding or human compassion towards us, none of this would have happened. Though, they'd never see that. Never see that I lost my best friend because of them. They'd only see that they lost Bob, nothing else. I knew they'd want revenge. The Rumble wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Johnny was right when he said it wouldn't change a thing. The Socs would come hunting, particularly for me.

Part of me wished they would get me. Take me out of my misery and let me be with my best friend again. Just end this agonizing pain that is going to eat me away.

Before I can fantasize that thought Sodapop plops down next to me. He pulls his knees up, wrapping his strong arms around them and resting his chin on his knees. His gold hair shines in the sunlight, making him look like he shouldn't even be from this earth. His expression is pained, but I could tell he was trying to hide it.

We sat in silence for a minute or two before he broke the ice. "What happened back there, Ponyboy? You're really freaking me and Dare out." He asked softly, continuing to stare off into the distance.

Sitting up, I took a long drag from my cigarette. "I told you, Soda. Just a bad dream." I answered staring at my shoes.

He turned his head to look at me finally. "Ponyboy, I know that ain't all that's eating you. You've had nightmares ever since Mom and Dad died, but you've never freaked out like that. What is it, Pone? I'm just tryin' to understand." He said.

"You can't understand, Soda! You just don't get it. I could've done more to keep it from happening. I shouldn't have stayed out so late that night. I shouldn't have run from Darry. I shouldn't have convinced Johnny to run away with me. I was the one who ran into the church in the first place. If it hadn't been for me, none of this would happen. I got my best friend killed, Soda! He's dead because of me! I have to live wiht that now! His life was in my hands and I just threw it away! I watched him die! I should've been the one in the hospital! Johnny didn't do anything! He killed that Soc to save me! It wasn't his fault! So why did he get killed! It just isn't fair, Soda! He shouldn't have had to die! He didn't have to die! But he did, and it isn't right, Soda!" I broke into hysterics, tears raging out of me as the realness of this situation set in.

Soda seemed to understand that I wasn't angry and just gathered me in his arms. "I miss him too, Pone, I do. He was like a little brother to me. Every time he'd come over all beat to heck, boy was I mad as ever. I loved him, too. We all did. But no matter what hand we had in the situation, we can't go around pointing fingers, especially at ourselves. And you know if he were here, hearing you say all these things, he'd deny it, and not only because he's your best friend, but because it's true. He chose to run away with you. He chose to go into that church with you. It's not your fault. We were the only thing he had to live for. If it wasn't for us, this would probably have happened a long time ago. He'd be long gone from this Hell of a life. His parent didn't give a hoot about him. We'll everntually be able to move on from him. It'll be hard, but we've been down this path before, Pony. We can do it. But, if it were you who died instead, it would have torn apart the last shred of hope in Darry and I. We would've fallen apart, causing the gang to fall apart. Johnny wanted to escape this life he was living. He was okay with dying. He'd died a hero, Pone. He's happier now. He's with the only people who've ever been like parents to him. Mom and Dad'll take good care of him, Pony. He'll be okay. He might be truly happy for once. You have to believe that, Ponyboy. It's not your fault." He said to me.

I knew he was right. I knew he was; so why didn't I feel better? Not being able to form any words to say, I simply nodded.

He sat there holding me while I got the tears out of my system in silence. Soon the full light of the sun was on us, making it start to feel like I was melting. Soda seemed to feel the same way. "C'mon, Pone, let's get home. If we wait too much longer, Darry'll have paced a trench into the kitchen floor. Then maybe we'll go see ol' Dally. How about that?" He asked with that typical Sodapop smile.

I nodded and we both stood up and began towards our house. Wiping off my face, a though crossed my mind. "Soda? What made you wake me up?" I asked, curiously.

He sighed as the memory passed through his mind. He looked almost pained as he though about it. "You were mumbling about how it was all your fault. It started as a whisper, but then you got louder and louder 'till you were practically screaming bloody murder. I shook you, but you wouldn't wake up. You had me scared nearly to death. I finally had to shout for Darry." He said, with a worried look in his eyes.

Neither of us said anything as we walked the rest of the way. "Ponyboy," Darry said when we walked in, but I didn't let him finish. "Darry, I'll be fine. I just need time, I guess. Don't worry about me." I said simply, avoiding his eyes, not letting him see that I didn't even believe my own words. The hole in my heart would always be there; always be holding me back. I'd never be that same stupid little fourteen year old kid I was before I ran. I'd seen things and experienced things I never should have. That kind of thing changes you.

Darry looked behind me at Soda with a pleading look in his eyes. After a brief moment, I walked to the living room and flipped on the t.v., desperately trying to find something to distract me from this pain.

I heard Soda and Darry quietly conversing in the kitchen, no doubt about me. Pulling my knees up and hugging them on the couch, I got lost in my thoughts. That is, until Soda sat down beside me and simply put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I laid down and put my head in his lap. He stroked my hair for a minute or two, and that's when I saw my book of Robert Frost poems on the floor across the room. Stay gold, Ponyboy. Johnny's last words rang through my head. "I miss him, Soda." I nearly whispered.

"Yeah, Pony, I miss him too." Soda said. Nothing else needed to be said. Our company was enough, for now.

Soda sat with me, petting my hair until Darry came in. "C'mon. Breakfast is ready." He said. He had been super careful with how he said and did things around me ever since Johnny and I had returned. It was nice, but made me feel pitied. I almost said something to him about it-it just wasn't normal-but I decided against it. He was struggling too. He was the one who caused me to run. I knew he felt guilty, but he shouldn't feel guilty. It was my fault. No! It wasn't my fault. It wasn't me. Johnny made decisions on his own. I kept repeating Soda's words in my mind through breakfast. Trying to convince myself that they were true.

We were all too hungry to say anything while eating. Darry and Soda were stuffing their faces with eggs and chocolate cake, like normal, but I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. I guess there was another reason we weren't talking. None of us trusted ourselves, particularly me, to speak about it. An, we all wanted to hurry and go see Dally. We all finished and immediately went to get ready. Soda and I put grease in our hair while Darry shaved. We got dressed and headed to the car as soon as we could. We drove to the jail quickly, but not quite speeding. Darry was too responsible for that. There was an unspoken uneasiness in the car. Everyone was worried about how I would react, how Dally would react, and what to say. There was no way to tell, and no right answers.

'Cause we're all just kids
Who grew up way too fast
Yeah the good die young
But the great will always last

A/N: So what did ya think? Let me know! And by the way the song those lyrics are from are Living Louder by The Cab. I thought it fit in pretty well with the situation.